Recipe for lasting happiness in our love relationship

Apparently, most of us are "unconsciously" entering into our romantic relationships. We often choose people for the wrong reasons and then we're not actually committed thereafter because things aren't quite right. Add to that... we don't always know how we feel and/or we can be afraid to express what we need and want. So, we're afraid to express our own experience and almost certainly we're not asking our partner what their experience is with us. Are we asking them what they want and need and then delivering? Probably not. What are we supposed to be doing then?

According Joel Brass, relationship therapist, here are the main points:

* First and foremost, we are supposed to be very honest and committed to what we want in life and from our partner. If we do want long lasting love with one person, then this is supposed to involve full commitment/intimacy/monogamy.
* From the get go, we're supposed to be honest with ourselves and choose based on what we want/need and how we feel about the other person. Certainly, we are not supposed to choose based on external qualities or offerings (looks, money, career, fear of being alone, biological clock etc.)
* Both people need to have both feet in, all 10 toes each in the relationship... and in all the way.
* We are supposed to express what we need and want to each other and discuss our experiences with each other, so there's some hope of everyone's needs/wants/feelings being expressed and addressed.
* Apparently real love is bringing all of our heart, body and mind to one another.

Note: Important distinction
Falling in love - happens automatically and without much effort, but will inevitably give way to obstacles and issues, which will demand effort and work from both people.
Being in love - comes after the honeymoon when we have to take more care with one another, how we're treating one other and how we're giving and receiving love to each other.

Wow... easier said than done for sure... most of us come to the table with fears and defence mechanisms and communication is a challenge, especially when we're feeling emotional, hurt, let down etc. I guess we could ignore all of this and just keep doing what we're doing.... but if we continue to be unhappy in our romantic situation(s) or if we get tired of serial relationships, maybe we can think of trying something new... and going a little deeper into what our relationship MO is;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl