Compliments of Abby Ellin, Psychology Today
Being betrayed is no joke, especially when you implicitly trusted that person. The most interesting fact, in my opinion, is "You can convince yourself to believe what you want to believe. Often, you lie to yourself more than to others." Ouch. Diving a little deeper, "When you put so much into a particular decision, you tend to selectively emphasize facts that support it and dismiss facts that dispute it. Affect enters into the process in many ways, such as falling in love." Personally, I have to own a huge avoidance factor. In truth, I was done and needing to move on. I just couldn't quite bring myself to go through the uncomfortable motions of breaking up; the "discussion" and yucky move. It was too easy to put off. Boy did I pay the price for not taking care of business. Lesson learned I hope. All that said, it still stings to find out you've been duped behind the scenes- that while you were busy procrastinating, your live in partner fell in love and got busy making future plans with out bothering to tell you. Ouch again because really you hurt yourself on that one! Doh! Can we trust again? Should we trust again? "'Being trusting is generally a good thing,' says Greenspan. In fact, research shows that highly trusting people are not duped any more than those who are less trusting. Further, high trusters are more likely to be happy, well-adjusted, better liked, and more often sought out as friends by both low-trusting and high-trusting others... Experts agree: Intuition is often our best ally in determining whether someone is lying. But most of us don't follow our guts; we cast aside niggling doubts, often berating ourselves for being too cynical. The Exeter researchers found that people who fall for scams often suspect something is off; they just ignore it." Ok, got it. So we need to find a way to be totally honest with ourselves first and foremost and then act on it! Make the tough decision up front, or pay the price!
Blessings,
Chatgirl
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