Setting the bar...

I don't think I'm the only person who's wondered just how much you can expect from a relationship and a partner? We meet people and it usually doesn't line up. Not even remotely. Then we meet someone and some things, or even a lotta things, line up and that doesn't end up being enough either. I've heard a lot of people talk about "settling" and I've heard people talk about how their partner "checks all the boxes" and yet a lot of those people sit dissatisfied, wondering if there's more? Well, the answer to that is yes... If we dare. Something interesting happened to me and for me in the last year. I was completely duped for one thing. Although my last relationship was not working, I certainly didn't expect to be played for a fool. Our relationship broke badly along the way, we both knew it and neither one of us seemed able to make the call. I suppose we had both been falling out of it for about nine months. Again though, I did not expect my partner (who I lived with) to move on without telling me and to deny the steamy affair until I confronted him with the necessary evidence. I just knew something had happened. I wasn't upset about the ending, but I was very disappointed in the way it was handled. Ok, whatever, enough said. Shit happens, people aren't perfect and everyone knows breaking up sucks the big one. I guess you can forgive a person for avoiding it, even when they have fallen in love with someone else and they're making future plans (fucking hell!). Anyhoo, moving on. Actually, happily, totally moved on now! Fewf! So I started seriously thinking about my past relationships and what I'd been "accepting". Well, I'll tell yah, not enough, that's for sure. It took me a while longer, processing and thinking about what I offer to a partner. What am I like in a relationship? What do I give and how do I treat someone I care about? When I realized I give away a lot of warmth, kindness, affection, acceptance, non-judgment, etc., I thought, gee I'd really like someone to give ME that... and nothing less actually. I was prepared to be on my own, for however long was necessary, until I met someone who treated me in kind. What a revelation. And guess what happened? As soon as I had these thoughts, I started having completely different experiences. Somehow, without realizing it, I raised the bar. I've had a pretty big smile on my face ever since and now I know for sure that settling is not necessary. That dream person is out there. Just sayin' ;) (Ps. Let me also say that I spent the last year learning how to be truly happy on my own. I committed to every aspect of my life and everything improved).

Blessings,

Chatgirl