Being "right" at the expense of our relationships

Most people are uncomfortable with conflict and in addition to that, most of us really like to be right!... am I right, Lol ;) Put these two things together and 2 + 2 = 5 a lot of the time in relationships. Thing is, when we avoid conflict, nothing gets resolved and even worse, blow ups are often the result and can lead to sad endings. Needing to be right can be such a rabbit hole. I mean, what's the win? Being right and alone sucks, right, Lol ;)?

The experts talk a lot about communication and this registers as blah, blah, blah. Communication is so frickin' vague already. What do they mean - communication about what, and how?? It's not easy facing friction and difficulty in general, let alone with people we care about... especially when we're feeling angry, hurt, sensitive. So what exactly are we supposed to do? A lot of therapists/coaches will say that we need to be "vulnerable". Ugh... so are we saying we need to be flapping in the wind, foolishly, weakly facing our partner and crying and complaining like babies? Well, no, not necessarily, thank goodness. Maybe we can hold onto our dignity and just speak like adults... explain clearly what our experience is and how we've been feeling about the goings on in the relationship (without blaming and beginning sentences with "you always" or "we never" etc)... and perhaps a great discussion can transpire, clearing the air and setting some ground rules. When it comes to who's right, the experts say this is absolute rubbish. Who frickin' cares really? Apparently, what we should care about is how each person feels. If we're so busy needing to be right, nobody's listening. Everyone's too busy trying to be heard. So if we shut our cake holes for a second;), take a breath and actually hear each other, maybe we can learn about our loved ones and achieve some understanding. What's interesting about listening is that often our loved ones are right. Therapists say that if we survey our five closest friends/family members, they'll have similar feedback about us and what we're like to be in a relationship with. Pretty enlightening, if we can handle it;) The experts say it's not so much what's being said anyway, but how things are said... and if we speak only about how we're feeling, it can be pleasantly disarming for those around us... and in the end our needs may have some hope of being met. That's what we're after anyway, right?! :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl