Sometimes it takes an overwhelming breakdown to have an undeniable breakthrough.
— Unknown
My biggest financial/career (and relationship too actually) breakdown left me no choice but to get entrepreneurial real quick. I didn’t experience overnight success, but I’ve stayed the course and I’ll die tryin’ because I really love working for myself. I enjoy the strategy, creativity and outside the box thinking. Just sayin’ :) Hugs XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I get by with a little help from my friends...
— The Beatles
Thank goodness for Zoom, iPhones, streaming channels etc. because with all the lock downs, we’re doing without a LOT, including our complete circle of friends and loved ones. Love and hugs to us all. Let’s hang in there. Just sayin’ :) XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Surround yourself with people that push you to do better. No drama or negativity. Just higher goals and higher motivation. Good times and positive energy. No jealousy or hate. Simply bringing out the absolute best in each other.
— Warren Buffett (American investor, business tycoon, philanthropist, and the chairman and CEO of Berkshire Hathaway. He is considered one of the most successful investors in the world and has a net worth of over US$85.6 billion as of December 2020, making him the world’s fourth-wealthiest person).
Thanks to my trusted psychologists/life coaches, my most successful relationships are defined by courageous, open and kind communication, which has paved the way for trust, safety, understanding and hope for the future. Just saying’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
92% of people who set New Year’s resolutions don’t achieve them. Here are some insights on how to be the 8% that do.
Step 1: Don’t call them goals... use a different word: intention. Focus on elements within your control: your mindset, decisions and actions.
Step 2: Immerse yourself in gratitude for the loving/supportive people around you and celebrate all that you achieved in the past year (stayed healthy, got in touch with old friends, pivoted well, given the ongoing changes?).
Step 3: realign expectations and consider asking the most important people around you what they need from you. Surprisingly, this may take the pressure off and reduce the load.
Step 4: ask these four questions: 1) How will I know when this intention is achieved? 2) Can I accomplish this within 12 months? 3) Do I have access to the decision makers I need to influence in order to manifest my intention. If not, consider changing the intention to “expand my network/influence”. 4) What scares me about this intention? If the answer is “nothing,” please push yourself. We only grow outside of our comfort zone. These 4 questions will ensure that the intention is timely, measurable, within our realm of influence and ambitious enough.
— Tiffany Dufu (Founder and CEO of The Cru... paraphrased from her article, How to Set Goals You’ll Actually Achieve).
One of my coaches taught me about intention setting a few years back. I was in a pivotal place and realized I was in need of a much more fulfilling job and a far better romantic match/partnership. She told me to write out what I envisioned in my perfect job. What do my days look like? How does my manager/the company treat me? What are my hours/schedule? How does this position affect my personal life and my finances? How do I feel in this position? She told me to go through the same exercise when considering my ideal mate. How do we spend our days? How does he treat me? How do I feel in this relationship? This exercise worked like a charm for career and love! Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I’m not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I’ve always been a freak. So I’ve been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I’m one of those people.
— John Lennon
I think we’re all freaks in our own way. (For example, my neatness and organization definitely lean to the OCD side. My boyfriend, and those who know me well would agree). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Whatever truth we feel compelled to withhold
No matter how unthinkable it is
to imagine ourselves telling it
Not to is a way of spiritually holding our breath
You can only do it for so long
— Mark Nepo (Ph.D/professor of English at State University of New York for 18 years. Nepo is also a poet, spiritual advisor and author of the New York Times #1 bestseller The Book of Awakening. Nepo has published 12 books and recorded six audio projects. He speaks from his personal awakening, facing down cancer).
My own family comes to mind. My parents screamed and yelled, rather than expressing their truths. Looking back on it, I can see that they were both deeply unhappy in the marriage. They married extremely young, as so many couples did back in those days. My father was angry and my mother was depressed. Their unhappiness erupted often, but didn’t lead to much resolution unfortunately. I just don’t think most of us come to the table with helpful communication/relationship skills. We don’t tend to know how to express our feelings and we don’t necessarily know how to ask for what we need and want. So much sits unsaid in relationships, unless we’re willing to learn how to speak openly with one another. I’m still learning how to do this. It’s certainly a process if you haven’t seen some of these skills modelled in earlier life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Have we realized it yet? That nobody is missing the material things. We all miss the company of others, great conversations, and a hug... that’s what life is all about.
— Joshua Becker (Best-selling author of More of Less and The Minimalist Home. Becker says “My family and I began donating, recycling, and removing our unnecessary personal possessions. We embarked on an intentional journey to own less stuff. As a result, we discovered more money, more time, more energy, more freedom, less stress, and more opportunity to pursue our greatest passions; faith, family, friends. And we decided to write about it”).
I had no choice but to embark on a similar path post 2008 financial crisis. Work was largely on pause and I suddenly had to live on much less than I was used to. This forced me out of my cherished habit of shopping for new wardrobe/home treasures. I’m not gonna lie. This was really hard at first. I felt deprived and sat in the void for a bit. There’s a failure in not having the freedom of funds. But I soon filled my time with the activities I love doing (writing, exercising, analyzing film, finding new music, spending time with friends, enjoying nature etc). This became such a habit that I never really got back to the hobby of buying new items. Sure, I select a few fashionable pieces here and there, but only what I feel I really need. This creates space in the budget for more warm vacations (which I desperately need!) and savings (which I realize I also need - for bigger future choices/retirement etc!). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
When you’re working overtime, it can feel like all you do is work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep, and work, eat, sleep some more. A seemingly unceasing flow of work can make you feel fatigued, resentful, and burnt out. As a time management coach, I’ve found that even in the midst of working overtime it’s essential that you find time for yourself. That is because, if you don’t take time for yourself intentionally, you will take time for yourself unintentionally. Typically the less conscious “me time” such as mindlessly scrolling through social media in the afternoon or watching YouTube videos until the wee hours of the night consumes quite a few hours each week but doesn’t actually satisfy our desires for downtime... here are a few strategies that can help.
Set Work-Free Times (otherwise you’ll have the vague sense that you “should” be working all the time. That feeling is exceptionally draining).
Define Health Must-Haves (7 hours sleep, drinking enough water, or taking breaks during the day to stretch and give the body/brain a break?... to help prevent burn out)
Give Yourself What You Really Want (activities that you find satisfying, refreshing and enjoyable. Run, connect with friends, read, cook, watch a great TV series, play with the kids?)
— Elizabeth Grace Saunders (Time management coach and author of Divine Time Management and How to Invest Your Time Like Money)
2020 has definitely felt like work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep. Pretty Groundhog Day, with so many of our cherished activities off the table. Seems like a good time to clear off some of the tasks we tend to put off in perpetuity (clean out closets, give old stuff to good will, update the landscaping?). Why not, since vacation days would just be more eating, sleeping, chores?, Lol ;) We’re gonna get through this though and I have a feeling life will be all the sweeter for it. Personally, I will be back rushing back to the movie theatre, back to the arena to watch live events and jet setting somewhere warm asap! Just thinking about it makes me feel better. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
What we say “no” to (or choose not to do or stop doing) saves and creates space for even better things we say “yes” to (or choose to do). We all have finite resources. Being able to say no to others and ourselves is one of the most powerful muscles in building a strong business or career and happy life. Failing to say no, at the very least, can cause us to miss something bigger or greater. At worst and most commonly, not saying no when we can and should can lead to burnout, dilution of focus, high opportunity costs, stress, and more...
Cheat sheet:
Saying no comes in many forms. Whether it’s for work, help, volunteering, investment, donations, or time, here are some high-level phrases that can be adapted to your personality.
* No. As many others have said, “No.” is a complete sentence
* Not now
* I love this, but it’s not in line with my focus right now
* I cannot give this the time it deserves
* Not me, but I can connect you with someone who can (this is a way to say no to the ask, but saying yes to helping)
* I could do a piece of this but would need help/someone else to pick up the rest (another way to say no by saying yes to a part of it)
* Not a fit for me (and share reason if you desire)
* I’m putting my energy into a few other big things right now and need to focus on those primarily
- Kat Cole (COO and President at Focus Brands LLC)
My favourite therapist talks a lot about saying no/drawing boundaries, as an act of kindness and respect for ourselves and our most important relationships. He says we can opt to say yes, out of duty and obligation, if we have the energy and time and we really want to give in that moment and in that way. I have to say, managing the guilt has been a process for me. It does get easier though... and then it feels really honest, true and empowering. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.
— John Lennon
My favourite therapist would agree. He says we need to accept all of who we are, and furthermore we would do well to dig a little deeper and uncover the hidden wounds that silently run our lives (particularly our most important relationships). We are profoundly affected as we grow up and we can get emotionally stuck along the way because we have neither the capacity or understanding for adult matters. It’s quite enlightening to connect some of the dots of our adult choices with the sensitivities from our childhood. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
My favourite therapist says we can say almost anything, and be well received, if we speak to our feelings. I tried this out yesterday. I had spent a really long time thinking about my experience with this person, why I was profoundly hurt and what prevented greater closeness in the relationship. So I invited a conversation and we both ended up sharing monumental, heart-felt thoughts and positive ideas on how to partner on a healing path forward. This is perhaps the biggest accomplishment of my life, because I know the hurt had somewhat (behind the scenes, unconsciously) handcuffed me emotionally for a very long time. To quote my therapist, I finally stepped up and had my own back. Felt good. Feels good. Just sayin’ :) Hugs XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Almost every successful person begins with two beliefs: the future can be better than the present, and I have the power to make it so.
— Unknown
My favourite life coach says write it down. Write down what we want, in great detail. Write it out and write it out, every day and review it as often as we can. Then watch miracles happen. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it is not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of the other person - without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.
— Osho, Being in Love
My favourite therapist holds weekend seminars, teaching essentially the same thing. He says that most of us are looking for someone to complete us. He describes our romantic search as a plug looking for a socket, a connection that will make us feel whole, safe, loved, secure. He says the person we need to “plug” into is actually ourselves. We need to find a way to become whole in and of ourselves, which is admittedly not quick, easy or cheap. The process typically takes years, and not just a series of four therapy sessions or a weekend workshop. I have certainly found this to be the case. When I began my own healing journey, my therapist explained that our most problematic issues are almost always rooted in our childhood and the conscious and/or unconscious wounds our parents/family unknowingly/knowingly inflict on us. What I found interesting in the weekend group workshops is the surprising variety of issues, beyond emotional/physical/mental abuse. For example, one sibling growing up in the shadow of the other, and forever feeling inadequate. Even the nicknames we’re called growing up can, surprisingly, make us feel insecure and unsafe. As adults, we are better able to understand and resolve some of the things that happened to us as kids. For me, this has been very freeing. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
What you think, you become.
What you feel, you attract.
What you imagine, you create.
— Buddha
In my experience, there’s some fine print to consider; manifesting our desires can take time (sometimes years and years), there are doubtful moments, perseverance and endurance are critical, it can be crazy making when results are not evident. Just sayin’ :) Hugs XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
We don’t grow when things are easy, we grow when we face challenges.
— Joyce Meyer
This has been very true for me. The most difficult job I ever had managed to advance my overall acumen in unexpected and brilliant ways. For example, in my role, administration has typically been minimal and of limited importance. Needless to say, spreadsheets and such were never my forte. For that matter, I sort of cobbled together my Microsoft Office skills, as I never formally took any of the courses. I learned the skills I needed when I needed them. Coming back to the difficult job, the expectation was the traditional role, plus this huge administrative component added on, kinda like two full time jobs. I actually had to wash my hair less often, shorten the styling time, find a shorter, more intensive daily work out and for the first time I worked most evenings and weekends. My level of stress was through the roof and my colleagues and I felt our jobs were at risk as a default setting. Somehow I survived and managed to excel, which gave me the track record to negotiate quite a very spiffy contract on my next job. I now know how to analyze my effectiveness with a level of detail that would not otherwise have interested me frankly. I am now enjoying the dreamiest job and making more money than I ever made. I love the company, the company culture, the clients and how the company treats its employees and clients. Without that horrible job, I doubt I would have achieved this level of accomplishment and fulfilment. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Accept—then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it... This will miraculously transform your whole life.
— Eckhart Tolle
I’ve read Tolle’s The Power of Now and A New Earth (the latter being easier to follow, in my opinion). Tolle’s phrase “do not resist” has stuck with me over the years. Particularly when something shocking and unexpected happens, I remember those three little words and tell myself to “accept— then act.” This seems to shift my mind into a problem solving mode, rather than a resistant one. Not every time perhaps, but in most cases the “problem” leads to a reimagined solution and blessing in disguise (such as my gorgeous new couch that wouldn’t fit into my home, which led to a sectional and even more gorgeous, homey and spacious living room). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
We often avoid asking questions that feel too sensitive or personal. But avoiding these potentially awkward conversations comes at a cost: When negotiating a salary or choosing where to live, for example, it can be very useful to know how much a coworker earns or how much a friend pays in rent... Our recent research shows that, on average, people err too far on the side of politeness. In our studies, we found that people generally avoided asking sensitive questions out of fear that they would offend their conversation partners — but when they actually did ask these questions, most people were far less offended than their partners had expected them to be.
— Evian Hart, Eric M. VanEpps and Maurice Schweitzer, Harvard Business Review
My favourite therapist teaches seminars on “clearing” which is similar. Individuals in the group are supposed to approach one another if they feel any discomfort/friction/judgment between them. This leads to authentic sharing, a better understanding of one another, empathy for the other, and a real connection. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Walk yourself out of a bad mood. Studies show that even a 10 minute walk immediately BOOSTS brain chemistry to increase HAPPINESS.
— Unknown
I’ve been observing my bad moods lately and I’ve noticed that when I get busy doing something, almost anything, I end up forgetting the angst of the day. My worst bouts of tough emotion tend to have the deepest roots (long standing family injustices, relationship let downs, financial hits). I’m gonna keep working on this because sitting in the muck certainly doesn’t make me feel any better. For things I can’t shake, I see a professional. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength — carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying does not empty tomorrow of it’s sorrow; it empties today of its strength.
— Corrie ten Boom (Dutch Christian watchmaker and writer. ten Boom’s family helped many Jews escape from the Nazi’s during the Second World War by hiding them in her home. She was caught and imprisoned at the concentration camp herself, which inspired her famous biography The Hiding Place, about her family’s experience and how she found and shared hope in God during this time).
Wow. I’m sort of speechless... Except to say that I do believe in finding faith, however that may look for each of us. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
It seems ages since we started referring to life in these “uncertain times.” For months now, our routines have been disrupted and we’ve been forced to adapt. Anecdotally, one major consequence is a state of mental fatigue. If feels hard to concentrate for any length of time, as if we’re in a collective state of near-constant distraction... do a quick search and you’ll find an avalanche of articles on people who can’t concentrate ... There’s a psychological theory, originally applied in the context of learning, that might help explain why living in the age of Covid-19 may have turned or minds to soup. It’s called Cognitive Load Theory (CLT), which characterizes our minds as information systems. When we’re working on a problem, we depend on our “working memory”, which is very limited both in its capacity and length of time it holds information. The less familiar you are with a task, the more you depend on your working memory to help juggle the relevant information; in contrast, when you’re an expert, most of what you need to know is stored in long-term memory and you’re able to complete the task on auto-pilot... Ordinarily in a time of upheaval, we can adjust quickly and the cognitive load becomes more manageable again. What’s striking about life in the era of Covid-19 is that the situation keeps changing...
— Christian Jarrett (BBC.com, Cognitive Load Theory: Explaining our fight for focus)
It’s nice to know that brain fog is a thing right now. So many of our experiences are universal, if you think about it. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again... I think we should cut ourselves more slack. Life is constantly changing and it’s not like you get a heads up to prepare. For example, I bought a gorgeous new couch recently, because the leg broke on my old one and there was no way to fix it. Bummer too because I really loved that couch and didn’t feel like spending money on a new one. My boyfriend and I were super excited when the couch finally arrived after nine loooong weeks, until the movers couldn’t get the damned thing in the door. No way this was gonna happen. The next four days were a complete ordeal. The store that sold us the couch said the couch was a final sale and didn’t really want to help us out. We had to be our most brilliant, professional, convincing problem solvers ever and talk the General Manager into exchanging the couch for something that would fit into our place. We also had to eat a “re-stocking” fee and another set of delivery costs. So much stress and no couch for 4 days (and nights, which can be a big issue on nights that I’m struggling to sleep). In the end, we managed to manifest a brilliant solution and our living room is now more spacious and livable than before. Very cool... but not before enduring a shocking and stressful four days, on top of Covid and everything else that life foists upon us. So again, I think we should pat ourselves on the back for all that we manage and accomplish, especially now. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it. All else is madness.
— Eckhart Tolle
I gained a tremendous amount of tangible and intangible benefits from the most challenging career predicament of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I complained like crazy at the time. I was in a particularly difficult job. There were loads of micro-managing and antagonistic fear tactics, with heavy in-fighting and competitiveness. The position also felt like two full time jobs because the company wanted as much documentation as tangible results. I was miserable for a year and a half. I did want to leave, and I looked at other options, but I hadn’t been at this job for long enough to present as a reliable and committed employee. Thank goodness a former manager found me and offered me a new sanity (and financially) saving position. Fewf! When I look back on that hated position, I’m still amazed and grateful for the unexpected outcome; a new level of administrative competency, some tricks and tips for my personal life which continue to save me time and energy, a stronger ability to influence, with a more precise and concise argument and so much more. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.
— Isaac Newton (Astronomer, physicist, mathematician, natural philosopher, and surprisingly, an accomplish theologian. Newton was ranked SECOND in the book The 100: A Ranking of the Most Influential Persons in History).
A philosophy that seems of particular importance in these unprecedented, surreal times. Covid living is a struggle for most of us and perhaps isn’t bring out the best in us. I like Dr Bonny Henry’s (Provincial Health Office for BC) phrase: “Be kind. Be calm and be safe.” We can try! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
If you ever fail, don’t stop. (F.A.I.L means first attempt in learning)
It is not the End. (E.N.D means effort never dies)
If someone tells you “no” (N.O. means next opportunity)
— Breakthrough Empire
So many success stories are defined by a crazy number of attempts. Colonel Sanders started at 65 and “failed” 1009 times before succeeding. Makes me feel better about my own, as yet, unanswered efforts. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Over a series of studies, psychologists and organizational scientists have found that people who learn to embrace, rather than reject opposing demands show greater creativity, flexibility and productivity. The dual constraints actually enhance their performance. Researchers call this a “paradox mindset.” Although this concept may sound counter-intuitive, it is inspired by a long history of research showing that contemplation of apparent contradictions can break down our assumptions, offering us wholly new ways of looking at the problem.
Harvard University psychiatrist Albert Rothenberg was among the first to investigate the idea formally, with a study in 1996 of acclaimed geniuses. Interviewing 22 Nobel laureates, and analyzing historical accounts of deceased world-changing scientists, he noted that each revolutionary thinker had spent considerable time “actively conceiving multiple opposites or antithesis simultaneously.”
... Those without the paradox mindset, in contrast, tended to crumble, and struggled to maintain their performance when resources were scarce.
— Loizos Heracleous and David Robson (Why they ‘paradox mindset’ is the key to success, bbc.com)
Very interesting. I think I’ll be able to remember this when faced with difficult decisions and a competing list of pro’s and cons. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Feel the feeling but don’t become the emotion.
Witness it. Allow it.
Release it.
— Crystal Andrus (From life as a homeless teen to coaching A-list celebrities and author of four best-selling self-discovery and personal transformation books).
My favourite therapist says we need to feel our feelings in order to set them free (especially the deep seated, long standing ones from childhood). Otherwise, our emotions can act like programs, running in the background, potentially interfering with our closest relationships and sense of well being. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Things to Know About Life
“No” is a complete sentence.
It does not require justification or explanation.
— Unknown
My favourite therapist says that a no response is about drawing boundaries for our personal well-being. Interestingly, he says people typically respond very well when our intention is self care. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Love is better than anger.
Hope is better than fear.
Optimism is better than despair.
So let us be loving, hopeful & optimistic
And we’ll change the world.
— Jack Layton (From a letter written in his final says to New Democrats and Canadians, in which he looked toward the future, refusing to let his vision of Canada die).
Now this is a vision I can get behind. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
* Focus on a familiar activity. (Find a task on your to-do list that’s satisfying but so familiar that it’s not taxing).
* Tackle an unfamiliar task you’ve been avoiding. (Will help you feel competent and on track).
* Do half your usual work. (So you don’t feel overwhelmed. Consider taking a mental health day).
* Connect with others. (Loneliness increases stress and reduces productivity).
* Drop your fear of negative emotions. (Sadness can enhance creativity and anger can make us more determined).
— Alice Boyes, PhD clinical psychologist turned author (From Feeling Overhwelmed? Here’s How to Get Through the Workday, Harvard Business Review)
My favourite therapist says our “negative” emotions provide much insight and can help guide us in setting healthier boundaries. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
When a negative thought enters your mind, think three positive ones.
Train yourself to flip the script!
— Unknown
My favourite therapist says that we should honour, and give voice to our thoughts/worries/fears, whatever they may be. The big negativity probably comes from Ego and once we air those grievances with ourselves (on paper, in our mind, with a friend or professional), the charge should at least quiet down. In my experience, management of our more persistent grievances may require professional guidance. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
During times of high-stakes uncertainty, it’s normal to stress about potential threats and negative outcomes, and it can be tougher to resist anxious thoughts given that the coronavirus has disrupted the usual ways we comfort ourselves. But getting lost in worries is emotionally depleting, and it interferes with moving forward. That’s why it’s worth improving how you handle this pesky mental habit. Many of us worry because we feel that it helps us plan. It’s tempting to keep unsettling issues top of mind — the same way we review our to-dos — to prepare. “Our minds will try to solve a problem, even if it’s a problem that can’t be solved by us,” said Lizabeth Roemer, a professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts Boston, and an author of “Worry Less, Live More: The Mindful Way through Anxiety Workbook.” ...What helps is being present, even if that means sitting with uncertainty, sadness, and, yes, a certain amount of worry — approached intentionally. Here are some of my favourite evidence-based strategies to finding clarity when your worries feel overwhelming.
Accept your worries (observe without judging)
Free yourself from mental multitasking (try carving out time to focus on the worrisome thoughts, as stimulus control)
Make a worry appointment (20 - 30 minutes tops. Maybe split in half, if more than one big issue. Consider journaling about the anxieties/fears)
— Jenny Taitz, Psychologist (From the article How to Worry More Mindfully, The New York Times)
One sentence strikes me in particular... that Covid has disrupted the usual ways we comfort ourselves. So not only are we potentially struggling with job insecurity, finances, tight quarters at home, we’re also having to do without many of the things that bring us joy and pleasure. We are SOOOO entitled to be at less than our best right now. Just sayin’ :) Hugs XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.
— Ghandi
I don’t know about you, but I’m super sensitive to my environment, including other people’s energy/emotions. I find I need to protect my own energy with sufficient downtime, where I can decompress and rejuvenate. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs, XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I shall no longer allow negative thoughts or feelings to drain me of my energy. Instead I shall focus on all the good that is in my life. I will think it, feel it and speak it. By doing so I will send out vibes of positive energy into the world and I shall be grateful for all the wonderful things it will attract into my life.
— Unknown
I do find that focusing on positive energy can bring sweet results! Having said that, my favourite therapist highlights underlying and unresolved issues that may, at times, prevent us from managing our “negative” emotions. He says if we strive to unload some of our baggage, we’ll likely find more space for positivity. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
One of the greatest paradoxes in American life is that while, on average, existence has gotten more comfortable over time, happiness has fallen... There’s nothing new about the idea that consumption doesn’t lead to happiness—that concept is a mainstay of just about every religion and many philosophical traditions as well... A group of my colleagues at Harvard show in their research that to get happier as we prosper, we need to change the choices we make with our financial resources. In an extensive review of the literature, they analyze the happiness benefits of at least four uses of income: buying consumer items, buying time to pay for help (by, say, hiring people to do tasks you don’t enjoy), buying accompanied experiences (for example, going on vacation with a loved one), and donating charitably or giving to friends and family. The evidence is clear that, although people tend toward the first, much greater happiness comes from the other three... subjects who reported having the happiest lives were those with strong family ties, close friendships, and rich romantic lives. The subjects who were most depressed and lonely late in life—not to mention more likely to be suffering from dementia, alcoholism, or other health problems—were the ones who had neglected their close relationships.
— Arthur Brooks (from the Atlantic article Are We Trading Our Happiness for Modern Comforts?)
I think I learned this most valuable lesson out of necessity. I survived the financial crash of 2008, just barely. I was a paycheque away from moving in with my Mum or sister. Jobs were scarce and the ones I could find were paying half of what I was used to. I had not choice but to stop spending for about three years. Quite the deal. Funny thing is, it kinda stuck. Many, many years later I still tend to not spend. I also think carefully about my purchases. Actually, even more importantly, I don’t even really think about shopping anymore. I still like to consignment shop, but I tend to sell/buy and end up mostly level. I spend more time on writing, thinking/daydreaming, reading, exercise, visiting with animals, communing with my sweetheart/friends/family/the locals at my coffee shop. I would say I work more, but in a different way. I focus on being of service to colleagues and customers. It feels good and there’s nothing missing. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Toxic people make you feel like you’re holding a grudge.
No, dude, That’s a boundary.
— Unknown
My favourite therapist talks a lot about boundaries. He says if we’ve grown up without boundaries or with our boundaries being disrespected/crossed, we’re probably not even aware of the issue. But we are well within our rights to take care of ourselves, which means saying no sometimes, and maybe making requests for different behaviour. Just sayin’ :) Hugs, XO.
Blessings,
Chatgirl
For some of us, 2020 has removed what little boundaries remained between our professional and personal life. Which is code for having less personal life than we use to have. For some people, it’s Zoom, Eat, Sleep, Repeat. We look at our Fitbit at the end of the day and it reads 300 steps. Literally. We feel guilty if we’re aren’t being productive on email, in meetings, researching something online. Even if we take a bath to relax, we sneakily bring out phones with us so not much has actually changed. To kill it (without being killed by our current work environment) we need to make this our new mantra: Relaxing is a responsibility.
— Greg McKeown (New York Times bestseller of Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less. McKeown is one of the most popular bloggers for the Harvard Business Review. He is an accomplished speaker who has spoken at companies including Apple, Facebook, Google, LinkedIn, Pixar, Salesforce.com, Twitter, Stanford University and the World Economic Forum. He speaks about innovation, focus, leadership, discipline, simplicity, execution, and of course living and leading as an Essentialist).
I don’t know about you, but this article/notion really resonates with me. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
“Imagination is fundamental for the development of people and for societies. It brings us to strive, and history to unfold. Physical walls cannot confine us.”
— Tania Zittoun
Imagination is vital and precious. We should nourish it: exploring the world through films and documentaries, visiting the past through novels, discovering fantastic realities when transported by music or cartoons, visiting some of our favourite places through online maps or sharing memories with others. Physical walls cannot confine us, we can roam beyond them, to wherever our imagination takes us.
— Scott Olser, Editor at LinkedIn News
I don’t know about you, but I rely on a couple of warm getaways to survive the winter blues. I’ll definitely need to get creative, especially with all the restrictions at home (limited movies/movie times, minimal coffee shop/restaurant access, get together restrictions). I just may try some of the suggestions above. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO
Blesssings,
Chatgirl
Some benefits of commuting... or separating work from life in these Covid times:
Time for “Prospection” - three years ago, a team of researchers led by Harvard Business School professor Francesca Gina found that people who use their commuting time to think through their plans for the day—something the team called “prospection”— were more productive once they arrived at the office than those who did other mental tasks or looked for distractions.
Do something physical - can help expend more calories during the week without actually having to work out
Social connection - add in some friendly banter in short exchanges, grabbing coffee from your local coffee shop, or a on a short walk around the neighbourhood
Time for transition - creates a psychic barrier and opportunity to get in the right frame of mind for work/home
A break from being “on” - a moment elude all roles and expectations and not be an employee, manager, executive, parent, roommate, spouse
A chance to daydream - allowing for creative breakthroughs. (Also called the “incubation effect” in which unconscious mechanisms unlock connections that were not obvious to your directed thoughts).
— Lila MacLellan (Quartz at Work reporter, from the article Separate work from life wth a “virtual commute” that energizes you)
Great advice! I feel more relaxed just thinking about it. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Change your language to “what if it does work.” Believe in possibilities. Think of the best case scenario. Retraining your mind will lift you higher out of the overthinking, stress, and worry of negative habitual thoughts. Change starts with your mindset. Shift it. Switch it.
— averstu.com
I like it! Think of the best case scenario! Great reminder that I will strive to remember in fearful moments. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
A dream written down with a date becomes a goal.
A goal broken down into steps becomes a plan.
I plan backed by action makes your dreams come true.
— Unknown
Thing is, it can take time. In my experience anyway. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I changed my thinking.
It changed my life.
— Unknown
The biggest paradigm shift I’ve ever had is around money. I survived the financial crisis post 2008, but it took years to recover from the lost wages. There was a silver lining however. I had to go suuuuch a long time without spending money that I had to tell myself a new story. The story was about enjoying simple pleasures; swimming/yoga, spending time with animals, writing at my favourite coffee shop (that I could afford luckily), watching movies from my home library, visiting with friends. I never went back to my pre-crash spending and now enjoy saving, watching my money grow and knowing I can support myself if that rainy day comes again. Game changer. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
When we fight the idea of being lost, we’re unable to do anything about it. We can’t recalculate the route if some part of us believes we’re still on the path. But when we accept that we’re lost, we shift from knowing to listening. In this receptive state, we’re much more alert to options and opportunities.
— Ingrid Fetell Lee (Designer with a Master’s in Industrial Design from Pratt’s Institute, author of the book Joyful and Ted Speaker. Drawing on research from the fields of neuroscience and psychology, Ingrid Fetell Lee studies joy and reveals how we can find more of it in the world around us, by exploring the powerful connection between our surroundings and our emotions).
In this Covid world, I realize I really need to re-set my expectations and attachments. I’m used to booking one or two warm get always to escape the dark, cold dampness of winter. In-restaurant dining is quite limited, as are movies and cinema options. What to do, what to do?? I’m still working on it! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Procrastination strikes everyone... You can’t hope to stop procrastinating until you first have a firm understanding of why you Procrastinate. New research from Joseph Ferrari at DePaul University shows that procrastination is more complicated than most people think. People tend to think of procrastination as coming from poor time management or laziness, but Ferrari’s research shows that procrastination stems from negative emotions that hijack your mood. Once you’re under the influence of these emotions, you can’t bring yourself to work. Figure out why. When you aren’t in the mood to work, procrastination is telling you something important. It could be something simple, such as you need to take a break or get something to eat. It could also be something complex, such as you’re carrying the team on your back or you’re dissatisfied with your job. Whatever it is, instead of punishing yourself for procrastinating, take a moment to reflect and figure out why you’re procrastinating. This could end up being the most productive step you take in conquering your task.
— Dr Travis Bradbury (Author The Seagull Manager, Emotional Intelligence 2.0 & Cofounder of TalentSmart, California School of Professional Psychology Greater San Diego Area).
I’ve noticed I put off activities that I’m not good at (like spreadsheets or other detail oriented tasks) or that may involve a frosty response (like cold calling or delivering disappointing news). I recently devoted a few hours to such activities and said to myself “I get why I put these things off. It’s yuck.” I made a deal with myself that when I complete my least desired to-do’s, I’ll immediately treat myself to something I love doing. This way, I’m efficient and engaged because I can’t wait for my happy hour ;) Just sayin’ ;) Hugs, XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
New research suggests why and how you should dig deep into your feelings.
According to a newly published journal article by Katherine Tillman of Northern Arizona University (2020), getting in touch with your “unfelt feelings” may be exactly what you need to do... an unfelt feeling is one that arises independently of your conscious awareness, affecting your actions whether you acknowledge it or not... what if these unfelt feelings lead to behaviours that are not so adaptive? Do you constantly look online for new information about how COVID-19 is spreading? Are you unable to sleep? Do you get angry at people you care about for no apparent reason? Without awareness of your feelings, these unchecked behaviours can take over your life.
— Susan Krause Whitbourne, Ph.D (Psychology Today, posted Oct 13 2020)
My favourite therapist is a proponent of this philosophy and approach to treatment/improving one’s relationships/level of happiness and well being/success and fulfillment. He also recommends group therapy/relationship workshops, as listening to others’ stories and feelings can help us get in touch with some of our own deeper feelings and underlying issues. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
When we learn how to take back controls that we’ve given away, we can get better at managing our attention and not surrendering to every distraction. Below are five elements of a broad basic plan for managing our attention, with techniques for developing habits to help us find focus and achieve our goals...
1. Energy - monitor our brain’s energy supply. When we invest our energy wisely, we can make sure the tank is full, allowing us to feel more positive.
2. Emotion - the on-off switch for learning and peak performance. Our emotional state drives the quality of our focus, and the results we can achieve. Working within a group that is high on trust and low on fear will help us achieve our best. The better we understand ourselves, our personal psychology, and our emotional hot buttons, the better we’ll be able to achieve the right emotional state for focus. Positive emotion galvanizes our engagement.
3. Engagement - we must be interested in order to pay close attention. We must also be motivated. Interest and motivation equal engagement. Do what you love and what you’re good at. There should also be room for creative input, to prevent boredom.
4. Structure - How we shape our day, how we spend our time, the boundaries we create, the rules we follow, which assistants we apply, which filing system we use, which hours we keep, which breaks we take, which priorities we set up, which tasks we take on vs farm out, which plans we make and what flexibility we build in. Without structure, chaos reigns. We need to take control.
5. Control - in today’s world, if we don’t take control of our time, it will be taken from us. Most of us flush at least 150 minutes every day without even noticing we’re doing it.
These five elements combine to create a plan that will allow for optimum results without feeling frazzled and frantic. This plan can be individualized to one’s own situation, personality and emotional make up, but the basic elements can work for everyone.
— Dr Edward M Hallowell, MD (from Hallowell Center’s in Sudbury, Mass., New York City, and San Francisco, all specializing in training attention in people of all ages).
Great advice, a great plan and the ideal time to try it out. Nothin’ to lose! Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
“The hardest thing you will ever do is trust yourself,” says journalist Barbara Walters. Really? I don’t think so. In my experience, the hardest thing to do is to consistently treat ourselves with the loving care we need to be mentally and physically healthy. But I do acknowledge that trusting ourselves is also an iffy task for many of us. And yet that’s often because we don’t habitually give ourselves the loving care we need to be healthy. How can we trust ourselves if we don’t put in the work necessary to ensure our vitality?
— Rob Brezsny, freewillastrology
I’ve read much about the “internalized parent” and our tendency to maintain the critiquing/judging/disciplining voice we endured to growing up. Problem is, much of that inner dialogue is negative and damaging to our sense of self and well being. The troubling inner monologue can lead to ongoing self-worth issues and leave us feeling unloveable. There are workshops/therapy that can address this often unconscious pattern. I’ve done a number of such weekend seminars and they’ve provided quite the reprieve and positive steps forward. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I forgive people but that doesn’t mean I accept their behaviour or trust them. I forgive them for me, so I can let go and move on with my life.
— Unknown
I’ve given forgiveness a lot of thought over the years. I’m a psychology major and I’ve since read loads of books and worked with numerous helping professionals (traditional therapy/life coaching/body talk/Craniosacral Therapy/relationship workshops - all of them worthwhile and life altering)... and still, I found forgiveness quite the process. I’ve just recently found a way to forgive a couple of individuals, with whom I’ve harboured long standing grievances. I gotta tell yah, it feels really good. I’ve been able to find the language that sits right with my heart and mind. I think of the person and say “I know that ____ did the best he/she could at the time. We all have flaws and we all make mistakes. I don’t like what he/she did and it deeply hurt me, but this is a reflection on him/her and not me. I want to be the best person I can be and I’m happy that I’m able to behave in a way that doesn’t hurt people, at least to my knowledge.” Something along those lines, anyway. For me, it feels good to let someone off the hook for their “bad” or “hurtful” behaviour because I also let myself off the hook for some of my own imperfect actions/behaviour. We all have our limitations and we don’t always get it right. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
The best way to get people’s attention and hold it is by presenting to the world what we might call the best version of ourselves, which simply means just being genuine, being prepared, and being empathetic. But behaving in a genuine way, presenting that better version of yourself to the world, will give your words and actions authenticity, projecting a natural straightforward image of somebody who thinks clearly and who can express themselves with ease.
—Santiago Iniguez (President, IE University: Reinventing Higher Education)
My favourite therapist says that when we accept all of who we are, we’ll be more capable of authenticity, empathy, and better quality relationships. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Fast-thinking may help make us human, but slow-thinking completes our humanity. Hearing is fast — even hearing to extract information is fast — but listening is slow. Reaction with emotion is fast, but reaction with empathy — understanding the experiences of others — is slow. Slow-thinking is typically not just learning. Slow-thinking often begins with unlearning. Looking at the world in a different way — taking in new perspectives, working to resolve contradictory information, just taking time to process our thoughts and take measure of the act of thinking itself — all of these allow us to reshape our brain physically, to dismantle neurological connections and build new ones. Learning alone is not enough; we must complement learning with unlearning and relearning. In many ways, circumstances of the year 2020 have naturally pushed us toward slower thinking...
Sean Decatur (President at Kenyon College)
What I learned from my favourite therapist is that we don’t necessarily learn all the necessary communication/relationships skills we may need to succeed in our careers/marriages/partnerships from our family of origin. I owe much of my success and fulfillment to the extra education/re-education. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
There are endless formulas about how to be confident. My experience has taught me it’s much simpler: Confidence is about being yourself and feeling comfortable in your skin. There is a societal notion that we need to be perfect and have all the answers. Have you ever met a perfect person? Me neither. I know I’m always going to have flaws, areas I need to grow, and things I don’t like about myself. I’m the first one to criticize myself but that doesn’t mean I can’t be self-assured. The two aren’t mutually exclusive... We don’t have to be good at everything. It’s better to be honest. Confidence is an inside job... Every win builds your belief in yourself. It’s shaky ground to define our abilities by things going right, though. I wouldn’t get through a week if I let my self-esteem get knocked everything time I made a mistake. Our resilience muscles have to be equally strong...
— Rebecca Minkoff (Founder of Rebecca Minkoff and the Female Founder Collective)
My favourite therapist gave me the best, most profound advice. He said “you need to have your own back, and that means embracing all of who you are and staying true to who you are, your likes/dislikes, needs, wants and deal breakers, particularly when it comes to relationships.” I gave this a ton of thought and spent a good year refining my personal story. Then I met the love of my life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Pause before judging.
Pause before assuming.
Pause before accusing.
Pause whenever you’re about to react harshly and you’ll avoid doing and saying things you’ll later regret.
— Lori Deschene
One of the best lessons I’ve ever learned is to listen with curiosity. My default used to be somewhat defensive, as I felt I was being judged and criticized. I know now that there is always room to learn and evolve, and be the better for it. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I was thinking about the GPS in my car. It never gets annoyed at me. If I make a mistake, it says “Recalculating.” And then it tells me to make the soonest left turn and go back.
I thought to myself, you know, I should write a book and call it “Recalculating” because I think that’s what we’re doing all the time, that something happens, it challenges us and the challenge is, OK, so do you want to get mad now?... There’s a fork in the road here. I could become indignant; I could flame up this flame of negativity or I could say, “Recalculating. I’ll just go back there.”
— Sylvia Boorstein (from the podcast On Being, where Krista Tippett interviews writer and Buddhist teacher Boorstein).
What a helpful analogy in this tumultuous Covid time. Just sayin’ :) Hugs XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Some would argue that human attention, not money, is the most valuable commodity there is. It’s the ultimate scarce resource... Data showed that the farther away students placed their phone while studying, the higher their grades. If you’re trying to control your attention, don’t just try to do it with willpower. You need to hack your physical space.
— Angela Duckworth (Author of Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance and founder and scientific director of Character Lab, a nonprofit that connects researchers with educators).
So many people I’ve talked to lately are struggling with “Covid brain.” Some common descriptions are; foggy headed, inability to concentrate, lack of motivation, forgetfulness, moodiness, lack of hope, sadness at having nothing to look forward to. Good thing is, we’re not alone. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Even the most conflict-averse among us will inevitably end up in a difficult, tense conversation now and again. No matter the topic — politics, ethics, business strategy — we can prepare for this moment by embracing what Harvard’s Francesca Gino refers to as conversational receptiveness. Among other things, this involves actively working to make sure you understand and acknowledge your conversation partner’s point of view, even if you don’t agree with it. Such openness yields dividends, according to Gino’s research, paving a path to agreement and continued discussion.
— Scott Osler, Editor at LinkedIn News
My favourite therapist incorporates a “clearing” education and practice session in his weekend relationship seminars. He says if we’re feeling discomfort with someone in our relationship world, we would do well to address the issue. He says if we can articulate how we’re feeling, the other person will likely respond with curiosity and compassion. Expressing our feelings is also an act of self care or “having our own back.” Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
People always think that the most painful thing in life is losing the one you value. The truth is, the most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of valuing someone too much and forgetting that you are special too.
— Unknown
I wish I could tell my younger self... but it’s never too late to value ourselves properly. My biggest heartbreaks have led me to more personal stability and fulfilment than I could have imagined. The love of my life and healthiest relationship followed. Love and thanks to my past partners/relationships. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
The average person’s mind wanders 47 percent of the time, according to a 2010 Harvard study, so nearly half the time you’re doing one thing, you’re thinking about something else. Add in the 24-hour news cycle, the barrage of social media and the countless distractions for those working from their bedrooms, backyards and walk-in closets — a number that has more than quadrupled from 8.2 percent in February 2020 to 35.2 percent in May 2020, according to research from the Federal Reserve Bank of Dallas — and it’s no surprise that people are struggling to focus.
— Caren Osten Gerszberg
I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing many others are struggling with focus while working in atypical spaces. I have a feeling we’re coping pretty well, considering. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Your energy introduces you before you even speak.
— Unknown
I’m a big believer in energies. Some days I know I need to hide and figure out what’s bringing me down. Just sayin’ :) Hugs XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I believe that what people call God is something in all of us. I believe that what Jesus and Mohammed and Buddha and all the rest said was right. It’s just that the translations have gone wrong.
— John Lennon
I was raised Catholic and struggled with some of the teachings. I happened across more “spiritual” philosophies in college and find many of them empowering. John Randolph Price wrote a little book called The Abundance Book, which talks about an “abundance mindset.” I find his ideas particularly inspiring and empowering. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
We need to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections.
— John Lennon
My favourite therapist would agree wholeheartedly. He says we need to embrace all of who we are. He believes in the concept of an “Inner Family,” which is comprised of ego (protector/sense of self-esteem/self-importance), inner child (our potentially traumatized, sensitive, vulnerable, more emotional self), adult (the responsible face we show the world) and spirit (higher, more forgiving and loving, self). Inner family work is about giving a voice all the parts of ourselves, which can lead to much needed self-nurturing and healing of old wounds. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
We’ve got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to keep watering it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it.
— John Lennon
John Lennon was very much about peace and love. Still very moving and beautiful words/music. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
You’re just left with yourself all the time, whatever you do anyway. You’ve got to get down to your own God in your own temple. It’s all down to you, mate.
— John Lennon
My favourite therapist says that, in his forty years of professional experience, some form of spiritual practice tends to be necessary for a successful recovery. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.
— Socrates (Born 470 BC. Greek philosopher from Athens who is credited as one of the founders of Western Philosophy, and as being the first moral philosopher of the Western ethical tradition of thought. The Socratic method has often been considered a defining element of American legal education. This method was designed to force one to examine one’s own beliefs and the validity of such beliefs. Socrates was notorious for asking questions but not answering, claiming to lack wisdom concerning the subjects about which he questioned others. He also argued that moral excellence was more a matter of divine legacy, rather than parental nurture).
What I find fascinating is the universality of the human condition. Whatever culture/race/gender, we tend to struggle with change, clearly, going all the way back to 470 BC. Just saying’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Many people throughout their lives encounter adversity that doesn’t go their way or is unexpected, and when people successfully navigate these new life adversities, they are likely to learn things about themselves they didn’t realize. This is not to diminish the very real feelings of disappointment and angst we all experience after a setback — especially when we’ve invested emotional and financial resources. But if we can approach our failed plans with a sense of our own resilience, we’re better able to overcome these challenges.
— Dr Roxane Cohen Silver (Professor of psychological science, medicine and public health at the University of California, Irvine).
I had a huge set back post 2008 financial crisis and it went on for years. My morning coffee and writing routine, plus daily exercise, helped with a sense of normalcy and hope. I got through it and although it took years to recover financially, I know that I can count on my inner reserves, whatever life brings. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
It helps sometimes to be a little deaf. When a thoughtless or unkind word is spoken, best tune it out. Reacting in anger or annoyance will not advance one’s ability to persuade.
— Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg wrote in The New York Times, recounting advice she had once received from her mother-in-law.
Rest In Peace special soul.
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Hope is the only thing stronger than fear.
— Unknown
There’s some amazing advice out there for coping with the ongoing Covid navigations and set backs. My two favourite pointers are; look further into the future when this thing is under control and dream about wonderful trips or whatever it is that excites us and remember to be hopeful for some real good to come out of this (for the environment, for human rights, for coming together as a community). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Many survivors experience increased well-being after trauma. In the aftermath of shocking events, people often start over and rethink their priorities. They might change careers to better match their values or reconnect with estranged friends. Many experience greater purpose, stronger connections, or deepened spirituality. Psychologists call this “posttraumatic growth,” or PTG, and it’s fairly common: In one meta-study of more than 10,000 trauma survivors, about 50% reported at least some PTG.
— Jamil Zaki (Harvard Business Review)
Well that’s awesome, and surprising news actually. I’m a survivor of the 2008 financial crisis and thankfully I managed to reinvent myself personally and professionally. I didn’t do it without help though. I worked with an amazing psychologist/seminar leader (Joel Brass, if you’re interested in polishing some communication and relationship skills) and energy healer + life coach (CranioSacral Therapy, which is a gentle, hands-on approach that releases tensions deep in the body to relieve pain and dysfunction and improve whole-body health and performance). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Many of us had already made pre-decisions that determined how we spend the majority of every day — what time we wake up, what we wear to work, what time we go to work, where we eat lunch, etc.. Now suddenly, all those pre-decisions have had to be made anew.... In 10 years how will I want to remember telling the story of how I responded to this crisis?
— Nick Tasler (Organizational psychologist and author of Ricochet: What to do When Change Happens to You. Tasler talks about “temporal distancing,” a technique that can allow us to transcend the here-and-now and visualize the future).
I’m working on a “mind-set shift” myself right now. I usually take one or two trips each winter, to escape the west coast dark/damp winter blues, but plans have clearly changed. So I’m thinking to next year (fingers crossed!) and what I can do with a doubled down, juicy budget. Something even more luxurious and exotic perhaps? Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Success is not something that happens to you; It’s something that happens because of you and because of the actions you take.
— Grant Cardone (Best selling author, # 1 sales and marketing trainer in the world, renowned speaker, international social media influencer and real estate mogul).
Some people might say success is having a wonderful relationship/family and being a good person. Totally up to the individual. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
6 Bad Habits That Kill Your Energy
1) Living in the past
2) Not exercising
3) Over stressing
4) Not eating healthy
5) Always on social media
6) Staying up late
— Unknown
It occurs to me that some, or all of these habits may be self-medicating remedies/coping mechanisms. I think my favourite therapist would say that in order to tackle the habits, we may need to peel a few layers of the onion and mend some old wounds. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
A father said to his daughter “You have graduated with honours, here is a car I bought many years ago. It is pretty old now. But before I give it to you, take it to the used car lot downtown and tell them I want to sell it and see how much they offer you for it.”
The daughter went to the used car lot, returned to her father and said, “They offered me $1,000 because they said it looks pretty worn out.”
The fathers said, now “Take it to the pawn shop.” The daughter went to the pawn shop, returned to her father and said, “The Pawn shop offered only $100 because it is an old car.”
The father asked his daughter to go to a car club now and show them the car. The daughter then took the car to the club, returned and told her father, “Some people in the club offered $100,000 for it because it’s a Nissan Skyline R34, it’s an iconic car and sought by many collectors.”
Now the father said to his daughter, “The right place values you the right way.” If you are not valued, do not be angry, it means you are in the wrong place. Those who know your value are those who appreciate you.... Never stay in a place where no one sees your value.
— #knowyourworth
I remember learning about this at my first serious job. Although I worked my butt off and received a couple of awards, I couldn't seem to advance. After a few years, I moved to a different location (same chain) and was promoted four times in one year. This manager seemed to see me and my contribution very clearly. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I do not accomplish my freedom. I did not make myself. I do not exist by my own means. Rather, I depend on the freedom of others and the complex makings of a fragile world. Only because our lives are contingent and vulnerable can we experience love, freedom, and purpose as something meaningful.
— Karl Jaspers (Author of Psychology of Worldviews, 1919. One of the very few existentialist thinkers who did not seek to master, tame or conquer the unknowable. Instead he tried to cultivate a relationship to this essential quality of life and engage it on his own terms).
I was raised Catholic and although I didn’t manage to connect with all of the teachings, I loved the foundation of values and community spirit. Along the way, I’ve welcomed more “spiritual” philosophies, as I find many of them profoundly helpful and comforting on a day-to-day basis. The Abundance Book, by John Randolph Price, is one such guide book (it’s a quick 79 pages). For me, there are numerous sentences and passages that I can rely on for guidance, strength and courage, whatever life brings. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I do not accomplish my freedom. I did not make myself. I do not exist by my own means. Rather, I depend on the freedom of others and the complex makings of a fragile world. Only because our lives are contingent and vulnerable can we experience love, freedom, and purpose as something meaningful.
— Karl Jaspers (Author of Psychology of Worldviews, 1919. One of the very few existentialist thinkers who did not seek to master, tame or conquer the unknowable. Instead he tried to cultivate a relationship to this essential quality of life and engage it on his own terms).
I was raised Catholic and although I didn’t manage to connect with all of the teachings, I loved the foundation of values and community spirit. Along the way, I’ve welcomed more “spiritual” philosophies, as I find many of them profoundly helpful and comforting on a day-to-day basis. The Abundance Book, by John Randolph Price, is one such guide book (it’s a quick 79 pages). For me, there are numerous sentences and passages that I can rely on for guidance, strength and courage, whatever life brings. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Gratitude is a way for people to appreciate what they have instead of always reaching for something new in the hopes it will make them happier, or thinking they can’t feel satisfied until every physical and material need is met. Gratitude helps people refocus on what they have instead of what they lack. And, although it may feel contrived at first, this mental state grows stronger with use and practice.
— Harvard Health Publishing (Harvard Medical School. Trusted advice for a healthier life).
This article goes on to list ways to cultivate gratitude on a daily basis; write a thank you note, thank someone mentally, keep a gratitude journal, count your blessings (3 or 5 things per day for example), pray, meditate (and focus your mind on what you’re grateful for). I took the count your blessings advice a number of years ago and I find that it redirects my mind away from my worries and fears. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
There was this one thing that a sports psychologist for the Seahawks taught me: when you step out of bed, the first thing you know, you put your feet down and just say, what you are thankful for? That is a habit I picked up just five years ago. That’s another daily ritual of mine and it’s just grounding. It gives you the ability to get up in the morning and orient yourself for the day.
— Satya Nadella, CEO of Microsoft
I embraced a “gratitude mindset” along with daily rituals a number of years ago and I continue to find the practice very calming. For me, it’s the gift of pause, the much needed mental break from life’s inevitable stressors. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
The learn-it-all does better than the know-it-all.
— Satya Nadella (CEO of Microsoft, who believes it’s way more important to be a good learner than to be a genius).
I find that very comforting because I am no genius, Lol. Growing up, I would measure myself against my older brother and sister, plus the kids at school and then college. Don’t get me wrong, I got pretty good grades, but I did not have the photographic memory that my brother continues to enjoy. Memorization has always been a struggle, which makes me horrific at names. Thank God for smart phones and contact apps. (Funny enough I inherited my Dad’s math brain and will likely remember your birthday, ha ha). One thing I have realized over the years is that everyone has their own, individualized brand of “genius.” I guess it’s just a matter of matching our special skill set with the appropriate and rewarding profession/calling for us. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
We beat ourselves up for past “mistakes” and “failings.” If you think about it though, we’re often making decisions without the necessary information. We end up having to try things (schooling, career choice, marriage/partnership) before we know how we’re going to feel about it. Specifically, with marriage, we’re committing to an uncertain future. We don’t know how we and our partner will grow (or not grow, Lol) overtime. We also don’t know if our partner will change or end up behaving differently over time. We may even know our deal breakers ahead of time, only to find our partner falling into one of these habits down the road. I think we should cut ourselves some slack for choices made with the best information we had at the time. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.
— Michael Jordan
Thank you for sharing Michael Jordan. I guess it’s all about trying things, practicing and then sticking with it. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
A study, published in the June 2018 issue of JAMA Psychiatry, analyzed 33 clinical trials for the effects of resistance exercise on depression. Results showed that resistance exercise “significantly reduced depressive symptoms” among participants. A notable finding was that participants showed an improvement in mood regardless of whether they grew physically stronger... “Evidence from studies of both animals and humans supports that resistance exercise training may improve both anxiety and depression...”
— Province Newspaper, Sept 6th 2020 issue
Evidence suggests that exercise in general can, in some cases, be as effective as medication, and without the side effects. A personal friend of mine mentored her special needs daughter through a new health/ training (diet and exercise) regime. Within a year, her daughter had lost 100 pounds and no longer needed the line up of medication she had been on for years, with a number of ailments subsiding (pre-diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol etc.). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
The two most powerful warriors are patience and time, so remember: great achievements take time, there is no overnight success.
— Leo Tolstoy (Best known for the novels War and Peace and Anna Karenina. Tolstoy’s ideas on nonviolent resistance, expressed in The Kingdom of God is Within You, had a profound impact on Ghandi and Martin Luther King Jr).
Very telling, coming from such an accomplished and influential figure. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and make your happiness a priority.
It’s necessary.
— Mandy Hale (Blogger turned New York Times best-selling author, speaker and creator of the social media movement “The Single Woman.” In just over three years, Mandy, a voice of empowerment and sassiness for single woman, has garnered a Twitter following of half a million people).
My favourite therapist says there’s nothing lonelier than being in a bad marriage, because even with couples counselling, there’s a 50/50 shot of a happy outcome. He says therapy allows us to become more authentically ourselves and that either brings a couple together or drives a deeper wedge. By contrast, when you’re single, every day holds new promise. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
We’ve all made trade offs in our careers that we wish we hadn’t. I try not to live regretfully, still, 2020 has made us question whether the things we sacrificed in ‘normal life’ were worth it. We’ve learned that work doesn’t have to be the focal point of our lives in order to get done. Let’s push paradigms. Let’s play with things. Let’s see what does and doesn’t work for us and design our lives around what truly matters. We can rewrite the rules and be even more successful.
— Rebecca Minkoff (New York activist, designer, founder and mother. Founder of Rebecca Minkoff and The Female Founder Collective).
Rebecca talks about using a “quick feedback loop” to check in on whether sacrifices are paying off. If the answer is no, she makes changes to improve the situation for herself and her family. Personally, 2020 has encouraged me to draw better work/life boundaries. I realized I was maintaining certain work commitments that did not benefit me personally. I made a couple of adjustment and my work results are better than ever. Go figure, Lol. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
The soul usually knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind.
— Unknown
My favourite therapist says our issues tend to originate from our upbringing and the resulting emotional barriers and wounds. In private session, and/or group therapy/seminars, he always begins with “How are you feeling today? Give me three emotions.” From there, he takes one on a journey back to the heart of the matter. Life changing stuff. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Angry is just sad’s bodyguard.
— Liza Palmer (Emmy-nominated writer and international bestselling author of Conversations with the Fat Girl, which has been optioned for series by the producers of Rome, Band of Brothers and Generation Kill).
My favourite therapist says there are layers to our emotions and that beneath anger is typically hurt. He says if we’re willing to dig a little deeper and resolve some old pain points, we will develop a greater capacity for healthy, loving relationships. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Good luck isn’t just chance—it can be learned and leveraged—and The Serendipity Mindset explains how you can use serendipity to make life better at work, at home—everywhere.
Serendipity hooks help people get interested in you and help you learn what you’ll find intriguing about them. The process starts when you use memorable or engaging talking points, whether in the park or on Zoom. When Oli Barrett, a London-based entrepreneur, meets new people, he sets several hooks aimed at surfacing overlaps with the other person. If asked, “What do you do?” He will say something like, “I love connecting people, have been active in the education sector, and recently started thinking about philosophy, but what I really enjoy is playing the piano.”... Hooks allow others to find and latch onto something that relates to their lives or what they’re looking for, making serendipity more likely. Setting them is easier if we “have our story straight”: What are we passionate about, and what could we contribute that is relevant to the other person?
— Christian Busch (Author of The Serendipity Mindset, The Art and Science of Creating Good Luck)
I’ve been working on a side project for a while now, and every time I’m in the coffee shop, focused on strategy, I seem to run into a potential investor! Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Dreaming of wonderful outcomes — landing a coveted promotion, reaching a long sought professional milestone — can feel great. But those good feelings can easily lull us into not doing the tough work to achieve our goals, warns David Robson for BBC Worklife. Instead, we are better off using a technique called mental contrasting, where we imagine our great outcomes, step back and reflect on the obstacles in our way and then plan for ways to overcome those impediments. Our fantasies can help inspire and motivate us, but we often need a dose of reality to get moving.
— Scott Oiler, Editor at LinkedIn News
I found my dream job and achieved a personal career high after hitting absolute rock bottom. Starting over allowed me to re-imagine the ideal position/compensation/manager/company culture. The rock bottom part ignited me to set and commit aggressive goals that would make me indispensable. Mission accomplished and how fulfilling it is. All the best to you in your dreams and pursuits! You can do it. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
People don’t want to be talked out of their feelings. People want to be heard, seen, felt, and understood.
— Rachel Samson (Award winning Australian Psychologist and practitioner of Mindfulness and Zen Buddhism who believes that all of our emotions make sense and hold important information about our values and needs).
My favourite therapist also agrees that our feelings hold the key to resolving some of our more problematic issues, if we choose to take a look. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
When you’re standing at a crossroads in your life, know that you bring something unique to the table — something that no one else has. Embrace it, own it, be it. Your experience has value, your knowledge has value, and you have something valuable to add to the conversation. No one has your story.
— Jeff Gothelf, Harvard Business Review (Author and coach)
I’ve spent time recruiting talent for Fortune 500 companies and they definitely value past experience, or transferable skills. More recently, companies are seeking a fresh pair of eyes, as they look for creative and innovative solutions. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Instead of getting defensive, just say, thanks for letting me know your thoughts. I’ll consider them.
— Dr Henry Cloud (Acclaimed leadership expert, psychologist, and New York Times best-selling author. His 45 books include the iconic Boundaries and have sold nearly 15 million copies worldwide. Dr Cloud founded and built a healthcare company, which operated inpatient and outpatient treatment centres in forty markets in the Western US. This hands-on clinical experience formed the basis for his extensive executive coaching background, where he devotes the majority of his time working with CEO’s, leadership teams and executives to improve performance, leadership skills and culture).
My favourite therapist conducts weekend relationship seminars and a key component is “clearing.” He teaches participants how to invite one another to meaningful discussions that resolve whatever friction sits between them. Leading with empathy, compassion and curiosity are the key to a successful outcome. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Resilience is important, but not at the expense of reflection, compassion, and humility. In fact, one could argue that bouncing back too quickly is not resilient at all, but a form of denial, or inability to face reality, or sweeping deep hurt under the rug. In these times, it’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay not to be perfectly resilient.
— Carlene Zanne, Executive Coach and Leadership Consultant
My favourite therapist talks a lot about honouring our feelings. He says we shouldn’t be afraid of our “negative emotions” such as anger and resentment because if we’re willing to face and feel the darker feelings, we have a better chance of uncovering issues that need to be addressed. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
All of the love you have given to the wrong people — it will find it’s way back to you.
— Bianca Sparacino (The Strength in Our Scars)
What a beautiful and comforting perspective. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
“Are you happy?” “In all honesty? No. But I am curious - I am curious in my sadness, and I am curious in my joy. I am ever seeking, ever feeling. I am in awe of the beautiful moments life gives us, and I am in awe of the difficult ones. I am transfixed by grief, by growth. It is all so stunning, so rich, and I will never convince myself that I cannot be somber, cannot be hurt, cannot be overjoyed. I want to feel it all - I don’t want to cover it up or numb it. So no, I am not happy, I am open, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
— Bianca Sparacino, Seeds Planted in Concrete
My favourite therapist says the trick is to allow ourselves to feel everything we’re feeling and utilize the valuable information we can extract from those feelings. If we’re hurt or angry, odds are our boundaries have been crossed and we need to address the issue, perhaps by making a request for different behaviour? Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
The Core to Self Transformation is Habits
A lot of research points to successful people being early risers...it came to my mind that early risers are probably successful not because they get up early, but because they have the discipline to commit to a fixed routine. This comes with the choice of saying no to a lot of things and making the necessary changes to one’s lifestyle.
— Vani Kola (Founder and Managing Director of Kalaari Capital, one of India’s leading early-stage venture capital firms).
The movie Brittany Runs a Marathon (true story) does a great job of dramatizing one woman’s transformation. It occurs to me that inspiration and motivation are the key to discipline and commitment. Personally, it seemed to take shocking and unexpected career + relationship fall out to reach a new level of goal setting, bravery, discipline and commitment. The rewards are huge, which keeps me motivated! Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Better days will come.
— Anonymous
I’ve survived trying situations before this Covid challenge (career/financial meltdown post 2008 financial crisis, broken shoulder, divorces!). I remember noticing how surreal the experiences were at the time. Sooo not fun, but I realize my significant, life improving changes were a direct result of enduring the duress. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Be an encourager. The world has plenty of critics already.
— Dave Willis (American voice actor, writer, producer and musician. Best known as the co-creator of the Adult Swim animated series Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Squidbillies).
I wonder if it’s ourselves we need to encourage the most. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Motivation is so important. In fact all human action can be seen in terms of movement, and the mover behind all actions is one’s motivation. If you develop a pure and sincere motivation, if you are motivated by a wish to help on the basis of kindness, compassion, and respect, then you can carry on any kind of work, in any field, and function more effectively with less fear or worry, not being afraid of what others think of whether you ultimately will be successful in reaching your goal. Even if you fail to achieve your goal, you can feel good about having made the effort.
— Dalai Lama
According to Sujan Patel (forbes.com), psychologists have identified three primary sources of resistance to getting things done; the “have to” resistance (very few things create a resistance as effectively as being forced to do something, so we’re supposed to focus on the benefits of our actions and not the “have to” aspect), the “I don’t feel right about this” resistance (by changing the task, we can perhaps work on a trade-off, so that we feel better about what’s in front of us), the “I can’t do this” resistance (we can choose to focus on the fact that effort creates excellence, so we will very likely get better at and accomplish the task at hand). Personally, my biggest motivation came when I was at my lowest career/life moment. I vowed to never be in this position again and set about overhauling my approach to work and life. I set higher standards (which I put on paper) for my daily work to do. I was determined to be indispensable and so worked harder every single day than I normally would (and 7 years later I’m still hitting record results and financial rewards). I also wrote out a more realistic vision of my perfect relationship/partner. I realized that to live happily with someone long term, goals/values/lifestyle have to be very closely aligned. (Bit of a late bloomer on that fact, Lol, but it paid off big!). I’ve always been a pretty healthy person, but I did work at eating less sugar, which I realized was a bit of a crutch. I try to eat nuts and fruit instead of cookies/chocolate most days, but when I really want something yummy, I go for it and then get back on track. Above all, I consciously made these decisions because I wanted a great outcome and I’m happy to maintain these commitments because the results are infectious. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Happy are those who take life day by day, complain very little, and are thankful for the little things in life.
— Unknown
If there was ever a time to learn how to live life day by day and focus on the little things, this is surely it. The Covid no fun zone has removed so many of the things we used to take for granted. Personally, I’ll be missing warm vacations this fall/winter and when the rain/cold/dark weather hits, we won’t be hangin’ outside anymore. Yikes! I know I’m gonna need to find replacements for my usual go-to’s. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I have found that the greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion. The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It is the ultimate source of success in life.
— Dalai Lama
Reading that put my mind at ease. Thank you Dalai Lama. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
1. They don’t ban their favourite foods, but do eat them in moderation.
2. They cook at home. (According to a 2016 study from European Journal of Clinical Nutrition, we eat more when we eat out).
3. They eat an early dinner. (According to studies, we tend to eat more in the evening because we’re usually unwinding and more relaxed)
4. They weight themselves weekly, rather than daily.
5. They pass on the “Supersize”
6. They eat until they are no longer hungry. (Rather than stopping when they feel full).
7. They typically eat breakfast. (Skipping breakfast can lead to overeating. Studies suggest a high protein breakfast to feel full for longer).
8. They exercise daily. (Aside from burning calories, exercise also releases feel-good endorphins that enhance one’s well being).
9. They snack on fewer calories and keep track of calorie intake.
10. They chew more. (Eating slower may help you feel full faster).
11. They have a regular bedtime. (Poor sleep is consistently linked to weight gain and stress, which can lower metabolism).
12. The sometimes know for eating less meat. (According to Psychology Today, most people expect to lose 5 - 10 lbs by not eating meat).
— chasingfoxes.com
Great checklist. The ones that surprised me are; a regular bedtime and they typically eat breakfast. There’s a lot of focus on “Intermittent Fasting” these days. A recent article also suggested healthy eating, with less focus on calorie counting. All great ideas. See what works I guess. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Today there are societies that are very developed materially, yet among them there are many people who are not very happy. Just underneath the beautiful surface of affluence there is a kind of mental unrest, leading to frustration, unnecessary quarrels, reliance on drugs or alcohol, and in the worst case, suicide. So there is no guarantee that wealth alone can give you the joy or fulfillment that your are seeking.
— Dalai Lama
I was commiserating with a good friend during the 2008 financial crisis. Sadly, a couple of his friends had recently committed suicide. He offered, “I know I’m pretty much losing everything right now, but you know what? I’ll always have the ocean.” Brilliant. My friend is a die hard kite surfer and he says nothing compares to the high he gets on the water. Brilliant. I’m a big fan of swimming outside myself, so I get that. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Hard times build determination and inner strength. Through them we can also come to appreciate the uselessness of anger. Instead of getting angry, nurture a deep caring and respect for troublemakers because by creating such trying circumstances they provide us with invaluable opportunities to practice tolerance and patience.
— Dalia Lama
I’m on the other side of a complete career/financial meltdown, due to the 2008 financial crisis, and starting over actually led to a brilliant do-over. My recovery was faster than I could have imagined as well. I’m enjoying my most prominent (formal recognition, salary increases, awards and perks), effortless, prosperous years of my career. Surviving such a terrifying and trying time forced me to cultivate a deeper confidence in my abilities and the drive to be more creative and inventive. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Our ultimate aim in seeking more wealth is a sense of satisfaction, of happiness. But the very basis of seeking more is a feeling of not having enough, a feeling of discontentment. That feeling of discontentment, of wanting more and more and more, doesn’t arise from the inherent desirability of the objects we are seeking but rather from our own mental state.
— Dalia Lama
Okay, got it. So we’re supposed to focus on gratitude for what we already have first and foremost. The other sage advice from experts is to be of service to others (volunteer work, donations etc.), which helps create a sense of purpose and fulfilment. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
The human mind often creates problems that don’t even exist. Let’s learn to chill out and relax.
— Unknown
The Abundance Book, by John Randolph Price, offers an inspiring and hopeful philosophy on the connection between thoughts and prosperity. “The Ancients taught that to understand one’s self was to understand God, and through the process of meditation, one could release the divine energy from within and transmute discord into harmony, ignorance into wisdom, fear into love, and lack into abundance.” The book includes exercises to train and guide the mind toward more productive and hopefully abundance manifesting thinking. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
