Being a big psychology geek, I love exploring some of our most unattractive emotional responses ;) ... so I thought I'd share the latest research on envy ('cause I'm sure we all have our moments with it). Apparently, envy can be a good thing, as long as it's the "benign" kind and not the nasty "malicious" sort. Benign envy is when we're happy for and motivated by someone else's success and we strive to emulate it. Apparently, this can act as a healthy and positive motivator. Nice. I think we all know what the other kind feels like - when we can just tell that someone dislikes us (maybe because of what we have) and needs to cut us down. Yuck.
According to Linda Hamilton, an award-winning master certified life and executive coach, here are some tips in understanding what our envy is about:
* See these feelings in a different light. Maybe we need to be "playing a bigger game" or "doing something that is important" to us on some level.
* "Stop comparing. Nobody wins in the comparison game. Comparing erodes our confidence/self-esteem and brings insecurities. Rather, look at what it is about your friend that you want to emulate in your own life. Write it down. It's only once we're clear about something that we can do anything about it and start moving forward. Identify why and what about this person you envy."
* "Take stock of what is great about your life. We always want to start something new from a position of strength. Then pick an area of growth, make a game plan and go for it."
I read about another great perspective on envy. If we think about what it's taken for someone to accomplish what they have and the sacrifices they've made along the way, perhaps things will look a little different. (i.e. a professional athlete, with the never ending conditioning/diet etc. or an entrepreneur who had to live on credit for ten years before "making it" or a physician who spent 10+ years in school studying... ok, now some people may seem to get lucky and inherit their good fortune or what have you, but a lot of people travel a long road of sacrifices in achieving their successful end). Just sayin ;)
Blessings,
Chatgirl
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