Anxiety and insecurity...

I think we all have our moments. Anxiety and insecurity often pop up in the face of uncertainty and we all carry baggage from our past. This often looks like fear. Things have gone wrong and we've been road kill along the way. People simply do not have our best interest at heart at times because they're busy taking care of their own needs and wants. It would be nice if people could take due care with others, but it doesn't necessarily work out that way... so we get hurt. Time passes and the wounds may be less painful, but we never forget, especially in love. So when it comes time to lay our heart on the line again- yikes! Being fearful around love never really occurred to me, but my favourite therapist taught me about the implications of the old family of origin damage. If we've been deprived of a safe and loving environment growing up, we will likely find it hard to trust love in general, let alone individuals. You put two people together with shaky past experiences and you have a recipe for a lot of drama. I have it on good authority that we can improve our odds of romantic success if we look in our own back yard and dig up and heal some of the old stuff. This is not for everyone of course, but it definitely puts a good dent in the "triggers" that sabotage potential relationships. There is one disclaimer though... the same therapist says "Some things are just our legacy. We cannot change the parents we were born to, we cannot change the circumstances we were born into and we cannot change our past experiences"... so some things we simply have to know and accept about ourselves. Maybe knowing all of this up front can help us be more patient with ourselves and others. If we're compassionate and we listen to where our potential partner is coming from, we may realize some things are not about us or the relationship... they may be about past experiences and fears that don't apply today? We might be able to help each other and grow closer in the process. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl