Every time you swallow a boundary…

Tolerating always turns into resentment. 

At first, you call it patience, then love. But what it really is, is self-abandonment. Every time you swallow a boundary, excuse a pattern, or silence your discomfort, something inside you keeps score. And eventually the bill comes due.

— Anonymous

My biggest lesson in life was determining, and standing by, my deal breakers. I applied this to my love life, and met my perfect life partner. We have a very easy relationship because we are aligned as a match, and we have enormous respect, passion and compassion for one another. I finally realized I need the same level of compatibility and empathy in my friendships as well. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Some of us weren’t raised. We were just managed…

Some of us weren’t raised.  

We were just managed. We weren’t nurtured. We were just told to behave. Be quiet. Be good. Don’t upset. Don’t feel. Don’t need too much. We didn’t get emotional education. We got emotional neglect disguised as discipline. And now we’re adults trying to build lives, hold relationships, raise children, with no blueprint for how to meet our own needs, let alone anyone else’s. That’s not our fault. But it is our responsibility to break that cycle. To re-parent ourselves. To learn how to comfort, not just control. Because the world doesn’t need more “well-behaved” adults. It needs emotionally safe ones. 

— Unknown

I don’t know about you, but I find this kind of information quite helpful. My favourite therapist says, in his 40 years of private practice, that a good percentage of us have experienced “not love” rather than “love” in our upbringing. And so when it comes to a committed, long term relationship, we’ll be challenged to create the kind of love we may envision. Fortunately, as I’ve learned, it’s never too late to break and cycle and cultivate the skills necessary to create a wonderful relationship. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Never taught the basics of being whole…

The real problem is,  most of us were raised by parents who were just surviving — so they taught us survival, not life. No one sat us down to explain how debt works, how to self-soothe, how to say ‘no’ without guilt, or how to walk away from love that hurts. We weren’t shown what emotional safety looks like-just told to keep the peace, suppress the feelings, and hustle harder. Now we’re adults paying bills on autopilot, spiralling in relationships, mistaking burnout for success, and calling anxiety our personality. Lost, overwhelmed, and wondering why we feel broken-when in reality, we were just never taught the basics of being whole.

— Unknown 

This is a great summary of what I learned in therapy. My parents got married at 18 and 21, and they were truly just surviving, financially and emotionally. They passed down what they learned from their parents, and the parents before them. And unfortunately, healthy relationships skills were not present. I’m just glad I had the curiosity to pursue new, helpful skills for the sake of myself and my relationships. Game changer. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Honesty delivered without carelessness and cruelty…

Unpopular opinion: being brutally honest is not a strength

It is often a sign of low emotional intelligence and a lack of social awareness. Honesty does not have to come at the cost of kindness or tact. It takes far more maturity to express truth with clarity and care than it does to be blunt and thoughtless. If you are truly emotionally intelligent you know how to say what needs to be said without being careless or cruel. Most people are not broken by the truth. They are broken by how it is delivered. You are not more real for hurting someone just because you said it like it is. 

— Unknown 

Well said. I would also add that some points are delivered as “fact”, when in reality they may just be one person’s opinion. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Lacking self-awareness and empathy?…

Emotional maturity is accepting that no amount of explaining will make someone self-aware. If a person hasn’t done the work to sit with their own pain, they’ll deflect yours. You stop trying to earn empathy from people who don’t have the capacity to offer it.

— Unknown 

I really wish I’d learned some of this stuff earlier. I found an amazing therapist in my early thirties, and began taking relationship skills seminars, and my life improved dramatically. In a nutshell, I’d say that we can have more of an impact on our lives than we might realize. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

When home was a battlefield…

Nobody talks about how growing up in a dysfunctional family makes it hard to dream big. Your dreams don’t look like everyone else’s. You don’t fantasize about fame or fortune. You dream of peace. Of quiet mornings without tension. Of a dinner table where no one walks on eggshells. Of a love that stays - even when it’s hard. You dream of safety not success. Because when home was a battlefield, your biggest wish wasn’t to escape the world… It was to build one where you finally felt safe. 

— Unknown 

This quote perfectly summarizes how I felt growing up. And it wasn’t until I found a genius therapist, and learned helpful tools that I was able to create a healthy relationship and safe family of my own. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Set boundaries with those who drain you…

The shift happens when… 

You say no to what doesn’t serve you.

You forgive those who have hurt you.

You set boundaries with people who drain your energy.

You trust that The Universe is working in your favour.

You stop forcing things to work.

You stop seeking external validation.

You operate from your heart instead of fear.

You realize that you are infinite love and light and totally abundant.

— @_jakewoodard

Setting boundaries with people who drain me has been a work in progress. My tolerance was extremely high, to my detriment. I didn’t realize I was enabling behaviours that were in fact a deal breaker for me; extreme judgment, making others uncomfortable, and actually mistreating others, making me uncomfortable. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl