Riding the wave...

Good and bad, ups and downs, happy and sad, and so on... let's just hold on and ride the wave of life. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Gratitude revisited...

I work on gratitude a lot - not because I've been told to per se (by all the wise people out there), but because it always makes me feel good/better. Although, there are days when this strategy seems beyond my reach and I guess that's ok too. Maybe we're allowed to reserve some days for hiding and/or sulking because sometimes that feels good/better. Hopefully the gratitude days win out though because there's something great about thinking of/dreaming about the positives in our lives and the excitement of new possibilities. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Forgiveness revisited...

I've been angry and needing to find a way to forgive, been angry all over again and even feeling somewhat vengeful (which is sooo not in my nature for the most part) and struggling to find a place of forgiveness yet again, and so on. Thing is, I realize anger and bitterness are a pretty big waste of effort and energy. This energy could be spent in life improving ways instead! Am I right? Anger and bitterness must be a necessary part of mourning, but if it goes on... I think not so much.... just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Feel good...

Is it just me, or is it awesome to do things that make you feel good.. whatever it is that we each like/love/cherish/dream about. Very wise helping professionals say that when we do things just for us, to take care of ourselves, we are ahead of the game. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Goodwill...

"Be somebody who makes everybody feel like a somebody."

- Anonymous

Because it feels good... and because what goes around comes around, Lol ;) ... Seriously though, someone's gotta make the world a better place and we can at least play our small part. That's my motto anyway :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

"Love is friendship that has caught fire." ...

"Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses."

- Ann Landers

How beautiful is that :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Compassion...

When it hurts they will feel you
And when they finally
understand you, for your all,
They will accept you.

People are like that.
The moment they know your story
Things ease up a little.
They have compassion,
It is built in them
And It is something no one could ever take away.
Everyone has this power...
And It is strong enough
To change the world,
To save the world.
In all its burning madness.
This can possibly cure all human suffering.
Compassion...
It is one of those things.
It is the bridge that connects everyone
To everyone else.

- R. M. Drake

Ok, so clearly I am a big fat bleeding heart ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

What we can't see...

"Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always"

- Anynomous

Words to live by. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Don't play victim...

"Playing victim" is something I learned about in my early 30's from a very savvy life coach. I have to be honest - it took some explaining before I could understand what the heck she was talking about and it's taken a really long time to see the full benefit of this notion. I felt strongly that some things just happen to us... and of course, some things do just happen to us. What this coach explained, however, was that we have a role to play in our reactions and expectations, and in the "filters" we tend to wear. So! Apparently, we are all slanted in certain ways, based on our upbringing, heritage, life experiences etc and these things we cannot control. What we do have control over is governing how we're going to proceed before "stuff" happens to us and after something has happened to us. I guess this is the whole "take lemons and make lemonade" deal. Savvy coach says we can all be guilty of complaining and feeling sorry for ourselves, but this doesn't solve a whole lot in the end. At some point, we're supposed to make decisions about what we want in our lives and set about finding a way to make that happen... and believing we can pull it off. I've had such experiences this lately :) Pretty great!! Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Moods...

Is it just me or is there a seemingly involuntary nature to moods. Sure, something "bad" or unexpected happens, it wasn't what we wanted and we slink down. But some days we wake up and just feel off. I hate that! Sometimes it's downright hard to get out of bed and we can't think of what to do with ourselves. We dig our heels in because nothing is helping. Wft ;) ?! ... Anyhoo, I've decided that if I put up my emotional umbrella, hang on as best I can and let the dark cloud pass, something wonderful usually happens.... or at least, the next day things don't seem quite as bad or devastating. Sometimes I can even see a new path appear before me and decide on a direction change that's even better! Just sayin ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Escapism...

Some days there's nothing to say. There's an acceptance that needs to settle in and the best thing to do is tune out and do something mindless, whatever your pleasure. For me it's writing, exercise, music, movies (feel good preferably, Lol), chatting to friends about nothing in particular... nothing serious. Just sayin;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Let it go...

"Know when to give up and have a drink."

- Anonymous

I gotta say, I love this! Lol ;) After a long career in sales, especially post-2008, I keep realizing that sometimes there is simply nothing to be done. You can't move an immovable object and sometimes it's better to let go ... have a drink... and then move on. I would say the same thing about relationships come to think of it. The second something seems fraught with obstacles and peril, I don't know... seems like knowing when to throw in the towel is a genius skill to cultivate. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Sulking...

I wonder what the verdict is on sulking? ;) I know my favourite therapist tells me it's important to allow ourselves to feel absolutely everything we're feeling. He once told me I wanted everything in my life to be sunny or sunnier, which left me with a broken compass. He says that feeling the negative emotions (upset, anger etc) is very important because this gives us information about what our boundaries are and what we need in life. I wonder where sulking fits in exactly though, Lol, because I have to admit there are times when it feels way too good to sulk for a bit. It's that whole sensation around not getting what you want and sitting in the uncomfortable moment of have-not. After a while it begins to feel silly though and you have to acknowledge that you're not a teenager anymore, that we know better and that in life we don't always get what we need and want. But it sucks anyway sometimes;)  Just sayin'

Blessings,

Chatgirl

To be or not to be serious? ;) ...

I am very fond of humour, especially when all else fails ;) There's a whole lot to be serious about in life and it's so nice to let up on that sometimes. Ever laughed at an inappropriate moment and you think or say out loud "This is not funny. I don't know why I'm laughing." Yeah, so obviously I have, Lol... I think humour can be a great (and healthy) way to let off steam. I also think a sense of humour can be very sexy ;) When someone responds with a laugh and a bit of curiosity around a tense situation, how kind does that feel? It can really help reduce the stress level in life. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

"Mistakes" ...

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times just to be sure."

- Anonymous

Ha ha ha  ... Enough said, right ;) !

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Negative experiences...

I can think of a few invaluable "tools" for coping with life's little ditties - a great sense of humour, curiosity and an open minded perspective. When the unexpected or "bad" experience happens there's the initial annoyance or pissed off reaction, but it's so fun to laugh it off, consider the novelty and turn it into a great story later on. Yeah, so I had such an experience recently... took my gorgeous squeeze on a rush hour Skytrain journey to the worst margarita's and concert in history. Meh, whaddaya gonna do? You take a chance on some live entertainment and you end up laughing at the ridiculousness before you; bad quality sound, unfamiliar tinny music, perplexing and un-sexy dance moves, the whole bit. Anyhoo, made for a good laugh after escaping into a cab, great tequila and tunes at home back in the city, Lol ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Going with the flow...

I've been observing something very interesting over the last (break up blogging) year. I have also decided that this is incredibly profound... for me! ... and maybe for others too ;) ... so here's the deal.... I have realized that there is only so much we can expect of ourselves. We can only do so much and when we have an extreme amount of inner resistance to certain things, then maybe we just need to accept ourselves for who we are and for what we can compel ourselves to do, or not do. For example, if we love to eat and we consider ourself a foodie, maybe we decide we're going to be okay with a weight that allows for this, stop beating ourselves up for carrying an extra ten pounds and just enjoy this important pleasure in our lives. Another example is saying "no" to things that don't make us feel good. Doing things out of duty and obligation takes a lot of energy and maybe at least some of the time it's better to choose an alternate activity that brings good energy into our lives instead. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Positive effects of envy...

Being a big psychology geek, I love exploring some of our most unattractive emotional responses ;) ... so I thought I'd share the latest research on envy ('cause I'm sure we all have our moments with it). Apparently, envy can be a good thing, as long as it's the "benign" kind and not the nasty "malicious" sort. Benign envy is when we're happy for and motivated by someone else's success and we strive to emulate it. Apparently, this can act as a healthy and positive motivator. Nice. I think we all know what the other kind feels like - when we can just tell that someone dislikes us (maybe because of what we have) and needs to cut us down. Yuck.

According to Linda Hamilton, an award-winning master certified life and executive coach, here are some tips in understanding what our envy is about:
* See these feelings in a different light. Maybe we need to be "playing a bigger game" or "doing something that is important" to us on some level.
* "Stop comparing. Nobody wins in the comparison game. Comparing erodes our confidence/self-esteem and brings insecurities. Rather, look at what it is about your friend that you want to emulate in your own life. Write it down. It's only once we're clear about something that we can do anything about it and start moving forward. Identify why and what about this person you envy."
* "Take stock of what is great about your life. We always want to start something new from a position of strength. Then pick an area of growth, make a game plan and go for it."

I read about another great perspective on envy. If we think about what it's taken for someone to accomplish what they have and the sacrifices they've made along the way, perhaps things will look a little different. (i.e. a professional athlete, with the never ending conditioning/diet etc. or an entrepreneur who had to live on credit for ten years before "making it" or a physician who spent 10+ years in school studying... ok, now some people may seem to get lucky and inherit their good fortune or what have you, but a lot of people travel a long road of sacrifices in achieving their successful end). Just sayin ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway...

Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway is a fantastic book that talks about filling our lives full of support, in whatever form we need. There are things that make us us and apparently we're supposed to make sure we meet all of these needs, so that we may be ok no matter what shit storm is brewing in our lives. I work on this notion a lot. Whether I'm on a roll or a skid, I work on remembering to do the things that make me feel good. I think we need a sense of purpose to be fulfilled in life, or we're at risk of becoming bored and/or dissatisfied. In any case, Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway addresses this idea very well and I certainly thought this book was a game changer.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Need a change? ...

According to a lot of health-focused sources, if we want change in our lives, we need to create new habits. Unfortunately, this doesn't happen overnight and there's no quick fix. For example, losing weight requires some commitment to lifestyle change - more exercise and less/more healthy intake (and maybe less tasty treats! Damn!!). Sucks for sure, but that's pretty much what it's gonna take - a serious adjustment on a daily basis and maybe permanently, which is why diets don't work in the long term. The change needs to be indefinite. That's probably not very inspiring or encouraging for a whole lot of people. I've been there. There's no way in hell I was ever going to give up sugar/sweets. Only I did! Still not sure how I pulled that one off, but I sure like the results. I still think about/crave sugar once in while, but now I don't want to give up on the new and improved physique. I just know that sugar takes me down the rabbit hole and I don't wanna take the chance. I completely understand not wanting to go that route though - that was me for the most part. Yummy food is a big pleasure centre in life. So, what am I saying? Well, if there's something we really want to accomplish, we're probably going to have to make some sort of sacrifice. We certainly can't keep doing the same thing and expect things to change... and personally, I'm really opposed to living with things that are not supportive of who we are and who we need to be. I don't know that we can "settle" for the long haul. We pay a price for that. I really think we owe it to ourselves to be true to who we are deep down and to what we truly want in life. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Weakness is ok...

We all have weaknesses. I'm not saying they're attractive or that it's any fun acknowledging them. Hell no. But rest assured, everyone has chinks in the old armour. That's just how it goes and absolutely everyone has their cross to bare. Well, I say, so what! ;) It's ok. We're allowed to be imperfect. Hell, if we let ourselves and everyone else be imperfect, life could be a whole lot more chill and fun. Am I crazy? I don't know, but I think life shouldn't be so f'ing serious and we should not hold ourselves and everyone else to standards that just can't be met. Am I right? I mean, doesn't that sound more relaxing and pleasant? Just sayin' .... !

Blessings,

Chatgirl.

It's not "out there" ...

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the answer is not "out there" somewhere. Okay, now this is one person's opinion, whatever that's worth, Lol ;) ... but what I've experienced and realized is this - no one can save us and the "answer" is not out there somewhere. In my humble experience, we really are left to solve our own stuff. Much as we might want to be saved or nurtured by that perfect partner or benefactor with a miraculous windfall of cash, it seems that we really are left to sort this out for ourselves. Kinda sucks the big one, but when we get through it with our own resolve and genius ideas and/or thoughts, we build strength, self-esteem and confidence in knowing we can take care of ourselves and succeed. Maybe this is too self-help'y a post, but I don't care ;) ... I've been there and I don't think I'm alone in facing the black veil of life. Shit happens and I don't care who you are and how much money you have, life will get yah! That's just how it goes in the journey of being a human being. So much of life is universal. So! In summary, I believe the answer is within us somewhere... always. We're wiser and more inventive than we might think. Just sayin ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Believing...

You know that whole saying "where there's a will, there's a way"... well I think there's something to that. If you look at a lot of success stories, they involve countless "no"s and actually a lot of entrepreneurs are considered kind of crazy - and they probably have to be a little "out there" to keep forging forward against all odds, often with no sign of forward momentum. I guess what I'm saying is, if we want something badly enough and if we really, truly, deeply believe in our pursuit, then nothing is going to stand in our way. Right? The catch with these things is, you never know how long it's gonna take and what you'll have to endure in getting there. But if we can't let it go of something, I'm sure all the pain will be worth it in the end. I've said it before and I'll say it again, let's keep going. Let's not give up on our dreams :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Turning it around...

The bad days come don't they!.... There's no way around it. Life can be absolutely splendid. The sun is shinin', maybe you're enjoying a new romance or a free and unexpected injection of cash... but we all know that the rain will come again. The roller coaster of life is a given. But shit! It never gets any easier. No matter how much life experience we have and no matter what we've survived, a shit day is a shit day. That's just life folks. What is very cool, however, is turning it around. To go from stress lines and maybe a few tears if you're a chick, to sulking and giving yourself permission to play hooky with a mental health day - to somehow finding a new spark is a revelation. Happened to me today. I had every intention of saying fuck it. In fact, I said exactly that. Fuck it, I'm giving myself a get out of jail card in this moment. I love writing clearly, so I sat down and scribbled some complaints and whiny thoughts. The more I wrote though, the more determined I became - and low and behold, I found the inertia to get off my a-- and get to work. And guess what - I kicked ass! I had a flash of ideas and went out and delivered for myself. I somehow inspired me, Lol ;) So, was it me giving myself permission to be a big baby that helped me move forward? I think, maybe, yes. I allowed myself to react, feel like crap, hide if that's what I really needed.. and then somehow something inside of me came out from under with new ideas to grab ahold of. Yup, pretty cool. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Make over year...

I'm coming up on the one year anniversary of striking out on my own, post-break up (and shocking betrayal). I'm happy to report that my "resolutions" have been quite the success. By success, I mean achieving peace, happiness and a greater sense of accomplishment at work and in life in general. I can't take full credit. I had a lot of help. A few genius coaches gave me the pearls of wisdom with which to set my goals; 1) above all, have your own back 2) focus on how you want to feel at work or in your relationship and go after that 3) know that true happiness can only come from within and that nothing external to you should dictate how you feel about yourself and your life. What I can take credit for is making big commitments to myself and sticking to them for a full year (to reiterate.... no sugar/sweets for a full year, blog for 365 days straight about my experience, go more than the extra mile at work and remember every day that my happiness and self-worth are completely up to me and what I think and feel). So, how does it feel a year later? What's interesting is this... I feel very proud of what I've accomplished in the last year for sure, but what I'm left with is the new habits that I formed 1) remember every day that happiness comes from within and that nothing external to me will ever again dictate how I feel about myself or my life 2) I know that when I go the extra mile I feel great about myself and what I'm achieving and the results usually speak for themselves 3) I know that when I make a decision about what I want and need in my life, I can usually "manifest" exactly that. Very empowering.... just sayin ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Go for it!...

I do believe life is cyclical. There are hard times and good times, but sometimes life has you by the throat and you have to endure until things give way. I am speaking from some serious personal experience here. I survived a stretch of about seven years of hard times on all levels. Nothing was really working; financial hard times would not let up, my relationship(s) were challenging and my job situations were untenable. This all happened post 2008. I believe scary finances can bring out the worst in people and I certainly faced a lot of such individuals. Fortunately, I have a tool box of coping skills and I persevered. My seven year stretch of hard knocks ended in rock bottom, which led to some life altering changes. One of the biggest resolutions was the decision to expect and accept exactly what I want in life, and nothing less. I made a list of how I want to feel and what I want to receive in my life - in career, in a love relationship, in friendships... in all areas frankly. Looks like this was the magic answer to a happier and more fulfilling life. So, I say go for it! Go after exactly what you want in life, with great specifics and detail. What have you got to lose! Just sayin':)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Love again;)...

Love is a never ending topic, is it not? Some of the things I hear repeatedly are "There are many different types of love" or "I love being in love" or "Love changes" etc. From what I hear, there is a lot of suspiciousness around love, and romance in particular. People either don't believe love can sustain itself, or that significant pain is inevitable with love/relationships and that real, long lasting love just doesn't exist because as we get to know someone and we live with them, life gets in the way. I get it because I think I've pretty much had all of these experiences. May I turn this all on it's head and offer the following wisdom about real love vs "unreal" or "ordinary love"  ...

"Love is not what is ordinarily understood by the word. The ordinary love is just a masquerade; something else is hiding behind it. The real love is a totally different phenomenon. The ordinary love is a demand, the real love is a sharing. It knows nothing of demand; it knows the joy of giving.

You cannot frustrate real love because there is no expectation in the first place. And you cannot fulfill unreal love because it is so rooted in expectation that whatsoever is done always falls short. Its expectation is too great, nobody can fulfill it. So the unreal love always brings frustration, and the real love always brings fulfillment."

- by Osho from Love, Freedom, and Aloneness.

So Osho is referring to unconditional love clearly, which is the best kind of course. I wish us all this sort of blessing in love, be it romantic or otherwise.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Catch 22...

What do you do when you're caught between a rock and a hard place? You have to make a decision and you don't like either option?? You go one way, accept the crunchy with the smooth and know you'll face some friction and drama. You go the other way and you're guaranteed more peace in your life, but you're left mourning some good things you've lost. I guess we have to accept that life serves up these conundrums. Things will never be perfect. Boo, that's all I can say ;) ! Being the silver lining girl that I am, however, let me just say that the old pro's and con's list can work wonders. Odds are there'll be more weight on one side of the decision and as my favourite therapist advises, always check in with how the old body feels, especially stomach. How we feel, rather than what our brain tells us is supposed to be the way to go. Alrighty then.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The waiting - part two...

Told you I'd revisit the topic again, Lol ;) Yesterday I wrote about the impatience we face when dealing with line ups, traffic etc. I realize, there are other forms of waiting, like biding time for something you're really looking forward to that might be a week away, a month away, a year away? What then? Well, I guess similar to the traffic or air travel example, we have to keep ourselves busy with something fulfilling and meaningful. We have to somehow fill our world with as many good things as we can, so that "the waiting" doesn't become a negative. I read (I believe in the book EQ or Emotional Intelligence, which was a bit of a text book by the way, but full of very interesting information) that being able to delay gratification is a bigger sign of pending success than IQ, or academic intelligence. So if we can master waiting and enjoy coveting the things we long for, we should be in for some great pay offs. I like that idea and will certainly keep working on it! ... because this may take some focus and practice. I mean, we're only human after all, right?! ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The waiting...

I think I've written about waiting before, but I may revisit this particular topic over and over again because it's my Achilles heel... well, one of them anyway, Lol ;) We all have a few, don't we. I've never been good at waiting. I tend to fly through life, head first, always in a hurry. I've been notoriously fast at completing activities, be them school exams, work projects, cleaning, what have you. This has been both a claim to fame and a weakness all at the same time. The most embarrassing and noticeable hint of this personal differentiator is the klutziness that comes along with it. Spend enough time around me and I'm going to spill my wine or coffee on you, or I'll trip and almost fall - because all my sports and yoga over the years have given me excellent balance, Lol ;) So! What of it? Let's all agree that life does not deliver all of our wants and needs on a silver platter, like yesterday, so wait we must. Where does this leave me? Well, crawling out of my skin at times, while pretending I am very zen and cool all the time, ha ha. Seriously though, I have actually learned some patience over the years. I read a great article that addressed this topic. The writer talked about a paradigm shift she had around crawling in traffic while in a huge hurry or going through the motions of flying with the never ending and annoying hurry up and wait cattle call. The writer's paradigm went something like this - hey, I can see traffic and line ups as a complete waste of my time or I can do something excellent and productive with these minutes. I can choose to see this time as a bonus or a big freebie, where my boss isn't breathing down my neck and I'm not actually required to talk to anyone or do anything at all - I can daydream about something wonderful, plan a great trip in my head, talk on the phone to someone I haven't seen in a while, play a game on my computer?? Most importantly, I can totally tune out and find some precious, slow and quiet me-time, something a lot of us lack in life, right? I've tried this and it actually works :) One of my favourites is when I'm ready early (as usual, because I'm chronically on time) and I complete an activity I hate, like any sort of paperwork or dusting. It's totally awesome to tick that box at a time when I would normally feel impatient, waiting for each second to tick by and wondering why in the hell I'm so intent on ending up early for every damn thing. I might need to look at that, Lol ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Acknowledging emotional truths...

Lows on the roller coaster of life are pretty much always jarring, whether we see them coming or not, I find. I've been observing this all year with much curiosity, rather than resistance or feeling sorry for myself. Specifically, I've noticed a lot of denial when facing difficult or upsetting moments. It's almost like ignoring the "incident" in the hopes that it'll go away or pretending it didn't happen at all. Over time though, the emotional response begins to bubble up and over. It seems there's no hiding from our reactions to unpleasantness. I have found that (when I'm ready) facing how I feel can be kind of freeing. There's relief in processing the emotion, making sense of it somehow, letting it go and moving on. Sometimes there is no answer and no way of making sense of crap. Some things just are... like someone in your life who is damaged and/or incapable of giving you what you need and want... and that has to be ok somehow as well. There's nothing we can do about it. I've learned that I can only take care of myself, nurture myself, give myself everything I need and want. I know that I must accept others as they are because that's all I have control over. Of course, I've also learned that I don't need to spend time around people who make me feel bad :/  There is a line for each of us and only we can decide how to best spend our time so that we are taking proper care of ourselves. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl