Beneath each behaviour is a feeling, and a need…

Beneath each behaviour there is a feeling. 

And beneath each feeling is a need.

And when we meet that need, rather than focus on the behaviour, we begin to deal with the cause, not the symptom.

— Ashleigh Warner (Family Psychologist, who believes that the “answers for each family aren’t held in a set of pre-prescribed parenting rules; they are found within the parents themselves.”)

I ended up in intensive therapy to save my marriage, and soon learned that I was indeed part of the problem. I was immediately diagnosed with a father issue and a “loveability” issue. My therapist claimed that he would likely be the first male I would ever trust in my life. He was right. My parents were both heavy handed in their child rearing, with little to no focus on praise and positive encouragement. It was tough love all the way, and this left me with a broken compass, according to my therapist. Therapy changed my life for the better, in every respect. I have since thrived in my career and finances. I also met the love of my life, and more importantly, our relationship is built on respect, healthy boundaries and loving and empathetic communication. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Finally learned the lesson…

We don’t walk away to teach people a lesson.

We walk away because we finally learned ours.

— MovitateMe247

In therapy, I learned about my pattern of choosing men like my father; attentive, but overbearing, and controlling in the end. I learned that we tend to gravitate to the familiar because it feels comfortable. The dynamic is something we’re used to, and so we may not recognize it as a potential deal breaker. I finally realized I could say no to this kind of relationship micro-management. Thank goodness! Who needs or wants to walk on eggshells in your romantic relationship. It was hard enough doing that throughout my entire upbringing. Just sayin’ ;) Hug and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“I wish more people knew”…

Healing the nervous system is about being still. Laying in the sun. Being present while you eat your food. Listening to the sounds of nature. Letting your imagination run wild. Instead of routine, the body needs less.

— @the.holistic.psychologist

Wow, I already feel more relaxed and at peace. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Struggle is just another word for growth…

It’s okay to be at a place of struggle. Struggle is just another word for growth. Even the most evolved beings find themselves in a place of struggle now and then. In fact, struggle is a sure sign to them that they are expanding; it is their indication of real and important progress. The only one who doesn’t struggle is the one who doesn’t grow. So if you are struggling right now, see it as a terrific sign—celebrate your struggle. 

— Neale Donald Walsch (American author of 28 books, including the international bestseller Conversations with God, which remained on the New York Times Bestseller List for 135 weeks. Walsch was also a radio station program director, newspaper managing editor, marketing and public relations expert, actor, screenwriter, and speaker. In the early 1990’s Walsch suffered a series of crushing blows (fire that destroyed all of his belongings, divorce, and a car accident that left him with a broken neck), which left him alone, unemployed and severely down on his luck. During this despondent time, he worked his way out of homelessness and began writing. Conversations with God was published five years later). 

My lowest point also followed job loss, divorce and a much reduced quality of life. I had to halt all spending, other than essentials for a few years. I did continue with my usual morning coffee and writing ritual though, which allowed for intense soul searching (and job searching). This time also led to the inception of this very blog, which I continue to love writing, 10 years later. I struggled, I evolved and I  learned how to live well below my means. In fact, I hardly think of spending money, other than saving up for warm beach vacations and dinners out. I rarely buy retail clothing, as much as I love fashion. Instead, I consignment shop and enjoy the treasure hunt of it all, at beautifully affordable prices. My near bankruptcy was the most stressful time of my life, but it led to more financial freedom than I could have imagined. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Disease prevention lifestyle…

Prioritizing good sleep 

Prioritizing real/unprocessed foods

Prioritizing mindful time

Prioritizing movement

Prioritizing time offline 

— Austin Perlmutter, MD

I’m in the medical field and there is a consensus that “exercise is medicine.” Having said that, “exercise can’t completely reverse the effects of a bad diet” experts say. Apparently, a lack of sufficient protein in the diet can cause muscle to break down, and both carbohydrates (fuel for exercise) and healthy fats (necessary for endurance and stamina) are vital. Personally, I’m always working on treat management. Sugar is darn addictive, Lol ;) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Here’s a stat worth knowing”…

Here’s a stat worth knowing:

A diet in ultra-processed foods has been linked to a 44% higher risk for developing dementia, while a minimally-processed diet like the Mediterranean diet may be protective against memory loss.

— Austin Perlmutter, MD 

So I can thank my father for growing up with a vegetable garden for a backyard, instead of a pool then, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Stop absorbing the pain of other people…

Learn to say: that’s on you. Your behaviour is on you. The way you move is on you. The choices you make are all on you. The way you live it’s all on you. Stop absorbing the pain of other people, recognize what belongs to you and what doesn’t. 

— @herincrediblemindset

I grew up in a very combustible environment, and it took me a really long time to realize that, as an adult, I have a choice. And, finally, I say no to drama. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Be a survivor of the unfairness of life…

No matter what life throws your way, no matter how unfair it may seem, refuse to play the victim. Refuse to be ruled by fear, pessimism, and negativity. Refuse to quit.

Be a warrior and work through whatever life throws your way with courage, love, and positivity. And continually push forward.

Because you are a survivor of the unfairness of life. You are stronger than you think. And you are capable of achieving far more than you believe.

— Zerodean.com

Well, I’ve certainly been put in a position to see what I’m made of. I was out of work for a few years around the 2008 financial crisis, and this led to a lengthy spending freeze. It was a painful and stressful time, but I did learn how to manage and grow my funds. I never imagined the freedom this would bring to my life. I used to buy nice things because I felt I could afford to, and I didn’t want to feel hard done by (as I did in my lower-middle class upbringing). I just never imagined that proverbial rainy day could happen to me. Jobs in my field have always been plentiful and, in fact, I was accustomed to being head hunted. That all stopped in 2008. I wouldn’t want to go through something like that again, but I know I’m safe financially, and I know I have the survival skills to navigate curve balls. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Is your nervous system dysregulated?…

Nervous systems heal in slowness. If you are putting the same pressures on yourself to heal that you put on yourself in your dysregulated life, your nervous system will remain dysregulated. Softness and safety cannot be present where there is urgency and pressure. 

— Unknown  

I’ve been working with a Craniosacral/Body Talk/Osteopath practitioner for many years now. I pursued this type of health care out of desperation. Nothing seemed to help with my painful and uncomfortable stomach aches/digestive issues (gastroenterologist, allergy testing, elimination diet, naturopathics, digestive enzymes, acupuncture, you name it). I’ve since learned the extent to which stress and anxiety land on the physical body, causing tightness and a variety of issues. Regular Craniosacral/Body Talk/Osteopathic sessions have been a game changer in minimizing my stomach aches, and reducing my stress level. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Uncomfortable truths…

Uncomfortable truths we all need to accept

• You should either have a supportive partner or no partner. There’s no third option.
• If someone can’t tell you their flaws, they have a dangerous lack of self-awareness.
• The best revenge is getting yourself to a place where you no longer care about revenge.
• Just because a relationship has lasted a long time doesn’t mean it’s working.
• Self-respect comes from self-control.
• Don’t let your time and energy leak from social media, overthinking, and meaningless relationships.
• If you always think your happiness is somewhere else, it’ll never be where you are.

Personally, I’m zero’ing in on the last point. Lately, I’ve needed a reminder about being grateful for what I have. I can get stuck in the chase for greater financial freedom, which always seems to cause dissatisfaction. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Humming can reduce anxiety…

Did you know you can’t have thoughts while humming?

When you hum, you are creating space between your thoughts and your nervous system.

This can help you regulate to feel less anxious and overwhelmed.

— Unknown 

That’s so cool. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Nacissists stuck at an early developmental stage…

* Infants are naturally narcissistic, but hopefully we grow out of it.

* Psychoanalytic perspectives suggest that adult narcissists are stuck in an early developmental stage.  

* Narcissistic rage and love bombing are manifestations of a distorted view of the outside world.

Children are entitled little narcissists form a psychoanalytic perspective: They have a distorted view of reality that puts them at the center of their world, and all things circle back to them. From this view, an adult with narcissism is stuck in these early states of development, derailed by, for example abuse or overindulgence. When narcissism is extreme, psychosis can result because it is a complete break from objective reality in the outer world. 

With a narcissist, the other shoe will drop. When you make them feel bad by, for example, giving them feedback on their other narcissistic behaviour (vanity, craving attention from other men/women, inflated self-image), you will become the worst person in the world. The loving mask will drop, and you will see rage, fear, or some combination of the two. There is no reasoning with someone when they are in this state. They can also be dangerous. 

From a psychoanalytic perspective, then, the love bomb and the narcissistic rage are manifestations of the same distortion of the outer world, where feelings have been projected into facts. That is, they do not have a firm grasp of objective reality. 

— Excerpt from “Is Narcissism at the Border of Sanity and Insanity”, Psychology Today, Posted August 16th 2024

Narcissism has become a worldwide phenomenon, spanning all cultures and age groups, with numerous factors playing a role; social-cultural (personal rights and independence are valued above the collective), the self-esteem movement (created a me generation), social media (self-promotion, attention getting), parenting styles (either too neglectful, or excessive doting), image obsessed culture (celebrities, plastic surgery), economic prosperity (material indulgences, lavish living standards), according to Karwant  Khush, Ph.D (Excerpt from “Why it There a Rise in Narcissism.”).

Very interesting stuff. I certainly see narcissistic tendencies in a few people around me, with adult tantrums and a complete inability to have reasonable, rational discussions. It’s helpful to know that this is a societal trend. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

You’re not lazy…

The best thing a therapist ever told me is “you’re not lazy, you only have a certain amount of energy and right now you’re using it all to survive.” I know someone else needs to hear that too. 

— Unknown  

The biggest thing I learned in intensive therapy is that unresolved trauma consumes a lot of present day energy. The more work I’ve done, the more energy I’ve reclaimed. And the greater my capacity for relationships and overall satisfaction in life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Two sides to every story…

I like people who understand. The type who aren’t quick to judge. You can vent to them, and labeling you will be the last thing on their mind. They don’t believe rumours because they know there are two sides to every story. They give you a chance, before they judge you. They get to know who you really are, then have an opinion. I like those type of people. Real people.

— Unknown 

I remember learning that when we cut others slack, we cut ourselves slack as well. It feels kind and nurturing actually. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Connection is why we’re here…

Connection is why we’re here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. 

— Brene Brown 

I’m sure this is why group therapy is so comforting and effective. You know you’re not alone in your struggles. In fact, after sitting in 21 weekend group therapy sessions, I observed common threads (sexual abuse a leading cause of trauma, parental neglect, overly stringent parenting, sibling rivalries, various relationship issues which typically stem from early childhood trauma). Bonding with fellow participants remains one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Don’t want to go through it anymore?…

After a while, you realize “this isn’t what I want to keep going through”, and you just stop.

— Unknown 

For me, that hard stop was in relationships. I didn’t want to go through another break up. Period. I took the better part of a year off dating, went back to intensive therapy, plus relationship workshops, life coaching, energy work and I also read a ton of great books. I made a commitment to myself and the kind of life I want to live, and then I identified what kind of partner would fit into that vision. I met the love of my life shortly thereafter. He had gone through a similar experience and basically had the same list I did. Meant to be, right? Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

De-cluttering can have a profound impact…

Your home is an extension of your energy field.

This is why practices like cleaning your home, rearranging furniture, organizing your closet and getting rid of objects that are cluttering your space can have a profound impact on your mind, body, and spirit.

— Maryam Hansaa (Priestess, Energy Worker, Medicine Woman, trainer and mentor for those with the trait of high sensitivity)

Well, that explains my touch of OCD/neat freak tendencies, Lol ;) In all seriousness, I’ve been tagged an empathic, “high sensitivity” individual. Needless to say cleaning and purging are cathartic. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Nobody really talks about this”…

But, once you start healing past traumas and your body comes out of “fight or flight” mode your body will crave a lot of rest and, silence.

Your body finally starts to feel safe in the peace + quiet. The calm. 

You aren’t lazy. Your body is just catching up on all the years it didn’t have this stillness.

You. Deserve. This.

— Unknown  

Ah, that explains it. As I’ve gotten older, and the more work I’ve done, the more content I am alone. I love my partner, I love my friends, I even love my colleagues and customers at work, but nothing beats my personal time. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The “let them theory”…

A theory that changed my life

We spend so much time and energy trying to control other people and get emotionally affected trying to decipher their behaviours, failing to realize we have no control over them. We were not put on this earth to control other people’s actions. It’s not your job to analyze people’s behaviours and jump into conclusions about why they’re doing what they’re doing. The truth is, you’ll never truly know. This is where the “let them theory” comes in. A situationship dosen’t wanna commit? Let them. Someone is excluding you? Let them. Not only is this so emotionally freeing, but it also allows people to show their true colours, and that is invaluable. You are then able to make better choices about the people you want to keep in your life. 

— Unknown 

I wish I could enlighten my younger self. I spent waaaaay too much time on “situationships”, thinking the situation would evolve. In fact, I married the most painful and glaring come-here-go-away scenario. We lasted less than three years. On a positive note, we went to intensive therapy together, which allowed us to understand ourselves better, recognize the irreconcilable differences, and part amicably. I needed to get to a place of preferring to be alone, rather than spend time in a mismatched relationship. And thank God I did, because in my solitude I was able to make a comprehensive list of my must have’s, can’t do without’s, deal breakers, etc. I met my perfect match and love of my life in less than a year. Nine years later, we know how fortunate we are to have learned how to pick the right partner. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck! XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Tap into the magic…

Self confidence is a super power. 

Once you start to believe in yourself, magic starts happening.

— Unknown 

Well first off, they say half the battle is just showing up. For me, my self confidence has come from trial and error, failure, being willing to fail again and learn from it, finding some success finally, and knowing I am capable of figuring things out. I actually think the super power is perseverance. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

What are you made of?…

There’s always a glimmer 

in those 

who have been 

through the dark.

— Atticus

I learned what I was made during/after the 2008 financial crisis. I lost my fancy new job and struggled to find an appropriate position for three years. The available roles were paying half what I was used to, which caused a halt to all spending for my foreseeable future. Even still, I racked up debt over a very stressful three year period. Fortunately, a former manager brought me back to life with a lucrative position. A lot of people ended up declaring personal bankruptcy in those days, or taking on a consumer proposal (which allows you to pay off like 1/3 of the debt and the rest is forgiven? Something like that.), but I knew I’d be able to over-deliver and make enough bonus to pay the full tab. I was debt free in three years, which is something I’m really proud of, to this day. The experience permanently changed me. I have more financial freedom than I’ve ever dreamed of because I learned how to live below my means. I enjoy saving more than I enjoy splurging on something decadent without having the funds in hand. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

“If you thank your life, it will transform”…

If you thank your mind, it will relax.

If you thank your heart, it will open.

If you thank your past, it will integrate.

If you thank your symptoms, they will heal. If you thank your shadow, it will vanish.

If you thank your life, it will transform.

If you thank yourself, the light will dawn.

— Matt Kahn (Author, spiritual teacher, healer and speaker, with 22 million YouTube channel views.  Kahn is known for his highly acclaimed books, such as Whatever Arises, Love That and Everything is Here to Help You). 

I’ve been experimenting with this approach for some pesky physical ailments and for the more persistent past hurts (that I’ve been working on forever and ever. My favourite therapist says some things are just our legacy and we need to accept them). I’ll let you know how I make out. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

12 Laws of Karma…

The Great Law

Whatever we put into the Universe will come back to us

The Law of Creation

Life does not happen by itself. We need to make it happen

The Law of Humility

One must accept something in order to change it

The Law of Growth

When we change ourselves our lives change too

The Law of Responsibility

We must take responsibility for what is in our lives

The Law of Connection

The past, present and future are all connected

The Law of Focus

We cannot think of two different things at the same time

The Law of Giving and Hospitality

Our behaviour should match our thoughts and actions

The Law of Here and Now

We cannot be present if we are looking backward

The Law of Change

History repeats itself until we learn from it and change our path

The Law of Patience and Reward

The most valuable rewards require persistence

The Law of Significance and Inspiration

Rewards are a result of the energy and effort we put into it

— Unknown 

Two stand out for me: 1) history repeating itself until we learn from it and change our path (I kept choosing attentive, but in the end controlling, partners, similar to my father) 2) the most valuable rewards requiring persistence (I’ve been pursuing entrepreneurial endeavours for a really long time, and I’ll keep going!). Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Growth requires us to leave something behind…

A gentle reminder:

Growth requires us to leave something behind. It can be our habits, beliefs, careers, mindset and even people. And this is why making space for grief in the midst of growth is important. 

You will mourn your former life to make space for a newer you.

— Unknown 

This is comforting to read. I set out to improve my relationships and save my marriage. But I didn’t bank on losing/mourning some long standing friendships (and even family). The more “work” I’ve done, the less energy and bandwidth/nerves I’ve had for drama (passive-aggressiveness, negativity, complaining and blaming others). Instead, my focus is on relationships where both people are able to hear each other and be accountable for the state of the relationship. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

If today gets difficult…

Remember the smell of coffee, the way sunlight bounces off a window, the sound of your favourite person’s laugh, the feeling when a song you love comes on, the color of the sky at dusk, and that we are here to take care of each other. 

— Nanea Hoffman

Personally, it’s been a tough two years, following my mother’s passing. My father, shockingly, passed away at the young age of 59, so I find myself parent-less. Now, my upbringing was no picnic, so rather than straight up mourning, I’ve been going through “complicated grieving”, as my coach explains it. This is when you’re left to unpack any rejection, lack of approval and/or affection and appreciation one may have suffered. There’s also the common parental favouritism that comes into play. Sum it all up, and you’re left to process the sadness around what was and what never will be. I found the process to be largely subconscious/unconscious, but I certainly felt emotionally spent, with an overall lower energy/happiness level. Fortunately, I’ve been able to rely on key life lines; time spent with my favourite people, addictive shows that suck you right in, exercise (for me, swimming outside or sweating it out in the gym), staring into sunsets with my awesome ocean/mountain view, visiting with animals (I go to the kitty cat cafe because my job requires travel), following my favourite hockey team, being of value in my job and to my customers, writing over morning coffee etc. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Words matter…

My therapist taught me that…

That words matter. 

Instead of staying “I can’t” say “It’s not a priority for me right now.”

Replace “I’m jealous of them” with “I’m inspired by them.”

Replace “I have to do this” with “I get to do this”

Replace “I failed” with “This attempt didn’t work.”

Replace “Why is this happening to me?” With “What am I learning from this?”

Words matter, because even if you don’t fully mean them, your brain can’t tell the difference.

— @latenightepiphanies_

I’ve been experimenting with this myself lately. Instead of thinking or saying I’ve failed in my entrepreneurial endeavours, I’ve been saying, I haven’t been able to replace the earnings of my day job yet, but I’m excited to keep trying, because I really enjoy the process. And I really do enjoy the process. If my current project works out, it’ll be icing on the cake, with more vacation time and maybe a fancier home. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Sometimes people just need an ear…

People don’t always need advice. Sometimes all they really need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand them. 

— Unknown 

Great reminder. I have a feeling I may jump to advice. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

PTSD like pop up ads for a horror movie…

Having PTSD is like having pop-up ads in your brain for a horror movie that’s based on a true story.

— Unknown 

Perhaps my key learning from therapy is how deeply we are affected by early childhood experiences and traumas. For example, my father was a very dictatorial parent, who was dismissive of my thoughts and feelings. In fact, his favourite saying was “You’re completely missing the point!” I felt disrespected, and my intelligence was repeatedly insulted. So, fast forward to relationships and career, and I had a hot button around being questioned or being told what to do. Fortunately I ended up on a healing path (to save my marriage), and managed to tackle this sometimes problematic trigger. I am now able to respond calmly, with curiosity and a desire to learn. Fewf. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Good and bad things happen…

Worrying is a waste of time. Good and bad things happen in life, you just have to keep living and not stress over what you can’t control.

— averts.com

Personally, I have found therapy and/or energy work super helpful. This form of self care seems offer the extra emotional band width to better deal with life’s inevitable challenges. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Happiness is balanced by sadness…

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word “happiness” would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along, with patience and equanimity. 

— Carl Jung 

My favourite therapist observed that I wanted life to be sunny and sunnier, which is of course impossible. After intensive therapy, I’ve learned to say to myself “This too shall pass” when life deals a blow. It actually helps. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

If you want others to see you, you must see yourself…

Be the love you never received. Be the acknowledgement you never got. Be the listener you always needed. Look at the younger versions of yourself within you and give yourself what it is you always needed. 

That is the first step of healing. If you want others to see you, you must see yourself. 

— Unknown 

Honestly, there is no way I would have been able to accept myself fully without professional help. There was so much to unpack with my childhood. As my favourite therapist says, our big issues are typically unconscious/subconscious, and pop up when we’re triggered by something or someone. I was diagnosed with father issues (which he said meant relationship issues) and a love-ability issue, in a group therapy weekend workshop. I thought the therapist was brilliant in this weekend seminar and I was intrigued to learn more. Thank God! I had no idea how big of a role I was playing in my relationship dysfunction. After therapy (excavating and resolving old stuff), which is also excellent education (learning how to be part of the solution in your relationships), I learned how to take proper care of myself and finally accepted myself for who I am. I met the love of my life less than a year later. I also excelled to new heights, and finances, in my career. Just sayin’:) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Action kills anxiety…

Worrying about needing to do stuff is usually more exhausting than doing the stuff. 

If you want to feed a problem, keep thinking about it. 

If you want to starve a problem, take action.

Action kills anxiety

— Unknown 

Right. It’s like writing out the list of to-do’s, and realizing it’s not actually that bad. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Living below your means equals freedom…

People who live far below their means enjoy a freedom that people busy upgrading their lifestyles can’t fathom.

— Naval Ravikant (American entrepreneur, investor and co-founder, chairman, former CEO of AngelList. He has invested early-stage in over 200 companies including Uber, Twitter, Wish.com, Poshmark, Postmates, Thumbtack, Notion, SnapLogic, Opendoor, Clubhouse, Stack Overflow, Bolt, Open DNS, Yammer and Clearview AI. Ravikant is a Fellow of the Edmond Hillary Fellowship, and, as a podcaster, shares advice on pursuing health, wealth and happiness).

I had never considered living below my means. My father was a teacher and my mother never worked, so resources were almost entirely spent on necessities. There were no trips to Hawaii or Disneyland. We were one of the few houses on the block without a pool. Instead, our entire backyard was a vegetable garden. I can appreciate the fresh fruits, veggies and herbs now, but as a youngster, I found it embarrassing. While our neighbours were splashing in their pools, my brother, sister and I were picking beans and weeding the mammoth gargen. Ugh. We also had affordable vehicle(s) and always ate at home. We went out for dinner once in a blue moon, typically at the White Spot. So once I graduated from college and landed a sweet pharmaceutical gig, I couldn’t wait to fly off to Hawaii and California and eat out as much as possible. I also moved into a building with an outdoor pool. Fast forward almost 20 years, and higher profile jobs with more pay, I was living the good life. Then the 2008 financial crisis hit and I had to halt all spending. I felt pretty hard done by, as I slid back to where I began, having to allocate all resources to essentials only. It took a good 7 years to recover from the financial fallout, and in that time, I had to learn how to fill my life with low cost activities, such as going out for coffee, swimming in the ocean, going to matinees etc. I finally landed a well paying role again, with lots of perks (free car, internet, phone, lunches and dinners etc), and was able to pay off debts and resume a decent level of financial freedom. Thing is, I’ve never again had the appetite to spend what I earn. When you’re faced with a long lasting rainy day, the PTSD is pretty intense. Fast forward another 15 years and I continue to be happily entrenched in living below my means. I save for vacations, dinners out and a few new garments, but that’s about it. I pre-pay my credit cards, so I have zero debts and I enjoy watching my investments grow each month. It’s quite the 180 for me. I highly recommend it. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Unhealed issues resurface in a different context…

Whatever you don’t deal with now will resurface again in a different context. Unhealed issues don’t disappear with time. They are pushed into your children, your health, etc.

— Unknown 

My favourite therapist says that our issues, which are often unconscious, tend to wreak havoc on our closest relationships. We’ll get triggered along the way, and not have the time and space to react in a healthy and productive way. Having said that, he says it’s typically in relationships where our issues come to light. And if we’re willing to address old wounds and traumas, our relationships will most certainly improve. I can certainly thank my relationship woes for leading me to intensive therapy. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

 

Raised on survival?

People raised on love see things differently than those raised on survival.

— Joy Marino 

My favourite therapist says a lot of us grew up learning what love is not, rather than what love is. Furthermore, he says, this often leads to a mistrust in relationships and a tendency to choose partners who are equally capable and/or incapable of being in a healthy relationship. Fortunately, we can change the pattern. For me, it took quite a bit of therapy. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Peace worth more than proving yourself…

Being at peace means that… 

You no longer have the need to prove anything to anyone. You don’t need outside validation. You don’t need to tell your side of the story anymore, even when you hear a dozen rumours that tell an untrue version. You used to guard your heart, but now you guard your peace because you know your peace is worth more than proving yourself to anyone. 

— Unknown 

For me, this sort of emotional stability required professional help. I learned all about coping mechanisms, and how much of our emotional world is unconscious or subconscious. Group therapy is helpful in “triggering” some of these hidden issues, so they may be identified and resolved. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

You’re not stuck. You have choices…

You can rise up from anything. You can completely recreate yourself. Nothing is permanent. You’re not stuck. You have choices. You can think new thoughts. You can learn something new. You can create new habits. All that matters is that you decide today and never look back.

— Unknown 

 I don’t know about you, but I felt hopeful just reading this passage. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The brain needs rest…

Your brain needs a rest 

Downtime matters, so lie down, sit still and take a break

Science shows it helps us to be healthier, more focused, more productive and more creative…Many of us feel as though we’re wasting time if we aren’t getting things gone, but research points to the costs of always being “on” and the importance of giving our brains a break. Our brains aren’t built to handle constant activity. Even the briefest moments of idle time, or pauses, are important, says Robert Poynton, author of Do Pause: You Are Not a To-Do List.

Well established research has shown low-level daily stress can create such intense wear and tear on our body’s physiological systems that we see accelerated aging in our cells, says Epel, who co-wrote the book The Telomere Effect. Resting, even briefly, benefits brain health…

New research has begun showing the negative effects cellphones can have on health…

Give your mind and body a rest:

• Focus on nothing. Let your mind wander
• Work your way up. Start small and simply exist
• When in doubt, lie down. A deep, restorative state can improve physical and psychological well-being

— Jamie Friedlander Serrano, Washington Post (article paraphrased and edited for brevity) 

Good to know, and makes me feel better about my multitude of naps and little lie downs. Even during an important work day, I’m becoming more and more desperate for a tune out. It’s the whole “on” thing with society these days. Cell phones and technology are great for convenience and immediacy, when desired. But there’s such a huge downside to being reachable 24/7. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

How to detach…

* Let people be who they want to be, then decide if you want them in your life. 

* Trust that rejection is always redirection to something bigger and better.

* Some people are only meant to help you grow, not be in your life forever.

* What if everything is falling apart to come together in a way you can’t guess?

* Focus only on what you can control.

— Unknown 

I’m not a religious person (lapsed Catholic), but I am spiritual and I find faith to be a pretty powerful support system. In my toughest moments (out of work during the post 2008 financial crisis and near bankruptcy, divorce, death of both parents), there was nothing to do but “surrender” to the moment and trust that I would survive and thrive again one day. I believe strongly in focusing on what you can control; work ethic, belief in oneself and a positive attitude. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Try not to resist changes that come your way…

Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?

— Unknown 

I’ve resisted more than a few changes that became blessings in disguise. Admittedly, I still dislike the mucky transition periods. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Self love…

Self love baby, self love.

Keep choosing you, again, and again, 

and again. 

— Unknown 

A key take away from intensive therapy, for me, was questioning duty and obligation. My favourite therapist says IF you have the energy and capacity to take care of others, and you choose to extend of yourself, fine. But if you need to take care of yourself, by resting, taking a nap, or what have you, then respectfully decline other requests… even if it’s family asking. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Didn’t want to feel like that anymore…

Actually, I just woke up one day and decided I didn’t want to feel like that anymore, 

or ever again.

So I changed. 

Just like that. 

— Unknown 

My aha moment came after my last break up (fortunately, 10 years ago now!). I decided I never wanted to go through another break up, ever again. I couldn’t imagine suffering another mismatched pairing, defined by struggle and a lack of synergy. I was willing to do whatever it took to understand my needs, wants, deal breakers and must have’s, so that I could choose the right partner for me and the life I want to live. I did a deep dive, to identify the pitfalls of my past choices, and went back to therapy and relationship school (weekend relationship seminars, led by my favourite therapist). Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

If today gets difficult…

If today gets difficult, remember the smell of coffee, the way sunlight bounces off a window, the sound of your favourite person’s laugh, the feeling when a song you love comes on, the color of the sky at dusk, and that we are here to take care of each other. 

— Nanea Hoffman

I remember talking to a good friend of mine during the financial crisis of 2008. We were commiserating, as his business was in serious peril, and I was freshly out of work, after landing a well paying, shiny new job just 6 months earlier. We talked about the day to day stress of it all, and how we similarly leaned on exercise (me yoga/gym/swimming and him kite boarding/cycling), coffee talk with friends, and a positive world view, for the most part. In the end, he said, you know what I realized? Whatever happens, I’ll always have the ocean. That really stayed with me, and I think about it when times are tough. I try to remember the things that bring me comfort and joy; good friends, animals, writing, swimming outside, movies/shows, warm sunshine and blue skies, beach vacations, and long weekends to cool cities. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Start healing by telling the truth…

You have to tell the truth about your wounds in order to heal. If it hurts, admit it. If it’s killing your soul, admit it. If it’s not okay, don’t say it’s okay, admit it. We start healing by telling the truth, so be honest about what you’re feeling. 

— Unknown 

I ended up in therapy to save my marriage, and I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I began with a weekend relationship workshop (led by a savvy individual/family therapist and seminar leader), and soon learned that the session would merely scratch the surface. I was quickly diagnosed with father issues, which meant relationship issues. I was further diagnosed with a love-ability issue. Ouch, and sniff sniff. In one-on-one therapy I learned about conscious and unconscious wounds, my sabotaging coping mechanisms (such as unhelpful and fearful, passive-aggressive and/or silent reactions to conflict) and most importantly, the need to feel in order to heal. I think I cried the entire 3 years of my intensive healing journey. Best thing that ever happened to me. I found a more solid footing than I could have imagined, which allowed me to thrive at work, gain financial freedom, and find the perfect love of my life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Not with the right people?

If you don’t feel safe enough to express your pain or your feelings or stick up for yourself, you’re not in a safe place and you’re not with the right people.

— Unknown 

I walked on eggshells in my family of origin. Consequently, I ended up in relationships where I did the same. I am most grateful to therapy for teaching me to draw healthy boundaries and to recognize my deal breakers. I no longer need to walk on egg shells. Fewf. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Feel drained around certain people?…

How drained you feel after interactions with someone can be a helpful measure of how “yourself” you’re able to be around them.

The more effort we put into performing or shape shifting, the more drained we’re likely to feel.

— haileypaigemagee

I learned about this concept in my energy work; Body Talk, Osteopathy, Craniosacral Therapy. I’ve become more and more aware of how I feel either energized or drained around certain individuals. Apparently, we can actually be slimed by others’ anger and/or negativity. Ugh. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Be the adult…

Be the parent the child inside of you never had.

— Unknown 

This was my toughest lesson learned in intensive therapy. I learned that although I may have been a victim in childhood, it was up to me to be the adult now. I suppose I wasn’t done feeling sorry for myself. I felt that I was mistreated, and it wasn’t fair. Fortunately, therapy guided me through the feeling and healing journey, and allowed me to resolve some of these old wounds. My favourite therapist says “Some things are just your legacy, and your lot in life.” I also learned to embrace the serenity prayer, by Reinhold Niebuhr: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” And of course family can be those you choose; your mate, your dearest friends, colleagues, teammates. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Don’t want to do the work to heal?…

The more you heal, the more comfortable you are with being the villain in the story of people who don’t want to do the work to heal themselves. 

— Unknown 

I’ve certainly had relationships fall away, the more healing work I’ve done. And frankly, I’ve always found it hard to listen to people routinely complain about their lot in life and/or the issues in their relationships, while not doing anything to improve the situation. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Don’t feel safe?…

Trauma can make it feel like you’re never save, even if the world around you appears to be safe to everyone else. This can make it incredibly difficult to explain to non-traumatized people, who can’t see a clear “reason” you feel anxious, paranoid, scared, or powerless.

— @bloomingwithemmy

When I began working with my favourite therapist, he called out my “father issue” which meant I would have trust issues with men. He said, “In fact, I will likely be the first man you ever trust.” He was absolutely right. Fortunately, the work allowed me save that fearful inner child, who was stuck in a past loop of insecurity. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Truth is like surgery…

Truth is like surgery. It hurts, but it cures. 

A lie is like a pain killer. It gives instant relief. But has side effects forever.

— Unknown

The person I needed to be honest with was myself. Once I accepted myself for who I am, limitations and all, I found the love of my life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Walking on egg shells…

Many people who grew up walking on egg shells become perfectionists or overachievers.

They’ve learned the only way they’ll be accepted is if they cause no problems and are “perfect.”

— @the.holistic.psychologist

Well, that used to be me. I grew up in a tumultuous home, with fiery parents who disagreed on much and didn’t seem to like each other a whole lot. I do feel the three of us kids paid the price, and it was pretty traumatized watching my parents lay hands on my older brother and sister, and then me. I soon became the people pleaser, trying to minimize the drama. Above all, I wanted to stay off the radar, and so I excelled at school, work and chores. The issue is, you carry these coping mechanisms into your adult life and wind up tolerating far too much in relationships. It took me a mountain of therapy and cash to establish boundaries, to figure out who the right match would be and to learn the skills necessary for a healthy and happy relationship. Needless to day, I’m a big proponent of therapy. Self help and motivation seminars are great, but in my experience, some issues are deeply rooted and require a professional. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

No control over what happens next, so loosen your grip…

You’re overthinking because you really care about what happens next— you don’t want to fail, and you don’t want to let people down. But no amount of planning, worrying, or over-analyzing can give you control over what happens next. Breath. Loosen your grip. Experience life as it comes. 

— Michell C. Clark 

Great reminder. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Saddest words are “It might have been.”…

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,

When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill,

When the funds are low and debts are high

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest if you must, but don’t you quit. 

Life is strange with its twists and turns

As every one of us sometimes learns

And many a failure comes about

When he might have won had he stuck it out;

Don’t give up though the pace seems slow—

You may succeed with another blow. 

Success is failure turned inside out—

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell just how close you are,

It may be near when it seems so far;

So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit—

It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

For all the sad words of tongue or pen

The saddest are these: “It might have been!”

— John Greenleaf Whittier, 1807-1892 (American poet and advocate of the abolition of slavery in the United States). 

I happen to be on such a quest, striving to graduate from employee to successful entrepreneur. I’ve celebrated modest advancements, but none were sustainable enough to leave the day job. And I almost bankrupted myself when I took a chance and dropped the safety net at one point. I’ve had to re-invent myself in the day gig, stabilize my finances and try again, while preserving the career that pays my rent. Sometimes I give myself permission to think about giving up. But then I feel a bit empty and remember why I set on this course in the first place. I have a vision of my perfect life, and I just can’t give up on that. And now, suddenly, things are looking very promising. Stay tuned. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Braver than you believe…

You are braver than you believe,

stronger than you seem

and smarter than you think.

— A.A.Milne

A little pep talk for the day, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Satisfied life vs successful life…

A satisfied life is better than a successful life. Because our success is measured by others, but our satisfaction is measured by our own soul, mind and heart. 

— Unknown

My priorities changed radically after suffering through the 2008 financial crisis. Shopping for new fashion items used to be a highlight and I was willing to invest in a fresh look every season. Then I was forced to halt all spending and focus on securing stable work. I recovered after a few years and managed to elevate my position and income level. Now that I feel quite financially free, I have minimal interest in spending on high ticket, retail items. Instead, I love seeing my bank balance and investments grow. I just don’t want and need in the same way, and this has translated into an abundance, and satisfaction I’ve never known. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Burnout due to goals you don’t believe in?…

My theory:  

Burnout has nothing to do with how many hours or how hard you work. It’s caused by working for people you don’t like, towards goals you don’t believe in, in systems that grant you no agency.

— Adam Chalmers

I read an article in the Air Canada magazine a while back that talked about employees being the new slave. I think there’s something to that. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Trauma permanently changes us (and it’s not wholly negative)…

This is the big, scary truth about trauma: there is no such thing as “getting over it.” The five stages of grief model marks universal stages in learning to accept loss, but the reality is in fact much bigger: a major life disruption leaves a new normal in its wake. There is no “back to the old me.” You are different now, full stop. 

This is not a wholly negative thing. Healing from trauma can also mean finding new strength and joy. The goal of healing is not a papering-over of changes in an effort to preserve or present things as normal. It is to acknowledge and wear your new life — warts, wisdom, and all — with courage. 

— Catherine Woodiwiss 

I concur. I ended up in intensive therapy to save my marriage, and although the marriage ultimately failed, I got an emotional make over. I attended numerous weekend relationship workshops (conducted by my favourite therapist), which showed me where I was part of the problem, and taught me new, healthy skills. I highly recommend proactively addressing trauma. Life on the other side is divine. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Less equals more money…

Simplicity. 

Less stuff, less work.

Less expense equals more money, time and joy.

Less equals more.

— Unknown

I learned about less is more out of necessity. I was on the wrong side of the 2008 financial crisis and couldn’t find work in my field for about three years. I was in and out of positions that paid half what I typically earned. I had to halt all spending, other than essential bills. I gave myself one extra, which was my always inspirational and motivating morning coffee. My life was finally restored when a former manager brought me into a senior position with great pay and perks. Fewf. Interestingly enough, I never went back to my former spending habits. I love fashion, but continue to prefer consignment shopping. Not that I never buy a new garment, but the acquisition just doesn’t hold the same appeal. All I can think of is the cost of that investment, particularly with clothes tending to get stained or go out of style. I am willing to spend on dining out, which I consider a mini vacay at the end of a work day, and warm vacations because I need warm sunshine like I need air. But I never spend what I don’t have. I save for each trip and I prepay my credit cards for dinners out and items I want to buy. Pre-financial crisis I routinely charged up my credit cards and worried about paying later. I’ll never do that again. I spend waaaay less and I’ve never been more abundant, with a bank balance I could never have imagined. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Choice the most powerful tool we have…

Everything boils down to choice. We exist in a field of infinite possibilities. Every choice we make shuts an infinite number of doors and opens an infinite number of doors. At any point we can change the direction of our lives by a simple choice. It is all in our hands, our hearts, and our minds. 

— Unknown 

The biggest choice of my life was taking a time out from relationships to figure out where I was going wrong. I learned two things; I needed to be more discerning about the compatibility and I needed to learn new communication/relationship skills to head off issues as they come up. Mission accomplished. I found the love of my life and our mutual skills keep things on a collaborative and healthy path. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Don’t be afraid to start over…

You may like your new story better.

— Unknown 

Boy did I learn this lesson the hard way. I hesitated ending my last relationship for far too long and it really bit me in the a- - . Deep down, I had realized the match wasn’t quite aligned. As a matter of fact, going all the way back to the beginning, he wasn’t nearly warm and affectionate enough for my temperament. My favourite therapist talks about this a lot. He says we should be very discerning right up front, to avoid the inevitable break downs and painful endings. So I let this failing relationship drag on and then suffered the most humiliating break. Behind the scenes, he had fallen in love, and had moved on really, with someone from our inner circle. I felt very foolish. The silver lining is that I decided that I would never go through another painful break up. I met the love of my life a year later, after a going back to the drawing board (therapy, relationship courses etc), life altering time out. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Stay out of arguments?…

 I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1 + 1 = 5, you’re right. Have fun. 

— Keanu Reeves

I think that’s just hilarious. Well said, Lol ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Don’t make assumptions…

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life. 

— The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz

My life changed enormously when I decided to be completely honest with myself. From there, I was able to articulate my wants, needs and requests (concerns) in my relationship(s). Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Family is supposed to be safe…

Family is supposed to be our safe place. 

Very often, it’s the place where we find the deepest heartache.

— Iyanla Vanzant (Inspirational speaker, lawyer, New Thought spiritual teacher, author, life coach and television personality. Vanzant is primarily known for her books, her talk show and her appearances on Oprah)

My favourite therapist says that, unfortunately, most of us grow up learning what love is not, rather than what love is. Apparently, 8 % of people are fully estranged from their families, and 50 % have troubled relations. Makes me feel better about my family of origin, which felt all about discipline and not much comfort. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

It takes as long as it takes…

Be gentle on yourself.

— Unknown 

On this particularly rainy day, back from vacation, it’s just kinda yuck. So I’m going to take this advice, go easy, and allow myself whatever break I need today. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Call in healthy ;) …

We should be able to call in healthy. “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.”

— Unknown 

Lol ;) I love it. Wish I’d thought of it. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatigirl 

A wise woman once said…

 “F-ck this shit”

And then she lived happily ever after. 

— Unknown

Ha ha ha. Seriously though, my favourite therapist actually advises one to challenge duty and obligation. Do we have the energy for the activity at hand? Is it best for our mental and emotional health, even if it is a family thing? It had never occurred to me that I could choose in such situations. He says something to the effect of, “If you have the emotional and mental energy, and you want to participate in said activity, great. But if your well being needs something else, honour that as well.” Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Trauma is like silent screams…

Trauma is personal. It does not disappear it if is not validated. When it is ignored or invalidated the silent screams continue internally heard only by the one held captive. When someone enters the pain and hears the screams healing can begin. 

— Danielle Bernock (Author of Emerging With Wings. Bernock takes you on her journey through pain and confusion to understanding and freedom. She shares her bonds and shame as she finds her way to healing. She reveals how lies and childhood traumas strip a person of self-value and breed a dark pervasive fear. Her companion course is all about healing the childhood self).  

 My favourite therapist says that, unfortunately, resolving trauma tends to require forging through it, and processing the experience as an adult, with the capability of understanding and learning coping skills, which we did not have as children. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

We can support ourselves in making things easier…

There is nothing wrong with you. We are all working on things. That’s part of being human, and the great thing is that once we know how our brains operate, we can support ourselves in making things easier. 

— Deborah Reber

The issue I have is with people who aren’t interested in/willing to make any adjustments. There are two people in a relationship and one person can’t be expected to do all the bending. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

When you are just simply yourself…

Stop worrying about other people understanding you. Get in touch with yourself instead. Focus on what makes you happy, what makes your soul feel at peace. You are your biggest commitment, so start loving your flaws, your awkwardness, your weirdness, your intensity, your vulnerability, your everything. Life becomes so much more fulfilling when you are just simply yourself.

— Unknown  

It took a particularly painful, humiliating break up for me to settle into myself. (I foolishly delayed a much needed break up, only to be cheated on with someone from our inner circle. Ugh). I vowed I would NEVER go through anything like that again. I gave myself permission to like what I like and say no to things I don’t enjoy doing. I also sharpened my “list” for the ideal partner. Compatibility is king. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Your best teacher…

Your best teacher is your last mistake.

— Unknown

Yup. Well, my biggest mistakes certainly turned into TSN turning points, Lol ;) My most humiliating and painful break up led to life altering changes and then the love of my life. Just sayin’! Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

My mental health improved when I…

• Stopped lying to myself
• Created space from friendships I had outgrown
• Set fire to the labels I thought defined me
• Had really really really hard conversations
• Stopped accepting inconsistency
• Grieved the loss of the life I had envisioned
• Paid more attention to what was working

— Unknown 

I can relate to so much of this. Above all, I finally accepted the kind of life I like living. I thought, Ok, well if I’m not cultured enough, so be it (because I’m not partial to the opera or ballet or museums). And if I’m not out-doors’y enough (hate the cold, and hate hiking/camping), so be it. I live in an area defined by natural beauty and people come from far and wide to do all of these things. And many of the guys I met were the same. But I’m a city girl, Lol ;) Once I settled into myself, I met my Mr Right. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Ways to show up for yourself…

• Allow yourself to feel a multitude of feelings without labelling it as wrong, bad or negative
• Practice listening to your needs and discovering different ways to meet those needs
• Practice self-forgiveness; for not being perfect, for forgetting, for your past, for what you don’t know, and for getting “off-track” sometimes
• Give yourself permission to rest, to take breaks, and to have down time
• Spend quality time with yourself: reading, writing, creating and getting to know who you are underneath who you think you should be

— Unknown

My favourite therapist taught me about having my own back. I grew up the peace keeper in our family, which led to people pleasing, and a lack of healthy discussions and boundaries in my relationships. I’ve never liked anger and negativity, but I’ve learned that conflict can be peacefully resolved with the right partner and a respectful and caring approach. I also learned that each person has to come to the table with some accountability and a willingness to make adjustments for the sake of the relationship. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Silence is passive-aggressive…

You cannot become a peacemaker without communication. Silence is a passive-aggressive grenade thrown by insecure people that want war, but they don’t want the accountability of starting it.

— Shannon L. Alder (Inspirational author, therapist and life coach).  

I used to be the silent person. I didn’t want war. I just didn’t know how to broach difficult discussions in a highly charged environment. Well, I was afraid to actually. In my family of origin, there was a lot of yelling (And hitting. Sniff, sniff) and breaking of things, but not much in the way of resolution or positive outcome. Fortunately, I landed on a healing journey, which allowed me to resolve old baggage. I also learned the necessary skills to be in healthy relationship. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

How much do you like yourself?…

Remove the “I want you to like me” sticker from your forehead and place it on the mirror, where it belongs.

— Susan Jeffers, PhD (Renowned workshop leader, lecturer and Author of Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, which outlines dynamic techniques for turning fear, indecision and anger into power, action and love. In her work, Jeffers presents the four biggest barriers to love) 

A turning point for me was learning about the “internalized parent.” If our self-talk is healthy, and leads to a better version of ourselves, great. But when that inner voice is repeatedly critical and negative, we are likely dealing with internalizing parental messaging. When we’re young and impressionable, we tend to take our parents’ opinions as the ultimate truth, which can hardwire these messages about ourselves and create a sense of never being good enough, or never being enough. I feel fortunate to have identified and challenged some of this harmful messaging, which is a real self-esteem booster frankly. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Maybe instead of “I did nothing” you were…

• Choosing to rest
• Taking a mental health day
• Looking after yourself
• Nourishing yourself
• Catching up on your life
• Doing things that mattered to you
• Taking time out 
• Switching off from the outside noise
• Listening to your body
• Not being busy
• Having a much needed lie-in
• Prioritizing you
• Not partaking in society’s constant guilt trip around rest

— @h.e.l.e.n.m.a.r.i.e.

I don’t know about you, but I feel better just reading each of these lines. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Decide what you’re going to allow in your life…

I think there’s a point in your healing journey where you stop trying to convince other people to do the right thing you just observe their choices, understand their character, and decide what you’re going to allow in your life. 

— Brianna Wiest 

Therapy and life coaching taught me about “allowing” certain treatment. My tolerance for questionable behavior was far too high, thanks to an abusive upbringing that lacked healthy communication and self-care boundaries. In truth, I found it hard to throw the baby out with the bath water with some long standing relationships. But I also know that I’ve gained a drama-free zone, which has greatly reduced my stress level. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Your body can pick up on bad vibes…

Never discredit your gut instinct. You are not paranoid. Your body can pick up on bad vibrations. If something deep inside of you says something is not right about a person or situation, trust it. 

— Unknown 

I keep reminding myself to trust gut instinct over the brain, particularly when there’s a lack of information. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Come to an understanding…

I don’t wanna “win” the argument or feel “right”. That’s not the point nor my objective. I wanna feel like we’ve come to an understanding on the issue at hand. I want both of us to walk away feeling heard and understood. 

It’s not a competition.

— Unknown

In my younger days, I often reacted defensively when questioned or challenged. My father ruled with an iron fist and there wasn’t a whole lot of room for two way discussion. In fact, his favourite saying was “You’re completely missing the point”, which created a hot button around my intelligence being insulted. Fortunately, with counselling, I was able to resolve the old baggage and live in the moment in my relationships and at work. I’m able to remain open, with curiosity and the intent to learn. This has worked wonders in all aspects of my life. And I continue to pick up new and helpful tips in life. It’s pretty cool. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Underrated Turn-ons…

• When actions and words align
• Feeling safe in someone’s energy
• Having your emotional needs attended to
• The willingness to have hard conversations 
• Engaging in emotional & intellectual foreplay
• Awareness of their own red flags & toxic behaviours
• Setting their own boundaries and respecting yours
• The ability to not make everything a “thing”
• Expressing a need and hearing, “I got you.”
• The willingness to try new things
• Making each other laugh

— @drelizabethfedrick

I needed to learn a few things in order to have a healthy relationship. I grew up around a lot of yelling and not much listening or resolution, so productive, respectful conversations were not modelled. Fortunately, I invested the time and resources into learning how to have the kinds of hard conversations that can achieve amicable outcomes. It does take two though. Not every dynamic allows for compassionate and respectful communication. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

A little secret from a therapist…

Emotionally immature people will not respond well to your boundaries. Don’t be surprised when they block you, give you the silent treatment, create drama or have a tantrum. Your job is to maintain your boundaries despite the response from the people who don’t want you to have boundaries. 

Repeat after me: 

I can uphold my boundaries even when people don’t like them.

— @NEDRATAWWAB

My favourite therapist says we absolutely need to have boundaries in order to have our own backs. He says we should carefully consider duty and obligation, and say no (even when it comes to family events) when needed for our own well being. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Can’t just let it go?…

Why can’t I get over it or just let it go?

Responses of the nervous system happen below the level of conscious awareness, in the survival brain. Becoming anxious, triggered or shutting down isn’t something you’re choosing - it happens automatically and instantly. If something feels familiar to a previous trauma, your physiology will move you into a state of fight, flight or freeze. You can’t talk yourself out of it or be more positive/capable/strong to change it. It’s not your fault. 

— jessicamaguire.com (@repairing__the_nervous_system)

I ended up seeing a Body Talk/Craniosacral Therapist as a last resort, after a life long battle with stomach aches and bloating. The traditional health care system had no solution. Nothing really showed up in allergy tests (one $400 blood test showed a clean sheet, except a minimal response to alfalfa sprouts, when I know my body is not in love with dairy, wheat or red meat). A trusted naturopath suggested the eat for your blood type book, and I’ve found their diet guide to be pretty bang on (lots of fruit, veggies, nuts, salmon, minimal dairy/wheat, red meat. So there you go!). In my first session with the Body Talk practitioner, she diagnosed me with “Anxious Tummy” which is essentially a central nervous system response to stress. Body Talk/Craniosacral therapy, along with the blood type type diet have been the solution for me, both physically and emotionally. My Craniosacral coach explains how this particular therapy calms the nervous system and provides a bit more space and time around triggering events, which was a happy, additional benefit to solving my digestive issues. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Coming to terms sooner…

Never get mad at someone for being who they’ve always been. 

Be upset with yourself for not coming to terms with it sooner.

— Unknown 

My favourite therapist says this comes into play, particularly when you’re dating. For example, he called out dating married people, because they’re not really available, and a lot of people end up staying in the marriage anyway. He says we should be mindful of our deal breakers, and head off the mismatches as early as possible (before the pheromones take over, Lol). Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Already emotionally available…

I’m at a place where I don’t want to have to help “fix” my next partner. It’s draining. I’ve done it. I’ve tried to be that ride or die, but it’s such an energy imbalance. I’m tired. I want someone who is already emotionally available and emotionally expressive. That’s it. 

— Unknown

I came to the same conclusion. I didn’t want to go through another painful break up and I wanted an easier, more compatible dynamic. I also realized I had work to do in taking care of my emotional world. No more sulking, no more going quiet and hiding. I knew I needed to become a better partner in resolving issues and creating a wonderful world together. I went back to therapy and relationship courses, and it worked. I met the love of my life shortly thereafter, and were equal partners in keeping the air clear and maintaining the romance. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Intention setting…

First it is an intention. 

Than a behaviour.

Than a habit.

Then a practice.

Then second nature.

Then it is simply who you are.

— Brendan Burchard (Author, high performance coach and motivational speaker. Burchard’s notable works are The Motivation Manifesto, High Performance Habits and The Millionaire Messenger).

One of my savvy coaches taught me about intention setting. I was familiar with goal setting, but didn’t realize I could go a step further in manifesting my hopes and dreams. I learned to write out, in detail, what the ideal outcome would look like and how I would feel about it. For example, I wanted a job that suited my lifestyle perfectly; with less travel, and to the specific destinations I prefer, at a certain income level, with a respectful manager who would allow for creativity and innovation, with an entrepreneurial company that empower’s it’s employees. Within a year I was head hunted into the perfect position. And because the fit is exceptional, I’ve made more money than ever, and I’ve been formally recognized numerous times. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Accountability of a toddler ;) …

A narcissist wants the authority of a king 

while having the accountability of a toddler.

— Unknown 

I learned healthy, adult communication skills in therapist led relationship seminars. We were taught how to “clear”, which is about owning and addressing any tension and discomfort you feel with someone. I found this very intimidated in the beginning, but with practice, this has become an invaluable new skill. My partner and I are able to communicate through challenging moments by taking responsibility for our own end in things and by making requests of each other, when needed. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Heal your dysfunction?…

I hate when people say “if you love me you’ll accept me as I am.”

Child, bye. Loving you doesn’t mean tolerating your refusal to develop emotional intelligence and heal your dysfunction. 

If you loved you, you would do the work so people who love you don’t feel forced to walk away.

— Unknown

I just wanted things to get better in my family of origin. I would have loved to see my parents learn  healthier ways of managing their relationship. Instead, my father remained angry, my mother remained depressed, and then my Dad died early at 59. My mother lived another 24 years, still mostly angry with my father. The Groundhog Day of it all just drives me crazy. The silver lining is that I made the commitment to learn healthier relationship skills. Best decision of my life, without a doubt. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

You’re not behind…

You’re not behind in life. There’s no timetable that we all must follow. It’s made up. 7 billion people can’t do everything in the same order. What’s early? What’s late? Compared to who? Don’t beat yourself up for where you are. It’s YOUR schedule and everything is right on time.

— Unknown 

I really like this guidance. Just sayin’:) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Hope over fear?…

May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.

— Unknown 

I’m definitely a glass half full person. Positivity and dreaming about wonderful outcomes makes me feel good. Having said that, three things trip me up; lack of patience during the working hard and waiting for positive returns phase, fear that things won’t work out because who knows, and worrying that I don’t have the talent/intelligence to realize my dreams (which are pretty ambitious). Luckily, I’m a persistent little so and so. My high school basketball coach told me my determination and perseverance would be the ace up my sleeve. We shall see! ;) Hugsa no good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Impact of toxic relationship on kids…

Your kids watching you in a toxic relationship does more damage than being a single parent.

— Unknown 

I can speak from experience on this one. My parents fought cats and dogs my whole life, and frankly, I thought someone could end up dead. For example, Mom dropped a typewriter off the balcony and narrowly missed Dad’s head. He just looked up and said “Crazy b- - tch”. I mean, yikes, right?. My favourite therapist explained that what I witnessed was what love is not, rather than what love is. And so I did not learn how to have a healthy, adult relationship. I witness arguments, but not a whole lot of helpful discussions leading to resolution. I also learned to be afraid of anger, because bad things happened in our house when people started yelling. With professional help, I have learned to embrace all of the emotions, which my therapist tells me are critical in taking care of ourselves and having successful relationships. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Feel your feelings, then get moving…

All progress is made when people who don’t feel like showing up for themselves show up anyway.

Your power is wielded in your ability to act despite conflicting emotions. 

Feel your feelings, then get moving. 

— J. Mike Fields (Professional life coach, public speaker and consultant. Fields approach is to “reach the core of what’s causing the fear, avoidance, and rigidity to change. With this approach, one root finding (often a sabotaging perception and belief about one’s Self) causes dozens of symptoms to disappear, multiple beliefs are untangled and changed, and a door is opened to a new life, a new story, and a Self-life that is steadfast, unwavering, and renewed each day.” He says “Follow your greatest fears. Go to the root.”)

My favourite therapist would agree. I went to therapy to save my marriage, and ended up on an individual healing journey. Therapy didn't save my marriage, but it saved me, and then led to the love of my life and perfect partner. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Wrong tone of voice…

10% of conflicts are due to difference in opinion.

90% are due to wrong tone of voice.

— Unknown

Excellent point! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. 

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Start romaticizing your life…

You gotta start romanticizing your life. 

You gotta start believing that your morning commute is cute and fun, and that every cup of coffee is the best you’ve ever had, that even the smallest and most mundane things are exciting and new.

You have to, because that’s when you start truly living. That’s when you look forward to every day.

— Unknown

Ok, I’ll give this some serious consideration. To this point, some days are better than others. If the sun’s out and the sky’s blue, no problem. If it’s damp, dark and grey, not so much, Lol. And then there are days with niggling health issues, unexpected bills, or a micro-manage’y work directive. I’m not a moody person, but some days, ugh. However, I do want to embrace life, particularly the special people around me. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The people I want on my journey…

The people I want on my growth journey are the ones who are happy in their own lane.

No judgment, guilt tripping or blame - but focusing on being the best version of themselves and celebrating others trying to do the same. 

— Unknown 

I came to realize that there’s a match factor with friends and acquaintances as well, beyond the primary, romantic love match. I can see the deal breakers in some of my past friendships, but 20 or 30 years of history had me sentimental. I also hate the idea of throwing the baby out with the bath water because there are wonderful things about these individuals. And frankly, I miss them, which explains the hesitation to part ways. But I had to mind my mental health and well being, above all. I do find life more relaxing and peaceful, so I know the changes were necessary. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Wake up one day and be unbothered…

Growth is crazy. You literally wake up one day and be unbothered by the stuff that used to bother you. 

Keep going, keep growing.

— Unknown

I learned a lot about being “triggered” from therapy and weekend relationship workshops. Apparently, when we have overblown reactions, a small portion of that response is due to the moment at hand, and the bigger portion stems from earlier childhood experiences. For example, in my world, I used to react badly to being micro-managed, or being heavily scrutinized. I felt my intelligence was being insulted, and I know this comes from my father’s tendency to judge and withhold approval. His patented response was “You’re completely missing the point.” Fortunately, I’ve been able to heal and evolve. I now look for opportunities to learn, and be curious, rather than being immediately insulted. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Mentally mature enough?

Before you argue with someone, ask yourself, is that person even mentally mature enough to grasp the concept of different perspectives? 

Because if not, there’s absolutely no point. 

— Amber Veal 

I don’t know about you, but I found the pandemic very polarizing. I ended up telling people I didn’t want to talk about vaccination anymore, because the topic felt similar to politics and religion. We seemed to settle into our beliefs, based on whatever information we’d been exposed to. But as we all know, there is vast amounts of information, often contradictory, on line these days. I was raised to respectfully agree to disagree, and I think I usually do, but I struggled with certain perspectives during the challenging 3 years we all endured. I think we coped pretty admirably actually. Just sayin’:) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Being present will heal you…

The practice of staying present will heal you. 

Obsessing about how the future will turn out creates anxiety. Replaying broken scenarios from the past causes anger or sadness. 

Stay here, in this moment.  

— s. mcnutt

Great reminder. I believe in the reprieve of living in the moment, but I seem to forget to do it, a LOT! Just sayin’ Lol ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Pleasing others to achieve safety?…

Making boundaries can feel impossible as a trauma survivor. Interpersonal abuse can teach you that disappointing others is dangerous, and pleasing others (at all costs) is the only way to achieve safety.

— Unknown 

This explains a lot. I grew up in a pretty scary environment, and learned to duck for cover early on. My sister rebelled straight up and faced a lot of backlash (and some violence, which was hard to watch), and my brother did what he wanted, knowing the shit would hit the fan regardless. I was the youngest and felt that going along to get along was the safest route. I think this strategy served me pretty well at home, as I avoided the worst of it. As I got older, however, I settled into a chameleon’ish approach to relationships, trying to minimize conflict and friction. Needless to say, this did not serve my relationships, as I denied parts of myself. I was so set against anger that I handicapped myself and my relationships. Fortunately my ex husband forced therapy on us both, which set me on a brilliant path in life and love. Thank you ex! Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl   

Staying longer than you should have…

Trauma keeps you in a loop of your past. You’ll be 25 with an 8 year old mindset & thought process. That’s why you people please, or overextend yourself or stay places longer than you should have. Your inner child is screaming saying “finally someone loves me”. 

— Kelsie LeAnn, PsyD

Makes me feel better about dragging my heels in my past, mismatched relationships. I’m very grateful to have landed on a healing journey (because of an ex!), and on the road to my true love. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Making the best of things…

The happiest people don’t have the best of everything, 

they just make  the best of everything.

— Unknown 

Some of the happiest people I know seem to have a ton of fun, keeping life simple with their families at the park, having BBQ’s, plaything badminton or bocce ball, or even going to church. I come from an Italian family and everything is centred around food and sense of community. Most of my relatives are living long and healthy lives, so maybe they’re onto something. (Ps. I’ve developed a taste for the finer things, but I am aware of the pit falls of chasing more, so tempering my goals and expectations). Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Those who make you feel at home…

The right people will find you. They will speak to you differently. They will inspire you. They will motivate you. They will help you heal. Help you learn new things about yourself. Discover the deeper parts within. The right people will do this to you. They will make you feel at home. And you will never have to worry about them saying good-bye. You will know who they are. 

— r.m. drake  

If I could go back in time, I would tell my younger self exactly that. I remember learning that we tend to gravitate to the familiar, to what we know, to what feels comfortable, good and bad. My pattern was choosing attentive and engaged partners, who, unfortunately had a controlling, angry under belly (similar to my father. Yikes). I fell into this pattern one last time, and then finally embarked on a much healthier relationship with someone kind, patient, accommodating and genius at communicating toward a win-win outcome. This relationship was as a step in the right direction and I met the love of my life next. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Leaving what isn’t healthy…

When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits— anything that kept me small. My judgment called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.

— Unknown 

In a way, I owe my ex’s for my new and improved life. The painful break ups made me realize I’d rather be alone than be in a mismatched relationship. Compromise is one thing, but irreconcilable differences are a back breaker. If I could go back and talk to my younger self, I would tell her to be patient, to spend the necessary time figuring out the must have’s (affection for example) and deal breakers (neat freak vs messy person), and hold out for someone who fits beautifully into your life and lifestyle. Just saying’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

What is right, rather than who is right…

Discussions are always better than arguments because an argument is to find out who is right, 

and a discussion is to find out what is right.

— Unknown 

I am very grateful to have ended up on a healing journey. I don’t know that it would have occurred to me to upgrade my relationships skills if I hadn’t been trying to save my marriage. So, forever thank you to my ex for insisting on therapy for myself and for us as a couple. Game changer. I now enjoy a very peaceful, fun, romantic, loving and fulfilling relationship. Yay. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

People can’t give you what they can’t give themselves…

Sometimes people can’t reciprocate because they can’t give you what they can’t give themselves. 

Those who are at war with themselves can’t give you peace.  

Those who betray themselves can’t give you loyalty.

Those who lie to themselves can’t give you honesty.

See them as they are, not who you wish them to be.

— @mindtendencies2

Being completely honest with myself was a game changer. I gave myself permission to like the things I like (movies/binge worthy streamer shows, fitness, swimming in the sun, music, shopping, animals, travelling to warm destinations, hanging with good friends, cooking sometimes), and to not like things I don’t like (hiking, camping, anything in cold weather, negativity, drama, toxicity, beach and sports over museums and musicals). This led to the love of my life and easy, pretty perfect relationship. This also led to a more focused work ethic in my career and life altering financial freedom. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

How to keep a relationship…

• Communicate. Talk about things, good and bad. 
• Build trust. Be honest. Be faithful. Be there for one another.
• Make time for one another. 
• Leave the past to the past. 
• Know that arguments are normal. 
• Know that you won’t always be happy.
• Expect change. 
• Appreciate the flaws. 
• Appreciate each other. Become best friends. 
• Lastly, love each other unconditionally.

— Unknown 

I’ve learned that there are two disclaimers (from all the therapy and coaching!); the match has to be pretty aligned (deal breakers/irreconcilable differences were relationship killers for me), and both people have to be accountable, and open learning new/better relationship skills. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

I hope you grow into saying…

• I don’t know how I feel, but I’m not okay.
• I can’t do this on my own. Please help me. 
• I need more time to decide.
• This doesn’t feel right for me. 
• I feel uncomfortable.
• I took on more than I can handle.
• Earlier, I said I was okay; I’m actually not okay.
• The other day, I was bothered by something that happened between us. 

— @nedratawwab.com

After numerous relationship/communication workshops and much intense therapy, I’ve learned that issue-resolving communication takes practice. And a willing, accountable partner who also wants to learn and grow. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

 

Blessings,

Chatgirl