Opposite of uncertainty is self trust…

My therapist taught me that…

the opposite of uncertainty isn’t certainty, it’s self trust. Trying to control the future is a battle you’ll never win, so instead of seeking certainty, seek self trust. Tell yourself: I don’t know what will happen in a year. I don’t know what the future holds. 

What I do know is I trust I’ll be able to handle whatever does happen. I trust I’ll have my best interests at heart. I trust that I’ll try my best. I trust myself, so I know I’ll be okay.

— @latenightepiphanies_

I don’t know about you, but I find this advice quite comforting. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Big part of being happy is being excited…

A big part of being happy is being excited

Be excited for everything - making a cup of tea, seeing a friend, the next episode of your favourite show, buying something you’ve been saving up for, sunsets, travelling, falling in love. 

Live a life you are excited about.

— @successfulfemalemindset

I’ve never thought about the excitement aspect per se. It makes a ton of sense though, and I imagine this is a big part of goal setting. If we’re saving for that special vacation, or coveted new car or home, we’re dreaming big and feeling excited at the thought of manifesting these pleasures. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Anger is telling us something…

Anger is

• A response to disempowerment
• A sign our boundaries are being ignored or violated
• A response to invalidation or unfair treatment
• A response to disrespect 
• A part of the grieving process
• A sign of built-up resentment or unresolved emotions
• A symptom of hyper-vigilance and trauma
• A sign that you may feel attacked, threatened, or deceived
• A way of protesting that we cannot control the reality around us

— Unknown 

My favourite therapist originally diagnosed me with a broken compass. Because I grew up with a rage-aholic father (controlling, some violence and extreme discipline in general), I became afraid of anger and avoided it like the plaque. But I came to understand that anger, and our entire range of emotions provide critical information in helping us manage our world. Of course, there is a healthy way to apro ach anger, and that is with adult conversations; leading with honesty, clarity and respectful words. Personally, I needed help with “clearing” through therapy and group therapy relationship courses. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Life is already hard, without difficult people…

Life is already hard

I don’t want to be around people who make it even harder. 

I need people who feel like home, who bring comfort, calm, and a sense of peace.

That’s the kind of energy I need in my life.

— Fareeha Butt

I finally arrived at the same conclusion, thankfully. I was accommodating in my younger years, allowing for people to be imperfect because we all have our limitations. But in the end, I came to realize that certain behaviours are deal breakers for me (treating others with disrespect, negativity and judgment as a rule, throwing the cold shoulder rather than having an adult conversation, rudeness and lash outs). Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The most dangerous people carry zero accountability…

The most dangerous people I’ve ever met 

rewrite every story, dodge every consequence, and carry zero accountability. 

They genuinely believe they’re good. In their minds, they’ve never hurt anyone. 

Somehow everyone else is always to blame. 

That kind of delusion isn’t just toxic. It’s terrifying.

— Unknown 

It took me a while to recognize key warning signs; lack of accountability, rewriting history, and blaming others as a rule. I now have a zero tolerance policy. Because when you spend time around these people, you pay the price, with stress and unnecessary drama. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Speak life into yourself…

The power of the tongue is real

Stop saying I’m tired, I’m broke, I’m depressed etc.

Start saying I’m grateful, I’m growing, I’m thriving, I’m winning, I’m successful.

Speak LIFE into yourself.

Your words shape your reality.

— Unknown 

I don’t know about you, but I really have found this to be true. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Depression, the soul’s way of rejecting the life we’re living?…

My therapist told me that

“There’s a theory that depression is sometimes the soul’s way of rejecting the life you’re forcing yourself to live. It’s not failure.. It’s misalignment. Your spirit shuts down when you’re too far from your purpose, people, or path.” And then it all made sense. 

— @deepmindsanonymous

So what happens when you grow up in a household you find unbearable, toxic and unsafe?… That would be my scenario. And that would explain the need for therapy, group therapy, deep healing workshops, re-birthing, EMDR, Body Talk & Craniosacral Therapy etc.! In my parents’ defence, apparently 50% of us have challenging family dynamics, and 8% of us are completely estranged. Still, we’re left to pick up the  pieces, aren’t we. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Life will never be free of uncertainty…

My therapist told me:

If your peace depends on everything going right, that’s not peace - that’s control. Life will never be free of uncertainty, and trying to control it all only leaves you anxious and exhausted. 

Real growth is learning to let go of control, to stay steady even when things are unsettled. 

That’s where peace actually begins. 

— Unknown 

A lesson I continue to learn and embrace each day. I’ve been through a number of very trying, lengthy obstacles (divorce, a heart breaking betrayal, near bankruptcy, a damaging boss, death of both parents, and presently, a scary health diagnosis). Fortunately, with traditional therapy and Craniosacral Therapy (central nervous system support), I have some very helpful tools to assist with the fear and unknown. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Becoming triggered isn’t a choice…

“Why can’t I get over it or just let it go?”

Responses of the nervous system happen below the level of conscious awareness, in the survival brain. Becoming anxious, triggered or shutting down isn’t something you’re choosing — it happens automatically and instantly. If something feels familiar to a previous trauma, your physiology will move you into a state of fight, flight or freeze. You can’t talk yourself out of it or be more positive, capable, or strong to change it. It’s not your fault.

— Unknown 

With therapy and relationship skills/deep healing workshops , I’ve been able to significantly smooth over some of my triggers. Life is simply better without these unconscious pain points silently running the show. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Hearing doesn’t necessarily mean understanding…

I used to think communication was everything, until I realized understanding is.

You can talk all you want, but if the other person doesn’t truly hear you, it’s just noise.

— Unknown 

This sums up my marriage breakdown. Despite significant profession help (two different therapists!), we were unable to understand each other well enough to resolve our issues. When we would recount a story/recent breakdown, the therapists would tell us that one version was white and the other black. Zero ability to reconcile. We parted on very good terms actually, realizing that we just didn’t have a solid foundation to work with. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Big reactions an echo of the times you had to stay small…

My therapist says

A lot of explosive emotional reactions aren’t actually about the present moment. They’re the echo of all the times your body had to stay quiet, stay small, or stay safe instead of expressing yourself.

— Anonymous

This really resonates for me. My father was strict and dictatorial, offering us kids little to no space for self expression. For me, this led to a lack of healthy communication in relationships. I would go quiet as a rule, which is most unhelpful. Fortunately, I’ve always been a curious person and I believe in ongoing learning. Therapy and therapist led relationship seminars have been a live saver. This kind of “work” offered such a safe space to learn healthy relationship skills and led to the perfect love of my life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

What you don’t maintain, you lose…

There is a Japanese Legend that says:

“Whether it’s a machine, a house, or a relationship, maintenance is always cheaper than repairing.”

What you don’t maintain, you eventually lose. 

— Unknown 

Mental health has been the most critical maintenance in my life. And thank goodness because when the tough times come, you just hope you’ve cultivated the strength, courage and support system to deal. (I say this as I navigate the scary world of cancer. My prognosis just took a hit, and the tools and support I’ve acquired along the way are holding me together. Wish me luck!). Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Winning tips from Neuroscience…

According to Neuroscience, if you repeat these 3 phrases each morning, you will start to rewire your brain to become more positive, confident and grateful. 

1)” Show me how good today gets” - This activates your brain’s R.A.S to notice more opportunities.

2) “I’m grateful for…” - Gratitude increases dopamine, shifting your nervous system into a more regulated, positive state. 

3) “I can handle anything that comes my way today.” - This builds self efficacy and reduces the threat response to your brain.

— @edgaralandough/X - Raising Your Frequency

I’ve been working with gratitude for a while, and I do find it lifts my mood. I tell myself I can handle what comes my way sometimes, but I’d like to lean into this because I know it makes me feel comforted, and more capable and strong. I haven’t focused on thinking about how good life can get each day, but it’s clearly better than worrying. Great tips! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

You are what you cultivate…

What you do in private always shows in public. Reading shows in conversations. Your workouts show in your physique. Your diet shows in your energy. Your discipline shows in your confidence. Your focus shows in your results.

You are what you cultivate when no one is watching.

— Unknown 

My morning routine saw me through one of the scariest times of my life. I lost my new swanky job during the 2008 financial crisis, right before Christmas, and I ended up in and out of crappy jobs that paid half what I was used to, because that’s all there was. Meanwhile, I continued to get up early every day and go to the coffee shop to read the paper and do my usual writing (including this blog, and a spiritual practice I’ve maintained for thirty years). Then I would treat the job search as my daily employment, which gave me hope and a sense of purpose. This focus reduced my fear and anxiety, which was crucial when my bank account continued to drop. Yikes! As I go to the same coffee shop every day, I was also able to connect with friends and acquaintances, which offered a sense of normalcy, kinship and calm. Thank God for my morning routine. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Make tiny progress, however small?…

The 1% rule:

The Japanese believe laziness isn’t about character, it’s about exhaustion and overreaction. 

So they force themselves to make tiny progress daily, no matter how small.

One Athlete shared:

“I did just one push-up daily. Never skipped. After months, my body craved more.”

Progress isn’t about giant leaps. It’s about showing up. 

— Unknown 

Some days, washing and drying my hair is a victory. If something weighs heavily enough, a sort of paralysis can set in. I’ve found that if I convince myself to do just one thing (take out the garbage, trim my nails, organize a drawer?), an energy reserve appears, and the burden lightens. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Your tolerance is your future…

Something I wish I knew at 25… 

Your tolerance is your future. Tolerate disrespect, live disrespected. Tolerate mediocrity, live mediocre. Tolerate chaos, live chaotic. You’re not being patient. You’re programming your life. Every standard you don’t enforce becomes your new normal.

— @scottdclary

Boy, I wish I knew this at 25 as well! Having said that, it’s still taken many years of therapy and coaching to get my boundaries sorted. And additional time to maintain those boundaries. I believe my favourite therapist would sum it up as “having one’s own back.” Which I have found to be more difficult than imagined. But as I’ve evolved (with practice and commitment), life has become exponentially better in all respects, including financially, which has been a welcome, and empowering, surprise. Just sayin’ : / Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Unhealed people are fighting battles from another time…

Unhealed people don’t listen with their ears. 

They listen with their triggers. They don’t hear your words, they hear their wounds. They turn calm into criticism, honesty into an attack, and silence into abandonment. Every response is shaped by fear, not understanding. You’re having a conversation, but they’re fighting battles from another time. No matter how gently you speak, pain speaks louder. That’s why healing isn’t a luxury. It’s necessary for connection, for clarity and for peace. 

— Unknown 

I think a lot of us become adults and just get on with our responsibilities and obligations. We probably don’t think to improve the softer skills that matter so much in relationships, and even at work. We probably don’t think about (and may not even be aware of) limitations that hold us back. I also think most people are wary of healing work/therapy etc., or just don’t see the need. Until there’s a rock bottom of some sort; addiction fall out, relationship break down, death in the family/inner circle, job loss. For me, it was a tumultuous relationship that I wanted to hold onto. And I’m so glad my path led to therapy. Single best decision of my life. In a nutshell, I would say that therapy took me back to a shaky foundation and put me on solid footing. From there, I’ve been able to excel in career with more joy, I have newfound financial security without much effort or sacrifice and I found the love of my life and perfect partner of eleven collaborative, fun and fulfilling years. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl