Living in survival mode?…

Psychology says when people face constant stress and uncertainty, their bodies learn to live in survival mode. They stay alert, tense and exhausted. Always waiting for the next thing to go wrong. Even in moments of calm, their minds don’t relax. It’s not because they’re overreacting, it’s because their nervous system has forgotten what safety feels like. 

— Unknown 

I grew up in a very tumultuous household, with some violence and a lot of yelling, and it sure landed on my siblings and me. It’s taken years to reverse some of my perfectionist/neat freak/Type A tendencies… once I realized they were coping mechanisms and not just productive habits. My favourite therapist helped me understand that I was trying to control my environment because I pretty much had no control growing up. Like grooves on a record, these tendencies can be challenging to alter. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

What is draining you?…

A person doesn’t have to drain you through chaos or conflict. They can drain you through absence - the lack of communication, the lack of follow through, lack of empathy, lack of repair, lack of acknowledgment, and the lack of emotional presence. 

It’s not always what they do. Often it’s what they consistently fail to do.

— Unknown 

I’ve been thinking a lot about what drains me; my energy, my spirit, my motivation. What I’ve realized, with the help of my favourite therapist, is that I’ve needed to have my own back a bit better. It’s kind and generous to make allowances for others, but not when the cost is high to oneself. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Feel good people…

Some people are literally human medicine.

You spend some time with them and everything feels better.

— Unknown 

I don’t know about you, but I’ve made a decision to spend more time around feel good people… and less time around difficult individuals. Frankly, I’d rather be by myself, than navigate dramatic people. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Don’t have to put up with it…

Just because you understand someone’s behaviour or why they are the way they are does not mean you have to put up with it. No amount of empathy or understanding should ever come before your wellness, especially if their behaviour hurts you or makes you uncomfortable.

— Unknown 

Gosh, I wish I’d learned this lesson earlier. I’ve been allowing (or enabling?) questionable behaviour for too long. In truth, I have always been weary of run away anger, snarky’ness and unkind and prejudicial tendencies. So, I am finally prioritizing people who bring light and love. Plain and simple :) Just sayin’ ;) 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Silence is a passive-aggressive grenade…

You cannot become a peacemaker without communication. Silence is a passive-aggressive grenade thrown by insecure people that want war, but they don’t want the accountability of starting it.

— Unknown 

I’ll speak for myself and say that my silence was not intentionally passive-aggressive. I grew up in world war three, with parents who fought endlessly (yelled, threw things, sometimes violently responded) without resolution. I saw no productive discussion and I saw no mutually beneficial outcomes. Needless to say, I was very weary of anger and I was hesitant to address scary issues. This of course led to the death of my earlier, serious relationships. Thanks to my favourite therapist, I embarked on relationship courses that taught me how to communicate in a healthy and helpful manner and I learned how to “clear” issues in a relationship building manner. Game changer! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Avoidance (and lack of accountability) part two…

Emotionally immature people struggle with accountability. During conflict, they deflect blame, minimize the issue, or turn the attention back on you. Their first instinct is to protect their ego, not the relationship. Every disagreement becomes about defending themselves rather than repair. 

— Unknown 

What stands out for me is “protecting the relationship.” Perhaps if both people can think of the relationship first, when discussing challenging issues, maybe it takes the sting out of being “wrong”, or making a “mistake” at times. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Avoidance amplifies issues…

People who avoid hard conversations usually leave behind the most damage. 

Avoidance doesn’t erase problems, it amplifies unspoken issues and creates emotional distance. Difficult conversations may be uncomfortable, but silence is what breaks trust.

— Robert Wilkinson 

I keep coming back to education. Unless our parents modelled good communication/relationship skills, we don’t tend to learn about respectfully drawing boundaries and addressing conflict. But it really is never too late to cultivate emotional intelligence. I have a feeling at least some relationships could be saved. Just sayin’ : ) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl