The art of communication...

People who can’t communicate think everything is an argument.

— Unknown

I don’t know about you, but I certainly didn’t learn great communication skills from my family of origin. I remember a lot of yelling and sometimes breaking dishes, but I saw no resolution. I continued to duck for cover for years to come. Avoidance was my go-to, as I would rather die than face scary conflict and people’s anger/backlash. I first learned about “addressing” issues and “clearing” with people from a genius psychologist and his life altering relationship workshops (check out Joelbrass.com if you’re interested in learning more). I was hugely intimidated during the first few exercises. We had to approach anyone in the room who made us feel uncomfortable and explore the issue. Silently, I thought “Hell no!” Interestingly enough, a couple of people in the room had the courage to invite me to chat. Much to my surprise, the exchange was kind, warm and enlightening. The first conversation went something like this. “I wanted to be honest about my thoughts and feelings. I’ve been uncomfortable with you and I think I’ve been judging you because you remind me of my high school girlfriend and she really hurt me.” The second conversation was similar. “I’ve been feeling uncomfortable with you. I’ve been judging you because people who look like you seem to have it all and that makes me angry. After getting to know you, I realize you had a very difficult upbringing and you’re actually very sensitive and kind. I judged you unfairly.” Wow. Talk about changing the face of “communication.” I’m still learning and practicing how to say things, but I do know that inviting someone to chat about challenges with kindness and curiosity is a great start to improving relationships. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl