The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it is not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of the other person - without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.
— Osho, Being in Love
My favourite therapist holds weekend seminars, teaching essentially the same thing. He says that most of us are looking for someone to complete us. He describes our romantic search as a plug looking for a socket, a connection that will make us feel whole, safe, loved, secure. He says the person we need to “plug” into is actually ourselves. We need to find a way to become whole in and of ourselves, which is admittedly not quick, easy or cheap. The process typically takes years, and not just a series of four therapy sessions or a weekend workshop. I have certainly found this to be the case. When I began my own healing journey, my therapist explained that our most problematic issues are almost always rooted in our childhood and the conscious and/or unconscious wounds our parents/family unknowingly/knowingly inflict on us. What I found interesting in the weekend group workshops is the surprising variety of issues, beyond emotional/physical/mental abuse. For example, one sibling growing up in the shadow of the other, and forever feeling inadequate. Even the nicknames we’re called growing up can, surprisingly, make us feel insecure and unsafe. As adults, we are better able to understand and resolve some of the things that happened to us as kids. For me, this has been very freeing. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
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