If it's not one thing, it's another in life. Most of us spend a significant amount of time commenting on the seemingly endless slough of things that go wrong, be it technology, something at work, family or relationship drama, a parking ticket, speeding ticket, a new and unexpected expense, and on and on. Why do things always seem so out of balance? Great things happen for sure, but along with the rockin' times come a lot of unwanted tasks or fall out from something or other. I think for most of us, relationship drama hits the hardest and the deepest. I mean, can't we all just get along already, Lol;) Even when we seek help, or put everything we've got into a relationship, we seem powerless to resolve differences that drive a wedge. The mundane glitches in life are just that and although annoying, we can get past them in short order and they'll happily slip into our mental trash bin. The people stuff is trickier. Relationship wreckage can really hurt and have a lasting effect. In fact, we may be carrying the past into the preset, on into the future and into our new relationships. For instance, if someone was cheated on in the past, good luck trusting the next person. Ouch. This is such an unpleasant subject and most of us would rather do anything than hover over this gunk. But what if there was something really important and ground breaking to ponder? What if there was a ray of profound hope that could turn the old relationship rubic's cube into something we've given up hoping for? Anything profound usually involves some willingness to dig down a little, but still, it may be inspiring and novel to look at things a differently...
So here's the deal... and many schools of thought say something similar. In fact, I think most of us have heard something like this along the way, but for some reason it just doesn't register... so, we've all heard about commitment and fears around commitment, but I don't know if anyone actually admits to having a problem with it. Even if we're able to admit to commitment issues, it's out there somewhere - like maybe we haven't met the right person, or we haven't been able to stick with some job because of bad bosses, or an impossible co-worker or what have you. Thing is, I don't know that we really apply the concept of commitment to ourselves. If we do think about committing to ourselves, it just sounds kind of ridiculous. Of course we're committed to ourselves. We're living our lives aren't we? But according to the experts, many of us are not committed to ourselves and therefore our lives are in a state of much flux, maybe in all areas and certainly in our primary relationships. Supposedly, we spend a lot of time out in the world, focused on others and what they're doing that we don't like, or on what isn't working in our cities, or in the world... but it is said that we are not pointing the finger at ourselves in kind and so we continue looking for something external to make us happy, bring us pleasure, solve our issues. The bigger question is, if we are looking in the mirror, what are we supposed to do with that anyway? Most good therapists, coaches, books will say that if we're not taking care of how we feel about ourselves, and of how we treat ourselves first and foremost, we're in for a rocky ride. Self worth is probably an over used expression and I think we kind of make fun of the idea, but the concept is key according to experts. If we can start by going easy on ourselves and making sure we're treating ourselves nicely and thinking we're great, others will too. If we can go a step further and observe the things we say and do out in the world, we may be pleasantly surprised. It is said that if we lie to ourselves, we will be lied to by others and if we betray ourselves, we will be betrayed by others etc. The old saying that we get back what we give out comes to mind, and according to this whole commitment to self thing, it seems that if we commit to ourselves in a more meaningful and thoughtful way, others will supposedly commit to us in a way that we've only dreamed of. (For a more intense look into "self" commitment, check out Coming Home by John Bradshaw, or Healing Your Relationship With Yourself, by Joel Brass).
Blessings,
Chagirl
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