You are what you cultivate…

What you do in private always shows in public. Reading shows in conversations. Your workouts show in your physique. Your diet shows in your energy. Your discipline shows in your confidence. Your focus shows in your results.

You are what you cultivate when no one is watching.

— Unknown 

My morning routine saw me through one of the scariest times of my life. I lost my new swanky job during the 2008 financial crisis, right before Christmas, and I ended up in and out of crappy jobs that paid half what I was used to, because that’s all there was. Meanwhile, I continued to get up early every day and go to the coffee shop to read the paper and do my usual writing (including this blog, and a spiritual practice I’ve maintained for thirty years). Then I would treat the job search as my daily employment, which gave me hope and a sense of purpose. This focus reduced my fear and anxiety, which was crucial when my bank account continued to drop. Yikes! As I go to the same coffee shop every day, I was also able to connect with friends and acquaintances, which offered a sense of normalcy, kinship and calm. Thank God for my morning routine. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Make tiny progress, however small?…

The 1% rule:

The Japanese believe laziness isn’t about character, it’s about exhaustion and overreaction. 

So they force themselves to make tiny progress daily, no matter how small.

One Athlete shared:

“I did just one push-up daily. Never skipped. After months, my body craved more.”

Progress isn’t about giant leaps. It’s about showing up. 

— Unknown 

Some days, washing and drying my hair is a victory. If something weighs heavily enough, a sort of paralysis can set in. I’ve found that if I convince myself to do just one thing (take out the garbage, trim my nails, organize a drawer?), an energy reserve appears, and the burden lightens. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Your tolerance is your future…

Something I wish I knew at 25… 

Your tolerance is your future. Tolerate disrespect, live disrespected. Tolerate mediocrity, live mediocre. Tolerate chaos, live chaotic. You’re not being patient. You’re programming your life. Every standard you don’t enforce becomes your new normal.

— @scottdclary

Boy, I wish I knew this at 25 as well! Having said that, it’s still taken many years of therapy and coaching to get my boundaries sorted. And additional time to maintain those boundaries. I believe my favourite therapist would sum it up as “having one’s own back.” Which I have found to be more difficult than imagined. But as I’ve evolved (with practice and commitment), life has become exponentially better in all respects, including financially, which has been a welcome, and empowering, surprise. Just sayin’ : / Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Unhealed people are fighting battles from another time…

Unhealed people don’t listen with their ears. 

They listen with their triggers. They don’t hear your words, they hear their wounds. They turn calm into criticism, honesty into an attack, and silence into abandonment. Every response is shaped by fear, not understanding. You’re having a conversation, but they’re fighting battles from another time. No matter how gently you speak, pain speaks louder. That’s why healing isn’t a luxury. It’s necessary for connection, for clarity and for peace. 

— Unknown 

I think a lot of us become adults and just get on with our responsibilities and obligations. We probably don’t think to improve the softer skills that matter so much in relationships, and even at work. We probably don’t think about (and may not even be aware of) limitations that hold us back. I also think most people are wary of healing work/therapy etc., or just don’t see the need. Until there’s a rock bottom of some sort; addiction fall out, relationship break down, death in the family/inner circle, job loss. For me, it was a tumultuous relationship that I wanted to hold onto. And I’m so glad my path led to therapy. Single best decision of my life. In a nutshell, I would say that therapy took me back to a shaky foundation and put me on solid footing. From there, I’ve been able to excel in career with more joy, I have newfound financial security without much effort or sacrifice and I found the love of my life and perfect partner of eleven collaborative, fun and fulfilling years. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The biggest skill you can develop…

The biggest skill you can develop is the ability to reset fast. Bad conversation? Move on. Bad day? Start fresh tomorrow. Missed workout? Hit it the next day. Poor decision? Learn and adjust. You can’t control what happens to you, but you control how long you let it affect you. 

— Unknown 

In my experience, some reactions (triggers?) are deeply rooted, and possibly unconscious. I’ve needed therapy to manage my more problematic responses and emotions. For example, when I was younger, I used to react badly to being questioned. I would feel my intelligence and capability were insulted. This sensitivity stemmed from my father routinely sayin “you’re completely missing the point,” which negated my thoughts and opinions. Once this old wound was resolved, I became quite open to other perspectives and information. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

At a certain age, it’s our responsibility to grow and heal…

After a certain age, it is literally your responsibility, no one else’s, to teach yourself the things you were deprived of, to unlearn and let go of all the toxic habits, because flaunting anger issues, being emotionally unavailable, and not being able to communicate your feelings seems like nothing more than an excuse. Life is unfair to everyone in various ways, a little to some, a lot to others. You cannot spend your whole life whining and complaining about how cruel it was to you; the trauma inflicted upon you cannot be justified, but it is your duty to heal, grow, and feel safe in your mind.

— Unknown 

I learned this lesson from a coach of A Course in Miracles. “Victim mentality” was a new concept for me and a paradigm shift to be sure. In truth, healing is pain staking work. You typically need to revisit all the shit, in order to sort it out and find peace. But, for me, the rewards have been quite extraordinary. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The healthiest people own their moods…

The healthiest people regulate their own nervous system instead of making you responsible for their mood. They can sit with discomfort without lashing out, talk about what’s wrong without turning it into a war, and hold their healing without weaponizing their wounds. They take responsibility for how they show up, even on bad days. They know the difference between sharing a burden and dumping it. They don’t make love conditional on you managing their triggers. They create safety without demanding control. Because love isn’t about finding someone to carry our chaos, it’s about finding someone who carries their own.

— Anonymous

I’m starting to comprehend the difference between knowing something intellectually, and embodying it. It’s fascinating to me that we can hear something, think we understand the concept, and yet not evolve. For example, I’ve had a tendency to over-give. In fact, I’ve taken great pride in my kindness and generosity, knowing that this is the kind of person I choose to be, and want to be. But inevitably, the bill comes due in my close relationships. I find myself depleted and frustrated with others’ lack of reciprocity. I’ve begun to pull back, in a sound way (with the nudge of a health crisis and my therapist’s guidance), and I’ve taken responsibility for my end in things. And go figure, others have come forward in a beautiful way. I’ve learned that some of these habitual behaviours are actually long standing, childhood coping mechanisms. Most likely, we are unaware of these operating systems, and don’t realize that we have the power to choose differently. I find the whole discussion intriguing. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl