Mind’s struggle with uncertainty…

My therapist told me:

Anxiety isn’t just fear, it’s the mind’s struggle with uncertainty. When you can’t tolerate the unknown, you try to control it through overthinking, over planning and overdoing. But that only convinces your brain you’re unsafe. Healing begins when you train your nervous system to feel safe in the unknown. I don’t know what will happen, but I trust I’ll be okay.

— Unknown 

My favourite therapist, in his forty years of private practice, has observed that healing, particularly from trauma, tends to require a belief in something larger than oneself. Whether one believes in God or not, he advises cultivating a relationship with a “higher power”, or a sense of “God” or “Spirit”. And this, he says, provides a reprieve, and comfort, from the stressors, and lack of control, in the our mortal world. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Sucking the life out of you…

You can’t keep getting mad at people for sucking the life out of you if you keep giving them the straw.

— Unknown

I finally learned about my deal breakers in love. But it’s taken me forever to say no thank you to certain behaviours in certain friendships. I allowed some degree of rudeness, prickliness, negativity and judgemental tendencies, mainly due to legacy and nostalgia. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Duty and obligation revisited…

My mentor told me, “Showing your emotions to the wrong people is like bleeding next to a shark.” 

And I felt that.

— Unknown 

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had to draw new boundaries in my relationships. My favourite therapist helped me understand what I need and how to better take care of myself. For example, my therapist calls into question duty and obligation. He proposes that we should only proceed with certain plans and commitments if, and only if, we choose to, and if we have the energy… even when it comes to family. It had never occurred to me that “obligations” could potentially be optional? Clearly, I hadn’t been making my well being enough of a priority. And ignoring one’s needs can actually lead to depression, and even ill health. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

A softer life exists…

No one tells you now hard it is to rewire your brain to allow amazing things to happen after experiencing so much trauma and pain. Blessings exist, good people exist, and a softer life exists. Let it happen.

— Unknown 

I hadn’t really considered this particular after effect of trauma. But no question, I’ve absolutely braced myself for the other shoe to drop throughout my life, after an unpredictable and unsafe upbringing. So, I’m going to let this lovely and calming idea of a softer life sink in today… Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Learn to calm your own storm…

My therapist told me:

“Learn to calm your own storm instead of venting to other people. It sounds therapeutic to let it all out, but you’re reinforcing your negative thoughts. It’s no one’s job but yours to pull you out of your own shit. Journal, meditate, exercise and release.” 

And then it all made sense.

— Unknown 

For me, therapy, energy work and life coaching have been invaluable. Journaling, meditating and exercise are a wonderful supplement, but some things are just beyond me to go it alone. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Carrying words you cannot say…

Carl Jung said, “Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you.” Loneliness is rarely about empty rooms. It is about carrying words you cannot say and truths you do not feel safe to share. Healing is learning to speak what matters most so you are no longer alone with it. This is the work of letting yourself be seen and known for who you really are. 

— Unknown 

Wow, this is such an incredible teaching. I’ve been working on “having my own back” more, as per my favourite therapist. And I am still learning how to be vulnerable and speak to my needs. I find that when I share deep truths, lovingly and respectfully, a warmer togetherness is the result. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Love by fixing or over-giving?…

My therapist told me:

“When a person grows up feeling unseen, they learn to love by over-giving. The pour everything into everyone else, hoping that, one day, someone will finally pour back into them. So they become the care taker. The fixer, the one who shows up, even when no one shows up for them.” And the hardest part? Deep down, they’re not trying to be strong. They’re just waiting for someone to do for them what they’ve spent their whole life doing for everyone else.” 

— Unknown 

That was so me. Fortunately, layer by later, and thanks to my favourite therapist, I’ve soothed and healed enough old wounds to know how to take care of myself, and leave others to their end in things. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl