When home was a battlefield…

Nobody talks about how growing up in a dysfunctional family makes it hard to dream big. Your dreams don’t look like everyone else’s. You don’t fantasize about fame or fortune. You dream of peace. Of quiet mornings without tension. Of a dinner table where no one walks on eggshells. Of a love that stays - even when it’s hard. You dream of safety not success. Because when home was a battlefield, your biggest wish wasn’t to escape the world… It was to build one where you finally felt safe. 

— Unknown 

This quote perfectly summarizes how I felt growing up. And it wasn’t until I found a genius therapist, and learned helpful tools that I was able to create a healthy relationship and safe family of my own. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Set boundaries with those who drain you…

The shift happens when… 

You say no to what doesn’t serve you.

You forgive those who have hurt you.

You set boundaries with people who drain your energy.

You trust that The Universe is working in your favour.

You stop forcing things to work.

You stop seeking external validation.

You operate from your heart instead of fear.

You realize that you are infinite love and light and totally abundant.

— @_jakewoodard

Setting boundaries with people who drain me has been a work in progress. My tolerance was extremely high, to my detriment. I didn’t realize I was enabling behaviours that were in fact a deal breaker for me; extreme judgment, making others uncomfortable, and actually mistreating others, making me uncomfortable. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Someone’s emotional capacity a major factor…

The more emotionally intelligent you become, the less you take things personally. You begin to realize that the way someone treats you is shaped by their relationship with themselves-their self-awareness, their emotional capacity, and their nervous system state.

You learn that someone’s capacity to meet you has nothing to do with your value, and everything to do with their own. 

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says when we do our own emotional work, we tend to have a positive impact on those around us, which can relieve pressure on our relationships. I have found deep healing work to be quite freeing actually. I’ve also realized that my biggest heart ache stems from family issues and betrayals. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Living in survival mode?…

Psychology says when people face constant stress and uncertainty, their bodies learn to live in survival mode. They stay alert, tense and exhausted. Always waiting for the next thing to go wrong. Even in moments of calm, their minds don’t relax. It’s not because they’re overreacting, it’s because their nervous system has forgotten what safety feels like. 

— Unknown 

I grew up in a very tumultuous household, with some violence and a lot of yelling, and it sure landed on my siblings and me. It’s taken years to reverse some of my perfectionist/neat freak/Type A tendencies… once I realized they were coping mechanisms and not just productive habits. My favourite therapist helped me understand that I was trying to control my environment because I pretty much had no control growing up. Like grooves on a record, these tendencies can be challenging to alter. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

What is draining you?…

A person doesn’t have to drain you through chaos or conflict. They can drain you through absence - the lack of communication, the lack of follow through, lack of empathy, lack of repair, lack of acknowledgment, and the lack of emotional presence. 

It’s not always what they do. Often it’s what they consistently fail to do.

— Unknown 

I’ve been thinking a lot about what drains me; my energy, my spirit, my motivation. What I’ve realized, with the help of my favourite therapist, is that I’ve needed to have my own back a bit better. It’s kind and generous to make allowances for others, but not when the cost is high to oneself. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Feel good people…

Some people are literally human medicine.

You spend some time with them and everything feels better.

— Unknown 

I don’t know about you, but I’ve made a decision to spend more time around feel good people… and less time around difficult individuals. Frankly, I’d rather be by myself, than navigate dramatic people. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Don’t have to put up with it…

Just because you understand someone’s behaviour or why they are the way they are does not mean you have to put up with it. No amount of empathy or understanding should ever come before your wellness, especially if their behaviour hurts you or makes you uncomfortable.

— Unknown 

Gosh, I wish I’d learned this lesson earlier. I’ve been allowing (or enabling?) questionable behaviour for too long. In truth, I have always been weary of run away anger, snarky’ness and unkind and prejudicial tendencies. So, I am finally prioritizing people who bring light and love. Plain and simple :) Just sayin’ ;) 

Blessings,

Chatgirl