Lacking the emotional maturity to sustain a healthy relationship?…

There are many people out there who claim they want a relationship but don’t have the self-awareness, emotional maturity, and accountability to sustain one. 

It’s not your responsibility to guide someone into emotional readiness.

—@yourcourageouscomeback

I definitely lacked the skills for a healthy relationship when I was younger. I had no idea how to communicate through challenges. I went sullen and silent as a rule, which is most unhelpful. I had no idea how to ask for what I wanted or needed, and I’m not sure I even knew what I needed back then. I was so used to putting myself second, after a stressful and punishing upbringing. I highly recommend acquiring new interpersonal skills. I took a number of therapist led, relationship seminars, where I learned how to “clear” (invite a very safe, two way dialogue, that tends to heal and deepen relationships), among other key, relationship building skills. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

You can’t love someone into emotional maturity…

You can’t love someone into emotional maturity, you can only drain yourself trying. 

Love doesn’t heal what accountability avoids, and the longer you try to fix someone who refuses to grow, the further you drift from the version of you that deserves peace. 

— Robert Wilkinson 

This describes all of my early relationships, Lol. But seriously, what I learned from much intensive therapy is that it was me that needed the healing and tender, loving care all along. I put my energy into others because I so badly wanted a safe relationship, to make up for the lack of safety I grew up with. But unhealed people don’t make for a very safe environment. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Acceptance frees you from trying to change anyone…

I fell in love with this quote:

Accept people as they are, but place them where they belong. Always remember you are the CEO of your life. Acceptance frees you from trying to change anyone. Boundaries protect your peace. Not everyone earns the same access, the same closeness, or the same seat at your table, and that’s not cruelty, it’s self respect. 

— Unknown

I don’t know about you, but I was too tolerant in my younger days. I thought I was being unconditionally loving, and realistic in accepting that people have flaws. But after much healing work, my boundaries are firm and deal breakers non-negotiable. Life is pretty drama free, and it’s a relief, I must say. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Push through, and you’ll be most proud you did…

Nobody talks about the middle. The part where excitement fades and progress stalls. Where the work feels endless, the wins feel small and the finish line isn’t even in sight. The middle part is where most people quit—not because they couldn’t do it, but because they thought it wasn’t supposed to feel this way. But this is actually where the growth happens. 

Push through. One day, this chapter will be the part of the story you’re most proud of. 

— Unknown 

Ah, yes, the old test of endurance. I’ve been through many of these moments; job loss (and an ensuing three years finding a new one, plus five years of paying debts, before life corrected), divorce (which they say takes about half the whole amount of time you were together to get over), and currently dealing with an ongoing, scary health scenario. But what I’ve learned is, the more you endure and recover, the more strength and resilience you realize you can summon, when you really need it. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Opposite of uncertainty is self trust…

My therapist taught me that…

the opposite of uncertainty isn’t certainty, it’s self trust. Trying to control the future is a battle you’ll never win, so instead of seeking certainty, seek self trust. Tell yourself: I don’t know what will happen in a year. I don’t know what the future holds. 

What I do know is I trust I’ll be able to handle whatever does happen. I trust I’ll have my best interests at heart. I trust that I’ll try my best. I trust myself, so I know I’ll be okay.

— @latenightepiphanies_

I don’t know about you, but I find this advice quite comforting. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Big part of being happy is being excited…

A big part of being happy is being excited

Be excited for everything - making a cup of tea, seeing a friend, the next episode of your favourite show, buying something you’ve been saving up for, sunsets, travelling, falling in love. 

Live a life you are excited about.

— @successfulfemalemindset

I’ve never thought about the excitement aspect per se. It makes a ton of sense though, and I imagine this is a big part of goal setting. If we’re saving for that special vacation, or coveted new car or home, we’re dreaming big and feeling excited at the thought of manifesting these pleasures. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Anger is telling us something…

Anger is

• A response to disempowerment
• A sign our boundaries are being ignored or violated
• A response to invalidation or unfair treatment
• A response to disrespect 
• A part of the grieving process
• A sign of built-up resentment or unresolved emotions
• A symptom of hyper-vigilance and trauma
• A sign that you may feel attacked, threatened, or deceived
• A way of protesting that we cannot control the reality around us

— Unknown 

My favourite therapist originally diagnosed me with a broken compass. Because I grew up with a rage-aholic father (controlling, some violence and extreme discipline in general), I became afraid of anger and avoided it like the plaque. But I came to understand that anger, and our entire range of emotions provide critical information in helping us manage our world. Of course, there is a healthy way to apro ach anger, and that is with adult conversations; leading with honesty, clarity and respectful words. Personally, I needed help with “clearing” through therapy and group therapy relationship courses. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl