I've read enough psychology and self-help books to know that most of us have at one time or another been cheated on and we've most likely been unfaithful to some degree ourselves. These truths may never come out, but deep down, we know how honourable we've been, or not... and if not, we may have to carry a bit of guilt around for the rest of our lives, which sucks big time.
How about the big fat betrayal though?... this is another matter entirely. I envy you if you've never been faced with one of these... I have and I can tell you, wow, this leaves no flesh wound. The full on, affair behind your back, potentially in front of your friends, and/or with someone from your inner circle... the lying and cheating, while you're shopping, cooking and cleaning up a storm. Right, we'll f--k me! This causes some serious internal bleeding, much soul searching and a thorough examination of past decision making. People may say, "well, the guy's a piece of crap and it's about him, not you"... but again, I do believe we all need to be accountable for what happens in our lives - and even if we're betrayed or let down by someone, we're a part of it and we have to own something in it... so, what do I own? Believe me, this is not easy to do and I'd like to shove a whole lot of blame onto the dude who brought my emotional house down to a pile of rubble. In the end though, I managed to uncover some lifelong insecurities and be the better for it. Not that I like or feel very highly about buddy who screwed me over... but at least I'm living large now and feeling a renewed sense of freedom and security within. This is feeling like a surprisingly meaningful and rewarding gift. Would I wish this on anyone else? Hell no!... but we're all going to face some heavy shit in life, so I guess we better "man up" on courage, perseverance and stick together! :) Hugs.
Blessings,
Chatgirl
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