If you're struggling with your partner (or any other ) and you really want to get to the root of the matter, try the following exercise, compliments of Joel Brass, relationship therapist (if you're both willing of course - or you can have a friend sit across from you to just listen, so that you may gain clarity for yourself).
Spend 5 minutes on each step
1. I am angry at you because (or for).....
2. I am hurt by (or that).....
3. I am afraid of you when (or that)
4. I have expressed all of this to you by....
5. I need (or needed)
6. I want you to (or I wanted you to)...
7. One thing I want to say to you that's hard for me to say is....
8. I want to be forgiven for...
9. I want to be appreciated for...
10. Imagine this person is on their death bed and this is the last conversation you'll ever have...
This is quite a profound and surprising process. Sometimes even we don't know what's going to come up for us - and that's the idea! Apparently, the nature of spending 5 intensive minutes on each step somehow short-circuits the brain and gets to our deepest emotions and experiences. This can apply to any and all relationships and is particularly good with parent and sibling challenges as well. This one is truly for the brave... not easy. Hugs:)
Blessings,
Chatgirl
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