One of the hardest lessons…

One of the hardest lessons is realizing that not everyone is interested in growth, being better, or changing.

Some people are fine behaving the way they do, even if it’s harmful. Accepting this will remind you that you decide who and what you pour your energy into. 

—@yourcourageouscomeback

I think this has been my toughest life lesson. I don’t like losing people, especially treasured, long standing relationships. You just don’t meet highly compatible people all that often. Unfortunately, I’ve had to come to grips with my deal breakers and say no to certain behaviours; a mean streak, judgmental tendencies,  snarky’ness, cold shoulder treatment rather than adult conversation are a few of mine. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Many people are children in adult bodies…

With someone emotionally immature, you’ll have a childlike relationship. There’s no real conflict resolution. No accountability. No growth. Many people are children in adult bodies-unwilling to do the work, but expecting you to carry the weight of the relationship.

— @yourcourageouscomeback

This explains so much about my earlier relationships… until I did my own emotional healing work and began to prioritize accountable, healthy, adult friends. Which also helped me draw good boundaries,  and be clear on my needs, wants, can’t live with’s and can’t live withouts. This growth allowed me to find (attract) my perfect life partner. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Lacking the emotional maturity to sustain a healthy relationship?…

There are many people out there who claim they want a relationship but don’t have the self-awareness, emotional maturity, and accountability to sustain one. 

It’s not your responsibility to guide someone into emotional readiness.

—@yourcourageouscomeback

I definitely lacked the skills for a healthy relationship when I was younger. I had no idea how to communicate through challenges. I went sullen and silent as a rule, which is most unhelpful. I had no idea how to ask for what I wanted or needed, and I’m not sure I even knew what I needed back then. I was so used to putting myself second, after a stressful and punishing upbringing. I highly recommend acquiring new interpersonal skills. I took a number of therapist led, relationship seminars, where I learned how to “clear” (invite a very safe, two way dialogue, that tends to heal and deepen relationships), among other key, relationship building skills. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

You can’t love someone into emotional maturity…

You can’t love someone into emotional maturity, you can only drain yourself trying. 

Love doesn’t heal what accountability avoids, and the longer you try to fix someone who refuses to grow, the further you drift from the version of you that deserves peace. 

— Robert Wilkinson 

This describes all of my early relationships, Lol. But seriously, what I learned from much intensive therapy is that it was me that needed the healing and tender, loving care all along. I put my energy into others because I so badly wanted a safe relationship, to make up for the lack of safety I grew up with. But unhealed people don’t make for a very safe environment. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Acceptance frees you from trying to change anyone…

I fell in love with this quote:

Accept people as they are, but place them where they belong. Always remember you are the CEO of your life. Acceptance frees you from trying to change anyone. Boundaries protect your peace. Not everyone earns the same access, the same closeness, or the same seat at your table, and that’s not cruelty, it’s self respect. 

— Unknown

I don’t know about you, but I was too tolerant in my younger days. I thought I was being unconditionally loving, and realistic in accepting that people have flaws. But after much healing work, my boundaries are firm and deal breakers non-negotiable. Life is pretty drama free, and it’s a relief, I must say. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Push through, and you’ll be most proud you did…

Nobody talks about the middle. The part where excitement fades and progress stalls. Where the work feels endless, the wins feel small and the finish line isn’t even in sight. The middle part is where most people quit—not because they couldn’t do it, but because they thought it wasn’t supposed to feel this way. But this is actually where the growth happens. 

Push through. One day, this chapter will be the part of the story you’re most proud of. 

— Unknown 

Ah, yes, the old test of endurance. I’ve been through many of these moments; job loss (and an ensuing three years finding a new one, plus five years of paying debts, before life corrected), divorce (which they say takes about half the whole amount of time you were together to get over), and currently dealing with an ongoing, scary health scenario. But what I’ve learned is, the more you endure and recover, the more strength and resilience you realize you can summon, when you really need it. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Opposite of uncertainty is self trust…

My therapist taught me that…

the opposite of uncertainty isn’t certainty, it’s self trust. Trying to control the future is a battle you’ll never win, so instead of seeking certainty, seek self trust. Tell yourself: I don’t know what will happen in a year. I don’t know what the future holds. 

What I do know is I trust I’ll be able to handle whatever does happen. I trust I’ll have my best interests at heart. I trust that I’ll try my best. I trust myself, so I know I’ll be okay.

— @latenightepiphanies_

I don’t know about you, but I find this advice quite comforting. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl