Crazy in love or calm in love?…

Once you grow up, you realize you don’t want to be crazy in love. 

You want to be calm in love, stable in love, patient in love, understood in love, safe in love.

Your partner should give you peace of mind and reassurance, not constant little heart attacks and high anxiety.

— @emilyvonstrasser 

Gosh, I wish I could tell my younger self, Lol. I thought the butterflies and excitement meant love. Turns out, that’s just chemistry and attraction, and not necessarily legit love. In my defence, I did not learn about unconditional love in my family of origin. Luckily I found an incredible therapist, who has helped me understand what it takes to create and maintain a worthy love relationship. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The right person…

At your very best, you still won’t be good enough for the wrong person, but at your absolute worst, you’ll still be worth it to the right person.

— Unknown 

Irreconcilable differences, that’s all I can say. I finally learned to spot my deal breakers, thanks to my favourite therapist. Just sayin ; ) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Joy doesn’t have to be expensive…

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but start living. The days are flying by, and all you do is work, pay bills, and stress. Enjoy what you can… walks, sunsets, music, laughter. Joy doesn’t have to be expensive. You deserve it.

— Unknown 

I think the pandemic allowed my partner and I to find low cost fun; dancing and listening to music at home, playing cards, grabbing inexpensive food and having a picnic in the park, or even in the car on rainy days, kind of like a drive in movie, drinks with friends in the park. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Betraying yourself?…

When I look back, I’m stunned by how much I accepted just to keep people in my life - the silence, the disrespect, the one-sided effort. I stayed quiet to avoid conflict, dimmed myself to make others comfortable. That version of me is gone. I’ve learned that losing people who don’t value me is not a loss - it’s freedom. I’ll never betray myself like that again.

— Unknown 

I don’t think people under valued me necessarily. I think I was too accommodating and enabling. I’ve also come to realize that some people are limited and unwilling and/or unable to take responsibility for their actions, which leaves a one way street. If both people are accountable, and engage in healthy conversations, relationships can grow and thrive. It’s never too late to establish good boundaries and I’m glad I’ve finally said “no” to damaging and disrespectful behaviour. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Silently causing hair trigger reactions…

Healing has taught me that honesty pays. Speaking about your feelings won’t lose you anything worth having. Setting boundaries won’t scare off people who are meant to be in your life and being your true self won’t cost you genuine relationships.

— Unknown 

What I’ve learned about healing is that there are many layers, and some surprisingly deep roots. Much of what ails us sits in the unconscious, silently causing hair trigger reactions and hurt feelings. As my favourite therapist says, intensive emotional work isn’t for the faint of heart because it requires some reliving of the yucky past. But I’ve found this sort of work immensely freeing. AND, your relationships tend to improve as well, which is a huge bonus. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Out of your control, out of mind?…

• Ambition without action becomes anxiety
• The most dangerous addiction is the approval of other people
• You teach people how to treat you by what you tolerate
• Your worth isn’t tied to your productivity
• “No” is a complete sentence. You don’t have to justify yourself
• Vera Wang designed her first dress at age 40–it’s never too late to start
• If it costs your your peace, it’s too expensive
• Action creates motivation—not the other way around
• Be addicted to your passions, not your distractions
• If it’s out of your control, it deserves to be out of your mind
• It’s better to admit you walked through the wrong door than spend your life in the wrong room

— Colby Kultgen and Jay Yang 

My favourite therapist says finding greater peace and happiness may require an adjustment to our priorities. What really matters? Because focusing on money, buying things and working tends to keep the treadmill running, and no amount of money and/or success is ever enough. In his humble opinion, we should focus on our heart, spirit, soul’s desires. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Cleaning up messes you didn’t make?…

You should never be expected to be the bigger person when you didn’t create the discomfort in the first place. Too many people cause the chaos, cross the line, then want you to swallow your feelings just to keep the peace. Nah. Accountability matters. Being mature doesn’t mean accepting disrespect or cleaning up messes you didn’t make. Sometimes protecting your peace means standing firm and letting folks sit in the consequences of what they caused. 

— Unknown 

I have taken the high road too often. Fortunately, extensive therapy has helped me recognize this pattern as an enabling, coping mechanism. In order to have my own back, I’ve had to minimize time around people who are not accountable for damaging actions. I’ve needed to lose certain people, and that sucks, but I’ve certainly found more peace and calm. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl