I think there’s a point in your healing journey where you stop trying to convince other people to do the right thing you just observe their choices, understand their character, and decide what you’re going to allow in your life.
— Brianna Wiest
Therapy and life coaching taught me about “allowing” certain treatment. My tolerance for questionable behavior was far too high, thanks to an abusive upbringing that lacked healthy communication and self-care boundaries. In truth, I found it hard to throw the baby out with the bath water with some long standing relationships. But I also know that I’ve gained a drama-free zone, which has greatly reduced my stress level. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Never discredit your gut instinct. You are not paranoid. Your body can pick up on bad vibrations. If something deep inside of you says something is not right about a person or situation, trust it.
— Unknown
I keep reminding myself to trust gut instinct over the brain, particularly when there’s a lack of information. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I don’t wanna “win” the argument or feel “right”. That’s not the point nor my objective. I wanna feel like we’ve come to an understanding on the issue at hand. I want both of us to walk away feeling heard and understood.
It’s not a competition.
— Unknown
In my younger days, I often reacted defensively when questioned or challenged. My father ruled with an iron fist and there wasn’t a whole lot of room for two way discussion. In fact, his favourite saying was “You’re completely missing the point”, which created a hot button around my intelligence being insulted. Fortunately, with counselling, I was able to resolve the old baggage and live in the moment in my relationships and at work. I’m able to remain open, with curiosity and the intent to learn. This has worked wonders in all aspects of my life. And I continue to pick up new and helpful tips in life. It’s pretty cool. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Emotionally immature people will not respond well to your boundaries. Don’t be surprised when they block you, give you the silent treatment, create drama or have a tantrum. Your job is to maintain your boundaries despite the response from the people who don’t want you to have boundaries.
Why can’t I get over it or just let it go?
Responses of the nervous system happen below the level of conscious awareness, in the survival brain. Becoming anxious, triggered or shutting down isn’t something you’re choosing - it happens automatically and instantly. If something feels familiar to a previous trauma, your physiology will move you into a state of fight, flight or freeze. You can’t talk yourself out of it or be more positive/capable/strong to change it. It’s not your fault.
— jessicamaguire.com (@repairing__the_nervous_system)
I ended up seeing a Body Talk/Craniosacral Therapist as a last resort, after a life long battle with stomach aches and bloating. The traditional health care system had no solution. Nothing really showed up in allergy tests (one $400 blood test showed a clean sheet, except a minimal response to alfalfa sprouts, when I know my body is not in love with dairy, wheat or red meat). A trusted naturopath suggested the eat for your blood type book, and I’ve found their diet guide to be pretty bang on (lots of fruit, veggies, nuts, salmon, minimal dairy/wheat, red meat. So there you go!). In my first session with the Body Talk practitioner, she diagnosed me with “Anxious Tummy” which is essentially a central nervous system response to stress. Body Talk/Craniosacral therapy, along with the blood type type diet have been the solution for me, both physically and emotionally. My Craniosacral coach explains how this particular therapy calms the nervous system and provides a bit more space and time around triggering events, which was a happy, additional benefit to solving my digestive issues. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Never get mad at someone for being who they’ve always been.
Be upset with yourself for not coming to terms with it sooner.
— Unknown
My favourite therapist says this comes into play, particularly when you’re dating. For example, he called out dating married people, because they’re not really available, and a lot of people end up staying in the marriage anyway. He says we should be mindful of our deal breakers, and head off the mismatches as early as possible (before the pheromones take over, Lol). Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I’m at a place where I don’t want to have to help “fix” my next partner. It’s draining. I’ve done it. I’ve tried to be that ride or die, but it’s such an energy imbalance. I’m tired. I want someone who is already emotionally available and emotionally expressive. That’s it.
— Unknown
I came to the same conclusion. I didn’t want to go through another painful break up and I wanted an easier, more compatible dynamic. I also realized I had work to do in taking care of my emotional world. No more sulking, no more going quiet and hiding. I knew I needed to become a better partner in resolving issues and creating a wonderful world together. I went back to therapy and relationship courses, and it worked. I met the love of my life shortly thereafter, and were equal partners in keeping the air clear and maintaining the romance. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
A narcissist wants the authority of a king
while having the accountability of a toddler.
— Unknown
I learned healthy, adult communication skills in therapist led relationship seminars. We were taught how to “clear”, which is about owning and addressing any tension and discomfort you feel with someone. I found this very intimidated in the beginning, but with practice, this has become an invaluable new skill. My partner and I are able to communicate through challenging moments by taking responsibility for our own end in things and by making requests of each other, when needed. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I hate when people say “if you love me you’ll accept me as I am.”
Child, bye. Loving you doesn’t mean tolerating your refusal to develop emotional intelligence and heal your dysfunction.
If you loved you, you would do the work so people who love you don’t feel forced to walk away.
— Unknown
I just wanted things to get better in my family of origin. I would have loved to see my parents learn healthier ways of managing their relationship. Instead, my father remained angry, my mother remained depressed, and then my Dad died early at 59. My mother lived another 24 years, still mostly angry with my father. The Groundhog Day of it all just drives me crazy. The silver lining is that I made the commitment to learn healthier relationship skills. Best decision of my life, without a doubt. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
You’re not behind in life. There’s no timetable that we all must follow. It’s made up. 7 billion people can’t do everything in the same order. What’s early? What’s late? Compared to who? Don’t beat yourself up for where you are. It’s YOUR schedule and everything is right on time.
— Unknown
I really like this guidance. Just sayin’:) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.
— Unknown
I’m definitely a glass half full person. Positivity and dreaming about wonderful outcomes makes me feel good. Having said that, three things trip me up; lack of patience during the working hard and waiting for positive returns phase, fear that things won’t work out because who knows, and worrying that I don’t have the talent/intelligence to realize my dreams (which are pretty ambitious). Luckily, I’m a persistent little so and so. My high school basketball coach told me my determination and perseverance would be the ace up my sleeve. We shall see! ;) Hugsa no good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Your kids watching you in a toxic relationship does more damage than being a single parent.
— Unknown
I can speak from experience on this one. My parents fought cats and dogs my whole life, and frankly, I thought someone could end up dead. For example, Mom dropped a typewriter off the balcony and narrowly missed Dad’s head. He just looked up and said “Crazy b- - tch”. I mean, yikes, right?. My favourite therapist explained that what I witnessed was what love is not, rather than what love is. And so I did not learn how to have a healthy, adult relationship. I witness arguments, but not a whole lot of helpful discussions leading to resolution. I also learned to be afraid of anger, because bad things happened in our house when people started yelling. With professional help, I have learned to embrace all of the emotions, which my therapist tells me are critical in taking care of ourselves and having successful relationships. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
All progress is made when people who don’t feel like showing up for themselves show up anyway.
Your power is wielded in your ability to act despite conflicting emotions.
Feel your feelings, then get moving.
— J. Mike Fields (Professional life coach, public speaker and consultant. Fields approach is to “reach the core of what’s causing the fear, avoidance, and rigidity to change. With this approach, one root finding (often a sabotaging perception and belief about one’s Self) causes dozens of symptoms to disappear, multiple beliefs are untangled and changed, and a door is opened to a new life, a new story, and a Self-life that is steadfast, unwavering, and renewed each day.” He says “Follow your greatest fears. Go to the root.”)
My favourite therapist would agree. I went to therapy to save my marriage, and ended up on an individual healing journey. Therapy didn't save my marriage, but it saved me, and then led to the love of my life and perfect partner. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
10% of conflicts are due to difference in opinion.
90% are due to wrong tone of voice.
— Unknown
Excellent point! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck.
Blessings,
Chatgirl
The people I want on my growth journey are the ones who are happy in their own lane.
No judgment, guilt tripping or blame - but focusing on being the best version of themselves and celebrating others trying to do the same.
— Unknown
I came to realize that there’s a match factor with friends and acquaintances as well, beyond the primary, romantic love match. I can see the deal breakers in some of my past friendships, but 20 or 30 years of history had me sentimental. I also hate the idea of throwing the baby out with the bath water because there are wonderful things about these individuals. And frankly, I miss them, which explains the hesitation to part ways. But I had to mind my mental health and well being, above all. I do find life more relaxing and peaceful, so I know the changes were necessary. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Growth is crazy. You literally wake up one day and be unbothered by the stuff that used to bother you.
Keep going, keep growing.
— Unknown
I learned a lot about being “triggered” from therapy and weekend relationship workshops. Apparently, when we have overblown reactions, a small portion of that response is due to the moment at hand, and the bigger portion stems from earlier childhood experiences. For example, in my world, I used to react badly to being micro-managed, or being heavily scrutinized. I felt my intelligence was being insulted, and I know this comes from my father’s tendency to judge and withhold approval. His patented response was “You’re completely missing the point.” Fortunately, I’ve been able to heal and evolve. I now look for opportunities to learn, and be curious, rather than being immediately insulted. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
