Do we really know what love is? How do we know that someone loves us or that we love them... for real? Clearly there are many kinds of love - the love for a family member/child, friend etc., but when it comes to romance, things get more complicated. The stakes are higher when we're thinking of investing heavily with our time, resources and most importantly our heart and maybe soul, if we're willing to go that deep into it. When a relationship doesn't work out, there's fall out, a sense of loss and it just plain hurts. We start out so hopeful and the relationship seems full of promise. What the heck happens? How do things go so left? Is anyone else out there tired of the merry-go-round? If so, what can we do about this?
First off, what about love? Well, a lot of books and coaches tell us that love is an action. Beyond how we feel, love is something we need to show through "acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts and physical touch", according to The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Apparently each of us has one or two primary needs in feeling love from someone. If our partner does not show love in these particular ways, we will not feel loved... and if our partner truly does love us then he/she is supposed to learn how to love us according to these hardwired needs. Second, are we choosing well from the start? We are told that if we know who we are and what we need, we should have a list of qualities (that mirror our own values/desires/goals) to refer to in our "auditioning" process. It can be flattering to accept someone's adoration and attention, but if this person is not aligned with our core values and desires, we're more than likely putting on the proverbial rose tinted glasses to stay in this "arrangement". Why would we stay with someone who doesn't actually fit the bill? Well, let's be kind to ourselves. Finding Mr or Mrs Right can be a lengthy process, filled with annoying dates and maybe loneliness. But what is the cost of giving up early and "settling"? Maybe we'll be ahead in the end if we take a little more time choosing well up front. Then of course, we have some work to do in making sure we're loving and being loved ..... for real and in the way that both people need.
Blessings,
Chatgirl
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