Big reactions an echo of the times you had to stay small…

My therapist says

A lot of explosive emotional reactions aren’t actually about the present moment. They’re the echo of all the times your body had to stay quiet, stay small, or stay safe instead of expressing yourself.

— Anonymous

This really resonates for me. My father was strict and dictatorial, offering us kids little to no space for self expression. For me, this led to a lack of healthy communication in relationships. I would go quiet as a rule, which is most unhelpful. Fortunately, I’ve always been a curious person and I believe in ongoing learning. Therapy and therapist led relationship seminars have been a live saver. This kind of “work” offered such a safe space to learn healthy relationship skills and led to the perfect love of my life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

What you don’t maintain, you lose…

There is a Japanese Legend that says:

“Whether it’s a machine, a house, or a relationship, maintenance is always cheaper than repairing.”

What you don’t maintain, you eventually lose. 

— Unknown 

Mental health has been the most critical maintenance in my life. And thank goodness because when the tough times come, you just hope you’ve cultivated the strength, courage and support system to deal. (I say this as I navigate the scary world of cancer. My prognosis just took a hit, and the tools and support I’ve acquired along the way are holding me together. Wish me luck!). Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Winning tips from Neuroscience…

According to Neuroscience, if you repeat these 3 phrases each morning, you will start to rewire your brain to become more positive, confident and grateful. 

1)” Show me how good today gets” - This activates your brain’s R.A.S to notice more opportunities.

2) “I’m grateful for…” - Gratitude increases dopamine, shifting your nervous system into a more regulated, positive state. 

3) “I can handle anything that comes my way today.” - This builds self efficacy and reduces the threat response to your brain.

— @edgaralandough/X - Raising Your Frequency

I’ve been working with gratitude for a while, and I do find it lifts my mood. I tell myself I can handle what comes my way sometimes, but I’d like to lean into this because I know it makes me feel comforted, and more capable and strong. I haven’t focused on thinking about how good life can get each day, but it’s clearly better than worrying. Great tips! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

You are what you cultivate…

What you do in private always shows in public. Reading shows in conversations. Your workouts show in your physique. Your diet shows in your energy. Your discipline shows in your confidence. Your focus shows in your results.

You are what you cultivate when no one is watching.

— Unknown 

My morning routine saw me through one of the scariest times of my life. I lost my new swanky job during the 2008 financial crisis, right before Christmas, and I ended up in and out of crappy jobs that paid half what I was used to, because that’s all there was. Meanwhile, I continued to get up early every day and go to the coffee shop to read the paper and do my usual writing (including this blog, and a spiritual practice I’ve maintained for thirty years). Then I would treat the job search as my daily employment, which gave me hope and a sense of purpose. This focus reduced my fear and anxiety, which was crucial when my bank account continued to drop. Yikes! As I go to the same coffee shop every day, I was also able to connect with friends and acquaintances, which offered a sense of normalcy, kinship and calm. Thank God for my morning routine. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Make tiny progress, however small?…

The 1% rule:

The Japanese believe laziness isn’t about character, it’s about exhaustion and overreaction. 

So they force themselves to make tiny progress daily, no matter how small.

One Athlete shared:

“I did just one push-up daily. Never skipped. After months, my body craved more.”

Progress isn’t about giant leaps. It’s about showing up. 

— Unknown 

Some days, washing and drying my hair is a victory. If something weighs heavily enough, a sort of paralysis can set in. I’ve found that if I convince myself to do just one thing (take out the garbage, trim my nails, organize a drawer?), an energy reserve appears, and the burden lightens. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Your tolerance is your future…

Something I wish I knew at 25… 

Your tolerance is your future. Tolerate disrespect, live disrespected. Tolerate mediocrity, live mediocre. Tolerate chaos, live chaotic. You’re not being patient. You’re programming your life. Every standard you don’t enforce becomes your new normal.

— @scottdclary

Boy, I wish I knew this at 25 as well! Having said that, it’s still taken many years of therapy and coaching to get my boundaries sorted. And additional time to maintain those boundaries. I believe my favourite therapist would sum it up as “having one’s own back.” Which I have found to be more difficult than imagined. But as I’ve evolved (with practice and commitment), life has become exponentially better in all respects, including financially, which has been a welcome, and empowering, surprise. Just sayin’ : / Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Unhealed people are fighting battles from another time…

Unhealed people don’t listen with their ears. 

They listen with their triggers. They don’t hear your words, they hear their wounds. They turn calm into criticism, honesty into an attack, and silence into abandonment. Every response is shaped by fear, not understanding. You’re having a conversation, but they’re fighting battles from another time. No matter how gently you speak, pain speaks louder. That’s why healing isn’t a luxury. It’s necessary for connection, for clarity and for peace. 

— Unknown 

I think a lot of us become adults and just get on with our responsibilities and obligations. We probably don’t think to improve the softer skills that matter so much in relationships, and even at work. We probably don’t think about (and may not even be aware of) limitations that hold us back. I also think most people are wary of healing work/therapy etc., or just don’t see the need. Until there’s a rock bottom of some sort; addiction fall out, relationship break down, death in the family/inner circle, job loss. For me, it was a tumultuous relationship that I wanted to hold onto. And I’m so glad my path led to therapy. Single best decision of my life. In a nutshell, I would say that therapy took me back to a shaky foundation and put me on solid footing. From there, I’ve been able to excel in career with more joy, I have newfound financial security without much effort or sacrifice and I found the love of my life and perfect partner of eleven collaborative, fun and fulfilling years. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl