Missing something...

I think it’s important to realize you can miss something, but not want it back.

— Paulo Coelho (Brazilian lyricist and novelist. He is best known for his international bestselling novel The Alchemist and was listed at number 2 in the list of 200 most influential contemporary authors by UK-based Richtopia in 2016).

My favourite therapist says that our goodbye’s determine our hello’s. In other words, we need to put a proper ending to our relationships and mourn them in order to move forward in a healthy way. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

History that’s holding you back...

Step out of the history that is holding you back. Step into the new story you are willing to create.

— Oprah Winfrey

Not necessarily quick or easy to achieve, I’ve learned. Genetics and some of the conditioning from our upbringing can trip us up, even after much therapy. Christmas visiting provides the ultimate test! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Ego or soul?...

The ego wants quantity, but the soul wants quality.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist taught me about the ego and how it wants, wants and wants. He says we have to get in touch with our “Inner Child” where the heart lives to find real fulfillment and lasting happiness. It worked for me, hands down. (If you’re curious, check out Joel Brass’ workshops and newsletters on Joelbrass.com). Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Stroke of luck...

Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

— Dalai Lama

They say we should define our hopes and dreams and then surrender to what comes. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Passing through...

Not everyone is meant to be in your future. Some people are just passing through to teach you lessons in life.

— Unknown

I’ve run into a couple of ex’s lately (one I stopped and talked to, the other I avoided and the most recent and raw one I’m relieved to have not run into). It’s hard not to look back and wonder what in the heck I was thinking? They say hindsight is 20-20 and we should not judge ourselves for our past choices. Supposedly, it’s all a part of our journey and the learnings guide us somewhere better. Actually, this has absolutely been the case for me... but I’m still working on gratitude for my past, forgiveness for my past mistakes and letting go of the hurt and humiliation from my biggest errors in judgement. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Showing grace...

There is nothing more classy or powerful than showing forgiveness and grace to someone who does not deserve it.

— Unknown

I pride myself on being a kind, compassionate and empathetic person. I’m certainly not perfect however, and I’m not immune from judgment. I’ve observed some of my petty thoughts and I don’t like how it feels. I’m challenging myself to be more loving and kind. So far so good and it makes me feel way better to make allowances for others’ limitations (as well as my own). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. Xo

Work with it...

Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it... This will miraculously transform your whole life.

— Eckhart Tolle

I read The Power of Now and A New Earth quite a while ago now, and Tolle’s three words “do not resist” come to mind often. I’m still working on it though. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Be done...

Sometimes you just have to be done, not mad, not upset.
Just done.

— Unknown

I wish I could tell my younger self this sound advice. I couldn’t seem to grasp the “square peg and round hole” barrier, which led to challenging and painful relationships that went on for far too long. On a good note, it’s never too late. Once I figured out, with great clarity, who I am and what I want and need in my life, it was easier to manifest the perfect partner. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Everything is energy...

Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics!

— Albert Einstein

I’m used to hearing such thoughts from the spiritual community, but I didn’t realize this was an Einstein quote. Pretty cool. The whole visualize and see your dreams materialize idea. It’s worked for me, that’s for sure. Not usually in the time frame I’m thinking of, but I know we’re supposed to surrender to what comes. I’m still working on that, ha ha. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Throwing out the trash...

Throw out your trash before 2019!!!

Fake friend
Fake family
Exes
Grudges
Bad habits
Anything toxic
Doubts

— Unknown

I don’t tend to make New Year’s resolutions because I try to work on this stuff as I go, but this year I have one. I went through a phase of being more “honest” and “authentic” and felt good about it because I previously people-pleased my way through life as conflict avoidance. I’m happy to say, I’ve come full circle and I’ve chosen to revert back to my peace-keeping self. I realize I just want people to be happy and to feel good, so I’d rather keep certain thoughts to myself and accept us all for who we are and for the best we’re able to do. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Not about perfect...

It’s not about perfect. It’s about effort. And when you bring that effort every single day, that’s where transformation happens. That’s how change occurs.

— Jillian Michaels (American personal trainer, businesswoman, author and television personality from Los Angeles, California. Michaels is best known for her appearances on NBC, particularly The Biggest Loser. She has made an appearance on the talk show The Doctors and in January 2016 her reality TV series Just Jillian premiered on E! Michaels is also involved in a number of charities, including the NFL’s Play 60, the Clinton Foundations’s Alliance, Stand Up to Cancer, Sow a Seed and Dresss for Success, PETA, National Day of Dance for Heart Health and more).

I have to admit, my father expected all the effort and perfection. Well, maybe that was my teen age perception. He probably wanted to steer me away from a “half-assed” effort as he used to say. It’s interesting as I look back (sadly, my father unexpectedly passed away in 1998, at 59. I really didn’t consider this possibility. I thought we’d have many years to debate, as he so loved to do ;)). I am surprised at how often I think of all that my Dad taught me. He was a hard ass, to be sure, but so much of what I learned from him has been profoundly important, relevant and meaningful in my life. Thank you Dad. I wish I could tell you that and hope you hear me up there. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Be patient...

Things take time.

So just be patient.

— Unknown

Patience has never been my strong suit. The joke is on me for sure though ;) because things have most certainly taken time. Interestingly, things have often come my way when I’m kind of over it. Even allowing things to take time has taken time, Lol. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

It’s all about mindset...

Mindset.
It’s all about mindset.
From the moment you wake up,
to the moment you rest your head at night.
Everything is up to you.
Your emotions, your thoughts, your perceptions,
your reactions.
Every moment.

— Unknown

Thing is, it may be more complicated that that. My favourite therapist says our conditioning and experiences, left unattended and unchallenged, set us up for certain triggers and reactions. We would need to go back to the drawing board and affect some of the problematic “grooves in the record”. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

About Christmas...

I don’t think Christmas is necessarily about things. It’s about being good to one another.

— Carrie Fisher

I concur. The older I get, the more I realize I don’t necessarily need more “stuff” (especially some of those misfire Xmas gifts we seem to get each year). I love spending time with my favourite people, I love Xmas’ing up the home and I enjoy a few days off from the daily shuffle of work. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Uniquely yours...

Absorb what is useful
Discard what is not
Add what is uniquely your own.

— Bruce Lee

When I was younger, I struggled with gut instinct. I wasn’t sure if it was fear (ego/brain) or gut talking. With some coaching, I learned to trust myself, identify my “truth” and quiet the mind. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Something to aim at...

A goal is not always meant to be reached. It often serves simply as something to aim at.

— Bruce Lee

I’ve always wondered why the multinational corporations I’ve worked for are dead set on sales targets (even with product launches, when they have no idea of the market potential). Apparently, when we have targets to shoot for, we tend to accomplish more than we would otherwise have. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Makes you human...

You don’t have to be positive all the time. It’s perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared, or anxious. Having feelings doesn’t make you a ‘negative person’. It makes you human.

— Lori Deschene (Author and Founder of Tiny Buddha, a leading website and resource for peace and happiness, with close to three million monthly readers).

My favourite therapist profoundly observed (many moons ago) that I wanted everything to be sunny and sunnier. He also said that I needed to acknowledge all of my emotions, especially the darker ones, because they provide wonderful and critical information about how we’re doing and what decisions or changes we may need to make. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Calmness is mastery...

Self-control is strength. Calmness is mastery. You have to get to a point where your mood doesn’t shift based on the insignificant actions of someone else. Don’t allow others to control the direction of your life. Don’t allow your emotions to overpower your intelligence.

— Unknown

This is still a work in progress for me. In truth, I know I have not succeeded in forgiving a few people for their transgressions and betrayals. Logically, I understand we have to set ourselves free and move on. What other people do is on them and we need to leave them holding the bag. Emotionally, it’s another story because hurt feelings can run deep and trigger old wounds. I’ve made a lot more progress working with professionals and will continue to do so because I don’t like how reactionary responses work and feel. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Stepping stones to success...

Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.

— Dale Carnegie (American writer and lecturer and the developer of famous courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking and interpersonal skills. Born into poverty on a farm in Missouri, Carnegie was the author of How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936), a bestseller that remains popular today. One of the core ideas is that it is possible to change other people’s behaviour by changing one’s behaviour toward them).

Post 2008 financial crisis/career meltdown of my own, I often reflect on this terrifying, sleep deprived and stressful time. I can’t put my finger on the evolution per se, but I think there was an invisible/internal re-jigging that took place. Surviving failure (even if I was one of many affected by the world financial crisis, it felt terribly personal) produced an unexpected and deep sense of pride, renewed strength, profoundly humble confidence and enhanced skills of all sorts. I was pretty much one month away from moving in with my mother and in my final hour, so to speak, a former manager offered me a fantastic position, restoring my world. I am forever grateful for the lifeline and will take absolutely nothing for granted so long as I live. My forever goal is to be indispensable and from this mindset, I have achieved more than I could ever have imagined, and still climbing. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Watcher of your thoughts...

Be the silent watcher of your thoughts and behaviour. You are beneath the thinker. You are the stillness beneath the mental noise. You are the love and joy beneath the pain.

— Eckhart Tolle

Apparently we still have a reptilian sort of brain, which generates thoughts that are not necessarily accurate. Sometimes there is reason to be afraid, but often the fears are unfounded. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Primary relationship is with self...

My primary relationship is with myself- all others are mirrors of it. As I learn to love myself, I automatically receive the love and appreciation that I desire from others. If I am committed to myself and to living my truth, I will attract others with equal commitment. My willingness to be intimate with my own deep feelings creates the space for intimacy with another. As I learn to love myself, I receive the love I desire from others.

— Shakti Gawain

I certainly didn’t learn this growing up. I learned about being compliant (and being what others wanted me to be); at home under my parents rule, at school following the teacher’s expectations, at work complying with a manager’s directives. I pretty much happened on a paradigm shift back in my early thirties (thanks to one of my most important relationships). I’ve never looked back and life seems to get better and better. I can’t take much credit really. I simply followed the guidance of so many great health care/sprititual/life coaching professionals and authors. Forever thank you to every one of my teachers. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Doesn’t control me...

Forgiveness doesn’t mean I accept what you did. It means what happened doesn’t control me anymore.

— Unknown

Forgiveness can be a process. It took me a while to get past a humiliating betrayal I suffered many years ago. I had to admit I had some responsibility in what happened. I did not do the cheating, but I was certainly absent from the relationship and not dealing with it. As they say, take care of your business, or it will take care of you, and maybe not in the way you choose. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Full of answers...

Silence isn’t empty, it’s full of answers.

—  Unknown

I wish I had known this when I was younger. I filled my calendar to the brim, leaving little time for stillness and going inward. I don’t meditate per se, but I have my versions of quiet, so that I can check in with and trust my gut. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Human excellence...

I know you won’t believe me, but the highest form of Human Excellence is to question oneself and others.

— Socrates (Classical Greek philosopher credited as one of the founders of Western philosophy. He is chiefly known through the accounts of classical writers, particularly his students Plato and Xenophon. Plato was the founder of the Academy in Athens, the first institution of higher learning in the Western World. Unlike nearly all of his philosophical contemporaries, Plato’s entire work is believed to have survived intact for over 2400 years)

Makes me think about what we’ve achieved as a society; abolishment of slavery, women’s right to vote, gay marriage. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

A thoughtful mind...

In his autobiography On the Move, neurologist Oliver Sacks praised his friend Jerry’s curiosity and knowledge. “Jerry has one of the most spacious, thoughtful minds I have ever encountered, with a vast base of knowledge of every sort,” wrote Sacks, “but it is a base under continual questioning and scrutiny.” So willing was Jerry to question and re-evaluate his own assumptions that Sacks said he had seen his friend suddenly stop mid-sentence and say, ‘I no longer believe what I was about to say.’

— Rob Brezny

This sort of mentality is certainly required to tackle discrimination and move society forward. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

True humility...

True humility is staying teachable, regardless of how much you already know.

— Unknown

First off, I’m back from a sunny, luxurious vacation and may I say how wonderful it is to take a time out from the stresses of everyday life (chores, grocery shopping, cooking, work, bills, remembering all of the social functions and having the energy to attend them all). Having said that, I think there is a certain amount of work and effort required in remaining open and curious. I am delighted that the loved ones in my life have brought me to newer and better ways of coping and being in relationship. My life has been enriched beyond belief, thanks to them. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Good relationships...

Do not bring people in your life who weigh you down. And trust your instincts... good relationships feel good. They feel right. They don’t hurt. They’re not painful. That’s not just with somebody you want to marry, but it’s with the friends that you choose. It’s with the people you surround yourself with.

— Michelle Obama (American lawyer, university administrator, writer and the first African-American First Lady of the United States. Obama is a graduate of Princeton University and Harvard Law School. She met Barack Obama at the law firm Sidney Austin. As First Lady, Obama worked as an advocate for poverty awareness, education, nutrition, physical activity and healthy eating).

This is something I would tell my younger self. We don’t all grow up with excellent relationship role models and I’m just glad I was curious enough to pursue better relationship skills. It’s never too late. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Closure...

Closure is a joke. The only apology you need, is the one you owe yourself for staying as long as you did. The only conversation you need to have and the only person you need to see again, is the person in the mirror. Look at yourself and say “you know what, I f-cked up. My worth is more than that”. That’s your closure.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says that, if we’re honest and we’re paying attention, we can see warning signs and deal breakers within one or two dates, let alone one or two years of being with someone. He says it’s up to us to honor ourselves and say no as early as possible. Personally speaking, my last relationship should have been over before we even went on our first date, and most certainly within a month when I realized he was on the aloof side for me (among other things). Just sayin’ :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Forgiving is not for others...

Forgive anyone who has caused you pain or harm.
Keep in mind that forgiving is not for others. It is for you. Forgiving is not forgetting. It is remembering without anger. It frees up your power, heals your body, mind, and spirit. Forgiveness opens up a pathway to a new place of peace where you can persist despite what has happened to you.

— Les Brown (American Author, motivational speaker, radio DJ, former TV host and former politician who uses the catch phrase “It’s possible!” and teaches people to follow their dreams as he learned to do. Brown was born in an abandoned building in a low-income section of Florida. He was adopted by a 38 year old single woman who worked as a cafeteria attendant and was declared “educable mentally retarded” while in grade school. He went on to win countless awards, including one of America’s top five speakers by Toastmasters International in 1992).

Whatever our beginnings, one thing is clear. We probably have more capacity and capability than we know and odds are we have some emotional reckoning to contend with. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Life becomes easier...

Life becomes easier when you learn to accept the apology you never got.

— R. Brault

My favourite therapist says we have to pick up where our parents left off. One of the exercises he had me do was write a letter from my father to me, saying everything I ever wanted and needed to hear from him (he’s passed way now). I was dumb founded at how wonderful it was to read those words (as though they were really from him). Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Giving love away...

When we let someone be who they are without trying to change them, that is giving away love.

— Susan Jeffers (Author of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway)

What happens when we accept ourselves in this way? Allowing myself to be who I am (whatever my limitations and quirks; perhaps clinically/OCD/neat/fussy, addicted to movies, not outdoorsy, not hugely cultured, perhaps under-informed of current events, less than stellar memory for names and most things except for movie related trivia, Lol etc.) is hands down the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Being clear on who I am and what I like/don’t like allowed me to find my perfect match. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Best day of your life...

The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies, or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.

— Bob Moawad (Athlete, coach, motivational speaker and one of the original authors of the best- selling book Chicken Soup For The Soul. Moawad developed the Edge Learning Institute, which was used by many of the nation’s most prestigious Fortune 500 companies).

I was lucky enough to be “schooled” on the power of “owning my own life and having my own back, all the way.” I had to move on from the limitations of my upbringing and choose to learn more effective relationship skills. After all, we don’t necessarily learn healthy interpersonal skills at home and they don’t teach this stuff at elementary school or high school. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Healthy detachment...

Detachment doesn’t mean not caring. It’s taking care of yourself first and letting others take responsibility for their actions without trying to save or punish them.

— Unkown

I’m thinking a healthy detachment (even for a few precious moments) from our worries and stresses would be helpful. I guess that’s what yoga, deep breathing, meditation, are all about. These coping strategies seem to take some commitment and focus, in my experience. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

De-cluttering our lives...

Clutter, it’s not just the stuff on the floor. It’s anything that gets between you and the life you want to be living.

— Peter Walsh (Australian-American professional organizer, writer and media personality, appearing on Clean Sweep for more than 120 episodes and regular guest on The Oprah Winfrey show in the late 2000’s. In 2011 Walsh premiered his own show, Enough Already!, helping people de-clutter and organize their homes and lives).

I’m curious to hear more. Stay tuned... In my experience, removing emotional clutter is not quick, easy or painless.  Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The power of intention...

Live less out of habit and more out of intent.

— Unknown

A trusted life coach blessed my life with the power of intention. At the time, I was looking for a new job (the current one was strangling me on every level) and I was determined to NEVER go through another break up (the last one left me humiliated, particularly since, in truth, I had been done for about a year and was dragging my heals for a number understandable, but fearful and misguided reasons). My coach told me to write down what I wanted very clearly. Not a list, per se, she said, but write out how you want to feel each day and how you envision life with that perfect partner, or perfect job. Write out the kind of manager, how much you want to earn, desired daily activities etc.. I wanted; autonomy, the ability to be entrepreneurial and creative, flexibility and a boss that would empower me, rather than micro-manage my daily activities. In love, I wanted; to do the things I love doing, to NOT do things I dislike, to enjoy the same activies, someone as affectionate as I am, someone chill (I had previously ended up with kinda controlling/intense guys, like my father). So, how did things turn out? Slam dunk on both counts. Amazing! Setting very clear and detailed intentions worked for me. It took about a year of focus to land the perfect job and the perfect life partner (and romantic, fun, meaningful love of my life). Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The healthiest of emotions...

Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions.
The more you express gratitude for what you have,
the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.

— Zig Ziegler (American author, salesman and motivational speaker. He was a charter member of the establishment of American Salesmasters in 1963. The company’s objective was to raise the image of American sales people. Ziegler wrote over 30 books in his lifetime. His first book See You at the Top was rejected 39 times before it was published in 1975 and remains in print).

39 nine rejections and Ziegler kept at it. Interesting that he speaks of gratitude after such an experience. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Peace and happiness...

I’m at a place in my life where my peace and happiness are my top priorities. I avoid placing myself around negative energy.

— Unknown

When I was younger, I used to vent a lot more and I have to admit, it felt kinda good. Sometimes you just gotta let off some steam. As life would have it though, my boyfriend at the time wasn’t super impressed. He led, or rather, pushed me toward better coping strategies. I ended up pursuing all kinds of avenues; spiritual healing, traditional therapy, energy work, relationship skills seminars, paradigm shifting books and more. I learned from all of these disciplines and I am soooo much the better for it. I’m not gonna lie. Taking a closer look at some of the emotional pit falls required a great deal of time, money, tears, humility, courage, effort, and then some. I gave up a lot of weekends going back in time, trying to repair some of the old foundation. I’ll tell you what though... for me at least, I found a proverbial pot of gold (materially, emotionally and all) on the other side of it all . Just sayin’:) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Stop thinking...

Dear Mind,

Please stop thinking
so much at night,
I need to sleep.

— Unknown

I know, right?! The following breathing exercise sometimes works; breath in for four seconds, hold your breath for four seconds, breath out for four seconds, hold your breath for four seconds, repeat. Yoga, meditation, mindfulness in general (or rather, calming and emptying the mind as best we can) are supposed to help reduce stress and anxiety. It’s not as easy as one might imagine. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

To save you...

No one is coming to save you. This life is 100% your responsibility.

— Unknown

The idea of “owning” everything that happens to us, or “the victim mentality” was quite the paradigm shift when I first heard it. As I understand it, we may have been victims in our lives, and surely this was not our fault, but once we become adults, it’s all on us, gulp. There really is no one coming. Our parents have done their jobs, as best they could, we’ve graduated high school, and now we are left to deal. We’re allowed to be upset and angry about the bag we’re left holding, but anger is not going to solve our issues or make our lives better. I resorted to therapy, life coaching and relationship skills courses for assistance because I wasn’t remotely equipped for stellar relationships coming from my family of origin. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Not perfect...

Life isn’t always perfect. Life isn’t always easy. Life doesn’t always make sense. But that’s the beauty of life.

— Unknown

My brain totally gets this. Not so much with my emotions, reactions and resolution of things that go “wrong”. Sometimes I feel like a big baby :/ Just sayin’ ;) Hugs xo

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Plant the seed...

The day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit.

— Unknown

They say “savour the waiting”. This is a lot harder than it sounds, especially for an impatient girl like myself. I decided a while ago to clearly outline my wishes (and on paper), hold these wishes dear to my heart and then try my best to set them free for now. Amazingly enough, most of these wishes have come true. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

No-lose guarantee...

“Security is not having things; it’s handling things. Thus, when you can answer all your ‘what ifs’ with ‘I can handle it’, you can approach all things with a no-lose guarantee, and the fear disappears.”

— Susan Jeffers (Author of Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway)

I read Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway many years ago and it’s always stuck with me. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Richer than you think...

If you have a family that loves you, a few good friends, food on your table and a roof over your head,  you are richer than you think.

— Unknown

I’m not sure I would have agreed with this quote ten years ago. Then I lost my job and life got tough for a painful and terrifying number of years. The silver lining... I now realize how important gainful employment is. My goal at work these days is to be indispensable (and I love the work, go figure). I also learned how to enjoy a few drinks with friends, or coffee with my writing, or a peaceful yoga session because these things were my life line. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Elimination diet...

Remove anger, regret, resentment, guilt, blame and worry.
Then watch your health and life improve.

— Dr. Charles F Glassman (Author of The Breakthrough That will Change Your Life).

Dr Glassman’s goal is to “prevent illness and to practice healthcare rather than focus on ‘sick care,’” He says that “to heal our bodies, we must properly use our minds.” In a nut shell, he offers seven steps to help us gain more control over our unnecessarily fear-based, stressful and harmful thoughts. Might be worth checking out! Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Nothing changes...

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

— Unknown

Simply put, it’s up to us. We need to find a way through; learn something new, do something new, if we can’t seem to make a change, then accept our scenario and find peace and happiness within. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Relationships are murdered...

Relationships never die a natural death..

They are murdered by Ego, Disrespect, Selfishness or Disloyalty.

—e-Buddhism.com

These are strong words. They’re probably true, but when I look back on my younger self, I feel my relationship woes stemmed from; lack of knowledge (parents had a world war three type relationship, which sadly taught me nil about solving issues), lack of awareness (friendship or family-type love vs being in love/passionate/romantic love), uncertainty about just how good a relationship one can expect (I mean, does perfect really exist?), and on and on. I contributed to the death of my past relationships, no question. What a journey it was learning to understand myself and then define and “attract” my perfect partner. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

When people give advice...

It’s one of my theories that when people give you advice, they’re really just talking to themselves in the past.

— Mark Epstein (American author and psychotherapist, integrating both Buddha’s and Freud’s approaches to trauma. Known for The Trauma of Everyday Life).

I used to tire of my Dad’s never ending advice, especially when I was a teenager. I finally told him “Dad, I think some things I need to learn for myself.” Funny thing is, he was right about a lot of things (he passed away many years ago now, and I often thank him for taking the time to help me. I hope he can hear me). There’s something to be said for life experience. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Is it love?...

If it’s destroying you, then it isn’t love, my dear.

— Unknown

I learned this one the hard way. Thankfully, I took a time out after my last relationship malfunction and spent about a year defining my ideal partner (with the help of genius coaches). I hunkered down and knew I’d wait as long as I needed to. Honestly, I just couldn’t go through another mismatch and then crappy break up. It paid off and it paid off huge. I am eternally grateful. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The perfect lifestyle (and then partner)...

Chances are, you won’t find the right love until you find the lifestyle you love.

— Lebo Grand (Author of The art of seductive living).

After trying to “fit a square peg into the round hole” I went back to the drawing board on my love life. I’m not sure what inspired me to do it, but I sat down and got really honest with myself. I thought about the things I love doing, the things I never want to do again and then I wrote out my perfect life. I gave myself permission to be not cultured enough, or not outdoorsy enough. I finally realized I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t pretend I enjoyed sitting on a bike all weekend, leaving the car behind (I’m a city girl. Hello?!). It took almost a year of tweaking my vision of my perfect life and then my 13/10 amazing man walked into my life. We saw each other from across the room, found our way over to each other, talked deep into the night and never looked back. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Embracing criticism...

Accept both compliments and criticism. It takes both sun and rain for a flower to grow.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist teaches weekend relationship workshops. I’ve learned my most valuable lessons from him. He talks a lot about the importance of listening carefully to our loved ones. He says if he were to interview five of our closest friends/family members, they would have very similar experiences of being in relationship with us, and they are allowed to be “right.” It took me a long time to welcome such feedback. I tended to feel judged and hurt. Valuing the other person’s experience (what they think and how they feel), has deepened my most important relationships. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Within our control...

Today I will not stress over things I can’t control.

— Unknown

It’s not easy, is it? Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Bumpy ride...

Nothing goes to waste on the journey of life. Both good and bad experiences shape your mind and heart for what is to come.

— Unknown

Life is a ride, that’s for sure. My favourite therapist observed that I want everything to be “sunny or sunnier.” He says we need some of those darker moods and emotions, so that we may be guided in the right direction. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Walk away in peace...

It’s so empowering to say “This isn’t serving me” and walk away in peace.

— Unknown

I think we’re taught that “taking care of #1” is selfish. My favourite therapist says, however, we need to understand why we’re doing certain things. If we are choosing to do something for a loved one out of duty and obligation, that’s ok. Otherwise, we should think carefully and honor ourselves enough to decline at times, in support of our own health and well-being. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Types of intelligence...

80% of billionaires don’t have a college degree.

— @motivated.mindset

Actually, 9 different types of intelligence have been identified:
1. Naturalist Intelligence:
Think botanist or chef, or the ability to discriminate among consumer goods products.
2. Musical Intelligence:
The ability to discern pitch, rythm, timber and tone. A link with emotion and/or math.
3. Logical-Mathematical Intellgence:
Patterns, categories and relationships, games, experiments.
4. Existential Intelligence:
Deep questions about human existence, meaning of life, why we die, how we got here.
5. Interpersonal Intelligence:
Understand and interact effectively with others, entertain multiple perspectives (teachers, social workers, actors, politicians).
6. Bodily-Kinesthetic Intelligence:
Manipulate objects and use a variety of physical skills through mind-body union (Athletes, dancers, surgeons, crafts people).
7. Linguistic Intelligence:
Think in words (order and meaning) and use language to express and appreciate complex meanings.
(Poets, novelists, journalists, public speakers). Young adults with this kind of intelligence enjoy writing, reading, telling stories, doing crosswords.
8. Intra-personal Intelligence:
Capacity to understand oneself, one’s thoughts and feelings and to use knowledge in planning and directing one’s life. Appreciation for the human condition. (Psychologists, spiritual leaders, philosophers).
9. Spatial Intelligence:
Ability to think in three dimensions. (Sailors, pilots, sculptors, painters, architects).

So in other words, we’re all good at something, and we don’t necessarily have to go to college to “succeed.” Just saying’ :) Happy Friday!

Blessings,

Chatgirl

What mentally strong people do...

18 Things Mentally Strong People do

1.   They move on.
      They don’t wast time feeling sorry for themselves.
2.   They keep control.
      The don’t give away their power.
3.   They embrace change.
      They welcome challenges.
4.   They stay happy.
      They don’t complain. They don’t waste energy on things they can’t control.
5.   They are kind, fair and unafraid to speak up.
      They don’t worry about pleasing other people.
6.   They are willing to take calculated risks.
      They weigh the risks and benefits before taking action.
7.   They invest their energy in the present.
      They don’t dwell on the past.
8.   They accept full responsibility for their past behaviour.
      They don’t make the same mistake over and over.
9.   They celebrate other people’s success.
      They don’t resent that success.
10. They are willing to fail.
      They don’t give up after failing.
      They see every failure as a chance to improve.
11. They enjoy their alone time.
      They don’t fear being alone.
12. They are prepared to work and succeed on their own merits.
      They don’t feel the world owes them anything.
13. They have staying power.
      They don’t expect immediate results.
14. They evaluate their core beliefs
       — and modify as needed.
15. They expend their mental energy wisely.
      They don’t spend time on unproductive thoughts.
16. They think productively.
      They replace negative thoughts with productive thoughts.
17. They tolerate discomfort.
      They accept their feelings without being controlled by them.
18. They reflect on their progress every day.
      They take time to consider what they’ve achieved and where there they are going.

— Forbes.com

Change is the toughest one for me. Why is the unknown sooo scary? And what is it about disruption and disorganization that is so uncomfortable? I’m gonna work on being more comfortable with the work in progress phases of life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

It’s not the answer...

I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.

— Actor Jim Carrey

Thank you Jim Carrey for being willing to be authentic and vulnerable. My favourite therapist says this is the beginning of true happiness. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Strongest factor for success...

The strongest factor for success is self-esteem. Believing you can do it, believing you deserve it and believing you’ll get it.

— Unknown

The more I read and research, the more I hear this sentiment (across all walks of life). Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Gut instinct...

Never discredit your gut instinct. You are not paranoid. Your body can pick up on bad vibrations. If something deep inside of you says something is not right about a person or situation, trust it.

— Unknown

Apparently some scientists have nicknamed our gut (enteric nervous system) the “second brain.” Our gut contains one hundred million neurons, which is more than either the spinal cord or peripheral nervous system. Michael Gershman, author of “The Second Brain” explains that “a big part of our emotions are probably influenced by the nerves in our gut.” Apparently 95 % of the body’s serotonin is found in the bowels and may have a role to play in certain diseases. The blossoming field of neurogastroenterology will likely offer some new insights into the workings of the second brain. Interesting stuff.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

What is happening...

At some point you just have to let go of what you thought should happen and live in what is happening.

— Unknown

We can expect an awful lot of ourselves, can’t we? I’m not sure why we have a story in our heads about how our lives should go; if/when we’ll get married, how many kids we’ll have, how much money we’ll make. Boy is my life different than what I envisioned; no kids, two divorces, survivor of the proverbial rainy day, still working on finances. On the other hand, I have found the perfect love of my life (that I thought didn’t exist), I absolutely love what I do for a living and I’m also in love with my friends, hobbies, lifestyle. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Selective battles...

Be selective with your battles. Sometimes peace is better than being right.

— Unknown

It took me a long time to understand this. I felt I should be more knowledgeable or something. Along the way (thanks to relationship courses and coaching), I learned how to listen more. That old saying  “learn to be more interested, rather than interesting” comes to mind. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

No accident...

Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice, and most of all, love of what you are doing.

— Pele (Widely regarded as the best soccer player of all time)

Tiger Woods’ miraculous, emotional come-back comes to mind. The old saying “ you get out what you put in” seems to be very true. The things I’ve worked hardest at have brought rewards, fulfillment and a great sense of pride. I guess the X factor is figuring out where we want to hang our hat. This is not as obvious for some of us. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Some days...

Some days I amaze myself.

Other days I look for my phone while I’m talking on it.

— Unknown

Lol ;) I’ve done this on more than one occasion. Probably in auto pilot, thinking about life’s daily stressors. There’s just no way around the ups and downs of life is there... Just sayin ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Ultimately happy life...

Destroy the idea that you have to be constantly working or grinding in order to be successful. Embrace the concept that rest, recovery, and reflection are essential parts of the progress towards a successful and ultimately happy life.

— Unknown

Near bankruptcy, being caught off guard by an unexpected betrayal, fear of the unknown, rest, recovery and reflection, have been the building blocks for the happiest and most successful time of my life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The little things...

Enjoy the little things...
                           
— Unknown

I was one of the unfortunate people seriously affected by the finacial crisis of 2008. I never thought something like that would happen to me because jobs in my line of work are typically plentiful. It was a terrifying time and I had to cut expenses in every way imaginable. Dinners out, vacations and new clothes were just the first cuts. Thank God I love to write because morning coffee with a newspaper, pen and paper were my lifeline. Many years later, I’ve noticed a silver lining. I don’t spend the way I used to. Actually I don’t even think much about spending anymore. Sure, I still go out for some dinners and take a trip every year, but I save up for these extravagances and pay up front. I never thought I’d enjoy not spending money, but I feel safe and happy watching my bank balance grow. My grandfather was right after all. He said “save your money. There’s always something to buy and you never know when that rainy day will come.”Just sayin :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl                                                

Where happiness comes from...

It looks great when you have a cool car and nice clothes and you’ve done something that people admire. But, it can never fulfill you, you can never be happy. It’s not where happiness comes from.

— Jim Carrey

Carrey goes on to talk about how we are held back by the ideas of success we’ve created. (Jim Carrey has struggled with depression and generously, openly shares his experience). That’s amazing coming from someone accomplished, who has brought so much good energy through his funny and engaging performances. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Before you settle for anything less...

You deserve to be in spaces and relationships that make you happy; that feed your soul and help you grow. You are worthy of connections that are loving, nourishing, kind and authentic. Before you settle for anything less than, remind yourself that the places you visit and people you journey with through life should make you feel safe, loved and enough.

— Alex Elle (US Author, wellness consultant and teacher)

Sounds easy enough, right? In my experience, however, there was much work, effort and time involved in “attracting” unconditionally loving relationships. My favourite therapist would say that our family of origin (and perhaps lack of healthy communication and relating skills) can pre-dispose us to less than stellar relationships. I don’t think I would have found the love of my life without “going inward” and benefiting from key relationship workshops. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Mastering self...

The person who masters himself through self-control and discipline is truly undefeatable.

— Gautama Buddha (Founder of Buddhism)

After a few years of hardship, I sat down and made a few sweeping changes. I had performed well in my job each year, but I wondered what would happen if I worked just a bit harder each day. I decided to go for it and the results have been very cool. I’ve been formally recognized at work and I’ve made more money. What I didn’t expect was the added boost in confidence and fulfilment. I go home each night knowing I’ve worked hard, I’ve done my best and I’ve been rewarded far beyond my hopes and dreams. The effort is well worth it and it feels great. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

I am me...

I am me
nothing more
nothing less
and that
is enough.

— Harpreet M Dayal (UK Author and poet. Known for her children’s book Wilbert the Worm and her book of poetry Svadhyay, which is “refreshingly positive.”)

After two divorces and yet another broken relationship, I went back to the drawing board. I turned to my favourite therapist (Joel Brass) and revisited two of his life-altering relationship workshops. As always, he nailed the issue and said “you’re almost there. You just need to have your own back, all the way.” From there, I figured out how to be completely true to myself. I gave myself permission to like what I like and leave the rest. I made a list of things I love doing and things I never want to do again. Amazingly enough, I realized that none of my previous partners actually suited me and my lifestyle. After a time of healing, I set out in the dating world again. Being single felt much different this time. I was clear about myself and how I wanted to live my life moving forward. I met the man of my dreams soon after and life is truly a fairytale. My days still include the mundane chores of shopping, cooking, cleaning, sorting out the odd blip of man/woman misunderstanding, but on the whole, the relationship is blissful. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Honest conversations...

Until people start having honest conversations about who they truly are, what demons they battle with, where they lack and what they truly want, love will continue to be a temporary experience... honesty and communication are key. Stop being afraid to speak on where you are.

— TheMindsJournal.com

Speaking honestly did not come easy for me. In my house people yelled and nothing got resolved. People pleasing and trying to be invisible were survival instincts. Not to crucify my parents (who I’m certain did their best), but I wasn’t exactly furnished with helpful relationship skills. Fortunately, I had an early interest in psychology and happened across some excellent relationship workshops that gave me life altering skills. Who knew. I still find it all to be a work-in-progress, but I now enjoy listening and trying to understand where people are coming from (rather than being defensive and self-righteous). There’s always a story. I believe we can be very cooperative and flexible if we’re motivated enough. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Worth waiting for...

Sometimes the best things in life take a while.

— Unknown

Great reminder. Honestly, the life of my dreams did take much longer than I would have imagined or desired (like years and years and years, Lol). Was it worth the wait? You bet, although I would have loved to have met the love of my life in my thirties when children were still an option. On the other hand, I suspect things have worked out for the best. I am even more of career woman than I earlier thought. I continue to be more and more fulfilled by overcoming challenges, growing/evolving and raising the bar. I’m sure this is the path I’m supposed to be on, and so I enjoy every moment with my neices/nephews and my boyfriend’s children. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Love life...

I have found that when you love life, life will love you back.

— Arthur Rubenstein (A Polish American classical pianist, who played in public for eight decades. Many regard him as the greatest Chopin interpreter of his time. The New York Times described him as one of the greatest pianists of the twentieth century).

I always thought cliche’s were used, worn out expressions. Boy was I wrong. Above all, the expression “you get back what you put out” has been the truest in my world. I kept hearing from people I admired and respected “invest in yourself” and “focus on yourself.” I really had no idea what they were talking about and ended up learning the hard way. After reeling from my huge setbacks, I started over (I’ll give myself credit for bravery actually) by envisioning and then writing out in detail a description of my ideal life (a life coach gave me this excellent advice). I then determined a step by step set of goals. Many years later (more than ten) I still wake up each day (even Saturday and Sunday), I review my list, I get out there and I try my absolute best. Most importantly, I tell myself that my best will always be good enough. When things don’t go as planned, I let it ride because I got out there and tried. Interestingly, over the long haul, my miracles have come true. Big picture thinking I say! Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Take total ownership...

Cancel the pity party. Pull yourself together and take total ownership for everything in your life.

— Unknown

One of my treasured coaches taught me about this many moons ago (from A Course in Miracles). I don’t mind saying, I didn’t get it. When you’ve suffered an ill fate and you know that it was not of your doing, it’s kinda hard to get out of that victim place. “Taking total ownership” was a paradigm shift and this is how I look at it nowadays... Certainly unfortunate things may happen to us that are completely out of our control. Then what? At this point, we’re left holding that bag and we need to do our very best with the situation. This is where the whole “take lemons and make lemonade” mentality comes in. I challenge myself to spend less and less time on what’s happened and more time on solutions. I now think, how can I learn from this experience and get stronger? Surviving crappy experiences can actually build self-esteem (like when I suffered the financial crisis right to the bottom, and am now driven to be indispensable with results that are indisputable). Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Win in your mind...

You can’t win in your life if you’re losing in your mind. Change your thoughts and it’ll change your life.

— Tony Gaskins (Motivational speaker, author and life coach. He has appeared on Oprah, theTyra Banks Show and TBN’s 700 Club. He is most known for his love and relationship advice for men and made the Under30CEO’s Top 50 Most Motivational People on the web).

I’ve heard this said in a number of ways and the message is pretty clear. We must somehow find a way to envision and believe that we can manifest the things we dearly want. Just sayin’ :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

You’re the hero...

I think one day you’ll find that you’re the hero you’ve been looking for.

— Jimmy Stewart

I found my biggest success and fulfillment when I set specific goals, made commitments to myself, rolled up my sleeves and focused on daily tasks (do one extra thing at work each day, cut out sugar for the most part, honor my energy level by saying no when I need to, write this blog, which keeps me in a positive and productive frame of mind). I found the life of my dreams on the other side of these decisions and work ethic. Now I actually enjoy doing the extra “work” becuase I love the results I continue to get! Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Feels better...

Sometimes, it feels better not to talk. At all. About anything. To anyone.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist has taught me the importance of feeling what I’m feeling, even the darker stuff. (He tells me I want life to be sunny and sunnier, ha ha). I realize that sometimes there are no words, just feelings. When I’m able to talk again, I tend to find new insight and direction. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The wisdom of failure...

I don’t believe in failure. Failure is just information and an opportunity to change your course.

— Oprah Winfrey

“It’s just information” is my favourite saying lately. It took me a loooooong time to get that. Information exchange (communication) is highly underrated, particularly when it comes to relationships. My favourite therapist talks about “clearing” and how critical it is to the health of a relationship. I used to avoid communicating because I was afraid of people’s reactions (anger/yelling). I now know that there are constructive and generous ways of communicating that promote healing, trust and good will (how do I feel, how do you feel, what do you need, what do I need, are we able to accommodate each other). It took (and still takes ) a lot of practice, mind you. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Recipe for success...

“I’ve missed over 9000 shots in my career... I failed over and over and over again, and that’s why I succeeded.”

— Michael Jordan (By acclamation, the greatest basketball player of all time, scoring 30.1 points per game and winning 6 NBA Finals MVP’s. Jordon was one of the most effectively marketed athletes of his generation and was considered instrumental in popularizing the NBA around the world in the 80’s and 90’s).

So we shouldn’t beat ourselves up if/when we “fail” then ;) What’s our definition of success anyway? Do we want work-life balance? Do we want to live in a certain neighbourhood with an infinity pool? Do we have a driving urge to be the best in our field? Or do we want to enjoy a loving family, tend our garden and be kind to the environment above all. It’s totally up to us (if we can quiet some family and societal chatter). We’re not all as talented as Michael Jordan, so we may need more trial, error and course correction in our story. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Healing to fulfilment...

Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our life.

— curiano.com

My favourite therapist says that we cannot change our legacy. We can’t change where we grew up, or how we grew up. He says we should aim for uncovering the issues that silently run our lives and our relationships. This is no quick or easy task, but small adjustments can make all the difference. In my experience, significant healing is tough to achieve on our own. We’re probably too close to the “stuff” to have perspective and we don’t likely have the skills and tactics to navigate our deepest emotional complexities and challenges. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Brave enough to try...

It sounds funny, but you should be proud of yourself for failing. It meas you tried. It means you were brave enough to put yourself out there.

— Unknown

I really like this sentiment. I’ve wondered about some of my own pursuits that fizzled. I’ve decided that some passions are meant for hobbies and not money making ventures. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Brave enough to try...

It sounds funny, but you should be proud of yourself for failing. It meas you tried. It means you were brave enough to put yourself out there.

— Unknown

I really like this sentiment. I’ve wondered about some of my own pursuits that fizzled. I’ve decided that some passions are meant for hobbies and not money making ventures. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Let’s beautify...

Kindness is like snow - it beautifies everything it covers.

— Khalil Gibran

I’ve been tested of late. Somewhat nasty gossip has circled back to me and I temporarily let it get under my skin. Thank goodness I revisited earlier work on forgiveness and I’ve arrived at a feel good course of action. I choose to forgive those who need to vent and sit with their troubled feelings. I also choose to make allowances, rather than judge in return. Lastly, I am practicing owning ALL of my own stuff. If I’m frustrated with something in my world, I choose to make adjustments so that I arrive at a more suitable outcome. For example, if I feel that I’ve given more generously to loved ones in the past, then I choose to suggest and arrange mutual gift giving, such as buying each other something cool on a fun shopping spree. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

I will simply breathe...

I will breathe.
I will think of solutions.
I will not let my worry control me.
I will not let my stress level break me.
I will simply breathe.
And it will be okay.
Because I don’t quit.

— Shayne McClendon (Indie author most recognized for her premiere novel The Barter System and  whose “words always feel just right.”)

Life is a ride and the highs are so worth it. I have to keep telling myself this because I get scared, I get tired, I get frustrated and some days I hide out. Then a sparking, perfect day happens and I absolutely love being alive. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Let it...

Sometimes there is nothing you can do but let it rain and wait for the sunshine.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist told me many moons ago that I want life to be “sunny and sunnier.” Needless to say, I don’t like it when things go “wrong.” I actually do believe in silver linings and I’ve certainly gained perspective looking back. I’m just not great in the scarier moments. I think I struggle to manage and control what's happening. Of course this is silly because we can only control so much. I’ll keep working on a mentality shift because stress is a killer, isn’t it?! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Planting the seed...

You cannot force someone to comprehend a message they are not ready to receive.

Still, you must never underestimate the power of planting a seed.

— Unknown

Sometimes it feels like nothing is happening and it’s hard to not lose hope. I have to remind myself often that things take time (and patience, which is not my strong suit ;)). Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Praise your enemies?...

Praising and blessing dissolves all negativity, so praise and bless your enemies. If you curse your enemies, the curse will come back to harm you. If you praise and bless them, you will dissolve all negativity and discord, and the love of the praising and blessing will return to you. As you praise and bless, you will feel yourself shift into a new frequency with the feedback of good feelings.

— The Secret

If I’m in a great place, I can wish all people well, including those who may have contributed to some of my personal difficulties. If I’m stressed or worried, maybe not so much. I do know that I am responsible for my choices and I have everything to do with some of my unpleasant endings (i.e. staying in a bad job too long and being absent from my past relationship without actually leaving). I want to work on this because I believe we get back what we give, both good and bad. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Gratitude...

Gratitude is a vaccine, an antitoxin, and an antiseptic.

— Henry Jewett (Author and influential British Protestant preacher, who has been called “the greatest preacher in the English speaking world”).

A list of 31 benefits was compiled by aggregating the results of more than 40 research studies on gratitude. In a nutshell, gratitude is supposed to make us happier, by improving our health, relationships, emotional world, personality and career. More specifically, gratitude is strongly correlated with optimism and vitality/energy level, which is said to reduce feelings of envy, make our memories happier, allow us to experience good feelings and help us bounce back from stress. A common suggestion is to spend just five minutes a day writing out what we’re grateful for... and then watch the results. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Rock bottom as a solid foundation...

Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

— J.K. Rowling (British novelist, philanthropist, film and TV producer and screenwriter best known for the Harry Potter series. Rowling is the ninth-best-selling fiction author of all time. She was working as a researcher and bilingual secretary for Amnesty International when she conceived the idea for Happy Potter. The seven years following, her mother died, she gave birth to her first child and suffered a divorce. She was in “relative poverty” and living on state benefits until 1997, when the first novel in the series was published. Rowling lost her billionaire status after giving away much of her earnings to charity, but remains one of the wealthiest people in the world. She was named the “Most Influential Woman in Britain” by leading magazine editors).

A wonderful rags to riches story and very impressive that Rowling has given so much to charity. How inspiring. I wonder what we could achieve if we set our hearts and minds to it. One thing is certain. If we lose everything for some reason, we know it is possible to rebuild and be the better for it. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Silver lining...

If some situation occurs that affects your state of joy, repeat to yourself, “All good is coming from this situation.” And it will. Learn from each experience. You will find after experiencing a challenging situation, your level of joy will be higher than it has ever been before.

— The Secret

Personally, I think The Secret is onto something. You have your typical ups and downs in life, but when you get truly blind-sided, it is beyond scary and shocking. I’ve experienced two such moments. I was blown away enough at one point that I was afraid to be alone, which is very out of character for me. I couldn’t wrap my head around what had happened. The second time I was blown away, I was privately in a state of shock for about three months (I was in bed every night reading self-help books!). Although my two shocking experiences were a horror at the time, they set me up for the life and love of my dreams. In order to move forward, I had to accept my hand in each of these situations. In the first, I needed to leave a bad job and was stalling for far too long. In the second, I was again delaying leaving the wrong relationship. They say if we don’t make our own decisions, they will be made for us. I now pay attention and carefully manage all aspects of my life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Trust yourself...

Think for yourself. Trust your own intuition. Another’s mind isn’t walking your journey, you are.

— Unknown

When I was younger, I wasn’t sure how to distinguish fear from gut instinct. I wasn’t sure if I should “feel the fear and do it anyway” or if I was picking up on an important red flag. My favourite therapist says that gut instinct literally comes from our body and the feelings in our stomach. I’m not sure if it just takes practice tuning into our bodies, or if we have to unload some of our baggage as well. (My favourite therapist also says that our baggage can silently run our lives and ruin a lot of relationships if left unchecked). It’s probably a combination of both. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The best teachers...

A hungry stomach, an empty pocket and a broken heart can teach the best lessons of life.

— Unknown

When I was younger, I didn’t budget because I wanted to enjoy life and feel abundant. I decided not to worry about money and live with the credit card balance each month (within reason). My father was a teacher and my mother never worked, so I heard “we can’t afford it” waaaaay too much for my liking. Then that old rainy day (which I NEVER thought would happen to me) actually came. In my line of work there are typically a million jobs and I’ve always had my pick. Not this time. Jobs disappeared after the 2008 financial crisis and I learned about saving and living below my means. Interestingly enough, I now feel more well-off than ever and I am still enjoying life and spending when I feel like it, for the most part. I just think about where I want the money to go and I save ahead of time for bigger purchases like vacations. Duh. (Ps. stay tuned for more on the broken heart lesson). Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Overnight sensation?...

Success isn’t overnight. It’s when everyday you get a little better than the day before. It all adds up.

— Dwayne Johnson (American actor, producer and semi-professional wrestler. Johnson won a national championship at the University of Miami and played for the Calgary Stampeders. He is regarded as one of the greatest professional wrestlers of all time. His autobiography The Rock Says debuted at No. 1 on the New York Times Best Seller list in 2000).

My biggest successes have come waaaaay later than I would have wanted or imagined. My highschool basketball coach told me that perseverance was my biggest strength and it turns out he was right. It’s sweet, however long it takes to impress ourselves. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Our limitations...

If someone tells you “you can’t” they’re showing you their limits. Not yours!

— wordsworthbillions

It’s interesting how we react to other people’s stories and goals. We seem to immediately think about how we would feel in that situation. I wonder why we do that? Other people have their own path and who’s to say we need to weigh in on their goals or decisions? I’ve noticed that when I go to a wedding, I have a huge reaction, depending on where I’m at in my life. When I was getting divorced, I wanted to avoid weddings (awe, but makes sense). When I was in the wrong relationship, weddings made me cry (also awe, but makes sense). Now that I’m with my perfect partner and love of my life, weddings make me cry with joy and think about the vows I’m going to write (awe, much better!). Maybe we can’t help but be the reference point for others’ stories, even though we should just allow them the space to have their own thoughts and experiences without our feelings landing on them. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Opinions...

In order to insult me, I must first value your opinion...
Nice try though.

— Unknown

Fact or opinion? Understandable observation, or nasty gossip? I’ve been more bothered by unkind gossip than I’d like to admit. I figured something out lately though, and I am soooo relieved. I realize that if I am not in a relationship with someone, I don’t need to worry about what they think of me. Nor do I want to hear what such people have to say about me. How freeing. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Just do it...

Just do it.
You force yourself to get up.
You put one foot in front of the other, and God damn it, you refuse to let it get to you.
You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it.
There’s no other way.

— Elizabeth Taylor (British born American actress, businesswoman and humanitarian. She was named the seventh greatest female screen legend by American Film Institute in 1999).

I found a great book called Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway. Changed my life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The most important investment...

The most important investment you can make is in yourself.

— Warren Buffett (American business magnate, investor, speaker and philanthropist, who is considered one of the most successful investors in the world. He has a net worth of $84 billion as of June 3 2018, which makes him the third wealthiest person in the world. Warren Buffet was born August 30th 1930 in Nebraska and holds a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration and a Master of Science in Economics. He also attended the New York Institute of Finance. Interestingly, he was rejected by Harvard Business School).

It took me a while to figure this one out. I worked pretty hard through highschool, farted around at college for two years and then got serious in my final two years of University, earning a BA in psychology. I’ve always had a decent work ethic and achieved some status in my jobs, however, I’ve always had too many interests to focus on being #1. In school I was prepared to study enough to get A’s and B’s, but I wasn’t ready to give up my social time in order to achieve that coveted 4.0. Then I had a couple of failed marriages and yet another broken relationship that left me reeling. I had been avoiding making the decision to end something that wasn’t working, which left me open to a shitty break up, with an embarassing betrayal. Sometimes it takes a kick in the a_-_-! to face truths and make smarter decisions. Well, I finally got it and made sweeping changes in my life; I quit eating sugar, which I never thought I’d be able to pull off, I decided to work much harder at my career, I started writing this blog to focus on investing in myself (improving myself) and I learned how to attract the right relationship. Game changers all of them. I really am living the dream now. I feel this is due to a daily commitment to my personal/professional/financial/relationship/lifestyle goals. I love waking up in the morning and dreaming about the exciting things I want to manifest (like more warm vacations, more time for fun and frolic, the perfect home with lots of space, beauty and a zen feel) . Just sayin’ :). Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

What has power over us?...

It all begins and ends in your mind. What you give power to has power over you, if you allow it.

— Unknown

Thing is, some things are unconscious, or they’re so ingrained that we don’t even know they have power over us. My favourite therapist contends that our early childhood experiences often set us up for dysfunctional relationship patterns, and if left unchecked, we face much drama and heartache. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Clearing the path...

Not all storms come to disrupt your life, some come to clear your path.

— Unknown

In my experience, “storms” absolutely cause disruption to the status quo, requiring much patience and calming (at least they do for me, ha ha). On the other hand, surviving the discomfort may also be rewarded by shiny new blessings. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Laughter...

People who make me laugh until I’m physically in pain are my favourite kind of people.

— Unknown

Stress relief! Just sayin’ ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

If it hurts...

When it hurts - observe.
Life is trying to teach you something.

— Anita Krizzan (Author)

My most painful experiences (lessons) resulted in profound, life altering transformation. I can transport myself back to that agony in a nanosecond and rememeber why I’ve made a few critically positive choices (i.e. choosing the right kind of relationship, prioritizing hard work on a daily basis to secure my financial future, taking even better care with my health, writing this blog). Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Peace and quiet...

I’d rather be alone, than around chaos and confusion.

Silence beats drama any day. 

— Unknown

I concur. It took me a long time to realize I could make better choices (i.e. a relationship that is more suited to my temperament, with someone who is calm, considerate, kind, open-minded, thoughtful, etc.). Just sayin’ ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Who we’re becoming...

I accept who I have been, but I really love who I am becoming.

— Unknown

As I get older, I realize I’m a work in progress. Some traits seem pretty hard-wired (impatient, fussy and perfectionist about food, neatness and time), but I’ve managed to smooth a few edges for sure. It’s a load off to be more curious and interested in hearing what people think, rather than defensive or feeling like I should know more than I do. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

There are no rules...

For what it’s worth; it’s never too late, or in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you feel things you have never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find you are not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

— F. Scott Fitzgerald (American fiction writer, including The Great Gatsby which has become required reading for virtually every American high school student, whose works illustrate the Jazz Age. While he achieved limited success in his lifetime, he is now widely regarded as one of the greatest American writers of the 20the century).

I guess all we can do is follow our heart and pursue our desires. Maybe we’re not meant to be “great”. Maybe we’re just meant to enjoy life in whatever ways catch our fancy. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

How we all feel...

My role in society, or any artist or poet’s role, is to try and express what we all feel. Not to tell people how to feel. Not as a preacher, not as a leader, but as a reflection of us all.

— John Lennon

I think I’ve posted this quote before. I just love the inclusiveness of the great John Lennon’s message. I know we’re all different (sex/culture/language/beliefs/religion/generation/small town or big city), but we are all human after all. Maybe we have more in common than we think. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Work with it...

Accept then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.

— Eckhart Tolle

I find this tremendously hard at times. I love the concept, but unexpected occurances absolutely throw me off and require an attitude adjustment. I guess all we can do is our best and hopefully move forward with grace and character. Just sayin’ :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Find peace...

If it comes, let it.
If it goes, let it...
And you’ll find peace.

— Unknown

I wonder why change is so hard. I know I resist the hell out of it. Interestingly, the most painful and uncomfortable changes have set me free in miraculous and unexpected ways. So why the resistance?? According to Katherine Schneider and Heather Hausenblas (Psychology Today), it may be about the “perceived risk or fear associated with it.” We just don’t know what’s coming and this creates so much anxiety. For example, I struggled to leave the wrong the relationship a while back because I was afraid I wouldn’t find a more suitable partner. Deep down I knew I had to leave, but my procrastination and moments of denial ended up crashing on my head. (My live in partner had an affair with someone from our circle of friends). Fortunately, I took a hard look at my romantic history, made a few fantastic changes and then met the beautiful, perfect love of my life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

CEO of your life...

Evaluate the people in your life;
Then promote, demote, or terminate.
You’re the CEO of your life.

— Unknown

It took me a while to figure this one out. I now know that in order to achieve my treasured goals, I need to manage my resources carefully. Time for rest, solitude and reflection have made the top of my list, right up there with romance, fun, work, friends and family. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Happy people, doing positive things...

The older I get the more I realize, I have little tolerance for drama, conflict and stress. I want to be around happy people, doing positive things, and enjoying life.

— Unknown

Just sayin’ :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Changed for the better...

Psychology says:
No matter how much it hurt now, someday you will look back and realize your struggles changed your life for the better.

— Unknown

I have found this to be true. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Never perfect...

“It will never be perfect.
Make it work.

— life”

Ah, the old perfection thing. A blessing and a curse to be sure. My siblings and I got in trouble a lot at home and in my quest to be safely invisible, you can bet I followed the rules. Similarly, at school and at work, there were (and are) consequences for straying from directives. Doing things well is great, but being held hostage to a crazy standard is quite another. I’m still working on my inner sergeant! Just sayin’ :)  Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Changing the narrative...

If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.

— Lao Tzu (A semi-legendary Chinese philosopher, writer and founder of philisophical Taoism. Tzu is a deity in religious Taoism and traditional Chinese religions. He is known for his remarkable messages of peace, resilience, and how we can develop ourselves as a collective).

I’ve been working on my own narrative and I think the emotional/mental response is fascinating. I find my words/story either empower and free me, or keep me stuck. I really think there’s something to the whole positive thinking paradigm and setting either positive or negative intentions. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Trust...

Trust.

— Unknown

I get it. Trust, instead of worry. It’s that simple and yet it’s not simple. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Enjoying life...

The older I get the more I realize, I have little tolerance for drama, conflict and stress. I want to be around happy people, doing positive things, and enjoying life.

— Unknown

A wise coach told me to create and focus on very specific “intentions.” She said it’s all about how you want to feel in your daily life, rather than the qualities of a parter and how our managers treat us. It was a game changer for me. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Building confidence...

Strength doesn’t come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn’t do.

— Rikki Rogers (US writer, MFA U of Utah, marketing and communications specialist in the Washington DC tech industry).

I can relate. I was forced to become proficient at admin (well, for me that is), with my past employer and hated every minute of it. I am now enjoying the best three years of my career, partly becuase I know how to drill into the numbers and build a tangible, realistic strategy. Hm! Who woulda thunk ;) I feel like more of an adult professional because I have more capacity than I would have guesssed. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Comes down to us?...

It all comes back to what you eat, what you drink and what you think!

— Unknown

I’m a believer because the only thing we can really control is our own actions. Thing is, sometimes we can’t even control that! Inspiration, motivation and procrastination are very curious to me. Some days I win and the sense of accomplishment feels amazing. Other days I talk myself out of avoiding sugar and/or drinking less (‘cause I hate how it makes me feel the next day). I kind of think our emotional world has a big role to play. If I’ve had a hard day, I’m more inclined to skip the workout and eat chips and cookies for dinner. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

A little progress...

A little progress each day adds up to big results.

— Unknown

Great reminder about baby steps. Thinking about the end goal is often overwhelming. I used to break down a weekend of studying into two hour increments, with little breaks and treats at each step. It really helped get through the slogginng. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Fill my heart...

The older I get the more I realize I don’t want to be around drama and bullshit...
I prefer to be with people who fill my heart with love and make me smile.

— Unknown

Drama takes up a lot of energy. Fun, peace, love, rest are energizing. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The wrong relationships...

The wrong relationships teach you how to recognize the right one when it arrives.

— Unknown

Trial and error isn’t the easiest way to learn, but how else are we to know? For those of us who grew up in dysfuncational families, we did not have the advantage of observing healthy and loving relationship skills. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Be real...

We were born to be real not to be perfect.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says it’s our ego within that continually measures, judges and criticizes everything. But within, we also have “inner child, spirit (or higher self) and adult (more mature self) influences. Who’s gonna win out? Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Loving ourselves...

So many years of education yet no one taught us to love ourselves.

— Unknown

I’m sure our parents did the best they could. I know my sister, brother and I used to gang up on my Mum to try to get our way. We started talking back in our teens as well and raised hell on ourselves. It just seems that teaching and disciplining dominate, leaving little room for more advanced mentorship, such as self-care. My favourite therapist says at some point we need to take over where our parents left off and manage our own growth. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Pebble in your shoe...

It isn’t the mountains ahead to climb that wear your down. It’s the pebble in your shoe.

— Muhammad Ali

Ahh, the old battle with ourselves... do we talk ourselves into procrastinating, or do we tackle the task at hand. For example, should we work out today, get the laundry done, cook something healthy - one of the above or none of the above, Lol? I find if I stop to think about it, my brain is awesome at convincing me I can/should do it tomorrow. When I’m able to follow a routine I get a lot more done, and the accomplishment feels soooooo much better than the procrastination. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Boundaries...

I don’t think I was allowed to have boundaries when I was growing up. I learned about such things in university and continued on learning in relationship workshops, where we had to practice “clearing.” Here’s a good summary:

10 Steps to Setting Healthy Boundaries

1. Clearly identify your boundary.
2. Understand why you need the boundary.
3. Be straight forward.
4. Don’t apologize or give long explanations.
5. Start with tighter boundaries (and then loosen up if appropriate).
7. Address boundary violations early.
8. Don’t make it personal.
9. Use a support system.
10. Trust your intuition.

— PsychCentral

Some of these steps may be easier said than done because we don’t how others will react to our requests. This can be anxiety causing for sure. I’ve learned that I need to honor myself regardless. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Change your mindset...

Replace ‘sorry’s’ with ‘thank you’s.’ Instead of ‘sorry I’m late’, try ‘thank you for waiting on me’.

— Alexis Belon (New York based writer, visual artist, vlogger)

I’m working on it ;) Another great example is ‘that’s not in my bugdet right now’ instead of ‘I can’t afford it’. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Your heart...

Make your heart the most beautiful thing about you.

— Unknown

I love the idea of this. I truly do. We grow up being measured and compared to siblings and peers, and as adults we continnue to be judged by our parents, peers, managers and society in general. It is no surprise that our career (and even romantic) success or lack there of can have a big impact on our self-esteem. I wonder what would happen if we focused more on our relationships and making ourselves and others feel more appreciated and special. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Slowing down...

“Just slow down.
Slow down your speech.
Slow down your breathing.
Slow down your walking.
Slow down your eating.
And let this slower, steadier
pace perfume your mind.
Just slow down...”

— Doko

It’s so easy to ruminate on the past, or worry about the future. They say slowing down and breathing helps us stay in the moment, where life is more manageable. I spend waaaay too much time pre-planning, hoping to avoid set-backs, as though life can somehow be perfect and magical every moment. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The power within...

Every night before you fall asleep, give heartfelt thanks for the wonderful day you just had (no matter what kind of day you had). Think about the next day, and intend that it is going to be wonderful. Intend that it is going to be filled with love and joy. Intend that all good is coming to you and everything is going to flow perfectly, etc. Then when you wake in the morning, BEFORE you get out of bed, again declare your intentions for the day and give deep thanks as though you have received them all. As you do this, you will begin to create your life deliberately, and you will experience firsthand the power that is within you to create the life you want.

— The Secret

Some people pooh pooh this sort of thinking as pie in the sky or downright unrealistic. I figure, what have I got to lose? For me, positivity, faith and hope simply feel better than fear and worry. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Handling emotional triggers...

How to Handle Emotionally Triggering Situations + People:

1. Remove your attention from the person or situation and focus on your breath.
2. Take a break. Physically leave the situation.
3. Find the humor in the situation.
4. Ask yourself why you’re being triggered.
5. Don’t bypass your feelings, but don’t act them out either. It’s OK to consciously delay experiencing them. 

— lonerwolf

First we would need to be aware of and admit that we’re being “triggered.” I think sometimes we get slammed and we’re not sure what’s going down. Hopefully we can regain some sense of awareness sooner than later and sort the whole thing out, rather than blaming others for making us feel yucky. One of my valued coaches says whatever we’re feeling/reacting to is our stuff, plain and simple. If we do some investigative work, odds are good that we can reduce run-away emotions in the future. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Within our control?...

Don’t stress about things that you can’t control. Just let it be.

— Unknown

Why is change so challenging? Most changes in my life been very positive actually, but for some reason I still feel quite anxious during the process. It feels kinda like being a passenger in a speeding car. Ekhart Tolle, A New Earth, says “do not resist” because this will intensify and extend the discomfort. Reachout.com advises that we “view change as an opportunity to learn and grow, rather than as a setback, even if you have to fake it til you make it!” and seek out the positive. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Probability of change...

Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you’ll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.

— Unknown

Our personalities are pretty hard-wired, that’s for sure. Time and experience have had an impact on me though, so I know it is possible to learn and grow. We seem to need pretty big motivators and/or consequences to drive our evolution (break up, new love, job loss, death of a loved one). Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Rewiring the brain...

You can “rewire” your brain to be happy by simply recalling 3 things you’re grateful for every day for 21 days.

— thespychmind.com

I need to remember to do this more often, especially when I’m feeling stressed and worried because I know it works! Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Where your power is...

When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening. That’s where your power is!

— Unknown

Challenge being the key word. Regardless of how much “work” I do on my inner world, I still feel afraid and stressed when something goes “wrong.” I know something positive tends to result, but I’m still working on calm in the moment and focusing on the silver lining. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

De-cluttering...

Clutter is not just physical stuff. It’s old ideas, toxic relationships and bad habits. Clutter is anything that does not support your better self.

— Eleanor Brown (M.A. in literature, American novelist, anthologist, editor, international teacher and speaker. She is the New York Times and international bestselling author of novels The Weird Sisters and Light of Paris).

I’m always curious about what motivates us. What inspires us to get off the couch/Netflix and make life altering changes. They say when someone very important either leaves or enters our lives, we are compelled to make sweeping changes. I have had this very experience and though terrifying and unnerving at the time, I love the outcome. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Enjoyment...

It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.

- Charles Spurgeon (Author and Baptist preacher, known for powerful sermons of penetrating thought and precise exposition. His oratory skills held his many, many listeners spellbound).

Great reminder. I guess we need to find a way to enjoy live, whatever our financial scenario. Some of my fondest memories come from a career low. I found myself on the beach at sunset, reading magazines with a picnic and warm breeze on my face. To echo a good friend of mine “I’ll always have the ocean.” Just sayin :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Not about us...

Agreement 2:
Don’t take anything personally

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

- Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

Great reminder. I was kind of disappointed in myself recently because I was bothered by unfriendly gossip I heard about myself. On some level I knew it wasn’t about me because the individuals in question are struggling, but I let it get under my skin. I find I need a lot of soulful reminders in life, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

What is love?...

What is love?

Love is the 

absence of judgment.

- Dalai Lama 

Apparently, making allowances for others somehow makes us feel better about ourselves. I’ve tried this out actually and it does feel good to understand and forgive, rather than react defensively. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Growth...

Without rain nothing grows.
Learn to embrace the storms in your life.

— Unknown

I struggle with the “storms” as they’re happening, but I try to remember what Ekhart Tolle says (essentially, “Do not resist”) in A New Earth. He explains that the more we resist, the more pain we cause ourselves. We're supposed to allow and accept what life brings and trust that some good will come of it. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Priorities...

Instead of “I don’t have time” try saying “It’s not a priority” and see how that feels.

- Unknown

Someone gave me a similar tip. Instead of saying “I can’t afford it” try saying “That’s not in my budget at this time.” Somehow, that feels better. Just sayin’ ;)  Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Path to happiness...

Taming the mind is the path to happiness.

- The Dalai Lama

There is much consensus on this philosophy, from all walks of life. We’re supposed to replace our worried/stressed out thoughts with ones of hope/faith/what we want. Just saying’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Saving ourselves...

YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE:
No one is coming to save you.
This life of yours is 100%
your responsibility.

- Unknown

I learned about the “victim mentality” a while back and it was most definitely a paradigm shift. Back in those days I was pretty caught up in judgments around my upbringing and I was more easily offended (my feelings still get hurt once in a while, but much less so). I was telling my coach about something upsetting and she said “and you know that’s your stuff, right?” I said “say what?” Our conversation continued and frankly I was confused that this paid coach didn’t seem to have much understanding or compassion. I soon learned and the education paid off, big time. I now engage differently in my life. I don’t know if I can put my finger right on it, but I think it’s something to do with accepting the past, more focus and attention on the present moment and, most importantly, holding myself accountable. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl