Can people change?...

Pain and suffering are a natural part of life. That's all there is to it. Is there a point to it? This is the age-old question, is it not? Personally speaking, I have gained more from my "bad" experiences than I have from the joyful. Not that I want more pain - I'll take all the joy in the world, please, Lol ;) It's only in hindsight that I can look on my life with this sort of perspective. Specifically, my biggest fear happened. I was privately and secretly terrified of being betrayed by the one I love. Why, I'm not sure. Counsellors will generally look to early childhood for answers and there would be a lot of those in my case. Without getting into the nitty gritty, let's just say I didn't come away with warm feelings of being loved, appreciated and accepted, but rather a symbolic and emotional chill. Looks like it's taken me a really, really long time to resolve this particular handicap. The clincher was experiencing and facing my deepest fear. The experience left me feeling truly "alone" and wounded. In that time I found a way to dig deeper than I would have thought possible without cracking. I am so happy and proud to have nurtured myself through this very personal moment of hell. It took a number of months to get past the darkest phase, but as time passed, I could see that I was profoundly changing. I found a way to stand firmly on my own. I found a way to allow and enjoy everything life had to offer, without needing to judge each thing I faced. I began by making certain commitments; writing a blog about my experience for 365 straight days, giving up sugar (which has always been a bit of a crutch), going more than the extra mile in my job because I knew I was capable of that and saying "no" more often because I finally realized I didn't want to do things I didn't want to do anymore. I think I can sum all of this up in a few words, or a fitting analogy. You know when a bone has to be re-broken and re-set so that it can heal? I think that's what happened to me. I am the stronger and happier for it. Actually, it's almost hard to fathom my pre-break up life at this point. They say people can't change - well, that's crap. I've changed :) ... and I have the new and shiny life to prove it. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl