For anyone who's gone through the pain and agony of a shocking break up (double it with a dollop of betrayal), it can be extra difficult to open one's heart again... especially when you brave romance the first year following said break up. Psychologists always recommend waiting a decent amount of time before getting involved again because there's no escaping the rebound phase. We don't really wanna do that though, so we pull out the emotional machete and start hacking away at new attractions. Thing is (and not to sound pessimistic because I am a ridiculous optimist!), most connections just end up on the cutting room floor so to speak. Regardless of who ends it, we're stuck on one or the other side of a typically uncomfortable sort of social experiment - some good points, some potentially weird points and hopefully a few good stories to tell. The movie scenes we could all write with our failed date stories, Lol ;). I think the big problem is, when we're not emotionally involved with someone, we can be careless with their feelings. I don't believe people go out of their way to make others feel like crap for the most part, but it tends to happen anyway. So after trying a few of these on, it's awfully tempting to pull the plug altogether and break up with absolutely everyone before we've even gone out on a single date. Know what I mean, ha ha?! It can just seem like a lot of frickin' work to start over again. Where did you grow up, and do you have any siblings, run through the sordid ex scenario's blah, blah. I mean it's not easy to achieve intimacy to begin with, let alone risk being vulnerable over and over again. It can seem like a lot of posturing and almost acting really (and I'm pretty sure a lot of it is pure acting for a certain end, if you know what I mean - and no judgment because it's all a part of the game and we all know the buyer beware disclaimer on this front!). It helps if there's crazy chemistry of course and we all like it when that happens for sure... but some of those ones crash and burn before you can say "oh hell, let's just go for it. We're not gonna get any sleep if we keep this up anyway" wink, wink. These ones can be particularly crappy. It's not easy to have one of those rare hot, hot connections and then boom. That's it! That would be like trying chocolate for the first time and then being told you can never have it again. I mean, what the f--k!? Lol;) Anyone who's been in that situation knows exactly what I'm talking about. Ok, so having said all that, we can't lick our wounds and sulk forever. I mean, of course it's great to do the post-mortem and note the key take-aways (like, can't do high maintenance again, or can't do needy etc.)... but move on we must. A good friend of mine is cool enough to remain curious and consider that if a particular date isn't a good match for her, maybe he'll be great for one of her friends - and she has successfully set up 15 couples who connected instantly and got married. So maybe we could consider that approach. Lol;) Just sayin!
Blessings,
Chatgirl
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