Why bother with resolutions this year?…

Past experience may have told you that it’s unlikely you’ll stick with doing anything dramatically different than before… After having weathered two years of never-before-seen global uncertainty, the ambivalence may have slid to helplessness. Why even attempt to set resolutions when I have no idea what will transpire in the coming months… However, I’ve also seen that even in the midst of uncertainty that you really can move forward on what’s important to you. And in fact, making a resolution and keeping it could greatly boost your sense of self efficacy, i.e. your belief in your ability to take action that benefits yourself and your situation. 

Tips: assess your willingness (and if you don’t, in truth, want to make that particular change, don’t make that resolution), pick just one or two (otherwise resolutions become nice to have extra’s that we run out of time and interest for), commit to specific action (something you can put in your calendar, like booking two dates a month for family/friends, if that’s your priority), make it easy (for example only letting healthy food into the house, if a diet is in your thoughts), track your progress (on paper, or in a calendar to help with focus and consistency), consider enlisting support (partnering with a friend, colleague or mentor to encourage mutually positive goals and feedback)

 — paraphrased from Elizabeth Grace Saunders article Should you Even Bother with New Year’s Resolutions This Year? (Saunders is a time management coach and founder of Real Life E Time Coaching and speaking. She is also the author of How to Invest Your Time Like Money and Divine Time Management) 

For me, it’s typically sugar management. I’ve always had a sweet tooth and could frankly skip straight to the chocolate cake, leave the meat and potatoes, or what have you. But I know sugar is problematic if left unchecked. I’ve dabbled with various resolutions and I actually cut out sweets for 3/4 years. No question, a sugarless diet is a slimming one, Lol. I love that! I’ve since leaned toward dieting during the week, with a cheat day on the weekend (because life is just so buttoned down without desserts in my opinion, ha ha). So far that’s working pretty well, although I really do notice that sugar hit and high, which can be darn addictive. With 2022 arriving tomorrow, I’m going to stay with my mostly successful cheat day on the weekend and if the cheat day stretches out to many days in the week, I’ll reign it in with a sugar break for a few months, which seems to re-up my commitment to the cheat day/weekend set up. Just sayin’ ;) Happy 2022 and best wishes to you and your family for a great year. Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

How to achieve enduring peace, health and love: an “inside” job…

My favourite therapist believes that we can experience and bring to others a far greater and more enduring peace, health and love by addressing our own inner conflict. In his book Healing Your Relationship With Yourself, he addresses the issue he continues to see through his 40’ish years of private practice. Specifically, he says “Most people who come into my office do not understand that the problems that they present to me originate with inner conflict. They believe sincerely (but mistakenly) their problems are the result of external causes. If they persevere in their healing work, they soon come to realize that healing is an ‘inside’ job.” This inside job involves an exploration of the key states of consciousness within us; the fear-based, and survival-oriented aggressive/defensive ego (who has the potential to be angry, harsh, judgmental, critical and worse), a child consciousness (who, in my opinion and experience, carries the feelings, experiences, trauma, scars from our upbringing. Can you say adult tantrum, Lol. But this internal mini me also tends to be quite emotionally savvy and brilliantly honest) and a spiritual consciousness (higher self, or best, most compassionate self). The goal is to heal the fear-based ego, in particular, and then achieve a harmonious and supportive “Inner Family.” I’ve done much of this work and as Joel would say, it is not for the faint of heart, because although reading the book and/or taking one of the weekend seminars is a brilliant start, there’s typically a long road ahead, if one so chooses to embark on this brave path. Personally, I felt I couldn’t afford not to take this journey inward. Let me see, a life of tumultuous and confusing relationships with bad endings, or go back to the drawing board and fix the foundation. Yup, easy choice. It was the right choice too because I ended up finding the love of my life, the perfect job and a very fulfilling relationship with my self, which includes treasured and precious moments of peaceful and rejuvenating solitude. If you’re interested in learning more, check out Joelbrass.com. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Be the person who breaks the cycle…

If you were judged, choose understanding.

If you were rejected, choose acceptance.

If you were shamed, choose compassion.

Be the person you needed when you were hurting, not the person who hurt you.

Vow to be better than what broke you — to heal instead of becoming bitter so you can act from your heart, not your pain.

— Unknown

A wise coach of mine talks about minimizing the level of guilt one needs to carry. He said “As I’ve gotten older I realize I’d rather be honest and honourable, so I can live with a clear conscience. For example, I will not cheat on taxes, as this frees me from worrying about audits and repercussions. When I look back, I realize my relationships were somewhat messy, particularly around endings. I didn’t know how to communicate my needs and desires, so I would sort of emotionally drift away, without a proper heads up to my partner. I didn’t cross the line with anyone else, so my conscience is clear there, but I’ve certainly felt bad in hindsight. I vowed to never let that happen again and basically went to relationship school (workshops and seminars that teach great relationship/communication skills). I ended up finding my perfect partner and we both know how to communicate our needs, wants, struggles and then make kind and respectful requests. Yay. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Choose not to believe them…

You don’t need to change your negative thoughts. You just need to change how you engage with them. Observe them, choose not to believe them, and then let them naturally pass like clouds in the sky. 

They will pass. They always do.

— Lori Deschene

I’m always amazed, and sometimes shocked or perplexed, at what my brain needs to contemplate, Lol. Just sayin’ ; ) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

It’s the small habits…

How you spend your mornings. How you talk to yourself. What you read. What you watch. Who you share your energy with. Who has access to you. That will change your life.

— Unknown

For me, learning good habits has been a combination of life experience and good therapy, Lol. Painful break ups helped me learn about deal breakers and choosing my ideal, perfectly matched life parnter. Therapy has helped me be a good partner, with clear and mutually beneficial communication. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Life is about balance…

Be kind, but don’t let people abuse you.

Trust, but don’t be deceived.

Be content, but never stop improving yourself.

— Unknown

I’ve learned a lot about balance and healthy boundaries from my favourite therapist. His weekend workshops are enlightening to say the least (JoelBrass.com), as he sheds light on how our childhood experiences shape our adult relationships. The “Inner Child” seminar helped solidify my personal foundation and the “Relationships: The Work Of  Love” seminar taught me how to constructively communicate and improve on my most important relationships. My biggest take away is a new perspective on duty and obligation. If I’ve taken care of my own affairs and I have the energy, I am delighted to help out a friend or family member. If I need extra rest or downtime in order to meet my own obligations (work, tending to home, rest/sleep), then I re-consider and focus on my own well being. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Everything is energy”…

Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It cannot be any other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics.

— Albert Einstein

Interesting. I always thought this belief was primarily a spiritual/philosophical one. Intuitively, I’ve always believed in the power of energy, and positivity leading to better outcomes. Cool that science backs it up. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Clearing out the old energy…

You know great things are coming when everything seems to be going wrong. Old energy is clearing out for new energy to enter. Be patient!

— Idil Ahmed (Author, entrepreneur, speaker and science and spirituality enthusiast. Ahmed delivers inspiring and illuminating content to her one million social media followers, in her mission to elevate the global consciousness. She believes strongly in inner/personal power and clarity).  

Traditionally, I have struggled to let go. What can I say, I’m a big softy. We end up losing precious family members and friends after break ups, and I find that particularly heart breaking. In the end though, change has been quite miraculous and rewarding. I’m determined to get better at the transitional phases of life. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

What do boundaries feel like…

It is not my job to fix others.

It is okay if others get angry.

It is okay to say no.

It is not my job to take responsibility for others. 

I do not have to anticipate the needs of others.

It is my job to make me happy.

Nobody has to agree with me.

I have the right to my own feelings.

I am enough.

— Unknown 

I think I may have posted this quote before, but I just enjoy the feelings of validation re-reading the list. Our parents did their best, as did their parents and the parents before them. The problem is, in my opinion, if we don’t learn about healthy boundaries growing up, we may never learn about them. Thankfully, I learned a whole new set of relationship skills in private therapy, group therapy, life coaching, relationship seminars, and I’m so glad I did. My relationships are more meaningful and fulfilling than I could ever have imagined. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Walk away…

I have no desire to argue with anyone. I choose to walk away because I just want peace.

— e-buddhism.com 

Covid vaccination status comes to mind. I’ve decided to add this discussion to the pile of other topics to avoid; politics, religion, and potentially money. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings, 

Chatgirl 

“Don’t Make Assumptions”…

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

— Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

I totally agree. I think I used to be afraid of speaking up because of the backlash I witnessed growing up. Disagreements seemed to remain disagreements, after much finger pointing, hurt and anger. I’m so glad I learned how to invite open sharing and learning. There’s usually a compromise and a solution, especially after everyone’s been heard and validated. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Holding a grudge…

We often hold a grudge because we don’t want to let the other person off the hook. But who’s really hooked: the one who’s moved on or the one who’s holding on?

— Lori Deschene

I’ve thought a lot about this. I have a couple of painful experiences that repeat, like bad TV reruns,  seemingly against my will. These unhappy, icky little memories often show up in my dreams. Ugh. My favourite therapist says these uncomfortable moments present a great opportunity for enlightenment, if we take a deeper dive into our past, and extract meaningful learnings. Supplemental healing frees and empowers us to make healthier choices, and this typically leads to better quality relationships and improved well being. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Natural and spontaneous changes…

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.

— Lao Tzu

I feel more relaxed just pondering this philosophy. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Accepting what cannot be fixed…

Sometimes a problem is only a problem because you keep trying to solve it. Once you accept what can’t be fixed, it ceases to be a problem and simply becomes a reality that exists.

— Unknown

I really need to embrace this advice. As my favourite therapist says, some circumstances are just our legacy and they cannot be changed. I have particularly painful family politics and it’s taken me far too long to realize this dynamic cannot be fixed. It’s time to focus my energy on what brings me peace and joy. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Passionate, sincere, quiet faith…

Filmmaker Andrei Tarkovsky (1932 - 1986) was experimental and innovative and influential. His imagery was often dreamlike, and his themes were metaphysical. He felt that the most crucial aspect of his creative process was his faith. If he could genuinely believe in the work he was doing, he was sure he’d succeed at even the most improbable projects. But that was a challenge for him. ‘There is nothing more difficult to achieve than a passionate, sincere, quiet faith,’ he said. 

— Rob Brezny 

I appreciate Tarkovsky’s honesty and authenticity. I’m definitely a glass-half full, feel good person. I also find indulging in positive fantasies thoroughly enjoyable… and still, I seem to spend a fair bit of time quieting my brain’s what if scenario’s and fearful thoughts. I’ll keep replacing those pesky thoughts with positive ones though because it makes me feel better. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Space to talk about it”…

Even if your life holds a lot of beauty. Even if your cup is full and your days are blessed. You’re allowed to be affected. You’re allowed to hurt. You’re allowed to feel broken and sad. And you deserve a space to talk about it. Always.

— Darnell Koepke, Daring To Take Up Space  

I had a pretty spectacular sulk this weekend. I know if I’m not jumping out of bed to go for coffee, if I’m not gearing up for a work out, if I’m napping and binging shows, I’m off, somethings off. Bless my perfect partner for giving me the opportunity to feel out loud. He didn’t try to solve my problem. He didn’t try to lift me up. He just listened and validated my feelings. And you know what, the clouds parted and I found a boost of energy. I worked out, did some tidying around the house and put up my Xmas decorations. And then I also realized something had been really bothering me. I organized my thoughts, sent a fully thought out note to the person I needed to address and then sat down with a deep, much needed sigh. Thank you baby for hearing me and supporting me. Just sayin’ :) Love and hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Highest self…

“Ambivert”

I’m both: introvert and extrovert.

I like people, but I need to be alone. I’ll go out, vibe and meet new people but it has an expiration, because I have to recharge. If I don’t find the valuable alone time I need to recharge I cannot be my highest self.

— Sylvester McNutt (the 3rd) 

I didn’t realize I was an introverted extrovert until well into adulthood. It never really occurred to me because I’m definitely a people person and I thrive on togetherness, compassion and empathy. But I’ve also learned about the importance of self care. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Choose your hard…

Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose your hard.

Obesity is hard. Fit is hard. Choose your hard.

Being in debt is hard. Being financially disciplined is hard. Choose your hard.

Communication is hard. Not communicating is hard. Choose your hard.

Life will never be easy. It will always be hard. But we can choose our hard.

Choose wisely.

— TheMindsJournal

Very interesting indeed. Communication stands out to me. I don’t know about you, but I learned nothing about conflict resolution from my family of origin or anywhere else for that matter. I did, however, learn a brilliant new way of clearing tension from an ex of mine. I had a tendency to clam up and sulk, which is so unhelpful. Rather that sitting in this dense air, my ex would invite me to share my thoughts, feelings and experience and then he would ask me what I needed and wanted in that moment. Wow. It was so kind and simple. This experience taught me how to invite discussion and taught me to be open to making and hearing requests. I’m so glad I learned how to do this before meeting the love of my life. My perfect partner and I have enjoyed a lot of peace and joy because of these new found relationship skills. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

COVID burnout…

Figures extrapolated from a survey of 6,898 people working at companies with at least 100 employees across Australia, Canada, Germany, New Zealand, Singapore, UK and US report that droves of workers have experienced burnout during the pandemic, which is causing at least 20 percent to seek new jobs. Employees are working big hours. “You’re always on, you’re always available, you’re always checking messages and there seems to be a lack of respect for the weekend.” 

The top three reasons for burnout were increased workload, insufficient compensation and mental health challenges. Jobseekers want their time and personal life to be valued and respected. 

— Excerpt from CTV News, Workers facing burnout during the pandemic: Ceridian report) 

That makes me feel much better about my sort of lifeless state lately. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Fake love vs real love…

Is fake love better than real love? Real love is responsibility, compromise, selflessness, being present, and all that shit. 

Fake love is magic, excitement, false hope, infatuation, and getting high off the potential that another person is going to save you from yourself.

— Melissa Broder (Excerpt from Broder’s essay on the subject) 

My favourite therapist says that when we meet someone new and exciting, we tend to wear our fantasy goggles and see this shiny person as our exact, perfect match. I’m happy to report that real love and fake love can co-exist. I managed to find the love of my life (after finding a few Mr Wrongs, Lol) and the relationship is perfect even when it’s not perfect. We’re a really easy match, with minimal friction and an ongoing desire to take tender with one another. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Just you and the sunrise…

I love early mornings when it feels like the rest of the world is still fast asleep and you’re the only one who’s awake and everything feels like it isn’t really real and you kind of forget about all your problems because for now it’s just you, the world and the sunrise.

— Unknown

I love mornings for that reason too. But for me, it’s sunshine and swimming in the warm ocean. I just got back from Mexico and I could feel the stress leave my body the moment I walked out of the airport and into the warm sun. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

It’s enough. You are enough.

Quiet the voice telling you to do more and be more, and trust that in this moment, who you are, where you are, and what you are doing is enough. You will get to where you need to be in your own time. Until then, breathe. Breathe and be patient with yourself and your process. You are doing the best you can to cope and survive amid your struggles, and that’s all you can ask of yourself. 

It’s enough. You are enough.

— Danielle Koepke (Writer, clinical psychology doctoral student and founder of a space called the Internal Acceptance Movement (I.A.M), which seeks to promote mental health and foster self-acceptance)

My favourite therapist says some things are just our legacy. He says we cannot change who our parents are, the socioeconomic scenario were were born into, our genetics, etc. He says if we can remember that, we have a better shot at accepting and recovering from what comes up in our lives. He also believes that we’ll have better quality relationships and greater fulfilment in life if we enlist the help of a professional when life gets really tough. (I have committed to seeking help over the years and wow, game changer). Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Walk your way to a different ending”…

Avoiding your triggers isn’t healing. Healing happens when you’re triggered and you’re able to move through the pain, the pattern, and the story — and walk your way to a different ending.

— Vienna Pharaon

I learned about “triggers” in group therapy/relationship skills weekend seminars (recommended by a couples counsellor, for a past marriage), by observing myself and others respond to in-the-moment friction. In a nutshell, I learned that my biggest reactions tend to be inexplicably linked to past trauma. For example, if someone tells me I’m “missing the point” in a discussion, this is like nails on a chalkboard for me. My Dad used to say it all the time (RIP pop. You were also brilliant in many ways and I thank you for arming me for success and happiness in life as well), and it was a confidence bruiser. After all the educational seminars, I can now kind of laugh off the whole “you’re missing the point thing,” rather than brim with anger. I still don’t like it, but it’s not going to derail me into the stinging emotion of the past and compromise my current relationship. (Ps. The seminars didn’t save that marriage, but they are certainly contributing to a fantastic relationship now, with the love of my life and awesome mate). Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

 

Don’t settle…

Don’t settle. Don’t finish crappy books. If you don’t like the menu, leave the restaurant. If you’re not on the right path, get off it.

— Chris Brogan

I set my sights higher in love and in career and am I ever glad I did. I hit a point where I just couldn’t go through another break up and I couldn’t endure one more challenging and stressful manager/company culture. Looking back, I can see the deal breakers in all of my past relationships, which I clearly ignored. I’ll cut myself some slack on the work front because I needed the pay check and at least I kept looking for something better. In the end, I found the love of my life and perfect match. (It’s perfect even when it’s not perfect, because all of our needs are met and there are no crushing deal breakers for either of us). I also found my dream job, with an empowering and supportive manager, a people first company culture and fantastic compensation package. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Still much that is fair…

The world is indeed full of peril and in it there are many dark places. 

But still there is much that is fair. And though in all lands, love is now mingled with grief, it still grows, perhaps, the greater.

— J.R.R. Tolkien 

Making my mental note. I used to avoid reading the news fully because the media tends to follow the “if it bleeds it leads” philosophy and it can be so damned depressing. That’s where social media can be great. You get to see the good stuff too. Personally, I’m addicted to Pinterest and all the stuff I enjoy following. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Bait and switch luxurious vacation - Part Two!…

Yesterday I wrote about a bait and switch Mexican resort experience. We booked and paid for a glorious, adult only, all-inclusive, high quality (4.6/5 on Trip Advisor) get away to The Grand Fiesta Americana, where we’ve been before and we absolutely LOVE!. Day of our trip arrives, and we get dropped off at the wrong hotel. We explain to the driver that this is not our hotel, but he says our resort no longer exists. Boom. So to make a long story short, our travel agent (and thank God we had one too because they’re really good at advocating on your behalf) solved the issue on his end. We were successfully moved to the new “Hilton Puerto Vallarta” and it’s mostly the same experience (the travel agent actually had to pay some sort of upgrade fee to get us here, which they’ll fight later). We were worried when we realized the resort is no longer adult only, but there is an adult only section. I’ll hand it to the new Hilton manager Marco; he warmly welcomed us, apologized for the big mix up (apparently WestJet and our travel agent were both notified about this change in ownership… only both tell me they were certainly not!) and granted us all possible upgrades. We had to spend two and a half very stressful days in a disappointing hotel with really bad food (2.5/5 at best) to get to the zen experience we paid for, but we made it. Few! Now we’re just working on a WestJet Vacations upgrade to business class on the way home. Then we’ll feel somewhat whole. Just sayin’ ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Put to the test on a bait and switch luxurious vacation…

My last post was about those trying moments when all you can do is simply “weather the storm” and now my boyfriend and I find ourselves severely put to the test. We booked the Grand Fiesta Americana, an all-inclusive, luxurious Mexican vacation, returning an adult only facility with a 4.6/5 Trip Advisor rating for food, service, amenities and overall experience. We’ve been fantasizing, in anticipation, and revisiting our pictures from the very romantic vacation we enjoyed just before Covid hit; the calming and peaceful ambiance throughout the entire hotel, including the lobby, the VIP lounge with high end liquor and sushi bar, gorgeous infinity pools, stunning water view from every restaurant/bar/hotel room and outstanding service levels across the board. We land, we jump into the private car service we’ve pre-arranged, cerveza’s in hand, we’re chatting with our friendly driver… until he drops us off at the “Fiesta Americana”.  We explain, “No, wrong hotel, we’re staying at The Grand Fiesta Americana.” The driver says, “No, hotel was sold and it’s a Hilton now.” So we have no choice but to get out of the car and figure out what the hell happened. Indeed, on our trip agenda it says “Fiesta Americana” and not the “Grand Fiesta Americana” even though all email exchanges with the travel agent state the Grand hotel.We think our travel agent f—cked up. We tried to sort the whole thing out with the front desk, the concierge, WestJet Vacations, but no one seemed to care. We decide to take a look around, given our lack of success at resolving the issue and realize we’re standing in a 3/5 hotel at best and this will not do. But it’s also Saturday night and the odds of a resolution are slim to none until Monday when everyone gets back to the office. We send an email to our travel agent and hunker down. The food is 2.5/5 at best and the service is little better. The travel agent, bless his soul, saw our email Saturday night and got to work. He spent 3.5 hours on the WestJet customer service line on his Sunday/weekend. WestJet proceeds to send me an email listing the costs we would need to incur to move over to the hotel we booked in the first place. I’m waiting for my travel agent to call me as I sit writing this. Stay tuned. I’ll let you know what shakes out. Also, 411, double check any travel plans you make because the same hotel chain owned Grand Fiesta Americana and Fiesta Americana and they pulled a bait and switch. They informed no one about this huge change and sell off to Hilton, is also no longer adult only. Pretty big game change without letting WestJet Vacations, the travel agency or the travellers know. We were not given the option to cancel or make other plans. This hotel chain took our money and then scuttled us off to their crappy sister hotel down the road, with 3 restaurants/1 bar vs 8 restaurants/5 bars. Holy hell is all I can say. Can you say Better Business Bureau?! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Weather the storm…

Sometimes you just have to bow your head, say a prayer and weather the storm.

— Unknown

We’re still dealing with Covid and all that that entails… and now suddenly we’re dealing with the fall out of an epic, once in a hundred year storm that’s washed out almost every major highway and route into my city. Fourteen thousand people are on evacuation orders, we have gas rations and only essential travel in some key areas. Hang in in there everyone! Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

How to let it go…

Everyone goes through hell, but not everyone stays there. Stop tormenting yourself by reliving the pain over and over. Good people go through terrible things, but wise people know when and how to let it go.

— Bryant McGill  

I agree, it is amazing to off load some of those deep rooted issues that cause dramatic and long standing suffering. Thing is, it’s not so simple. There are some things we cannot simply mind over matter. I don’t believe I could have tackled my old stuff without group therapy, traditional therapy, energy work and life coaching (or some version of healing therapies). Most of my issues were seemingly invisible. The pain was sitting layers and layers beneath the surface, seemingly locked inside my heart, and maybe my soul, mainly from my family of origin. As my favourite therapist says, this work is not for the faint of heart. It takes time, patience, potentially much funding and sometimes feeling worse for a time. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Mindset shift…

My whole mindset has changed. I don’t even have the energy to do certain things or be around certain people anymore. I’m at a point in my life now where if something feels like it’s draining my energy or fighting with my peace of mind I’m not dealing with it, at all. I’ll walk away from that shit in a heartbeat.

— amazingmovement.com  

I must admit I’m feeling somewhat the same way. This Covid era is very frustrating and draining, leaving minimal bandwidth after work and the basics… at least for me. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The lovely with the unlovely…

When we love a person, we accept him or her exactly as is: the lovely with the unlovely, the strong with the fearful, the true mixed in with the facade, and of course, the only way we can do it is by accepting ourselves that way.

— Mr Rogers 

I didn’t meet the love of my life until I got real honest with myself. I got clear on what I enjoy doing and what I never wanna do again. (Previously, I was “compromising” and would do things for/with my partner, when, in truth, many of these activities were miserable for me). I thought, well, if the line up of things I enjoy doing makes me limited or uncultured in some way, so be it. At a certain age, you just need to accept who you are and bring peace, joy and fulfillment to your life. I ended up with someone who feels exactly the same way and we have a very enjoyable, pleasant, soulful and fun life. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Ten habits happy couples practice daily”…

1. They have date nights.

2. They communicate their feelings.

3. They learn each other’s love language.

4. They do chores together.

5. They know how to say sorry and mean it. 

6. They give each other space. 

7. They make time for intimacy.

8. They make sacrifices.

9. They don’t involve others in their relationship.

10. They find little ways to show they are thinking of each other.

— Unknown

When I look back on my past relationships, I can see the many pitfalls. The biggest culprits; we did not do chores together, we knew nothing of “love languages,” we did not know how to communicate our feelings/needs/desires effectively (if at all frankly) and we were too busy feeling let down by the other to say sorry. Fortunately, I took a much needed time out and learned how to have a good relationship (this involved learning new relationship/communication skills, being very clear about the kind of life I want to live and identifying a quality mate who would fit right in). Best time I ever spent too because I found the love of my life and my ideal parnter. We both agree that the “fit” or match is the most important thing. From there, it seems to be much easier and more natural to establish these winning habits. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

If you were dying…

If you found out you were dying would you be nicer? Love more? Try something new?

Well you are.

We all are.

— Unknown

I know exactly what I’d do. I would spend as much time as possible doing all the things I love doing (like swimming outside, in the warm sun) and spend time only with the people I like/love the most. No more unwanted obligations thank you. Makes you think about making some of those changes now. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

A taste of quality and extra’s…

I have to be successful because I like expensive things.

— Anonymous

I absolutely could have written that quote. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been aware of the quality/financial freedom factor since I was a kid. My Dad was a teacher and my mother never worked, so all the money we had went into a decent enough home, food and not much else. My Mum really wanted a water view and so we ended up on a very nice street, surrounded by fancy cars, outdoor pools and people going to Hawaii. Meanwhile, our whole backyard was a garden, Lol ;). The movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding comes to mind, only my Dad was born in Italy. My Dad made pretty good wine and my Mum made homemade bread, so with the fresh produce we could trade a basket full of organic goodies for a swim in one of the gorgeous heated outdoor pools around us, Lol. I do believe this set me up for wanting/needing a certain level of financial comfort. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Your heart has its own brain”…

Your heart has its own brain: a “heart brain.” It’s composed of neutrons similar to the neutrons in your head’s brain. Your heart brain communicates via your vagus nerve with your hypothalamus, thalamus, medulla, amygdala, and cerebral cortex. In this way, it gives your body helpful instructions… that’s why I suggest you call on your heart brain to perform a lot of the magic it specializes in: enhanced emotional intelligence, cultivating empathy, invoking deep feelings, and transforming pain.

— Rob Brezny

My favourite therapist says that acknowledging our feelings, and giving them the attention they deserve is the key to lasting happiness and healthy relationships. Once we know how we’re feeling, we can set good boundaries and make requests that support our well being. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

You’re not replaceable…

You are totally replaceable at work.

You’re not replaceable at home.

Home is your real life. Keep that perspective. Always.

— Unknown

For me, work has always been a safe place. I’ve tended to excel and receive heart warming recognition, whereas at home, nothing seemed quite good enough. (Sorry Mum and Dad). In some cases, my colleagues have felt more like family than my own (I think there’s something about being in the trenches together, particularly when you have to perform in down markets, etc). But I get it, there’s more to life than work. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I’ve been setting new boundaries around much needed downtime, particularly during this exhausting Covid phase. I’m actually dreaming of an African Safari or a leisurely trip through Italy, stopping to taste the fresh off the vine food. I would love to work less and indulge in some cool, new adventures. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The issue of time…

The trouble is, you think you have time.

— Buddha

Two things come to mind; my father passing away unexpectedly at 59 and planning for retirement. My father became ill and then six months later he was gone. I spent altogether too much time being angry with him. I had good reason, no question, and yet, I would give anything to go back in time and have at least a few more conversations. I’m determined to do it differently with my mother and so I’ve had many, many conversations, trying to understand her better and hopefully achieve some resolution while she’s here. I really didn’t think I’d have regrets around my father because he was terrifying to me (kind of like Al Pacino in Godfather Part 2, only more loudly menacing), but the bad has melted away quite a bit and I remember the positive impact he’s had on my life. As far as retirement - well, this has always seemed sooooo far away to me and I’ve absolutely had every confidence in myself and my ability to achieve financial security. Then the financial crisis of 2008 happened and sh- -! Now I’m playing catch up and retirement is uncomfortably close. I still have time, and now a I have a huge sense of urgency because I know how time closes in. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

What’s going on in your head?…

I don’t think people understand how stressful it is to explain what’s going on in your head when you don’t even understand it yourself.

— Unknown

I work with a life/energy coach regularly and I had an interesting session the other day. We were working on some old, and ongoing, family stuff (again!). There seems to be layer upon layer of emotion. My coach asked me a question and then said “There may be no words to go with these feelings, and that’s okay. Let’s just let them be.” And you know what, that felt perfect and calming. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

One of man’s great surprises…

One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.

— Henry Ford (American industrialist, business magnate, founder of Ford Motor motor company and chief developer of the assembly line technique of mass production. He created the first automobile that middle-class Americans could afford, which profoundly impacted the 20th century). 

I can think of two particularly transformative moments in my life, which were foisted upon me. The first one is around money. I was pretty much road kill after the 2008 financial crisis. I lost my shiny new lucrative position. I was only 6 months in when things began to unravel September 2008 and my personal fall out lasted about 3 years. Jobs were scarce to say the least, and the ones I could get were paying half the pre-2008 rate. I was able to hold onto my home and car, but I had to halt all other spending. In truth, I hadn’t exactly adhered to a proper budget to that point. My father was a teacher and my mother never worked, which provided nothing but the basics. So, fast forward to my adult years, now earning pretty good coin, and all I wanted to do was enjoy the fruits of my labor and do all the things I could never do growing up; eat out, buy nice clothes, travel to warm destinations, and spend money when I felt like it. Interestingly enough, after enduring 3 - 5 years of clamped down finances, I ended up with quite the nest egg. And now, I find myself spending only with careful consideration. Do I really need this new top or fancy boots? (Fashion’s a big weakness for me. I absolutely love the artistry, master craftsmanship and fine fabrics). I shop consignment now and I love the treasure hunting experience of it. I find high quality pieces for a fraction of the retail price, often from far off lands. It’s brilliant. If I hadn’t suffered the 2008 financial fall out, I would not have thought myself capable of (or even interested in) becoming a frugal and shrewd planner with my finances. The other unplanned transformation was around administration/spreadsheets/analysis/attention to detail at work. This has never been my strong suit. A couple of managers noted that I could be a bit more technical in my work. Yuck. I’m a big picture thinker, so I’m more concerned with strategy, creativity, innovation, thinking outside the box, which has served me quite well, frankly. But when I was out of work and desperate, I ended up taking the one high paying job I could get. I kind of knew this company was intense and expected equal focus on admin and customer service (which felt like two full time jobs). This ended up being my most unpleasant and challenging position to date. I was stressed to the max and had to sacrifice much of my personal life to keep up. I managed to adapt to the spread sheet world I was living in, and surprisingly, I excelled. I had no fun mind you, but I did learn how to appreciate data and mine the info for all it was worth. Fortunately, before too long, I was head hunted into a new, glorious company/role and life became bright and shiny again. The data/admin/spreadsheet thing stuck and as I’ve applied this skill set to my new job, I’ve achieved a whole new level of performance. What I failed to realize, before my dark days, was the power of data driven insights. Duh! Seems obvious now, of course. So! All said and done, two things I avoided like the plaque - the doldrums of strict budgeting and mind-numbing attention to tedious detail - have become two new super powers in my life. Go figure! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

From selling fax machines door to door to a billion-dollar empire…

Sara’s story is truly remarkable. She went from failing the L-SAT, to being a greeter at Disney World, to selling fax machines door to door, to turning $5,000 of her own savings into a billion-dollar empire. 

— Tony Robbins (on Sara Blakely’s $1.2 billion acquisition of Spank, “the company she founded 21 years ago with $5,000 in savings and a laser focused vision and commitment that totally changed the industry”). 

What can I say, I’m addicted to inspirational and motivational stories. It makes me feel better about my various, as yet, unsuccessful entrepreneurial ventures, Lol. My commitment to myself is that I’ll die trying. I know I have the passion, drive and perseverance. I also know my limitations and can bring in other experts to help. Now I just need a little luck. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

“Greatness Is a Team Sport”…

After almost two years of pandemic conversations with my teammates and our clients, I’ve noticed a common thread: in our anxiety and loneliness of going it alone while stuck in our homes, we may have lost sight of the greatest amplifier of our potential…

We almost always rise to the highest level of our own capability when we are challenged by others and buoyed by a shared goal… 

Something powerful happens when you land in a truly impressive team… it fires up your almost magic drive, helping you work harder, take more risks, and push through the barriers that would normally stop you in your tracks…

It may in fact be that the key to reaching your highest potential is finding the team that will inspire a level of personal performance you didn’t even know you had inside of you.

— Sarah Robb O’Hagan, CEO at Exos

Hmmm. Super interesting and food for thought. I’ll have to see where I can focus on team in my world. I have a feeling fulfillment may go hand in hand with the sense of team and belonging. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

What do you want for Christmas this year?…

Christmas is so much harder when you get older.

It’s like, ‘what do you want this year?’

I don’t know, maybe a sense of purpose, financial security, could use more sleep, a bottle of wine and maybe some new bras.

— Unknown

Ha ha ha. Thing is, I can totally relate to that! Obviously I’m old enough to be in the more philosophical, reflecting phase of life, Lol. When you’re younger you have all the time in the world to ponder retirement, and then boom. It’s just around the corner and you haven’t been working on a solid enough plan. Yikes! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Giving ourselves a break…

All good vacations have one ingredient in common: they make our unrelenting responsibilities and schedules stop for a little while, so we can rest without being harassed by our own commitments. The same idea applies to the responsibility of being you. The energy required to maintain your identity is probably greater than you realize, and finding a way to relinquish it regularly can help you recharge. 

— Arthur C. Brooks, The Atlantic 

I feel more relaxed just thinking about taking a break. Actually, my partner and I are jetting off on a beach get away shortly. I don’t think I suffer clinically from SADS, but I know that sunshine and warmth are critical for my health and well being. What can I say, I’m allergic to winter, Lol. The dark, grey dampness of fall/winter/early spring is relentless. We’ll be safe as possible, while soaking up the warm sun and frolicking in the green, blue ocean. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

For perspective, visit a cemetery ;) …

Aries philosopher Emil Cioran wrote, “When I meet friends or people I know who are going through a difficult period, I usually have this advice for them: ‘Spend 20 minutes in a cemetery, and you’ll see that though your worry won’t disappear, you’ll almost forget about it and you’ll feel better.” 

— taken from Rob Brezny post, freewillastrology.com

I do believe Cioran is correct. The second I read his advice, the lightbulb went on. As long as we’re on this earth, we still have choices and we still have possibilities. Just sayin’ :) 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Why we still need feminism!”…

WOMEN 

Are 51% of the population

But 70% of the poor

And 83% of single parents

Doing 66% of the work

Producing 50% of the food

But earn just 11% of the pay

And only 1% of the land

In case you wondered why we still need feminism!

— Willie Allen 

Wow, that’s quite shocking actually. I wouldn’t have called myself a feminist. I tend to be glass half-full, leaning toward compassion, empathy, understanding and allowing time for society to catch up, change and evolve. Given these current statistics, however, I’m feeling that women deserve some time at the microphone. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Forgiving is for you…

Forgive anyone who caused you pain or harm.

Keep in mind that forgiving is not for others. It is for you. Forgiving is not forgetting. It is remembering without anger. It frees up your power, heals your body, mind and spirit. Forgiveness opens up a pathway to a new place of peace where you can persist despite what has happened to you.

— Les Brown

I suffered a humiliating and embarrassing betrayal. I did not see it coming and I figured “everyone” knew. (In the end, most people were as shocked as I was). The romantic part of the relationship had been in serious trouble, but I thought we were friends and would always be friends, or family even. I guess I thought we’d find our way through, or to the end, with respect for one another and the relationship. Well, my bad. It took me a while, but in the end I came to own my share of responsibility in what transpired. In truth, I had pretty much left him, but just didn’t move out. And still, the whiplash has been quite long and lasting. Logically speaking, I absolutely want to forgive the affair between those two trusted people, but emotionally it still stings a bit. I’m working on it though. I want to release the pain and I want the healing. I want that energy and personal power back. I want to focus on loving, nurturing thoughts and activities, particularly as the break up led to a huge transformation and finding the love of my life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

An unexpected gift…

Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too was a gift.

— Mary Oliver 

I laughed a little at the first sentence. The second sentence is more profound and brings up some tough memories frankly. I would NOT want to go back any of those painful moments, but I do know the resulting transformation earns me at least one badge of honour. Actually, my last break up led to me writing this blog. I was determined to figure out how to identify and find my perfect match/partner and I set out on a journey of intense learning. I saw a number of coaches (life coach, traditional therapist, relationship skills seminars) and read a gazillion books on relationships/communication skills etc. I was coming across some pretty amazing info and my friends kept telling me I should put this stuff on paper, and so I did. I’ve continued with much of the coaching and exploration and this did lead to my ideal mate. The continued learning ensures that this ideal match is kept safe and well cared for. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

To feel cared for…

Sometimes we need someone to simply be there. Not to fix anything, or to do anything in particular, but just to let us feel cared for and supported.

— Unknown

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately, particularly when it comes to our primary, intimate relationship. There’s often a tendency to problem solve, or try to make the other feel better. Dr John Gray covers this in his enlightening book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, where he says men try to solve the problem, rather than simply lend a shoulder. I think women may do it as well. I’ve been noticing lately that I need to listen more and solve less. My favourite therapist says what we usually need is the space to feel what we’re feeling, which is often fear, worry, uncertainty. From there, we can figure out if there’s action required. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

“Reaching the Top Can Kill You Sooner”…

A study of General Electric employees by Tom Nicholas shows how the stress of chasing professional success can shorten an executive’s life…

The historical study of Harvard Business School Professor Tom Nicholas, who tracked the status of mortality rates of more than 1,000 managers and other employees at General Electric starting in the 1930’s, shows that high-level business executives died three to five years earlier on average than lower-level workers at GE, and the research links the deaths to work-related stress. 

“What we’re beginning to understand is that life at the top isn’t that easy.” Says Nicholas, the William J. Abernathy Professor of Business Administration.

The detrimental health impacts of pressure-filled professions are increasingly getting the attention of business leaders, who are not only concerned about the welfare of their workers, but also have an eye on productivity, since research shows that employee wellbeing is associated with firm performance. 

— by Jay Fitzgerald

Food for thought, that’s for sure. The Pandemic seems to be allowing us the opportunity to carefully consider what truly makes us happy, and to be aware of what contributes to/or compromises our overall well being. Personally, I’ve made quite a few work-life balance improvements; I’m no longer willing to let Smonday ruin my weekend, I’m sleeping in a bit more each day (even during the week) and I’m noticing a regular, inner negotiation when my thoughts turn to work during off-hours (as in, do I really need to be thinking about this now, or can it wait until Monday morning. I’ll then add the do-do note to my calendar, so that I know the work will get done first thing Monday. Check. It’s off my mind for now). The results so far: I’m more relaxed and I’m more productive, no question. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Ready to change?…

It’s not that some people have willpower and some don’t.

It’s that some people are ready to change and others are not.

— Unknown

If I think about my most significant moments, many were foisted upon me. When I was 22, my parents didn’t want me to shack up with my boyfriend, and so we got married. I think we would have gotten married eventually, but the parental guilt certainly drove our timeline. In career, I had always fantasized about being an entrepreneur, but it wasn’t until I lost my fancy new job during the 2008 financial crash that I made up business cards, pursued consulting work and ended up in a start up venture. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“The Motivation Myth”…

The Motivation Myth overturns the beloved (but false) idea that motivation leads to success. Instead, small successes lead to constant motivation - and let you achieve your biggest goals while also having more fun.

— Jeff Haden (Author, speaker and ghost writer) 

I haven’t read The Motivation Myth book yet, but this makes so much sense to me. I’ve been in sales for a long time, and little success definitely keep me going (a returned phone call, a booked appointment, positive feedback on my presentation, and finally a sale, which can be a very long time coming). Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

You’re more successful than you think…

7 Unexpected Signs You’re a Lot More Successful Than You Think 

Once in a while, you need to stop and smell your roses: Note only is it good for you, it will motivate you to plant even more.

1. You have enough money that you can make positive changes (Most people live pay check to pay check and some people have to choose between medication and gas).

2. You have close friends (Close friends are increasingly rare and the positive effect of relationships on your life span is double what you get from exercising and just as powerful as quitting smoking).

3. You choose the people around you. If the people around you are people you want to be around you… you’re successful. (And if they’re not, it’s time to start making some changes) 

4. You see failure as training (Failure sucks but it’s also the best way to learn and grow. If you embrace every failure—if you own it, learn from it, and take full responsibility for making  sure that next time things will turn out differently—then you’re already successful).

5. You don’t ask for anything (Successful people aren’t needy. They accept help if offered, but they don’t feel the need to ask. In fact, they focus on what they can do for other people).

6. You let others grab the spotlight (If you aren’t looking for praise or accolades, that means you’re successful. That means you feel proud on the inside, where it counts).

7. You have a purpose (Successful people have a purpose. As a result, they’re excited, dedicated, passionate and fearless. If you’ve found a purpose—if you’ve found something that inspires you, fuels you, makes you excited to get up, get out, and achieve—then you’re successful regardless of how much money you make or what other people think).

 — excerpt from Jeff Haden article in Inc. (Jeff Haden is an author and motivational speaker)

I feel pretty good about 6 of the 7… but I have some work to do around number 6. I’m sort of embarrassed to admit that I really like accolades! Compliments were (and still are) on short supply in my family of origin, so I have a bit of an Achilles heel there. I’ll keep working on it though (with my trusted coach, because she’s genius and helps me make speedier progress)! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Argue better with receptiveness…

Argue better by signalling your receptiveness with these words

While disagreement might be inevitable, there are ways you can take control to avoid escalation and bring out the best in you and the other person… the choices we make within a conversation also matter a lot… there are word choices you can make that will help maintain the relationship, increase your own persuasiveness, and learn more about the other person’s point of view. 

Actively acknowledge the other’s perspective using terms such as “I understand that…”

Affirm the other person’s views by highlighting areas of agreement, no matter how small or obvious

Hedge your claims: say “I think it’s possible rather than “This will happen because…”

Phrases your arguments in positive rather than negative terms. Say “I think it’s helpful to maintain social distance” rather than “You should not be socializing right now.”

— excerpt from Michael Yeomans article in Psyche (Assistant Professor of Organizational Behaviour at Imperial College Business School in London) 

My boyfriend and I have committed to this style of communication, as we find it to be very respectful, nurturing and kind to ourselves, each other and our relationship. It’s worth trying, right? Nothing to lose anyhow. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Solitude can be healing…

Solitude is for me a fount of healing which makes my life worth living. Talking is often a torment for me, and I need many days of silence to recover from the futility of words.

— Carl Jung 

I suppose it depends on whether you’re an extrovert, who is energized by social time, or an introvert, who can be overwhelmed by it. I’ve been told by a specialist that I am an introverted extrovert (didn’t know there was such a thing, Lol), so I need both connection with others and down time to maintain peace and well being. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

“Life is hard”…

Life is hard. After all, it kills you.

— Katharine Hepburn

Enough said really… Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

“Can you be addicted to food?”…

Dr Ashley Gearhardt is a world leader in the study of food addiction. An associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Michigan, she has created a first of its kind diagnostic tool called the Yale Food Addiction Scale. The scale mimics questionnaires used to diagnose other addictions like alcohol, tobacco and drugs. The markers for food addiction include intense cravings, loss of control, inability to stop despite knowing the negative impact, and a tendency to relapse. Using that scale, Gearhardt estimates that 15 per cent of people in North America have a physical addiction to food. Her research has pinpointed certain types of food that, in some people, trigger addictive eating. The are: pizza, fries, cheeseburgers, chocolate, potato chips, cookies and ice cream. The common denominator is that all these foods are stripped of nutrients and then highly processed, just like other addictive substances like cigarettes…Gearheardt says the same is true for highly processed fast food. She points to brain scans that show the same areas of the brain light up when eating those foods as when consuming illicit drugs. 

— Avery Haines, Host and Managing Editor, W5 (CTV News) 

Aha! My little battle, and ongoing inner negotiation (can I have a treat today, or should I take a couple more clean days and then treat myself again?) regarding chocolate/sugar makes sense now, Lol. I knew there was a bit of an addictive thing going on there. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

What is success?…

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.

— Winston Churchill

I’ve thought a lot about success and what it means to me personally. I know I have accomplished many goals up to this point, so I’ll give myself credit for that. I am still, however, in pursuit of my ultimate goal, which is a certain level of financial freedom that will offer more choices and the ability to take extended time off work to enjoy travel and adventures. As time has worn on, I’ve had to re-think and re-define my notions of success and failure because I’m not where I want to be yet. But does that mean I’ve failed? Can I say I have not succeeded, even though I know I’ve accomplished much of what I set out to do? Even recently, I had to tell myself “Girl, your story is not over. You’re still on your journey and sure, it’s taking longer than you expected, but think of all you have accomplished and know that you can achieve your ultimate goal too. Take it easy on yourself and give yourself more time.” Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck! XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

“Hustle culture is so 2020”…

I feel guilty and ashamed admitting this…

But here goes…

This is the most amount of time I’ve taken off in 7 years.

I’ve glamorized hustle culture, I’ve bought into the “contrepreneur” lifestyle of working endlessly depicted on social media.

This week has been one of the most amazing weeks of my life. 

I’ve been up until the early morning hours helping with our newborn son and trying to give my wife a break. 

I’ve become infinitely closer to my daughter. We’ve gone on little walks, enjoyed morning game times, and enjoyed little daddy-daughter dates.

The biggest realization I’ve had is how precious life is and how we can rob ourselves of what life is really about when we focus on trying to keep up with what we see on social medial.

I’m off for the next few weeks and am extremely thankful I’m able to enjoy life!

I’ll always work hard and believe in putting in the time, but I’ve learned there’s always a balance in life. 

Have a great weekend.

Unplug and enjoy life if you can.

Joel and Evie

(Ps. Yes, my house is messy. I’m a real person) 

— Joel Lalgee, Recruiting expert, Podcaster and Founder at Head Hunter Media (Ps. this post went viral on LinkedIn) 

Well said Joel. It seems that so many of us are having this sort of awakening right now. The Pandemic has given us pause for thought, hasn’t it. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and all the best to you! XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Working overtime… in our dreams?”…

The stressors of pandemic work life are following us to bed, with more people spending their resting hours dreaming of plexiglass, coughing colleagues and “Zoom calls from hell.” The pandemic has blurred work-life balance and has fuelled a rise in burnout, with most pandemic dreams “indicative of our anxiety,” one expert told The Wall Street Journal. 

— Kelli Nguyen, Editor at LinkedIn News 

This uber-focus on work has been killing me that’s for sure. I love working hard and achieving my goals, but this Covid era productivity is something else and it hasn’t been feeling happy or healthy to me. I went through a stretch this summer where I was not at all myself. The usual skip in my step was gone (temporarily, thank goodness) and my glass half full temperament, had become more like a glass a quarter full at best. My beloved colleagues had noticed, but they totally had my back and said they were feeling the same way. Fewf! But I knew I had to find a way to successfully remove myself from the incessant work worries (and I too have been dreaming/stressing in my sleep… because the business is so damn unpredictable these days, as one would expect of course). Some of the changes I’ve made are working. For example, I don’t allow Smonday to ruin my weekend anymore. My boyfriend and I went out for dinner and had a few drinks to end our weekend and you know what, if felt bloody fantastic. I still woke up with drive and ambition, so nothing lost there. I’ve also given myself permission to sleep in an extra 30 - 60 minutes in the morning because I know I’ll end up being productive anyway. If this pandemic is going to take my peaceful sleep, I’m going to bonus myself during the day and I’m going to enjoy my weekend. In summary, I’m giving myself more rest and the permission to tune out as often as I need to. The work is still getting done, I’m as focused as ever… and now I’m starting to have fun with these little rebellions, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Nothing left in the tank…

If you’re like me, you’re emotionally fried from the last 18 months. Whether you’re doing “okay” or barely holding on, I’m sure most days you feel just as mentally exhausted, on edge, and uninspired as the rest of us.

Keeping calm and carrying on is not working.

You can’t keep going when there’s nothing left in the tank. You need to find another tank or fill up the one you’ve got…

When the world feels upside down like it does right now, you need to become your own lifeline…

You need to know — I mean really know — that you can get through whatever happens next. You need to see how to get through the overwhelm and stress. And more importantly, you need to learn how to up your resilience and double down on optimism. 

— Mel Robbins (Entrepreneur, Best-Selling Author and investor)

I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better to hear that others are feeling exhausted, on edge and uninspired as well. 18 months, and counting, is a very long time to keep adapting and pivoting… and companies aren’t necessarily approaching this pandemic with compassion, empathy and generosity. Then you have the whole vaccine/anti-vax tension, potentially within your close circles. No wonder we’re spent. Personally, I think we’ve all probably done an amazing job of coping, considering what’s been coming at us. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and hang in there. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The ability to accept reality…

The ability to accept reality is one of the most useful, and most misunderstood, skills for a leader. It’s a concept that’s been around for centuries in philosophy and more recently in psychology, and properly applied can help drive change. As Carl Jung wrote, “we cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.” …

Susan David, author of Emotional Agility, notes the importance of giving up control of what you never had control over to begin with, and making room for your emotional reaction without acting on every thought or negative feeling. She writes, “We see leaders stumble not because they have undesirable thoughts and feelings — that’s inevitable — but because they get hooked by them, like fish caught on a line… In our complex, fast-changing knowledge economy, the ability to manage ones thoughts and feelings is essential to business success.

— from Good Leaders Know You Can’t Fight Reality by Scott Edinger

I wonder which reality we struggle to accept in our personal lives? I’ve heard a lot of people say “I really thought I’d be further ahead by this age” (including yours truly, Lol), or “I thought I’d be married with kids by now.” I gotta hand it to my brother. He was having way too much fun playing the field and enjoying his single freedoms until he hit 39 and then declared to me over dinner one night “You know what, I actually do want to get married and have a family.” We all thought he’d be a bachelor forever, but within a year he was married with a kid on the way. You go boy. If he can do “it” I’m sure we can too… whatever “it” is for us. For me, it’s a certain level of financial freedom. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“The Curse of off-Hours Email”…

Getting work messages in the evening or on weekends can be stressful, but senders often don’t consider them urgent. There’s a way to fix the misunderstanding…

We should ensure that the way we use technology does not become a driver of unhealthy workplace cultures. 

The phenomenon matters because it is detrimental to our collective well-being…

When our emails are urgent or high-priority, many of us include a red exclamation mark or an uppercase URGENT label. Indeed, some of us overuse that technique, and such indicators are so commonplace that at times it can seem like everything is urgent. However, we also tend to overlook the value of explicitly communicating when a response is not urgent—that is, when there is no need for someone to drop what  they are doing on the weekend or in the evening to respond. Our research suggests that failure to clearly communicate both levels of our expectations—the urgency and the non-urgency of our emails—might be a key driver of the rise in “always on” work culture and its associated negative impact on our overall well-being…

People will continue sending emails on the weekend and during evening hours because that might be the time that is most convenient for them. That’s ok. It’s not necessarily about less email sent during off-hours. It’s about better emails sent during off-hours. 

— By Laura Giurge and Vanessa Bohns, Wall Street Journal 

Great article. I’ve been on both sides of this one. I’ve had brainstorms over the weekend and figured if I don’t draft and send this right now, I may lose the train of thought and/or forget to send the email during work hours. On the other hand, I’ve received emails as late as 11:30 pm on a Friday night and as early as 7 am on a Saturday or Sunday morning, which tends to land with a thud. I will definitely follow this advice and simply add a note declaring my email as urgent or simply food for thought at the receivers convenience. Just saying’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Not everyone deserves a seat at the table…

The older I get the more I realize the value of privacy, of cultivating your circle and only letting certain people in. You can be open, honest, and real while still understanding not everyone deserves a seat at the table of your life.

— WomanWorking.com

I’ve made some cuts myself recently, particularly with people who tend to be overly judgey, blamey and drama-filled. I find I don’t have the time or energy for it. It bums me out actually. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

“To protect your energy”…

It’s okay to cancel a commitment.

It’s okay not to answer a call.

It’s okay to change your mind.

It’s okay to want to be alone.

It’s okay to take a day off.

It’s okay to do nothing.

It’s okay to speak up.

It’s okay to let go…

— Unknown

As I get older, I seem to need more of the above, especially during this Covid marathon. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Become more accepting and settled with the fact that life is hard”…

Why, in a time of unprecedented wealth, freedom, technological progress, and medical advancement, do we appear to be unhappier and in more pain than ever?… 

This idea that we should constantly seek out relief from our suffering is not going to make us happy in the end. And instead, what we need to do is intentionally invite pain and discomfort into our lives, and also just become more accepting and settled with the fact that life is hard and that most of us struggle on any given day. And that it’s okay to be unhappy and it’s normal.

As long as people are taught that they should be ecstatically happy 24/7 or something is wrong with them — with their brain chemistry, with their relationship, with their job — people are constantly going to be looking for ways to change it up, which won’t necessarily solve the problem. 

— Stanford’s Anna Lembke, on today’s pain epidemic

My favourite therapist told me at the beginning of my healing journey that I had a broken compass. He said, the issue is, you want everything to be sunny and sunnier. You don’t like anger, you don’t like negativity. But you need to experience ALL of your emotions, without labelling them as good or bad, because they each provide vital information about your experiences, your needs, your boundaries. Addressing your emotions will help you make high quality decisions and ultimately lead to a more fulfilling life. Wow. Game changer. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“The quality of your life is in your hands”…

Well for all of us the past 18 months have been a challenge and a journey. In so many ways it has forced us to go much more deeply within to find and develop resources, as the social outlets and structures of our lives were taken away. What an opportunity to know that the only person with whom you are guaranteed to wake up with all the days of your life is you! And that the quality of your life is, for better or worse, in your hands more than in any favourable situations, events, circumstances or relationships.

— Joel Brass, Therapist and seminar leader 

I’ve worked with Joel for many years and his work has profoundly and positively impacted my life. Joel’s seminars gave me the safe space to learn and practice improved communication/conflict resolution/relationship skills (that I did not learn in my upbringing, in school or anywhere else). Joel also gently, respectfully and deftly guided me through and to the other side of old issues and wounds. I’m not gonna lie—it was hard, but it was worth it. I don’t believe I would have found the love of my life without him. Thanks to Joel’s work, I have achieved a beautiful, trusted relationship that I know how to take proper care of. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Covid fatigue and decision fatigue…

Choosing Is Tiring

“Even if you’ve never heard of decision fatigue, you have probably experienced it, especially during the pandemic, which has added a new layer of complexity to the every day choices we face. ‘There’s no aspect of the pandemic that has not thrown decisions at us that we haven’t had to make before’ says psychologist Barry Schwarz, a visiting professor at the Haas School of Business at the University of California, Berkeley and author of The Paradox of Choice. ‘Things that used to require no thought or effort now require a lot of planning. In the COVID world, so much is uncertain — we haven’t had to practice making decisions under these circumstances.’” 

— Stacey Colino, The Washington Post

I felt so much better reading this article. I’ve been suuuuuper frustrated lately because even the smallest of tasks/errands often seems impossible to accomplish, or at the very least takes three times longer than normal. Stores have shortened hours of operation and the online information is often wrong. So you go to the store only to find out it’s not open until noon on a week day. Say what?! Then when you finally get there at the new time, the item you need is out of stock. It goes on and on. Exhausting. I think I need to work on my sense of humour and remember to expect the unexpected during this unprecedented time that we’re all living through. Just sayin’ ;) Hang in there everybody! Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Work stress…

What’s stressing us out at work?

Not enough time in the day to get everything done (35%)

Balancing work with family/personal needs (30%)

Not making enough money (29%)

Inability to stop working after hours (17%)

Challenges of working from home (12%)

… employees said they’ve been working more since the start of the pandemic. 

 — Riva Gold, Senior News Editor, LinkedIn

For me, it’s been a lack of quality time off. I’m a sun and sand girl, and not being able to go somewhere warm, swim in the ocean and be completely away from home has taken a hit to my ability to relax and find peace. There’s simply been too much time at home, with chores and my personal/work phone taunting me. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Learn to be brave and patient…

We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.

— Helen Keller (American author, disability rights activist, political activist and lecturer. She lost her sight and hearing after a bout of illness at nineteen months old. She learned how to communicate using home signs and then the Tacoma method. She attended both specialist and mainstream schools, including Radcliffe College of Harvard University. Keller became the first deaf blind person to earn a Bachelor of Arts degree) 

Kind of puts things in perspective. I always come back to passion and motivation. What are we passionate enough about to overcome all odds? Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Not about you, but listening wins…

You can’t control how other people receive your energy. Anything you do or say gets filtered through the lens of whatever they are going through at that moment, which is not about you. Just keep doing your thing with as much integrity and love as possible.

— Nanea Hoffman 

One of the biggest paradigm shifts I’ve had is learning about “victim mentality.” A very savvy life coach taught me to look at everything in my life as being “my stuff” and my responsibility. She said that although we’ve all probably been victimized at one time or another, we are unfortunately left holding the bag. This means doing all we can to resolve old hurts/issues and perhaps improving on our empathy and communication skills, so that we can have good quality relationships. I also learned the valuable lesson of inviting someone to share their thoughts/feelings/needs, so that both people feel heard, understood and cared about. It works wonders. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Diet and mental health…

Here we explore the link between food and mental health, and how the digestive process directly influences your mood.

The composition of our microbiome varies due to multiple factors, but one key determinant is diet. Probiotics function as the “food source” for beneficial bacteria, and promote microbial growth and activity, thereby supporting mental health. However the average North American diet is low in foods like vegetables, fruits, whole grains and fibre that support a healthy microbiome, and is typically high in refined sugar and highly processed foods. 

What to eat for better mental health. To boil it down, here are 6 key takeaways:

1. Fibre-rich plant-based foods including fruits, vegetables, legumes, whole grains and nuts.

2. Eat two servings of fatty fish per week, or consider taking an omega-3 supplement

3. Choose whole foods without added ingredients and processing (limit highly processed foods and drinks) 

4. Take Vitamin D3

5. Cut down on refined sugars/sweetened drinks, baked goods, desserts

6. Include probiotic foods (sauerkraut, pickles, yogurt, tempeh, kefir)

— Emily Kichler (Oct 2021, Canadian Living Magazine)  

When I was growing up, Mum would take us out to McDonalds for a treat, or we’d stop for chocolate bars. When Dad had us, he made us to go to the corner store and pick a piece of fruit. Dad also spent the summer tending to our vegetable garden, which took up our entire back yard (so Italian, Lol). Everyone around us spent the summer splashing around and laughing in their pools, while my brother, sister and I picked weeds and collected the day’s ripe vegetables and fruit. We didn’t appreciate the fresh salads and herbs back then, but we sure get it now. I still have a sweet tooth (thanks Mom! Ha ha), but fortunately the fresh fruit and vegetable habit stuck. I always notice the difference in my energy and mood when I eat Dad’s way. Dad was also the one taking us to the park to play soccer and tennis and fortunately fitness has stuck as well. Another mood booster. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Renewed gloom from Covid and adult tantrums…

If it seems like more people have a short fuse lately, you’re not wrong—at least, not according to the restaurant servers, airline workers and customer service trackers who say they have seen a wave of tantrums. At home, at work and out in public, many of us admit to blowups, which we soon regret.

The whipsaw of renewed gloom from the Covid-19 Delta variant following the burst of optimism from spring vaccinations makes the current pandemic phase more gruelling than past ones, psychologists say. It’s getting harder to muster empathy or regulate our knee-jerk reactions, they add. 

“When you anticipate something is going to be temporary, you’re able to absorb a higher level of stress,” says Pauline Wallin, a psychologist in Camp Hill, Pa. “When things don’t work out as expected it makes us more prone to be aggressive with ourselves and with one another,” she says.

 — Anne Marie Chaker, Wall Street Journal

My colleagues (and some clients too actually) and I were just talking about this. We had all been silently suffering with the almost creepy onslaught from customers. Feels good to know it’s a “thing” right now, and nothing to take personally. Fingers crossed that this dang virus can be brought under control sooner than later. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Great passion…

People with great passion can make the impossible happen.

— Unknown

I’m kind of addicted to inspirational stories. Actually, think I rely on them to maintain my sense of hope, positivity and belief. I figure, if they can do it, so can I. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Just talk about it…

Sometimes you just need to talk about something—not to get sympathy or help, but just to kill its power by allowing the truth of things to hit the air.

— Karen Salmansohn (Multi bestselling author and award winning designer who is passionate about empowering people to live their happiest, highest potential lives. She is known for creating a new breed of self help for people who would never be caught dead doing self help. She pulls this off by merging psychological research with humour, philosophy and stylish graphics) 

It’s taken me time to learn that what friends and loved ones need most is a sounding board. They just need someone to sit with them and have their back. Ultimately, people have to do what feels right for them anyway. I’ve learned how to make this request for myself and it makes the world of difference. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl   

  

Now is as good a time as any…

It’s a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you’re ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any.

— Hugh Laurie

Personally, I’ve needed a bit of a nudge to jump off the proverbial cliff. Job loss led me to pursue an entrepreneurial avenue I had been hesitant about. And, well, embarrassingly, a shocking betrayal forced the break up I had been putting off for far too long. Hopefully I’ve evolved enough to act without needing unpleasant assistance, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Create space…

Don’t lose yourself in the chaos. If life starts moving too fast, put up a fight. Fight back with your bare feet on the earth, fight back by looking up at the stars or watching a sunset…fight back by creating space to be still and breathe.

— Brooke Hampton

I felt a little bit more relaxed simply reading that. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Intelligence reimagined…

Intelligence is composed mostly of imagination, insight—things that have nothing to do with reason.

— Vivienne Westwood (University of Westminster graduate, fashion designer who is largely responsible for bringing modern punk and new wave fashions into the mainstream, businesswoman and social justice champion)

I don’t know about you, but I grew up thinking IQ was the only real measure of intelligence. My brother, sister and I were ranked on an ongoing basis. It wasn’t until much later that I realized there is EQ, or emotional intelligence (which is more my speed vs my brother’s photographic memory that I could never compete with), plus a potential of 8 (and maybe beyond) types of intelligence, according to a Harvard psychologist (spatial, bodily-kinaesthetic, musical, linguistic, logistical-mathematical, interpersonal, intrapersonal, naturalistic). I wish I’d known this a lot earlier, Lol ;) Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Natural coping remedies…

I googled my symptoms. 

Turns out I just need chocolate, wild water, good sex, a strong dose of nature and some peace and quite. 

— Brooke Hampton (Author of Enchanted Cedar: The Journey Home and co-founder & owner of Enchanted Cedar, a local Chaya House and Bookstore) 

Personally, I’m struggling with the heavy emphasis on work since Covid began. I do find some simple things help; a solid night’s sleep, cutting down on sugar/booze (not easy to do, but I sure feel better when I pull it off), swimming outside in the sun, hanging/commiserating with good friends… and yet, work still seems to take up a bit too much mental/emotional space these days. So for that, I work with a life coach/energy work practitioner and she hugely helps with perspective, mindset, energy level. Fewf! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Open the door to solutions…

Explain your anger, don’t express it, & you will immediately open the door to solutions instead of arguments.

— Unknown

Hmmm. Let’s think about this. We can become angry and lash out, be passive-aggressive, throw up the cold shoulder… or explain how we’re feeling and why? My parents (bless them, as I’m sure they did the best they could) displayed the first three responses a LOT, Lol. As expected, unresolved issues persisted. On a happy note, I learned about what I did NOT want and happily choose the explaining option. When my boyfriend and I share our feelings/concerns/needs, we find our relationship grows and deepens. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Protecting your sense of wonder…

As we enter a transitional stage after a year of trauma and strain, more than ever we need ways to refresh our energies, calm our anxieties, and nurse our well-being. One potentially powerful intervention is rarely talked about in the workplace: The cultivation of experiences of awe. Like gratitude and curiosity, awe can leave us feeling inspired and energized. 

As a physician and a psychologist, we have facilitated hundreds of resilience and well-being workshops both before and during Covid for the military, physicians, educators, law enforcement, and in the business world. Helping participants to explore, experience, and recall moments of awe is one of the key scientifically supported strategies we engage in during our workshops and it’s been rewarding to see our participants benefit and bring what they’ve learned to their own organizations…

As you tap into something larger and your sense of self shrinks, so too do your mental chatter and your worries. At the same time, your desire to connect with and help others increases. People who experience awe also report higher levels of overall satisfaction and well-being.

— David P. Resell and Karen Reivich

It’s funny, I woke up thinking about travel today. I was thinking about new experiences, different food, other cultures... and then I happened on this notion of awe bringing inspiration, calm and renewed energy. That’s it — I’m going to book an adventure. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Living life in crescendo…

Stephen Covey, productivity and leadership expert, called this, living life in crescendo.

This is the idea that our highest contribution always lies ahead of us. That everything we have done previously has been in preparation for some greater success. 

I find this to be a deeply hopeful and inspiring perspective.  

— Greg McKeown (Public speaker, leadership and business strategist, and author of Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, which discusses how to figure out what is essential, how to eliminate what is not and how to make it as effortless and possible to do what really matters)

I don’t know about you, but I find the idea of doing less very appealing right now. With Covid raging for the fourth time and some restrictions still in place, I’m missing many of my cherished happiness and mental wellness outlets. What has not eased is the demands in the work place. These seem to have escalated actually. No wonder I feel tired, Lol. So yes, I’m going to determine what is essential and make this more effortless. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

What can go right?…

Ask yourself , “what can go right?” Isn’t that a magical question? And it’s the one we rarely ask ourselves. Before setting out on their voyage, the Orton family planned for worst-case scenarios and for many things to go wrong (which they did throughout the trip). However, while they had prepared for the worst, there was also the wondrous surprise of things going beautifully right. When we begin something new, we spend a lot of time bracing ourselves for the hard stuff. It is important to remember to also lean into the good stuff.

— Whitney Johnson (CEO of WLJ Advisors, award winning author, world-class keynote speaker, frequent lecturer at Harvard Business School’s Corporate Learning and executive coach and advisor to CEO’s) 

I experienced a delightful turn of events myself recently. My boyfriend, his son and I wanted to staycation in our fine city for a night over the Labour Day weekend and struggled to find the right accommodations. Preferably, we wanted a hotel suite with two rooms and at least one bathroom. We managed to overpay for a less than ideal room with a pull out bed in the main room and bathroom inside the master bedroom, which would mean our teenager would have to enter our room to go to the bedroom. Yuck, but our options were limited, so we forged on. We checked in, went upstairs and entered our room only to find someone’s suitcase on the bed, coat hanging in the closet and the key folder sitting by the hotel room door. We stopped dead in our tracks and all agreed nothing like this had ever happened in our lives. We tried to call down to the front desk, but no one picked up, so we lugged all our crap downstairs again, where there was a HUGE check in line. Ugh. I decided to speak with the concierge and he was simply amazing. He was also astounded and apologetic. He asked for our forgiveness and our patience for a few more moments. He went away for a few minutes and came back with a beauty of a room for us. We ended up with a two bedroom, two bathroom (at opposite sides of the room, offering sweet privacy), a kitchen, living room and overall spaciousness. We were giddy. How’s that for an example of what can go right, Lol. Our room was worth at least double what we paid. Yay! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Growth mindset…

Did you know that Darwin and Tolstoy were considered ordinary children? That Ben Hogan, one of the greatest golfers of all time, was completely uncoordinated and graceless as a child? That the photographer Cindy Sherman, who has been on virtually every list of the most important artists of the 20th century, failed her first photography course? That Geraldine Page, one of our greatest actresses, was advised to give up for a lack of talent?

You can see how the belief that cherished qualities can be developed creates a passion for learning. The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it’s not going well, is the hallmark of the growth mindset. This is the mindset that allows people to thrive during some of the most challenging times in their lives.

— Carol S. Dweck, PhD (American psychologist, Lewis and Virginia Eaton Professor of Psychology at Stanford University. Dweck has primary interests in motivation, personality and development. Her key contribution to social psychology relates to implicit theories of intelligence described in her 2006 book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. In a nutshell, she believes that we can stretch ourselves beyond any perceived, “fixed” innate intelligence level and get smarter if we work at it).  

My high school band class comes to mind. I remember someone new came into class and this person was not good at the drums. This person seemed to struggle and struggle. Our teacher, who loved music more than anything and believed everyone can learn to play an instrument, encouraged practice and perseverance. From that day forward, every time we walked by the practice room, the student was in there practicing the drums. That student practiced more than I’ve seen anyone practice and he got better. We were impressed. That same student is now a professional drummer in some of the most prestigious bands. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Growth is a process…

You do not just wake up and become the butterfly

Growth is a process

— Unknown 

What amazes me is how much I continue to learn… from colleagues, from friends, from my past mistakes. No matter how hold I get (and I’m heading toward retirement quicker than I’d like. Yikes), I seem to learn something on a regular bases. Just sayin’ ; ) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Paradigm shift…

Mind set change: From - Why is this happening to me?

                                  To - What is this teaching me?

— Unknown 

I notice I’m much better at contemplating the learning after the fact… sometimes much after the fact, Lol. I’ll keep working on it though, particularly with events well outside of my control. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

  

Love life…

I have found that if you love life, life will love you back…

It is simply my life, music. I live it, breathe it, talk with it. I am almost unconscious of it. No I do not mean I take it for granted—one should never take for granted any of the gifts of God. But it is like an arm, a leg, a part of me. On the other hand, books and paintings and languages and people are passions with me, always to be cultivated. Travel too. I am a lucky man to be a pianist. A splendid instrument, the piano, just the right size so that you cannot take it with you. Instead of practicing, I can a read. A fortunate fellow, am I not? 

— Arthur Rubinstein (Widely regarded as one of the greatest pianists of all time. Rubinstein was fluent in eight languages and held much of his repertoire in his formidable memory, which he described as photographic. He played in public for eight decades). 

What stands out to me is Rubinstein’s depth of passion, love and devotion. I’d like to take a page from his book. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Burning desire and perseverance win big…

Folklore depicts invention as a flash of brilliance. That eureka moment. But it rarely is, I’m afraid. It is more about failure than ultimate success. 

Day after day I had crossed the yard at my home to a small workshop to continue my quest to develop a cyclonic system for separating dust without the need for an easily clogged vacuum-cleaner bag. 

I was usually covered in dust, getting deeper and deeper in debt, yet I was happy and absorbed. And the failures began to excite me. 

‘Wait a minute, that should have worked. Now why didn’t it?’ I would scratch my head, mystified, then have another idea for an experiment that might lead to solving the problem… 

Deirdre and our children never expressed doubt. They offered encouragement, love and understanding. The same is true of our friends. They must have thought I was mad and wasting my time, leading my family into penury. They never said so…

My tale is not one of being brilliant. I wasn’t even formally trained as an engineer or scientist. But I did have the bloody-mindedness not to follow convention, to challenge experts and to ignore Doubting Thomases… 

After four years of building and testing 5,127 hand-made prototypes of my cyclonic vacuum cleaner, I finally cracked it… I did it because I had a burning desire to do so.

— James Dyson (Dyson is the inventor of the dual cyclone bagless vacuum cleaner. He is the fourth richest person in the UK with an estimated net worth of 16.3 billion pounds). 

Wow. Very inspiring. It all began when Dyson’s new model Hoover, which lacked adequate suction. As a consumer he felt cheated and this frustrated him enough to want to solve the problem. He found the pores of the vacuum bags were too easily clogged. Four years of perseverance, living with debt, ignoring what people must think, embracing his family’s support. Very courageous and brave if you ask me. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Unfollowing people…

Sometimes you have to unfollow people in real life.

— Unknown

It’s taken me a long time to learn this one. I think the Covid pandemic has exacerbated many aspects of life. High-maintenance “friends” is one of them, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Top tender actions…

1. Fastening clothes or jewellery for your companion.

2. Letting them rest their head on your shoulder.

3. Idly playing with their hands.

4. Brushing a leaf out of their hair.

5. Locking pinkies.

6. Rubbing their back when you embrace.

7. Both of you wearing an item that belongs to the other.

— The blogger at www.tumblr.com

I feel taken care of just reading this list, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

“The love of your fate”…

“Nietzsche was the one who did the job for me. At a certain moment in his life, the idea came to him of what he called ‘the love of your fate.’ Whatever your fate is, whatever the hell happens, you say, ‘This is what I need.’ It may look like a wreck, but go at is as though it were an opportunity, a challenge. If you bring love to that moment - not discouragement - you will find the strength is there. Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. What a privilege! This is when the spontaneity of your own nature will have a chance to flow. 

Then, when looking back at your life, you will see that the moments which seemed to be great failures followed by wreckage were the incidents that shaped the life you have now. You’ll see that this is really true. Nothing can happen to you that is not positive. Even though it looks and feels at the moment like a negative crisis, it is not. The crisis throws you back, and when you are required to exhibit strength, it comes. 

— Joseph Campbell

My deepest moments of fear, pain and uncertainty have led to my favourite and most beneficial achievements. I’ve noticed that I still panic when a new moment of challenge arises. Duh! I guess we’re only human, Lol ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl