The gift of unconditional love... to ourselves most of all

Do we know what love is?... If we do, we've probably had really nice parents, or some wonderful extended family and/or siblings. Therapists will tell us that most people don't actually know what love is because we didn't really grow up with it. Awww... how sad is that! We had to behave in a certain way, in order to gain approval from our parents/coaches/teachers :( Hopefully we've figured out along the way that the best kind of love is unconditional. Unconditional love is infinite and measureless and is "given freely" to another, no matter what. Unconditional love is affection without any limitations or conditions. Unconditional love knows no bounds and is unchanging. When we love unconditionally, we want to increase the welfare of another, despite any benefit for ourself. Most importantly, unconditional love separates someone from their actions and is an act of our feelings, regardless of our will.

By darker contrast, with conditional love, the love is "earned" on the basis of conscious or unconscious conditions being met by another. Conditional love is based on some kind of finite exchange. So, yeah, not the good kind, right, Lol;)

According to wikihow, here are 6 steps to loving unconditionally:

* We can think of love as an action, not a feeling - an act of generosity if you will. Focusing on our actions as the love itself, the reward can become the feeling we get when we act in a certain way (which is something within our grasp:))

* We can ask ourselves, what is the most important thing I can do for this particular person in this particular moment? Unconditional love is a new decision we need to make in every situation because what benefits one person, may not benefit another.

* We can remember that love doesn't necessarily mean ensuring someone's comfort. In order for us all to grow, love may mean fostering someone's growth with potentially painful or uncomfortable truths.

* We can remember to give unconditional love to ourselves as well:) We want to avoid becoming people pleasers. Sometimes doing what is best for ourselves may be out of sync with another and that needs to be ok, so that we're ok.

* Forgiveness! Even if someone doesn't apologize, it is inherently loving to both the other person and ourselves to let go of our anger and resentment toward them... maybe it's helpful to think of forgiving as something we are, rather than something we need to do... but let's not let people walk all over us either;)

*  We can allow ourselves to reap the benefits. Being unconditionally loving should allow us to feel energized and liberated, rather than drained and burdened. Apparently, the more energized and liberated we feel in our lives, the more unconditionally loving we're probably being.

Of all aspirations in life, unconditional love seems like a particularly noble pursuit. Hopefully we've all felt how nice it is to be loved and accepted unconditionally... let us allow more of this great experience into our lives... even if we're the ones who have to take the lead:) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl