A lot of books and experts advise us to write a list of qualities that what we want in a mate. Even better, we're supposed to write out how we want to feel in a relationship and focus on the specific qualities of the relationship of our dreams (i.e. effortless compatibility, respectful communication, natural chemistry etc. ). We are supposed to create an intention around this and focus on it. Sounds easy enough and yet most of us struggle? Why is there so much drama in dating and relationships? Even when we have good intentions and we think we've found a great relationship, inevitably there's friction, disappointment and often an ending... and then men think women are crazy and high maintenance and women think men are ... fill in the blank, Lol ;) So, what's the deal?
A good therapist will say that all the drama begins and ends with us. Ugh... really... damn. Nobody wants to hear that because it's a total drag. There's nothing inspiring about that.... except that maybe it's really true. So if it is, what the heck? Why is this so complicated and challenging? I mean, really?.... but before we go and get a drink, or eat some chocolate, or go on line to see who's doing what, let's think about this for a second. Maybe if we're willing consider doing things differently, we may be able to save ourselves a lot of grief. Apparently, it's not actually that crappy and depressing. Check this out:
When considering a new special someone:
* Do I actually choose who this person is? Does this person really line up for me?
* Do I see myself able to fully commit to this person?
* How do I feel around this person? How does this person and the relationship make me feel?
* What do I want for myself and do I see my needs being met here?
* What is my experience in this relationship and am I able to share this with my potential partner?
* What does my potential partner want/need, what is he/she experiencing and is he/she willing and able to share?
Apparently if we're willing to rearrange our brains a little and choose on how we feel rather than on looks, money, sexual chemistry, timing etc. we should find ourselves in better shape. Wouldn't it be nice to have a great love life instead of an ongoing train wreck, or dead relationship where we're simply going through the motions... all the while convincing ourselves things are great... and filling that void with another pint of Haagen Dazs, another glass of wine or secretly creeping people on the internet, or whatever feels good temporarily.... all bandaid solutions?.... ;). Just sayin'
Blessings,
Chatgirl
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