Swearing linked to increased pain tolerance ;)…

“It’s something we all share, and it’s really magical… It does something for us” according to Olli Robertson, psychology researcher at Oxford. 

“Swearing is ‘a drug free, calorie-neutral, cost free means of self-help,’ said Richard Stephens, a researcher and senior lecturer in psychology at Keele University in England. 

Besides pain tolerance, swearing’s been linked to bolstered social bonds, improved memory, and an alleviation of the social pain of exclusion or rejection. “Neurologically the pathways for physical pain and emotional pain are the same” Robertson said. “When you have heartbreak, it’s the same neural structures. It’s the same biological blueprint, and that’s why it feels so visceral, because it literally is.”

— Excerpt from “Cursing in any language is good for you — we swear!” Province newspaper, March 28th 2025 (article written by Sam Jones, Washington Post)

Huh! Let the swearin’ continue then, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Key is acceptance, not positivity…

As I grew older, I learned that the key to surviving the day is not positivity, its acceptance. Accepting that not all days are good and happy, you will have bad days, you make mistakes, you fail, you mess up, everything’s not going to fall into place and that’s okay.

— Unknown  

I was complaining back in my single days, and I remember a good friend saying, “Girl, the key is high hopes, low expectations.” He was so right. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to hold out for a better match. When I became completely honest about who I am, and how I want to live my life, Mr Right appeared. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Choose not to believe your negative (and fearful) thoughts…

You don’t need to change your negative thoughts. You just need to change how you engage with them. Observe them, choose not to believe them, and then let them naturally pass like clouds in the sky. They will pass. They always do.

— Lori Deschene

I seem to need reminders on this, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Relax your body to feel safe…

The easiest way to raise your vibration is to relax your body. The most essential way to relax your body is to slow your breath. The most effective way of slowing your breath is by loving your own heart. One “I love you” at a time, your breath is inspired into a slower pace, which reminds the body to feel safe enough to relax, as your vibration elevates into higher frequencies of light. This is the heart of transformation.

— Unknown 

I tend to be a Type A over-achiever and feel-good pleaser. But I’ve also learned about the physical and emotional cost of walking on egg shells.  So I continue to work on slowed breathing, calming self-talk, yoga, spending time with animals, good friends and anything that lowers my stress level. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Dealing with worry…

Any time that you are worried about something say to your higher self, “Take this, I release this over to you, rearrange it, transform my thoughts, feelings and experience regarding this, it’s yours now, do with it as you see fit, hand it back to me if it’s worth receiving.” After saying and doing that, do you feel lighter? If you do, that’s because you’ve just removed your focus from that which was holding you in a place of discomfort or resistance. You’ve started to come back into alignment with your best self and the solution that you have been looking for. 

— S. G. Ruddy - @aMessageOfLove

I don’t know about you, but I felt a sense of ease and relief just reading that. Studies actually show that a significant portion (one study claims 85%) of things people worry about never materialize, and even when they do, they’re easier to handle than expected. I need to keep this top of mind! Just sayin’ ; ) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Words matter…

My therapist taught me that…

That words matter. Instead of saying “I can’t” say “It’s not a priority for me right now.” 

Replace “I’m jealous of them” with “I’m inspired by them.” 

Replace “I have to do this” with “I get to do this.” 

Replace “I failed” with “This attempt didn’t work.” 

Replace “Why is this happening to me?” with “What am I learning from this?”

Words matter, because even if you don’t fully mean them, your brain can’t tell the difference.

— @latenightepiphanies

I notice I’ve been sulking lately. And fair enough, given my mother’s passing and the resulting fall out with my siblings, and some friends too. Your foundation shifts when you lose both parents, and I’ll give myself the breathing room to adjust. But I also know from excellent therapy and life coaching that slipping into a victim, or poor me, mode is a trap. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Anger is a way to protest…

• A response to disempowerment
• A sign our boundaries are being ignored or violated
• A response to invalidation or unfair treatment
• A response to disrespect
• A part of the grief process
• A sign of built-up resentment or unresolved emotions
• A symptom of hyper vigilance and trauma
• A sign that you may feel attacked, threatened, or deceived
• A way to protest that we cannot control the reality around us

— @the.love.therapist

My favourite therapist taught me about the layers of emotion, and that beneath anger is often hurt. And that childhood trauma tends to be the root cause of our biggest issues. I also learned that it’s pretty tough to tackle deep baggage without professional help. Therapy is, at least for me, very safe, comforting, and anxiety reducing. It can really take the monkey off your back. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

It’s okay…

It’s okay

To make mistakes

To have bad days

To be less than perfect

To do what’s best for you

To be yourself

— Unknown 

Three of these stand out for me; the trap of perfectionism, prioritizing self-care, and accepting oneself, flaws and all. Embracing myself fully, regardless of any perceived limitations (impatient, neat freak bordering on OCD at times, not out-doores’y and perhaps not cultured enough), was a huge turning point in my life. And really it was all thanks to a painful and humiliating break up. I vowed to never go through another break up, and in order to do that, I realized I had to be completely honest about who I am, how I want to live my life, and what sort of person would match up well with that. I met the love of my life within a year, and interestingly enough he had come to the same conclusion. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Need a willing participant…

I want to help you, but you have to be a willing participant. 

If you’re not, then I’m no longer helping you up; it is you who is pulling me down. 

— Dr Steve Maraboli

When I was younger, my relationship, and making my partner happy, was my top priority. It took far too long, and too many break ups, to realize I needed to take better care of myself emotionally. I finally sorted out what makes me feel safe, loved, joyful and fulfilled. And that actually led to a much better pairing in the end, duh. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

If you want to develop emotional maturity….

If you want to develop emotional maturity, practice:

• Facing uncomfortable emotions without letting them dictate your actions
• Embracing change (learn how to bend without breaking)
• Allowing people to feel their emotions without trying to “save” them
• Accepting feedback
• Making decisions based on your values
• Having difficult conversations
• Being honest with yourself and others
• Honouring boundaries (even if you don’t like them)
• Making space for vulnerability and intimacy
• Acknowledging your flaws without letting them define you
• Observing how you show up in the world

— @millennial.therapist (Dr Sara Kuburic - psychotherapist, speaker, former USA Today columnist)

I owe my new and improved life (met the love of my life, riding a career high and enjoying a sweet level of financial freedom) to a few of these for sure. I hit an all time low during the 2008 financial crisis, including a humiliating break-up, where I turned a blind eye to my own truth, delayed the inevitable and paid the price. Thankfully, I embarked on a personal overhaul. I took a year long relationship hiatus, went back to intensive therapy and did a post-mortem on my relationships and career approach. My biggest learnings were; accepting myself for who I am and how I want to live my life, I made decisions about love and career based on my values/needs/wants, and learned how to have difficult conversations. Just sayin’:) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Healing past fight or flight mode…

Nobody really talks about this

But, once you start healing past traumas and your body comes out of “fight or flight” mode your body will crave a lot of rest And, silence. Your body finally starts to feel safe in peace + quiet. The calm. You aren’t lazy, your body is just catching up on all the years it didn’t have this stillness. 

You. Deserve. This.

— Unknown

I couldn’t seem to stop crying during my three years of intensive therapy (individual, plus group therapy, involving 6 weekend seminars per year). There was a lot to unpack, given the tumultuous family I grew up in. My parents were hugely at odds and both were fairly explosive and at times violent. I walked on egg shells and tried to be perfect to avoid the hot seat, which set me up for a bit of OCD and anxiety. I still suffer from neat freak tendencies and fidgeting, but at some point my body began to relax. I now enjoy naps and quiet time above all else. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

 

Powerful source within you…

Everything changes when you begin to love yourself. You no longer send out energy of desperation or need to be filled from the outside. You become a powerful source within yourself that attracts better. The more you love who you are, the less you seek validation and approval.

— Unknown 

I feel fortunate to have landed on a healing path, and compelling inward journey. I’ve invested in years of therapy, life coaching, and relationships courses, where I learned to accept myself fully. Unconditional self-acceptance has allowed for the confidence and emotional stability to excel in my career, to achieve financial security, and to find the perfect partner and soulmate. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

The real luxuries in life…

When you realize the real luxuries in life are slow mornings, time with the people you love, home cooked food, quiet moments, good sleep, time in nature, a good book, watching the sunrise, and not rushing everywhere; that is when you begin to really live!

— Unknown 

I’ve been giving this a lot of thought lately. I’m a bit torn, because I love the simple things in life (the ocean, swimming outside, time with friends, morning coffee, writing, animals, movies, music etc), but I also kind of need warm vacations, live entertainment, dining out and new clothing garments once in a while too. I’ve certainly learned to live on a lot less, thanks to a 2008 financial crisis near-bankruptcy. I’ve pretty much settled on living simple most of the time. I prioritize saving; for retirement, for a rainy day  and for pre-paid for trips and fun extra’s. Zero debts. And I get to watch my investments grow. Just sayin’ ; ) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

A fit physique shows dedication, self-respect and dignity…

Why I respect “fit people”

Because “Fit People” with a physique is much more than how good they look…

A well-built physique is a status symbol that reflects your hard work. 

Money cannot buy it, nor can you inherit it.

You cannot steal it. Nor can you borrow it.

You cannot hold onto it, without constant work. 

It shows dedication. It shows discipline. It shows self-respect. It shows dignity.

It shows patience, work ethic and passion. 

Being “Fit” is far more than just looks. 

— Unknown 

I’ve never thought of it quite like that. I’m certainly grateful for being a person who enjoys, and actually needs fitness. I find exercise eases my stress (I’m pretty type A), helps with digestion and helps me sleep. I don’t have to worry about what I eat as much, and the weight loss and physical toning are great too, of course. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Breathe in the amazing and hold on through the awful…

Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. 

And then it’s amazing again.

And in between the amazing and awful it’s ordinary and mundane and routine.

Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary.

That’s just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. 

And it’s breathtakingly beautiful. 

— L.R. Knost

I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better hearing about other people’s experiences. Knowing that we’re all in it together, going through the good and the bad; the pandemic, climate change, the wars, death and loss. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Do the work to heal?…

I hate when people say “If you love me, you’ll accept me as I am”. Loving you doesn’t mean tolerating your refusal to develop emotional intelligence and heal your dysfunction. If you loved you, you would do the work so people who love you don’t feel forced to walk away.

— Unknown 

I continue to do the work to heal. I was fortunate that my ex-husband drew a firm boundary around my family drama. I was surprised to hear him say he “wasn’t willing to take that on”. He went on to say that talking to him or my friends would not solve the issues and that I should talk to a professional in order to better deal with the family dysfunction. Boy was he right. I made a significant investment (of time and money) in individual therapy, group therapy, therapist led weekend relationship workshops and spiritual healing. I think I cried for about three years. I had no idea the depth of anger, resentment, and sadness I carried from my childhood, and ongoing family issues. I could see the benefit of the work right away, and I’m actually returning to the weekend workshops to deal with the death of my mother and resulting fall out with my siblings. Therapy has had a very positive impact on my relationships, my career, and my overall health and well being, and I’m excited to pursue an even deeper level of self-care and love. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Live for the little things?…

Someone once told me to always live for the little things in life. Live for 5 am sunrises and 5 pm sunsets where you’ll see colours in the sky that are stunning. Live for road trips and bike rides with music in your ears and the wind in your hair. Live for days when you’re surrounded by your favourite people who make you realize that the world is not a cold, harsh place. Live for the little things because they will make you realize that this is what life is all about, this is what it means to be alive. 

— Unknown 

Thank God for the simple things during the pandemic. Some of my favourite moments were picnics and cocktails at the beach or the park, deep conversations with my best friends and saving money! Sure, I missed the warm vacations, live entertainment and restaurants, but I’m not necessarily enjoying the warp speed pace of post-pandemic life. So, I’m going to spend more time on the simple things. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Refuge from the miseries of life…

There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.

— Dr Albert Schweitzer 

Those are two of mine as well. I would add trusted friends, exercise, writing, and sunny vacations. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Happiness depends on your inner self…

10 Signs of Maturity 

• Small talk no longer excites you
• Sleep is better than a Friday night out
• You forgive more often
• You become more open-minded
• You respect differences
• You don’t force love
• You accept heartaches
• You don’t judge easily
• You prefer to be silent over engaging in a nonsense fight
• Your happiness doesn’t depend on people but on your inner self 

— Unknown

Understanding the “inner self” has been a journey for me. I people-pleased my way through childhood and much of my adult life. Being a glass 3/4 full, Lol, I always just wanted people to get along. But after years of intensive therapy, divorce, friendship breakdown, family breakdown, near bankruptcy post-2008 financial crisis, I learned to go inward for strength and endurance. I still sulk. I still get impatient. I still get frustrated. I’m still disappointed when I don’t see a return on my efforts, or when I feel unfairly treated. But ultimately, I know who I am. I know my value and I will always find a way to keep going. I will keep striving for my dream life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck to you. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

You’re not grown up until you stop blaming others…

You’re not grown up until you know how to communicate, apologize, be truthful and accept accountability without blaming someone else. 

— Unknown 

I feel fortunate to have learned this lesson. My spiritual guru was the first person to demand 100% accountability from me. She explained that although I had clearly been victimized as a child, that, as an adult, my issues are mine to deal with, and no one else’s. It was a tough lesson at the time because I guess I felt my upbringing (and ongoing family drama) was unfair, and I still needed to whine and complain, Lol. She went on to explain that when we take full responsibility for our baggage, we empower ourselves to heal, and then change our lives for the better. She was 200% right. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The trap of repressed emotions…

Feelings have never killed anybody. Repressing them have caused many to lose their lives.

— Unknown 

I have learned that repressed feelings lie in wait, and wreak havoc on our most important relationships. Now, I will say that excavating old traumas demands an enormous amount of courage and bravery because you have to re-live some very scary experiences. The “work” will take you back to a time of helplessness and vulnerability. In truth, I only embarked on intensive therapy to save my (second!) marriage. My husband plainly stated that he was not going to take on my family baggage and ongoing drama. Thank God he did. There’s no way I would have sorted out my past, solidified my emotional world and found the love of my life without therapy. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

12 truths from therapy that may just change your life…

• Thoughts are not facts
• Your past does not define your future
• Perfectionism is a myth
• Change begins with self-acceptance
• There is power in your vulnerability
• You can’t change others, just yourself
• Forgiveness is for you not the other person
• You can change
• Your inner critic is not your friend
• Your body keeps score
• You are not responsible for other people’s happiness
• It’s OK to walk away from toxic relationships

— @h.e.l.e.n.m.a.r.i.e 

Wow, I can relate to so many of these. And I know there’s absolutely NO WAY I would be where I am in life, love and career without therapy, life coaching and energy work (Osteopathy, Craniosacral therapy). My top stand out is “your body keeps score” because I always end up with digestive issues when I’m hugely stressed out, and the energy work gets me level again. My second top stand out is “forgivenesses is for you not the other person” because, in truth, I’m still struggling to forgive my ex. He had an affair with someone from our inner circle, and it was all very humiliating. I actually think the person I’m struggling to forgive is myself because I was a big part of the problem. I energetically left the relationship and while I was dragging my heels on a break up, he fell in love with someone else. In defence of us both, my therapist said “break ups are messy and no one wants to be the bad guy, so these things tend to drag on, and end badly”. My third stand out is “change begins with self-acceptance” because it wasn’t until I made the decision to respect and prioritize my own wants and needs that I was able to find the perfect partner. We both had lists for our ideal partner and they were basically identical. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Feeling down is a good sign…

Feeling “down” is an indication that something within you is seeking to be released. Any negative emotion that is in your awareness is only ever there because it’s seeking to be freed, it’s not there to be pushed down, fought against or ignored. Instead of fighting that feeling, seek to understand why it’s there. Negative emotion is often an indication that you believe something that either isn’t true or isn’t in your highest good, about yourself, others or what you desire. Take some time to meditate, view everything through the lens of love, allow it, be patient, the false belief will reveal itself and let itself out in time. 

— Unknown 

I don’t know about you, but I find this perspective very calming. I’ve been low level down since my mother died over two years ago, which has felt unsettling. In the background, I know I’ve been reliving and processing my childhood and beyond, particularly the more upsetting moments. My mother leaving the bulk of the family estate to my brother, and giving very little to my sister and I didn’t help matters. My favourite life coach says what I’m going through is “complicated grieving” because the mourning goes  beyond losing and missing the person. In this scenario there’s abandonment, and rejection. Coaching has helped a lot, and I’m embarking on another 1 year, in depth healing workshop (6 weekends throughout the calendar year, with weekly support groups and a buddy), conducted by my favourite therapist. I look forward to a better resolution that I’ve been able to accomplish on my own. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Feelings are messengers…

• Your anger? It’s telling you where you feel powerless.
• Your anxiety? It’s telling you that something in your life is off balance.
• Your fear? It’s telling you what you care about.
• Your apathy? It’s telling you where you’re overextended and burnt out.

Your feelings aren’t random, they are messengers. And if you want to get anywhere, you need to be able to let them speak to you, and tell you what you really need.

— Brianna Weist (Author with an Honorary Doctorate in Literature from Elizabeth College. After working as a journalist, writing for publications such as Forbes and Teen Vogue, Weist began sharing her personal reflections, gained from years of self-inquiry and meditation)

My favourite therapist diagnosed me with a “broken compass” because I didn’t like/was afraid of the “negative” emotions, particularly anger. He observed that in wanting everything to be “sunny and sunnier”, I was missing information that was critical in making sound and healthy decisions. We had to go back to my family of origin, and my terrifying, and somethings violent father, to reclaim and stabilize my emotional world. I then had to learn how to properly identify and communicate about my feelings. My perfect relationship was on the other side of this education and healing. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Waiting is never a waste of time…

The longer you have to wait for something, the more you will appreciate it when it finally arrives. The harder you have to fight for something, the more priceless it will become once you achieve it. And the more pain you have to endure on your journey, the sweeter the arrival at your destination. All good things are worth waiting for and worth the effort. 

— Unknown 

I’m not very good at waiting, Lol, but I realize it’s been a constant. I’m still learning how to detach and surrender to the process, and timing of things. Just sayin’ ; ) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Did you know (health tip)?…

Health tip!

When you drink water at the correct time..

• 2 glasses after waking up helps activate internal organs
• 1 glass 30 minutes before a meal helps digestion
• 1 glass before taking a shower helps lower blood pressure
• 1 glass before going to bed avoids stroke or heart attach

Cool info. I knew that drinking water before eating can make you feel full and lower caloric intake, but bonus that it helps with digestion as well. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Fall in love with your life…

Fall in love with your life. 

Wake up early, buy your favourite coffee, go for walks, eat good food, wear what makes you feel confident, and listen to your favourite music. 

Purposefully create these small moments that make you fall in love with your life. 

— Unknown 

Small moments got me through the worst of times; divorce, job loss, having to move. While unemployed (due to the 2008 financial crisis) I was still able to get out of bed and enjoy going for coffee, which made life feel somewhat normal. And in better times, my morning coffee has led to a new best friend, additional new friends and acquaintances, and a beautiful sense of community. This helps makes up for the lack of family connectivity, following my mother’s passing. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Difficulty being present in the moment?…

We are very good at preparing to live, but not very good at living. We know how to sacrifice ten years for a diploma, and we are willing to work very hard to get a job, a car, a house, and so on. But we have difficulty remembering that we are alive in the present moment, the only moment there is for us to be alive. 

— Thich Nhat Hanh

My favourite therapist diagnosed me with a few things; 1) father issues, which means relationship issues 2) a broken compass because I wasn’t in touch with my feelings and needs 3) love ability issue due to neglect and a lack of positive conditioning. Above all, he told me that I wanted life to be “sunny and sunnier”. Many years of therapy, relationship courses, and self directed study later, I’ve come a long way. But I think I still want life to be sunny and sunnier, Lol ;) I’ll continue to work on accepting life as it comes. On this first day of January 2025 I’m thinking I need to focus more on love and the amazing people in my life. Ambition is great and all, but connections are better for the heart and soul. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl