Covert opps - facing our most troublesome unmet needs

Are we ever truly free of our childhood and whatever family drama we were exposed to (and maybe continue to endure)? Even if we had a decent, good or great childhood, everyone comes away with some baggage. Interestingly, many people think it's completely pointless to revisit whatever trauma's we faced in our formative years. There is, however, a heck of a lot of evidence to challenge our avoidance of these profound moments of impact. The downside of looking at this "stuff" - well, it sucks, Lol;). There ain't nothin' fun about excavating trauma... The upside - we may actually grow up in a way we never knew possible, and stop putting our "stuff" onto our relationships... and we may end up more fulfilled in and of ourselves and enjoying better relationships than we could ever have imagined. So if we're interested in the upside and we're brave enough to go to the dark side for a bit - what do we do?

This is pretty heavy stuff and certainly not for the feint of heart. But if our relationships are troubled as a rule, or if we're on anti-depressants, Lol, maybe it's worth at least looking at. According to The Truth Will Set You Free by Alice Miller, it is mandatory that we look at how we were parented... not to lay blame, punish or hold a lifetime grudge over our parents, but to set ourselves free. According to Miller, we are shaped so profoundly by the way our parents "managed" us, that we carry on as adults with deeply rooted unmet needs. On some level, we remain that needy child, who took on the responsibility of trying to care take and please our parents. The only hope we had of being loved and cared for as children was to make sure our parents were happy ... and unless we go back and look at what was lacking for us, we will put our needs onto others. Supposedly we have to be honest and acknowledge what we needed and wanted and didn't get growing up. Once we do this, we will no longer look to our own children or significant other to make up for what we didn't get as children. Miller feels strongly that meditation, forgiveness and the like will not be sufficient in aiding our healing, unless we address our unmet needs first. This is no easy task and takes a hell of a lot of courage.... but the upside could be the proverbial pot of gold at the end of the rainbow:)! Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl