Be a good listener...

Be a good listener. Your ears will ever get you in trouble.

— Frank Tyger (Brooklyn-born Cartoonist and Humorist for the Trenton Times. Frank’s editorial work focused on national and social issues of the day, and celebrated the humour and positive side of the human spirit).

My favourite therapist taught me that we can only gain by listening to others. He says that if we strive to understand the thoughts and feelings of our loved ones, we will build trust and intimacy, the best foundation for a happy, long lasting relationship. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Starting over...

I’m starting over.
- A new pattern of thoughts.
- A new wave of emotions.
- A new connection to the world.
- A new belief system in myself.

— Unknown

I did that after my last break up. I had been avoiding the conclusion of that relationship because break ups suck ;) But it really bit me in the but. I thought, right, this is the last time I plan to go through a painful ending. I went back to the drawing board, worked with a couple of helpful coaches (life coaching/energy person, traditional therapist/relationship skills courses and EMDR therapist, to make sure I covered all the bases). Needless to say, I landed in my dream job and met the love of my life. Luckily I did learn new relationship skills because no matter how great any relationship is, there are always things to navigate. So when something comes up, we’re champs in my opinion. We share our thoughts/emotions/experiences/desires in a pretty calm way, even when the subject matter is sensitive and charged. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Relationship skills...

Finally realized I was never asking for too much,
I was just asking the wrong person.

— Unknown

I have two thoughts. First off, I’ve learned that we need to know ourselves well enough and honour ourselves enough to select the right match. Then we need enough relationship skills to get us past the typical relationship roadblocks. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Men and women...

Silence is a woman’s loudest cry. You can always tell she’s really hurt when she starts ignoring you.

— Unknown

It took me a long time to speak up, rather than brood silently. I don’t know why, but I, like a lot of other women I presume, used to think my boyfriend/husband should be able to read my mind, Lol. I figured he should know what I need and want and why I may be upset, if he knows me at all. Wrong! I now know that us women need to clearly state our preferences and desires, so our guy can be the hero once in a while. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Explain your anger...

Explain your anger, don’t express it, and you will immediately open the door to solutions instead of arguments.

— Unknown

Here here. I grew up in world war three at home and never saw resolution. My favourite therapist taught me that anger could be healthy and constructive. “I am angry because...” He says anger alerts us to how we’re feeling and what we need. From there we can make requests. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

There’s always truth...

There’s always

Some truth behind “just kidding”
Knowledge behind “I don’t know”
Emotions behind “I don’t care”
Pain behind “It’s okay”

— thesuccessclub

My favourite therapist says a big part of having our own back is speaking our truth; saying ‘no’ when we need to take care of ourselves instead, requesting a change in behaviour when it’s hurtful to us, speaking up even when it’s uncomfortable. I find this takes practice and courage. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Managing fear...

I don’t try to kill off my fear. I make space for it. Heaps of space. I allow my fear to live and breathe and stretch out its legs comfortably. It seems to me the less I fight my fear, the less it fights back.

— Elizabeth Gilbert (Author of Eat, Pray, Love)

They say what we focus on expands, so Gilbert’s plan makes good sense. Notice the fear, allow it to be there and then let it gently subside. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The power of faith...

Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.

— Unknown

From everything I’ve been reading, faith is the most important factor in realizing our dreams. They say, if we allow fear and doubt to creep into our thoughts, we risk compromising the manifestation our deepest desires. (I highly recommend the book Ask and It is Given by Esther Hicks and Jerry Hicks). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Until you accept this...

You cannot move on until you accept this:
* You will not receive closure in every situation, but you can create it for yourself.
* Most of what other people do is about them, not you.
* Some things cannot be explained.
* Some people won’t apologize because they can’t.
* You cannot change people, no matter how much you think they need to change. People change themselves.

— Nedra Glover Tawwab (Licensed therapist and sough-after relationship expert, who has recently been featured in The New York Times, The Guardian, Psychology Today, Self and Vice. She is also the Founder and owner of the group therapy practice Kaleidoscope Counselling. Tawwab’s philosophy is that a lack of boundaries and assertiveness underlie most relationship issues. She helps people create healthy relationships).

My favourite therapist would agree. He talks a lot about having our own backs, which means putting our own health and well being ahead of duty and obligation. It’s not easy saying no to loved ones and, for me, seems to take practice. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The art of communication...

People who can’t communicate think everything is an argument.

— Unknown

I don’t know about you, but I certainly didn’t learn great communication skills from my family of origin. I remember a lot of yelling and sometimes breaking dishes, but I saw no resolution. I continued to duck for cover for years to come. Avoidance was my go-to, as I would rather die than face scary conflict and people’s anger/backlash. I first learned about “addressing” issues and “clearing” with people from a genius psychologist and his life altering relationship workshops (check out Joelbrass.com if you’re interested in learning more). I was hugely intimidated during the first few exercises. We had to approach anyone in the room who made us feel uncomfortable and explore the issue. Silently, I thought “Hell no!” Interestingly enough, a couple of people in the room had the courage to invite me to chat. Much to my surprise, the exchange was kind, warm and enlightening. The first conversation went something like this. “I wanted to be honest about my thoughts and feelings. I’ve been uncomfortable with you and I think I’ve been judging you because you remind me of my high school girlfriend and she really hurt me.” The second conversation was similar. “I’ve been feeling uncomfortable with you. I’ve been judging you because people who look like you seem to have it all and that makes me angry. After getting to know you, I realize you had a very difficult upbringing and you’re actually very sensitive and kind. I judged you unfairly.” Wow. Talk about changing the face of “communication.” I’m still learning and practicing how to say things, but I do know that inviting someone to chat about challenges with kindness and curiosity is a great start to improving relationships. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

When judged by others continued...

7 Things to Remember When Being Judged by Others:
1. It’s not about you, it’s about them.
2. It doesn’t matter what they think, it matters what you think.
3. You don’t have to convince them of anything.
4. You don’t need them to know the truth, you need to remind yourself of the truth.
5. You don’t need them to accept you or the situation, you need to come to your own acceptance of yourself and the situation.
6. You can’t stop them judging, so focus all your energy on detaching.
7. If they’re judging you about something you already feel insecure about, then it’s a blessing in disguise...

Life is just showing you what you need to heal within.

— Bernadette Logue (Author and Transformation Life Coach. She draws from her extensive experience in corporate peak performance and personal development, merged with age-old spiritual wisdom and conscious living practices. Logue has clients located across the USA, Canada, UK, South Africa, Asia and Australia).

My favourite therapist says typically we need to address the binds and wounds of our past/upbringing  in order to gain the emotional/spiritual/mental freedom required to experience a happier, healthier life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

When judged by others...

You don’t need them to accept you or the situation. You need to come to your own acceptance of yourself and the situation.

— Bernadette Logue

My favourite therapist says we need to take a journey inward and determine the necessary and appropriate boundaries to protect our health and well being. He says once we know and understand ourselves better, we will be more accepting of ourselves and able to make healthier choices. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Learn too late...

10 things people learn too late:
1. Everything is temporary
2. Life isn’t fair
3. Family matters more than friends
4. Others treat you the way you treat yourself
5. Beneath anger there’s always fear
6. Happiness is a choice and requires hard work
7. A lifetime isn’t so long as you think
8. The biggest risk is not taking any risks
9. Things don’t matter so much
10. You played it too safe

— Unknown

Two things stand out for me. First, my favourite therapist says beneath anger is always hurt, particularly regarding our background/family of origin/past relationships. He believes we should delve into that fear/anger and resolve/heal those old wounds, which likely stand between us and better quality relationships. Second, # 4 is interesting. I hadn’t thought of it that way. I’ve heard the expression “we teach others how to treat us”, but not “others treat you the way you treat yourself.” Makes me realize I should nurture and spoil myself more. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Nothing to prove...

Learn to be okay with people not knowing your side of the story.
You have nothing to prove to anyone.

— Unknown

In my experience, the truth tends to surface. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Self discovery...

Journal Prompts for Self Discovery
1. What am I most proud of?
2. What am I grateful for..
3. What would I tell my future self?
4. If I could do anything, what would it be?
5. What are 7 things that make me happy?
6. What would my perfect day look like?
7. What are my strengths?
8. What are my weaknesses?
9. What do I need more of in my life?
10. What do I need less of?

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says we need to get in touch with how we’re feeling. From there we can determine what we need and pursue a path of deeper happiness. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Everything will make sense...

Someday everything will make sense. So, for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.

— Unknown

They say what we resist persists. I have found that what I resisted most ended up bringing the biggest rewards (like getting out of the wrong relationship, leaving a job with a tyrant manager, eating less sugar etc). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Brave enough...

If you’re brave enough to say goodbye,
life will reward you with a new hello.

— Paulo Coelho (Author of best-selling book, The Alchemist, which sold 35 million copies and is the most translated book in the world by a living author).

I wish I could tell my younger self this. I would have saved myself a couple of difficult relationships and challenging work situations. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Taking risks...

Take risks:
If you win, you will be happy;
if you lose, you will be wise.

— Unknown

It wasn’t until I survived really hard times that I fully understood this notion. There’s something about finding a way through the unexpected and terrifying. We’re smarter and more resourceful than we think. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Break the cycle...

If you were judged, choose understanding.
If you were rejected, choose acceptance.
If you were shamed, choose compassion.
Be the person you needed when you were hurting,
not the person who hurt you.
Vow to be better than what broke you - to heal instead of becoming bitter
so you can act from your heart, not your pain.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says unless we choose to address old wounds, they tend to silently run the show, in the background, often without our awareness. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Good for my health...

I’ve decided to be happy because it is good for my health.

— Voltaire

One of my trusted coaches taught me about breaking free from a “victim mentality.” In a nutshell, she says that if we own absolutely everything in our lives, we arm ourselves with the control (capacity) to make healthy changes and live a healthier, happier life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Trust the vibes...

Trust the vibes you get,
energy does not lie.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says check in with how the body feels. If we feel relaxed and comfortable, things are probably copacetic. If we’re tense with a niggle in our tummy, we may need to address something that’s happening around us. For example, if our boundaries have been crossed, he says we should have our own back and kindly make the necessary request. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Inner turmoil...

Even the different parts of the same person do not often converse among themselves, do not succeed in learning from each other.

— Rebecca West

My favourite therapist contends that much of our conflict stems from our family of origin and the resulting turmoil within. He describes four parts of us (often competing) from within; our Adult responsible self, that shows up to the office/public, our Spirit or Highest Self who would forgive wrongs or help someone in need, our very sensitive and often fearful Inner Child who would rather play and not go to work, and the very unrelenting Ego who wants to win, perhaps at all cost. He recommends writing to these parts of ourselves, in support of inner harmony and making making positive and healthy life choices. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Struggles develop strengths...

Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths.
When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.

— M. Gandhi

My favourite therapist says something similar about relationship challenges. He says when we commit to sharing our thoughts, feelings and experiences with one another, we deepen our level of understanding and expands our capacity for intimacy. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Fall in love...

Fall in love with the process of becoming the very best version of yourself.

— Unknown

I found myself on such a path a number of years ago. I didn’t choose this path per se. I managed to learn from one too many bad relationships and made the decision to never, EVER, go through that again. I took a time out and focused on my own life. I became very clear about what kind of life I want to live and what kind of partner would match that vision. I also made the decision to invest more fully, and on a daily basis, in my self and my well being; limit sugar and carbs + add more yoga (which is calming for me), do a little extra at work each day, save money for the future and create separate funds for trips and extra’s, plus continue finding new ways to become my very best self. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

10 ways to love...

Listen without interrupting.
Share without pretending.
Speak without accusing.
Enjoy without complaint.
Give without sparing.
Trust without wavering.
Pray without ceasing.
Forgive without punishing.
Answer without arguing.
Promise without forgetting.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist emphasizes relationship skills above all. He says it’s never too late to invite one another to share our feelings and experiences, so that we may understand each other better, cultivate compassion and better accommodate one another. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

No regrets (but let’s learn)...

In order to love who you are,
you cannot hate the experiences
that shaped you.

— Unknown

I catch myself reviewing the past and beating myself up for bad decisions; less than stellar relationship match ups, lagging at work sometimes, resentment over my upbringing, disappointment over challenging familial relationships and on and on. My favourite therapist says all we can do is get better and better at being in the present and acting on the information we have at hand. He says if we look back we can learn about where we’ve ignored our instincts, intuition and outright signs. He says, with regard to choosing romantic partners, odds are we saw telling signs within the first two weeks of dating. (For example, in one of my relationships there was extreme lateness and an overall lack of consideration, which are hands down deal breakers for me. I let that relationship go on for 6 years. Oy vey). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The impact of anger on our health and well-being...

Anger is the ultimate destroyer of your own peace of mind.

— Dalai Lama

In Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), emotions are linked with the organs. The liver is responsible for the flow of Qi or energy in the body and when we experience emotions like rage, fury or aggravation consistently, our liver can by physically damaged (sakara.com). My father suffered an angry (kinda rage actually) disposition and died of liver cancer at 59. He was otherwise the picture of health. Just sayin’ :) Hugs XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Self-love...

No one is going to rescue you from yourself - your inner demons, your lack of confidence, your dissatisfaction with yourself and your life. Only self-love and good decisions will rescue you.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says we tend to look for someone to complete us, which leaves our primary relationship vulnerable. He says if we delve into our Achilles heel and resolve old wounds, we’ll have a much better shot at enduring love. Otherwise, our stuff will undoubtedly bubble up to haunt us and our relationship. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Kindness toward others...

When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace.

— Dalai Lama

I’ve been working on this and it’s pretty amazing actually. A dear friend of mine has felt let down by me of late and she sent quite a difficult message by text. My other friends quickly came to my defence in judgment. Rather than feel defensive, hurt or critical, I chose compassion. I told my friends (and myself) that she is allowed to feel how she’s feeling and she’s allowed to be upset with me. More importantly, I would love to have the opportunity to chat about what’s happened and make amends. My friends were surprised and one of them pulled me aside and said “you are the most emotionally mature person I know”. That felt good, and I’m definitely going to continue working on kindness toward others because it somehow gives us all permission to make mistakes, to be upset and  to feel what we’re feeling. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Steps to change your life...

1. Stop complaining and appreciate how lucky you are every day.
2. Embrace loneliness and reinvent yourself in the process.
3. Say goodbye to the people that don’t bring positive energy into your life.
4. Commit to the goals you set and never look back.

— averstu.com (A great quote blog!)

A lot of thoughts come to mind for me. Ultimately, what I’ve learned is that everything truly begins and ends with us. I think we can find motivation and inspiration from external sources, but no one can do the doing for us. If we so choose, we can make the decision to change and improve our lives, even if we just take the tiniest steps forward. (Ps. We may have legitimate chemical, physical or emotional barriers and that’s another matter, in which case we deserve much compassion, understanding and patience). I found myself living the four steps above after a particularly humiliating break up. I dragged my heals on ending the relationship and it hugely blew up in my face, duh! Amazingly enough, this gave me the inspiration and motivation to; be grateful for all the good in my life, regroup and prioritize, make some cuts and surround myself with positivity and growth, set meaningful goals and stick to them. I really did this and I committed fully. The results; landed my dream job which pays more than I’ve ever made in my life, met the ultimate man of my dreams and still pinching myself, find alone time as fulfilling as time with my sexy hot man or any other fun thing I can think of. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Trust...

Trust the process.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says that in his 40 years of private practice, people tend to need something more to lean on, meaning a higher power of some sort. Further more, John Randolph Price (The Abundance Book) says “Your outer world of form and experience is a reflection of your inner world of thoughts and feelings. As above, so below. As within, so without.” Just sayin’ :) Hugs XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Stop beating yourself up...

Stop beating yourself up. You are a work in progress; which means you get there a little at a time, not all at once.

— Unknown

I don’t know about you, but some days I just can’t seem to force myself to do anything at all. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Whatever flows flows...

The biggest lesson I learned this year is to not force anything; conversations, friendships, relationships, attention, love. Anything forced is just not worth fighting for. Whatever flows flows. Whatever crashes crashes. It is what it is.

— Unknown

What comes to mind for me is timing, priorities and one friendship in particular. I know I’ve let someone down recently and that makes me sad. I would love to have the time and energy to be there for all of my friends, hands down. Unfortunately, my schedule is overwhelmed with work and other pressing matters, that are critical to my present and future. Outside of that, my energy level just isn’t supporting a burning the candle at both ends lifestyle, and my personal life is taking the hit. I hope my friend will understand one day. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

A path to forgiveness...

Remember, when you forgive, you heal.
And when you let go, you grow.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says odds are we’re stuck because we have unresolved emotional triggers from our childhood/family of origin. When we’re young, we don’t have the capacity to understand and manage our emotional world, and so we drag the trauma around until we are able to process the past in a healthy way. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Setting limits...

Givers have to learn to set limits because takers don’t have any.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist talks a lot about limits and boundaries. For example, for an intimate, monogamous, committed relationship to have a real chance, both people need to have “ten toes in the circle.” He says if one person has less than ten toes in the circle, that person is not committed and the relationship is at risk. If the other person has too many toes in the circle, this does not indicate healthy love either. Both people have to be equally committed and engaged for the relationship to have a real shot at lasting success. Just sayin’ :). Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Tune in...

The more you trust your intuition, the stronger it gets. Listen.

— Anna Taylor (lifelifehappy.com)

My favourite therapist says to listen to the body; gut in particular, but anywhere else there is tension as well. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Signs of maturity...

You forgive more.
You respect differences.
You don’t force love.
You accept heartaches.
You don’t judge easily.
Small talk no longer excites you.
You become more open-minded.
Sleep is better than a Friday night out.
You sometimes prefer to be silent than to engage in a nonsense fight.
You are not dependent on others for your happiness.
Your happiness comes from your inner self.

— Unknown

The biggest thing I learned from my favourite therapist is that just because we are technically adults, doesn’t mean we’re armed with fantastic relationship skills. The public school system doesn’t teach this sort of thing and if our family of origin didn’t model things like conflict resolution/negotiation skills/anger management, then likely we missed out on some key learnings. (If you’re interested in learning more, check out Joelbrass.com). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Different perspectives...

Before you argue with someone, ask yourself, is that person even mentally mature enough to grasp the concept of different perspectives? Because if not, there’s absolutely no point.

— Amber Veal, Written by GreatestTweets

My favourite therapists says, most importantly, if we allow for the sharing of  the thoughts/feelings/experience of all concerned, we lay the groundwork for greater compassion and better quality relationships. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Energy flows...

Where focus goes, energy flows.

— Tony Robbins

One of my trusted coaches taught me about setting intentions, which means being very specific about what we want, how we want to feel in our daily life, in our relationships, at work. She says the more detail, the better. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Excellence or well being?

Excellence is not being the best;
it is doing your best.

— Unknown

We are most certainly compared to others throughout our lives; our parents compare us to our siblings, our teachers compare us to the rest of the class, we are compared to our colleagues. We are essentially taught to judge ourselves, and too harshly I’m sure. My favourite therapist says that as we age, we need to become the adult in our lives and create a safer emotional world. That means being kind and compassionate to self, and knowing when we need nurturing rather than excelling. I’m thinking sick day, Lol. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Feeling off?...

If something feels off, it is.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says that we should quiet our minds and feel in our bodies instead. He says this is key, particularly when we don’t have enough information to make decisions. If we feel tension in our bodies, then something is amiss. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Learn to rest...

If you get tired, learn to rest not to quit.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says making real change is not for the faint of heart. He says it takes much willingness, commitment and perseverance in overcoming the inevitable obstacles, pain and resistance. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

It’s about effort...

It’s not about perfect. It’s about effort. And when you bring that effort, every single day, that’s where transformation happens. That’s how change occurs.

— Unknown

Note to self for sure. I have a tendency to focus on perfect! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

What you give power to...

It all begins and ends in your mind.
What you give power to has power over you, if you allow it.

— Unknown

In the Abundance Book, John Randolph Price says “Your outer world of form and experience is a reflection of your inner world of thoughts and feelings. As above, so below. As within, so without. That is the law.” The Abundance Book offers a really interesting, and potentially game-changing way of thinking about money. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Coping mechanisms...

Talking about our problems is our greatest addiction.
Break the habit.
Talk about your joys.

— Unknown

Apparently there are four typical and automatic coping responses; fight (argue), flight (hide), freeze (disengage/paralysis) and appease (complain to others). If our “alarm system” is set to “high alert” it will go off even in relatively harmless situations; being at a party with people we don’t know, speaking in front of people, having to answer to your boss/parents. Gratitude and talking about our joys is certainly highly recommended. If this isn’t working, WebMD offers 10 expert backed suggestions to help relax and regain control of the mind:

1. Anxiety is a future-oriented state of mind, so stay in the present.
2. Relabel what’s happening - when fight or flight kicks in, tell yourself this is temporary and there is nothing I need to do in this moment.
3. Fact-check your thoughts - do not allow yourself to fixate on worst-case scenarios. Try saying “I’m nervous, but I’m prepared.” Or “Some things will go well and some may not.”
4. Breathe in and out - deep breathing will help to calm you down and re-centre your brain.
5. Follow the 3-3-3- rule - name three things you see, name three sounds you see, move three parts of your body. This will bring you back to the present moment.
6. Just do something - stand up, take a walk, throw away a piece of trash. Interrupt your train of thought to regain control of your thoughts.
7. Stand up straight - this will send a message to the body that it’s back in control.
8. Stay away from sugar - eating to much sugar can worsen anxious feelings. Drink a glass of water or eat protein. This slow energy will allow your body to recover.
9. Ask for a second opinion - call or text a family member or friend. Saying something out loud or writing fears down on paper can help bring clarity.
10. Watch a funny video - laughing is a great prescription for an anxious mind. Research has shown that laughing can help lower anxiety as much as exercise can.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Strive for progress...

Strive for progress, not perfection.

— Unknown

According to Anxiety Canada, it is “worthwhile considering loosening those standards a bit to ease the stress and anxiety from trying so hard to be perfect.” Okay, note to self... because I do tend to have kind of crazy standards myself actually. Being a Type A, calming down seems to take some effort at times, Lol. (Yoga helps a lot, and some form of coaching/life coaching, writing stuff down etc). Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Rule of kindness...

The first rule of kindness is to be kind to yourself.

— tinybuddha.com

We can be hard on ourselves, can’t we. We do our best though, right?... Or perhaps we’re extra hard on ourselves when we know we could have done better/more. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Trust your gut...

You know that moment when something feels off?

It is.

Trust your gut.

— Unknown

When I was younger, I had a hard time distinguishing between fear/anxiety and a legitimate concern that I should address. My favourite therapist says when we need to act, we’ll feel it in our physical body, despite what our brain may be saying. Super helpful and true. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

To make you feel better...

Sometimes in life all you need is a hug. No words, no advice, just a hug to make you feel better.

— Unknown

Experiments have been done with chimpanzees and even they thrive most with companionship and physical contact. Even a cloth covered alarm clock offered solace vs complete solitude, which caused the chimpanzees to suffer in overall health and well being. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

You will be wise...

Take risks: If you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise.

— Unknown

When I lose I kind of go into mourning. I toss and turn at night, beating myself up over every little wrong action. Fortunately, I’ve noticed something very cool after the fact. Each failure made me uncomfortable enough to improve on something I was doing. In fact, my most painful experiences led me to my biggest, most enduring wins. Ps. I’m still working on bravery when a painful moment occurs, but it generally takes hindsight to regain full composure. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

How things are said...

The black sheep is sometimes the only one telling the truth.

— Unknown

Two things come to mind. First, my 7th grade teacher taught about the importance of how things are said. For example, if we say “Good dog” to our pet, but we yell it in a nasty voice, the message is negative. Second, my favourite therapist says if we lead with how we’re feeling, odds are our message will be received with compassion and empathy. So, in telling the truth, perhaps we may consider speaking from the heart and in a kind and loving way. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Less than you expected...

Accept the fact that some people didn’t intend to let you down. Their best is just less than you expected.

— Thelma Davis

My favourite therapist says we have to do what is best for our own health and well being, and so duty and obligation should come second. If we have the energy and time, and we choose to extend of ourselves, then perfect. If not, we should make no apologies for focusing on self care. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Directing our focus...

They attract all good things to them in overflowing measure and continually experience the joy of abundant living.

— John Randolph Price (The Abundance Book)

Apparently, what we focus on expands, so we should spend more time thinking about what we want (rather than what we’re worried about or don’t want). John Randolph Price offers a how to in The Abundance Book. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

From the ashes...

I’m so proud of the warrior I created from the ashes that were meant to bury me.

— Naja Zebian (Lebanese-Canadian Author, speaker, educator and activist).

I had a near miss myself. The financial crisis of 2008 forced me to get creative and inventive. It sounds so cliche, but truly the scariest time in my life also led me profoundly wonderful circumstances. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

A satisfied life...

A satisfied life is better than a successful life. Because our success is measured by others, but our satisfaction is measured by our own soul, mind and heart.

— Unknown

I have a feeling we judge ourselves more harshly than others do, and our satisfaction may also be inexplicably linked to our notion of success. Are we measuring up to the standards and status we set for ourselves? We may avoid a high school reunion because we’re not happy with where we’re at (I left mine early because I wasn’t up to answering questions about my pending divorce). We may also dread our 30th, 40th or 50th Birthdays because we feel we should be further ahead. Perhaps we could cut ourselves some slack and redefine our notion of personal satisfaction/success. After all, real shit that is completely out of our purview and/or control actually happens (world financial crisis 2008/job loss) and this can permanently alter the path we originally set. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Pain into wisdom...

Pain can change you, but that doesn’t mean it has to be a bad change.
Take that pain and turn it into wisdom.


— Dalai Lama

My favourite therapist says we should not be afraid of “negative” emotions and events. He says we should mine our experiences and feelings for valuable information and insights, that can guide us in making healthier choices. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Listen to understand...

The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand.
We listen to reply.

— Unknown

I learned how to “clear” from my favourite therapist . All I knew from my upbringing was a bunch of squabbling, but no understanding, resolution or meaningful change. It was about being right, rather than understanding one another. Clearing, I came to realize, is about each person sharing their feelings and experiences. The result was always greater compassion and allowance for the other person. (If you’re interested in pursuing truly life altering workshops, check out joelbrass.com) Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Recreate yourself?...

You can rise up from anything. You can completely recreate yourself. Nothing is permanent. You’re not stuck. You have choices. You can think new thoughts. You can learn something new. You can create new habits. All that matters is that you decide today and never look back.

— Unknown

I’m thinking Brittany Runs a Marathon. The character in this movie (playing now and based on a true story) wakes up and decides to start making better/healthier choices. I made a similar decision about five years ago. I wondered what would happen if I made a tiny bit more effort at work each day. I also decided to eat less sugar/more vegetables. Most importantly I decided to hold out for a better romantic partner. I got really honest about what kind of life I want to live; what I love doing, what I never want to do again etc. Needless to say, I’ve had the best four years of my career (made the most money ever too) and I met the incredible love of my life. Our relationship is naturally easy, fun and very fulfilling. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Having our own backs...

5 Things to quit right now:

1. Trying to please everyone.
2. Fearing change.
3. Living in the past.
4. Putting yourself down.
5. Overthinking.

My favourite therapist says it’s about having our own backs. He says we have to know what we need and want for our well-being, draw clear boundaries and commit to them. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Get it out...

Communicate even when it’s uncomfortable or uneasy.
One of the best way to heal, is simply getting everything out.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist would agree. In his weekend seminars he teaches, and makes everyone practice, the “clearing” technique. This means we have to “clear” with anyone in the room we’re uncomfortable with. It’s not easy, that’s for sure. It has taken me much practice to find the right words. He says the key is to speak about we’re feeling and avoid using the word “you.” Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Feel the feeling...

Feel the feeling but don’t become the emotion. Witness it. Allow it. Release it.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says we should “mine” our feelings for important information. If we’re angry or upset, odds are our boundaries are being crossed and we may need to address the situation. He would also say that until we feel, process and potentially act on those feelings, the emotions will likely remain stuck for us. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Still the mind...

The answers you seek never come when the mind is busy, they come when the mind is still.

— Unknown

Yoga, meditation, Buddhism, all promote “going inward.” I have been very, very blessed when I’ve followed such practices. I just need to “practice” more often. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Accepting what is...

When you find no solution to a problem, it’s probably not a problem to be solved, but rather a truth to be accepted.

— tinybuddha.com

Eckhart Tolle says much of our pain comes from resisting what is. “Acceptance of what is immediately frees you from mind identification and thus reconnects you with Being... Surrender is a purely inner phenomenon.” Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The benefits of Non-Attachment...

What is Non-Attachment?

Non-attachment is letting go of thoughts and emotions that create suffering. Once you can stop being so attached to your thoughts, you will experience tremendous relief, inner peace, and a pervading sense of joyful well-being.

— Unknown (Ps. Detachment, also expressed as non-attachment, is considered a wise virtue and is promoted in Buddhism).

Eckhart Tolle says that our resistance (especially to things we cannot control) causes and accentuates our pain. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Sympathy or empathy?...

People will never truly understand something until it happens to them.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says the person who needs the most understanding is ourselves. He says if we go back in time and review some of our old pain points, much unburdening is possible. Apparently we can be somewhat frozen in time because we don’t understand what’s going on when we’re very young and we do not have the capacity to process our emotions. As adults, we have the opportunity to resolve some of these old issues and move forward in a healthier way. The biggest benefit will be realized in our relationships. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

It’s real to you...

Don’t let anyone invalidate or minimize how you feel. If you feel something, you feel it and it’s real to you. Nothing anyone says has the power to invalidate that, ever. No one else lives in your body. No one else sees life through your eyes. No one else has lived through your experiences. And so, no one else has the right to dictate or judge how you feel. Your feelings are important and you deserve to be heard. They are inherently valid and they matter. Don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says there’s a silver lining in how we feel, however negative, sad, depressing, or angry. He says that if we can face and process these feelings, a whole new, better world could open up for us. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Unlimited possibilities...

To connect to all the wisdom and all the good that is the intelligence of the Universe, you must be in alignment with it. To do as the past greats did and get on to the frequency of unlimited possibilities, all wisdom, all power and all good, which is permanently available to each and everyone of us, you must know that this infinite creative power exists, and radiate all good in your mind and your heart.

— The Secret

What I’ve learned is that Faith is critical. Religious, spiritual or not, we have to believe in something. We have to at least believe in the possibility of our dreams coming true. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Learning to ignore...

Learning to ignore certain people is one of the great paths to inner peace.
Life gets easier when you delete those who make it difficult.

— Unknown

Of course it’s more challenging when those people are in your inner circle; immediate or extended family, co-worker, friend of a friend who’s around too often. But they say, we can learn to disengage from these people by being polite and not invested. Personally, I think it takes practice to side-step getting triggered. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Less out of habit...

Live less out of habit and more out of intent.

— Unknown

One of my trusted coaches taught me about creating intentions. She says if write out what we want with great care and detail, we just may see our dreams come true. Nothing to lose, right? Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Passionately curious...

I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.

— Albert Einstein (German-born theoretical physicist, who developed the theory of relativity, one of the two pillars of modern physics. He is best known to the general public for his mass-energy equivalence formula, which has been called “the world’s most famous equation.” He received the 1921 Nobel Prize in Physics).

Incredibly modest, or true? Author Gladwell talks about the 10,000-Hour rule. He says that 20 hours of work a week for 10 years is the key to success in any field. Perhaps the degree of passionate curiosity it takes for this sort of commitment is part of the rare genius. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Don’t be a prisoner...

If you can’t do anything about it, then let it go. Don’t be a prisoner to things you can’t change.

— Tony Gaskins (Motivational speaker, author, life coach. Gaskins appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show, the Tyra Banks show and TBN’s 700 Club. He is most known for his love and relationship advice for men, which has garnered him a large Facebook, Instagram and Twitter following. In 2011, he made Under30CEO’s Top Most Motivational People on the Web).

My favourite therapist says letting go isn’t as easy as it sounds. After forty years of private couseling and leading group therapy seminars, he says we typically need to get into the nitty gritties of our past and resolve some of the old issues that hold us back emotionally/mentally. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Solitude...

Solitude is for me a fount of healing which makes my life worth living. Talking is often a torment for me, and I need many days of silence to recover from the futility of words.

— Carl Jung (Swiss Psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who founded analytical psychology. Jung’s work was influential in the fields of psychiatry, anthropology, archaeology, literature, philosophy and religious studies. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) was developed from Jung’s theory of psychological types. Jung’s influence on popular psychology, spirituality and the New Age movement has been immense and a Review of General Psychology Survey ranked Jung as the 23rd most cited psychologist of the 20th century).

The older I get, the more I seek solitude. I love people. I truly do. With complete love and respect for all those in my life and yet to be in my life however... inevitably, there is friction and a high likelihood for at least a fraction of drama. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Toxic people...

The only way to win with a toxic person is not to play.

— Unknown

This is hard to do when the toxic person is a member of your family or a colleague you can’t shake. The best I can figure is to disengage (especially emotionally) as much as possible to avoid the inevitable drama. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Setting intentions (Miraculous!)...

Thank you to one of my genius coaches, I learned how to set intentions. When I was in a particularly difficult job (a lot of micro-managing, very dictatorial etc) and finding the single scene dreary, my coach said “You’ve got to set your intentions. And be very specific in writing out how you want to feel, what you want your day-to-day to look like.” I took her advice for both career and love and I must say it worked like a charm. Within a year I found my dream job and the love of my life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Attitude is everything...

Ability is what you’re capable of doing.
Motivation determines what you do.
Attitude determines how well you do it.

— Lou Holtz (Former American College Football Hall of Famer, coach, and analyst. Holtz was also awarded an honorary Doctor of Laws from the University of Notre Dame, an honorary Doctor of Education from the University of South Carolina, an honorary Doctor of Public Service from Trine University and an honorary Doctorate in Communications from Franciscan University of Steubenville).

One of my trusted coaches says that we have a bigger role to play in our lives than we may realize. She says that if we’re willing to own everything that happens to us, then we have an opportunity to attract more of what we desire. She says if we avoid taking responsibility, we risk sitting in victim mode and therefore having much less control over our future. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Go within...

I know first-hand that taking yourself apart in an unflinchingly responsible and honest way to see where the real barriers lay to your experience of true and lasting intimacy can be difficult and painful. Yet there is only one alternative, and that, over time, proves to be more difficult and painful. It is to blame the other person; project the cause of all the frustrations and breakdowns of the relationship onto them; see yourself as their victim until you’ve had all that you can take; leave them; then begin the pattern all over again with someone new. Could a more foolproof formula exist for lifelong loneliness, alienation, confusion and dismay? I think not. When it comes to explaining the real cause of relationship breakdown this double-entendre maxim holds true: “If you don’t go within, you go without.”

— Joel Brass (Author, Individual, Relationship and Family Therapist and Seminar Leader)

I think he’s saying we’re either part of the solution or we’re part of the problem. I’ve learned a lot from Joel about taking responsibility for my end in things and building bridges in my relationships.  The results are pretty miraculous. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

“Ten toes in the circle?”...

Sometimes we give love to the wrong person, and we sit there and wonder, ‘how could I have given love to that person? They don’t even deserve it,’ or ‘what a waste of time.’ But the things is, you shouldn’t think about it that way. You should think of the fact that you were able to give love, because if you are able to give love, that means you have it inside of you. It’s this same thing with kindness, with honesty, with your ability to care about people. Don’t focus on the way that people abuse that. Focus on the fact that you have it within you, and that it makes you who you are. It makes you a beautiful person, a beautiful human being.

— Najwa Zebian

My favourite therapist says a committed, intimate, monogamous relationship is when both people have “ten toes in the circle,” meaning both people are fully engaged in the relationship. If there are any “I love you, but’s” then the commitment is not sound. If one person has less than ten toes in the circle, the commitment is not solid. If someone has more than ten toes in the circle, this is not sound either. Both people have to be committed for a relationship to have a chance at success. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

When going through tough times...

8 Things To Remember When Going Through Tough Times:

1. Everything can - and will - change.
2. You’ve overcome challenges before.
3. It’s a learning experience.
4. Not getting what you want can be a blessing.
5. Allow yourself to have some fun.
6. Being kind to yourself is the best medicine.
7. Other people’s negativity isn’t worth worrying about.
8. And there is always, always, always something to be thankful for.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says, most importantly, we need to feel what we’re feeling in the moment, determine what it means and take action on our own behalf. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Serotonin and our mood...

70% of your serotonin is made in your gut. What’s going on in your gut is going to affect your mood — anxiety, depression, and focus.

— Dr Frank Lipman

Apparently, more operating instructions reach the brain from the gut, than the other way around. The gut contains the vast majority of our body’s serotonin and therefore has an a big impact on our mental wellbeing. According to many sources, taking steps to manage stress, exercise, eat a healthy/plant-filled diet will help us build a healthier, more resilient mind and body. We can also consider a probiotic, to maintain the healthy bacteria in our gut. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

What went wrong...

There comes a time to stop trying to make things right with people that won’t own their part in what went wrong.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist talks a lot about owning our own stuff. What are we like to be in a relationship with? He says if he asks five of our closest loved ones what it’s like to be in a relationship with us, what would they say... and they’re allowed to be right. It’s an enlightening exercise. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

What is real and meaningful...

We are often tired and imbalanced not because we are doing too much, but because we are doing too little of what is most real and meaningful.

— Marianne Williamson (American author, spiritual leader, politician, and activist. She has written 13 books including four New York Times number one best sellers. Williams is a big believer in the book/teachings of A Course in Miracles. She says “a conversion with Christ is not a conversion to Christianity. It is a conversion to a conviction of the heart. The Messiah is not a person, but a point of view. It talks about love and forgiveness... The book tries to get us to believe in each other.)

My favourite therapist would say we need to love, forgive and believe in ourselves most of all. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Dealing with painful feelings...

What I realized is that I was running to avoid tough feelings, painful feelings. I just didn’t know how to deal with them. Anything I found that I used for escape... It can be anything - drugs, booze, Netflix, snacks. Anything. I don’t want, at this point, to be running from anything... I want to sit in it, I want to feel it, I wantI want to get through the rough night. I found, in doing so, you come out the other side with a more profound understanding of yourself and a greater gratefulness of those in your life. And the birds and the trees and everything else. (About Alcoholics Anonymous). You had all these men sitting around being open and honest in a way I have never heard. It was this safe space where there was little judgement, and therefore little judgment of yourself... It was actually really freeing just to expose the ugly sides of yourself. There’s great value in that.

— Brad Bitt (Province newspaper quote Friday, Sept 20th 2019)

Well said. Very courageously said. My favourite therapist would be proud. This is exactly the healing process he speaks of and so deeply believes in, based on 40 years of coaching/teaching/helping people. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Who’s stuff is it anyway?...

Stay away from people who can’t take responsibility for their actions and who make you feel bad for being angry at them when they do you wrong.

— Unknown

What are we dealing with? The person in question could legitimately have mental health issues. From what I keep hearing, many people among us (and they may be old friends, family or romantic interests) may be borderline and/or undiagnosed. Check out this profile for one potential condition...

Narcissistic Personality Disorder: (Signs)

1. Always talk about themselves
2. Fantasize (feel they should have the best of everything, as a way to fend off inner emptiness. They feel special and in control and avoid feelings of defectiveness and insignificance).
3. Believe they are superior (will belittle others by focusing on their flaws, whether real or imagined as a way to hide their own shortcomings and preserve their self-image)
4. Require constant praise (fragile self-esteem and have to continually prop themselves up)
5. Sense of entitlement (feel others exist to serve their own needs)
6. Takes advantage of others (little to no regard for the feelings or interests of others, and have very tumultuous relationships).
7. Envious of others (low self-esteem)
8. Enjoy being the center of attention (they seek out attention at all times and need constant praise to feed their low self-esteem. They dominate conversations).
9. Lack empathy (Unable to understand other people’s perspectives and struggles).
10. Sense of entitlement
11. Incredibly insecure (and feel the need to put others down. There are two types; grandiose and vulnerable. The vulnerable type will need more positive affirmation).
12. Incredibly charming (people find them exciting and attractive, but over time their behaviour becomes more demeaning and aggressive. They use their charm to manipulate)
13. Extremely competitive (they need to be superior to somebody else and so cannot celebrate other people’s successes).
14. Hold grudges (don’t take well to any insult or disapproval. Extremely sensitive about their idealized image of themselves).
15. Don’t take criticism well (their inability to handle fault goes deeper than is typical. Hard pressed to admit fault which makes it impossible for them to take any kind of criticism, even if it’s constructive or neutral. They will react defensively and even aggressively. Prone to sudden bursts of yelling and anger)

(Taken from activebeat.com, by Katherine George).

In other words, some relationship issues may be bigger than us and require professional help or assistance. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Things you can control...

1. Your attitude
2. Your words
3. Your manners
4. Your actions
5. Your effort

— Unknown

What I’ve learned is that it’s more complicated than that. My favourite therapist says our upbringing can leave us behind the eight ball. Unresolved issues can hide like little land mines, triggering us emotionally. He says if we address some of our old stuff, we may be able to soften and potentially avoid reactionary tendencies. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Look in the mirror?...

My favourite therapist says that we have to be willing to look in the mirror if we want greater happiness/fulfillment in life and in our most important relationships. He says if he were to ask our closest loved ones what it’s like to be in a relationship with us, what would they say? And they’re allowed to be right. And that, he says, is where the “work” begins... if we have the willingness and desire to do it. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Just around the bend...

You fall, you rise, you make mistakes, you live, you learn.
You’re human, not perfect.
You’ve been hurt, but you’re alive.
Think of what a privilege it is to be alive -
to breathe, to think, to enjoy, and to chase the things you love.
Sometimes there is sadness in our journey, but there is also lots of beauty.
We must keep putting one foot in front of the other even when we hurt,
for we will never know what is waiting for us just around the bend.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says that life just simply isn’t sunny and sunnier. He says we’re going to feel all of the emotions and that’s okay because our emotions can help steer us in the right direction for our own health and well being. (Ps. Personally, I still don’t like feeling the negative emotions, but I’ve observed how my anger and upset can ignite me when I really need to take action). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Empty cup...

You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Take care of yourself first.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says we have to have our own back and that means taking care of the self above all others. If we have the time and energy to help others, fantastic, but he says we shouldn't do things simply out of duty and obligation. He says we don’t serve ourselves or others if we end up depleted. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

A way through...

It’s okay to feel your feelings.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says that a meaningful way to our health and well-being is to get in touch with our feelings. He says need to feel what we’re feeling, so that we can make sense of our world and move toward better quality relationships and personal fulfilment. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The darkness within...

Until we have met the monsters in ourselves, we will keep trying to slay them in the outer world. For all darkness in the world stems from darkness in the heart. And it is there we must do our work.

— Marianne Williamson (American author, spiritual leader, politician, and activist. She has written 13 books, including four New York Times number one bestsellers. She is founder of Project Angel Food, a volunteer food delivery program that serves home-bound people with HIV/AIDS and other life-threatening illnesses. She is also the co-founder of the Peace Alliance, a nonprofit education and advocacy organization supporting peace-building projects. Williamson says A Course in Miracles was her “path out of hell.”)

My favourite therapist says that we bring all of our old crap into our present day relationships and this inevitably hinders our happiness and fulfillment. He also says delving into our baggage is the road less travelled. Personally, I have found “the work” itself fulfilling and calming. Certainly all of my relationships have improved a great deal. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Set the tone...

Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says that our unresolved issues, generally from our upbringing, hold us at a disadvantage in our relationships. He says that if we’re willing to face and resolve some of our old wounds, we’ll have greater skills and capacity for giving and receiving love. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The journey...

The struggle is part of the journey.
Everyone’s goes through it.
Keep going and don’t give up.

— Unknown

When I was around ten years old my Mum told me that life isn’t all about fun. I was probably complaining about chores ;) She went on to say that, in her opinion, life was about 85% work and “have to’s” and about 15 % fun. I thought she was nuts. Actually I thought she was a pessimist. As I got older I realized she wasn’t completely wrong, Lol. (And I’m an optimist to a fault). Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

If you’re struggling...

If you’re struggling, you deserve to make self-care a priority. Whether that means lying in bed all day, eating comfort food, crying, sleeping, rescheduling plans, finding an escape through a good book, watching your favourite TV show, or doing nothing at all—give yourself permission to put your healing first. Quiet the voice telling you to do more and be more, and today, whatever you do, let it be enough.

— Daniell Koepke (Author of Daring To Take Up Space and Internal Acceptance Movement (I.A.M), a poetry collection, which gives voice to fear anxiety, perseverance and strength).

My favourite therapist talks a lot about having our own backs, which means putting self first and not doing things out of duty and obligation, unless we have the energy and we want/choose to do so. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings.

Chatgirl

What we put into our bodies...

Your diet is not only what you eat. It’s what you watch, what you listen to, what you read and the people you hang around. Be mindful of the things you put into your body emotionally, spiritually and physically.

— thezenlife.com

I’ve been working with an energy practitioner (similar to reiki, which is said to encourage emotional or physical healing) and interestingly my stomach and digestion always, always struggle when I’m upset and stressed. The healer says we have somewhat of a brain in our stomachs (which science confirms) and processing the stress can actually interfere with the digestive track. I rely heavily on “gut instinct” in my life, so that makes sense to me. It’s completely amazing how well this energy treatment works. I couldn’t tell you how it works, but I’m thrilled that it does. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The power of redirection...

See rejection as a redirection.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says that if we “mine” our feelings and reactions, we will uncover powerful information. For example, he imparted a truly brilliant pearl. He said that I wanted life to be “sunny and sunnier” and this left me with, in essence, a broken compass. He told me not be afraid of anger. (My father’s Italian temper —think The God Father —scared the heck out of me and so I ran clear in the other direction). He said that if we befriend our “negative” emotions, we will be clear on how we’re feeling, what this means and begin empowering ourselves. Ultimately, we want to have our own backs, which means protecting our health and well-being, even if it means saying no to family and loved ones). Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

A life you are excited about...

You deserve to be happy.
You deserve to live a life you are excited about.
Don’t let others make you forget that.

— Unknown

This makes me think about the scrutiny we face with parents, extended family, and society as a whole. The movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” does an amazing job of dramatizing the in-congruency of originating from one culture and growing up in another. I lived this scenario. My father was born in Italy and moved to Canada when he was 13. Maintaining his prized and precious Italian culture was non-negotiable and it was a bit mind-bending straddling these two very different worlds. When our closest family members are unable to accept some of our choices and God-given desires, we face rejection, and abandonment in the extreme case. What is the answer? My favourite therapist says that for our own health and well-being, we must find a way to be seen and accepted for who we really are. If you had a Dad like mine, that’s a pretty scary thought. As I got older, I did manage to speak up for myself (felt the fear and did it anyway!). He couldn’t really understand some of the things I was doing, but I did feel more accepted by him as I stayed the course (for example, he was a government guy and thought business was inexplicably linked with greed. I’m in business, so that was a disconnect, Lol. As an aside, my Dad’s been gone twenty years now and I can understand his issue with business and greed. Think financial crisis of 2008). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Heart hurts a little...

If your heart hurts a little after letting go of someone or something, that’s ok. It just means that your feelings were genuine. No one likes endings. But sometimes we have to put things that were once good to an end, after they turn toxic to our wellbeing. Not every new beginning is meant to last forever. And not every person who walks into your life is meant to stay.

— Najwa Zebian (Lebanese Canadian educator, author, poet, activist, speaker. Her experiences of displacement, discrimination and abuse have inspired her to empower others to “build a home within themselves; to live, love and create fearlessly.” Najwa has become a trailblazing voice for women everywhere and was name dropped by the New York Times and CBS News, among others).

What a great way to find resolution for our “failed” relationships. I always wondered why letting go was so hard, especially when I knew it was the right thing for me. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

To protect your energy...

It’s okay to cancel a commitment.
It’s okay to not answer a call.
It’s okay to change your mind.
It’s okay to want to be alone.
It’s okay to take a day off.
It’s okay to do nothing.
It’s okay to speak up.
It’s okay to let go...

— Unknown

My favourite therapist would agree. He would call this “having our own back, all the way.” Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

10 Life Lessons

10 Life Lessons From the Dalai Lama

  1. The purpose of our lives is to be happy.
  2. Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
  3. Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.
  4. Well-being comes through action, not through prayer.
  5. Sleep is the best meditation.
  6. Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.
  7. In the practice of tolerance, one’s enemy is the best teacher.
  8. When you practice gratefulness, there is a sense of respect toward others.
  9. Where ignorance is our master, there is no possibility of real peace.
 10. More compassionate mind, more sense of concern for other’s well-being is source of happiness.

My favourite therapist says it all begins with our inner world, which is generally tangled up in unresolved childhood trauma. He says if we can heal some of the old wounds, we’ll have a much greater capacity for self and others. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Be the one...

Be the person you needed when you were young.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says we have to find a way to have our own backs, all the way. For example, thinking twice about duty and obligation and saying no when our emotional and mental well-being need protection. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Give it time...

In God’s time and in God’s way.

— Unknown

I grew up Catholic, but I’m more spiritual (Highest self/best self/Spirit within) as time passes. I’ve just found that some of the new age books/teachings offer helpful, present day, life coaching tips. One of my favourite books is The Abundance Book, by John Randolph Price. The information is potentially game-changing. He talks not so much about money per se, but our mentality around abundance and how to “attract” the things we want in life. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Can do’s!...

10 Things that require
 ZERO TALENT
  1. Being on time
  2. Making an effort
  3. Being high energy
  4. Having a positive attitude
  5. Being passionate.
  6. Using good body language
  7. Being coachable
  8. Doing a little extra
  9. Being prepared
10. Having a strong work ethic.

— Unknown

Amen to that. Just sayin ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Put everything into it...

Mickey Mantle is in Major League Baseball’s Hall of Fame. He had a spectacular 18-year career, winning the Most Valuable Player Award three times, playing in 12 World Series, and being selected to the All-Star team 16 times. So it’s astounding that he played with a torn ligament in his knee for 17 years, according to his biographer Jane Leavy. She quoted an orthopedic surgeon who said that Mantle compensated for his injury with “neuromuscular genius.”

— Rob Brezny, freewillastrology.com

Wow, that’s amazing. I wonder what we can overcome if we put our energy, hearts, minds (and spirit?) into it. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Growth Mindset...

Instead of thinking...      Think this instead:

I can’t do this!                What am I missing?
I’m not smart enough.    I will learn how to do this.
This is as good as it’s     Is this really my best work?
going to get!                   I can always improve.
I give up.                        I’ll try a different strategy and try again.
This is too hard.             This may take some time and effort.
I made a mistake.           Mistakes help me improve.

— Unknown

I’ve noticed something over the years. When I’ve lived on my own and there is absolutely no one available to help, I’ve surprised myself. First off, I’ve done things I would never have attempted (like putting in a dimmer, Lol). Second, (when desperate, he he), I realize I have the ability to figure things out with a little research, effort and time. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Go for great...

Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.

— John D. Rockefeller (American business magnate and philanthropist. He is widely considered the wealthiest American of all time, and the richest person in modern history. He founded the Standard Oil Company in 1870, which controlled 90% of all oil in the US at his peak. His fortune was mainly used to create the modern approach to philanthropy through the creation of foundations that had a major effect on medicine, education and scientific research).

It wasn’t until I gave up the good (good guy, but wrong match and a suffocating, but high paying job) that I found both my dream job and the love of my life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Bring happiness...

Nothing can bring you happiness but yourself.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson (A Boston born, Harvard educated essayist, lecturer, philosopher, and poet who led the transcendentalist movement in his time. He was seen as a champion of individualism. He believed that all things are connected to God and, therefore all things are divine. Specifically, he stated “I believe in the ‘still, small voice,’ and that voice is Christ within us. Born 1803 and died 1882 at 78 years old).

My favourite therapist believes very strongly in Spirit, or our “Higher Self.” He says in his forty years of professional therapy/teaching, that overall his clients/patients have needed the support of a higher power in order to heal/grow/evolve and find greater happiness and a sense of well being. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Waking up early...

Why you should wake up at 4:30 am

• Waking up early in the morning was one of the secrets to success of successful people all around the world.
• If you start work in the morning you are more likely to finish it.
• Quietude. No kids yelling, no phone calls.
• When you wake up while others are sleeping your body tells you that you are a leader. This will boost your mentality, attitude and work ethic drastically.

— Hightop Business

Okay, well I don’t think I’m getting up at 4:30 am, Lol. I do however feel that my earlier morning (for me) routine has been a secret weapon over the last four years. I make time to read the paper and do a bit of writing, which is one of my favourite past times. This seems to set me up for a naturally productive day at work and life. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Searching for that one special person...

If you’re searching for that one person that will change your life,
look in the mirror.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says that until we have completely faced ourselves and dealt with whatever baggage we may be carrying around, odds are we’ll struggle with our closest relationships. I was inspired to deal with some of my old stuff after a bad break up and it most certainly paid off. I realized my “list” needed work. I needed to be way more honest about what I like doing/not doing/deal breakers/must have’s. After that, Mr Right showed up within a year. Pretty awesome. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Start now...

Start now. Start where you are.
Start with fear. Start with pain.
Start with doubt. Start with hands shaking.
Start with voice trembling, but start.
Start and don’t stop.
Start where you are, with what you have.
Just...Start.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist would say start anything that makes our lives better, no matter how small. For example, a savvy personal trainer advises if we do nothing else (same diet, same activity level), just add an extra vegetable a day and drink more water. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Don’t quit...

It’s a slow process, but quitting won’t speed it up.

— Unknown

From everything I’ve read about manifesting what we want, a few things stand out; write them down and revisit them often, surrender the when, keep the faith. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Habits to help you prosper...

Network.
Dream big.
Plan ahead.
Get up early.
Stay focused.
Watch less TV.
Invest in yourself.
Read more books.
Avoid time wasters.
Take calculated risks.
Write down your goals.
Live on less than you make.
Make your health your priority.
Do work that matters to you.
Learn from people you admire.
Foster meaningful relationships.
Cultivate an attitude of gratitude.
Take action, even when it’s scary.
Have a powerful and inspiring “why.”

— Ruben Chavez (Founder of ThinkGrowProsper, successful online business owner)

I have a feeling that to do any of this at all, we have to be genuinely inspired. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Positive thinking...

Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.

— Zig Ziglar

I read an article (in Psychology Today I think) that talked about coping strategies. The therapist explained that some people are cautious and “realistic” because they don’t want to feel disappointed. Conversely, optimists use positivity to cope. I’m the latter because positive thinking just makes me feel better. There is also much evidence to support the link between optimism and good outcomes. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Painful patterns...

How to Let Go of a Painful Pattern

You need to recognize that you developed certain patterns of behavior due to “belief programming” you absorbed from those around you in the past - or because these behaviors kept you from feeling unwanted anxiety and hurt. You must now recognize that these old patterns of behavior are not working for you in your present. At this point, they are causing more harm than good. You must accept that if you keep doing what you're always doing you will keep getting what you’re always getting.

— Karen Salmansohn (Best selling self-help book author and award-winning designer with about 2 million books sold internationally. She has 1.3 million Facebook fans and 3.1 million views on Pinterest. She is the founder of notsalmon.com, a personal development site, which offers books and video courses on topics such as anxiety, emotional eating, relationships, meditation and happiness. Salmansohn was previously a Senior VP and Creative Director who left her job to pursue writing. She has been profiled in the NY Times, Business Week, Time Magazine and has appeared in popular TV shows).

My favourite therapist says our childhood “programming” is particularly difficult to affect because we can’t process our emotions when we’re young, impressionable and still developing. He says these stuck feelings are the crux of the issue and tend to be bigger than us. Odds are we could benefit from some assistance in sorting some of the old stuff out. Kinda like cleaning out the attic, or getting rid of clothes that no longer fit. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Motivation and habits...

Motivation gets you going and habit gets you there.

— Zig Ziglar (For his talent and genius, Ziglar is recognized as one of the greatest motivational speakers ever).

Maybe the trick is finding out exactly what motivates us. Just sayin ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Everything we hear...

Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact.
Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.

— Marcus Aurelius

Apparently, we process what we see and hear through the lenses of our past experiences, upbringing, beliefs and values. Research is clear that “eyewitness identification is vulnerable to distortion even without the witness’s awareness.” I know my memory is anything but photographic, Lol. So maybe we could afford to leave a little breathing room for our less than perfect memories and honest misunderstandings. (Ps. I’ll try to remember to calm my emotions first and then consider both sides, or three sides of every story, ha ha).  Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Love yourself...

Love yourself when you’re tired.
Love yourself when you’re weak.
Love yourself when you’re confused.
Love yourself when you’re broken.
Love yourself until you’re restored.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says we have to love and protect the most vulnerable (scared and weak?) part of ourselves, the Inner Child. Joel Brass offers seminars that address the emotional pain of the past that may be challenging and potentially defeating our most important relationships. He says that “Our lives are shaped, in almost equal measure, by those who have loved us and by those who couldn’t love us.” I’ve done some of the workshops and my relationships have most certainly been transformed, and so have I. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

What it’s built for...

A ship is always safe at shore.
But that is not what it’s built for.

— Albert Einstein

My favourite therapist says it all starts with our deepest truths. He says once we are willing to be completely honest with ourselves, and then others, we will find a deeper sense of safety and security to strike out from. (Ps. In my experience, it’s a bit of a process, but the progress is quite tangible). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Lack of friendship...

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.

— Friedrich Nietzsche

I had the most romantic love affair when I was younger. We played like a couple of kids on weekends and enjoyed fun evenings and get-aways. We didn’t notice the disagreements and disconnect on day-to-day matters unfortunately and got married. We soon faced insurmountable obstacles and the marriage ended within a few years. We’re still on good terms and when we ran into each other recently we talked about what went wrong. For me, I said it just seemed that we couldn’t get on the same side. Fortunately, I learned from that lesson and set out to find a more compatible and cooperative dynamic. Miraculous! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

What if...

What if ...

everything you are going through is preparing you for what you asked for?

— Unknown

My last job was the most unpleasant of my career; very micro-managey, stressful to the max, ruled by fear and intimidation, odd in that management wanted a heavy admin focus, which was not typical. I was angry and frustrated. I wanted to quite the whole time, but it paid well and jobs were scarce post-2008 financial crash. I finally landed a new job and it’s the best of my life by a long shot. Before long, I created some analytic tools to maximize my strategies and planning. The company was thrilled and rolled out one of my ideas to the team. I would never have deferred to an admin approach in my job, as it’s never been my strong suit. I realized my worst job of all prepared me for the best years of my career, and the most money I’ve ever made. Go figure! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Just because it hurts...

Just because a decision hurts, doesn’t mean that it was the wrong decision.

— Unknown

I wish I could tell my younger self that. I found it tremendously difficult to break up, even when I realized the relationship wasn’t suiting me. On a good note, once I figured out what I needed and wanted (with much detail and specificity), it was easier to move forward and find my great match. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Live in such a way...

Live in such a way that if someone spoke badly of you no one would believe it.

— Unknown

I strive to be open-minded and non-judgmental because I like the humanity in tolerance and acceptance (to self and others). Thing is, I still catch myself judging and critiquing. It kinda drives me crazy actually. My favourite therapist would say that’s just ego talking, as our ego’s tend to lead with a colder, more calculating mindset. He says we also have access to our more spiritual side (our highest or best self), our mature/adult self and our inner child, who is more accommodating, playful and fun, so hopefully it all balances out. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Pure and perfect?...

No one in this world is pure and perfect. If you avoid people for their mistakes, you will be alone in this world. So judge less and love more.

— Buddha Daily

Actually, what I’ve learned from many, many sources is that the person we most need to forgive and love is ourselves. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Your future self...

Do something today that your future self will thank you for.

— Unknown

For a long time I heard people say things like “you have to go inward” and “you have to invest in yourself” and “you have to love yourself first”. I didn’t understand what all of this meant and I certainly didn’t know how to go about it... until life threw some big curve balls in career, love and money. I went back to the drawing board, worked with a couple of savvy mentors and took a fresh approach. Without really thinking about it, I made life altering commitments to myself; I focused on accomplishing meaningful results each and every day at work, I cleaned up my diet with a couple of extra healthy choices per day, I made a more honest account of the life I wanted to lead and the kind of partner who would compliment my future and I put my health and well-being at the top of my priorities. The results were quite astounding. All of my dreams (that I had clearly identified) came true within eleven months and life continues to get better and better. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Finding yourself...

If you lose someone but found yourself,
You won.

— Unknown

I really envy people who meet their soulmate young and have a long and happy relationship life. I learned by trial and error unfortunately, Lol. It wasn’t until my last break up that I put it all together. I realized I had to be more honest with myself about what I like/want and don’t want/like. Once I had a comprehensive vision of the life I wanted to lead, Mr Right miraculously showed up. We like to do the same things, we have similar views/goals/dreams/values, we believe in treating others well and we feel that work/life balance is hugely important and on and on. In others words, we’re a perfect match! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Gratitude or regret?...

Dead people receive more flowers than the living ones because regret is stronger than gratitude.

— Anne Frank

I had an ongoing battle with my father. He couldn’t seem to stop telling me what to do and how I should be. I found it frustrating and felt he was insulting my intelligence. I mean, did he think I had no sense whatsoever. Then he died at 59. The shock sent a disruptive ripple through our entire family that took years to heal. I’ve heard that mourning can take on many forms and I was most surprised by my own reaction. In truth, I thought the end of my father’s criticisms and judgments would be freeing. In reality, I just felt numb. I spent a few years reliving the past and going through the five established emotions of grief; denial/isolation, anger, depression, bargaining, and finally acceptance. Amazingly enough, I began to miss those little debates we would have. My father was suspect of business because he felt there was an overriding element of greed. Fair enough, except my career and livelihood is in business, which I love. Another standard grievance of his was anything less than perfection, which is an impossible standard of course. What I’ve come to realize is that yes, my father was a tough nut, but he was also just trying to teach me and protect me. He didn’t want me to learn the hard way. Coming full circle, I would give anything to hear more of my father’s sometimes annoying and frustrating thoughts. With sufficient life experience under my belt, I can finally appreciate all he taught me. I continue to notice the pearls of wisdom that I learned from him. Thank you Dad. I love you.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Surviving stress...

I’m thankful for my struggle because without it I wouldn’t have stumbled across my strength.

— Unknown

I survived a very stressful period post-2008 financial crisis. It was relentless for a few years and I would NOT want to go through that again. Having said that, these super un-fun years set me up for all the joy that keeps coming my way now; four best career years of my life (and actually loving the striving), the perfect relationship (which gets to be perfect even when it isn’t perfect), fulfilment in much needed moments of solitude (would have felt lonely in the past) and the knowledge that I am strong enough to manage what comes my way (reduced fear and anxiety around the unknown than before). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Thoughts or facts?...

Thoughts aren’t facts.

— Stacie Swift

I’ve always wondered why the unknown causes such fear and anxiety. Then I read the book Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers. I still feel anxious when I don’t know what’s coming, but I try to focus on a task at hand instead of fixating on what I can’t control. It’s an ongoing work in progress though, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The most beautiful person...

Kindness makes you the most beautiful person in the world,
no matter what you look like.

We have grumpy days though, don’t we. Personally, I hide if I can swing it. If not, I take a few deep breaths and have a conversation with my negativity, Lol. Just sayin’ ;)
Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Notes for tough days...

No feeling is final
It’s ok to take it one day at a time
You are so very STRONG
Asking for help is not weakness
You are loved

— Stacie Swift

I don’t know about you, but some days I just need a little inspiration to get me through. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

It’s okay...

IT’S OKAY

* To make mistakes
* To have bad days
* To be less than perfect
* To do what’s best for you
* To be yourself

— Stacie Swift (Writer, illustrator, blogger with a focus on very positive and cozy self-help thoughts and tips)

My favourite therapist says that acknowledging our deepest truths and allowing ourselves to feel what we’re feeling is the beginning of a new kind of freedom. I have had such an experience and although not too fun at the time, I can speak to the welcome unburdening. One thing that really stood out for me is that much of what we’re carrying is not necessarily our stuff. We inherit emotional weight from past generations and from the general experience of growing up. On the other hand, another trusted coach schooled me on the path to stronger mental and emotional health. This required a mental adjustment for sure. My coach went on to explain that although we were at the mercy of authority figures growing up, and we may even have been victimized, at some point we have to fully own our actions, behaviours and issues... if we want some inner peace and better quality relationships anyway. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

A born winner...

You were born to win, but to be a winner, you must plan to win, prepare to win, and expect to win.

— Zig Ziglar (A highly successful motivational speaker who knows his stuff when it comes to the process of winning)

I went through a particularly bad break up (many years ago now thank goodness) that stopped me dead and surprisingly led to a major life breakthrough. I decided to make huge commitments to myself, with bigger goals than ever before and I followed through on them each and every day. I ended up having the best four years of my career and meeting the love of my life. Above all, I feel more personally fulfilled than I imagined possible. My favourite therapist would say that’s because I now have my own back, all the way. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Determined to learn...

If you are not willing to learn, no one can help you.
If you are determined to learn, no one can stop you.

— Zig Ziglar (American author, salesman and very successful motivational speaker. Ziglar wrote over 30 books. See You at the Top, published in 1975, was his first and is still in print today).

Ziglar talks a lot about motivation and how people say it doesn’t last. Ziglar says we need to go a step further and create daily habits to get us where we want to go. Apparently, even just writing down our dreams can help. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The new normal...

Obstacles do not block the path, they are the path.

— Unknown

They say we should expect the unexpected, that change is inevitable and that life is what happens when we’re making plans. Perhaps we should also expect to feel uncomfortable and shaken up once in a while. Maybe it’s completely normal, and totally okay, to be thrown off our game. They also say these times allow us to grow and evolve for the better, for a better life. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

When to walk away...

One of the hardest decisions you’ll ever face in life is
choosing whether to walk away or try harder.

— Unknown

My last relationship was pretty nice. We treated each other well, we were wonderful friends and we had some fun. My earlier experiences were tumultuous and stressful, so I thought this was great progress. After a time, I waved a few flags, thinking no relationship is perfect. One or two flags became more pronounced and still I waved them off. In truth, I wasn’t sure a better quality relationship existed. I grew up in world war three, with parents who had very little in common and who didn’t particularly seem to like one another. Actually, all of my relationships seemed pretty decent compared to what I grew up with. Crappy thing is, while I was having this inner discussion, I was blindsided. I took too long and the decision was made for me. Just sayin’!

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Unnecessary arguments...

I’m at the stage in my life where I keep myself out of unnecessary arguments,
so even if you tell me 1 + 1 = 5, you’re absolutely correct,
Enjoy!

— Unknown

I have to admit, I generally resist engaging in those prickly, charged discussions as well. My favourite therapist says that our conditioning from childhood sets us up for “truths” that we cling to, unless life experience challenges what we “know”. (I’m paraphrasing of course). Thing is, some of our long held beliefs may actually hold us hostage. In my experience, it takes the desire and a lot of effort, time and money to overcome some of those ingrained and unhealthy patterns. On the up-side, the view on the other side is gleaming and cozy cozy. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Clear your path...

Not all storms come to disrupt your life.
Some come to clear your path.

— Unknown

My worst storms have brought the most monumental and beautiful changes. I resisted and fought those changes. Thank goodness I didn’t have a choice at the time because I have been sooooo happy with my new life. In other words, we may not always know what’s best for us. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl