The When Harry Met Sally Question - can men and women be friends?

When Harry Met Sally explores this topic with a lot of humour and probably one of the best scenes in the history of romantic comedy movies (Meg Ryan fakes an orgasm with oscar winning brilliance, in case you've been living on a desert island somewhere and didn't catch the movie and/or the water cooler debate afterward). Harry and Sally did eventually become friends, despite Harry's insistance that men and women cannot be friends... and in the end they realized that they were in love with each other after all. So, can men and women really be friends?? There's probably no conclusive answer to this, but it's such fun topic to analyze.

There is both popular and scientific debate on the topic. Louann Brizendine (Neuropsychiatrist), in The Female Brain contends that women's behavior is different than men's due to hormonal and architectural differences in the brain. The book discusses specific issues, such as sexualization, and notes that some men are essentially hard-wired to be either capable of monogamy or not and that men are hard-wired for greater sexual focus than are women. Those who disagree claim that there is a great deal of male-female overlap at the individual level. From the popular world, the male consensus seems to line up with Harry's, in that sexual attraction gets in the way of a purely platonic relationship. Most women seem to feel that friendship is possible and tend to put men in the "friend zone" when they either aren't interested or they're unavailable. What I'm wondering is this... if a man and a woman meet, have a great connection and for whatever reason sex is off the table, are they not able to be friends? Are we not capable of thinking someone is fabulous and attractive, perhaps even caring about them and maintaining a relationship... even if there is an attraction? Like feel the fear and do it anyway - can't we just feel the attraction and have the friendship anyway. Maybe not...  but just sayin'.

Blessings,

Chatgirl