This "break up blog;)" has been a great way to process and evolve past a particularly rough patch in my life. It's humbling, cathartic and certainly raises the stakes to go public with one's struggles. At rock bottom, I challenged myself to be known - by putting myself "out there" in general. I spent the bulk of my life being the peace keeper, running interference for others' friction and I think my aim was to be as invisible as possible (enter the chameleon and budding sales personality, Lol!). My commitment was conflict avoidance and I get it. Growing up in family world war 3 will do that to you, especially if you feel what I feel... everyone's emotions, pain, disappointments. It took a hell of a lot for me to start caring most about my own emotional world and to put myself first in life.... and I can say from this very personal experience, it's never too late to start doing that. Even in this very moment, I realize (again) that the person I need to forgive the most is myself. There are a few people who have had a lasting, uncomfortable impact on me emotionally and I'm ashamed to admit that I have had unpleasant thoughts about these people. But here and now, I realize that I have been at least partly responsible for what has happened to me and I know that I need to forgive myself for not making better choices along the way. In hindsight, I can see that my boundaries were fuzzy. I needed to be aware of, acknowledge and act on how I was feeling about certain things. Certain relationships were not appropriate for me and yet I continued to allow "deal breakers" into my life. Good news is, I now know what I need and want and I feel comfortable speaking up, so that I'm always ok:) I wish that for everyone because life is simply better when we're taking good care of ourselves.
Blessings,
Chatgirl
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