Love requires patience…

Love isn’t something natural. Rather it requires discipline, concentration, patience, faith, and the overcoming of narcissism. It isn’t a feeling, it is a practice. 

— Erich Fromm 

Well, certainly when you get past the “honeymoon phase” anyway, Lol. I got married (twice) with rose-tinted glasses, and learned about my deal breakers after the fact. So I would say, carefully choosing the right partner goes a long way in having the capacity for patience, discipline and selflessness. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Normality is overrated…

Normality is a paved road: It’s comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow.

— Vincent Van Gogh

I don’t know about you, but I really like being comfortable, Lol. In fact, I’ve stayed in relationships far too long, hoping to avoid the break up phase. I hate moving, I hate losing custody of certain friends in the process, and often your pals are hitched, leaving you to find new single folks to hang out with. Having said that, I wouldn’t have met the love of my life (going on 10 yrs now) otherwise. So, as much as comfort and routine rule, there’s something to be said for making a change, and shooting higher. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Until you accept this…

You Cannot Move On Until You Accept This

• You will not receive closure in every situation, but you can create it for yourself
• Most of what other people do is about them, not you
• Some things cannot be explained
• Some people won’t apologize because they can’t
• You cannot change people, no matter how much you think they need to change. People change themselves

@nedratawwab

I wish I could go back and tell my younger self. I finally figured out my deal breakers, but not until after two divorces, duh. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Anytime you’re worried…

This is life changing

Any time that you are worried about something say to your higher self, “Take this, I release this over to you, rearrange it, transform my thoughts, feelings and experience regarding this, it’s yours now, do with it as you see fit, hand it back to me if it’s worth receiving.” After saying and doing that, do you feel lighter? If you do, that’s because you’ve just removed your focus from that which was holding you in a place of discomfort or resistance. You’ve started to come back into alignment with your best self and the solution that you have been looking for.

— S. G. Ruddy 

I need to do this more often. I know when I “surrender” on something I have no control over I feel immensely better. And the solution comes. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Hold on to hope…

Sometimes, hope is the bravest things we can hold onto. It’s not about ignoring reality but about believing in the good that’s yet to come. It’s recognizing that the pain you feel today is a sign that you’re moving, growing, and still fighting.

True strength isn’t just about holding on; it’s also knowing that you’re strong enough to face tomorrow, no matter what it brings. It’s understanding that every sunrise is a chance to start anew, even when the night has been too long. 

So, hold on to hope. Not because life is easy, but because you are tougher than anything it throws your way. Your heart’s resilience is your superpower. Embrace it, and let hope be the light that guides you through the darkest times. 

— Unknown 

Research has shown that hope has a positive impact on mental health and well-being; reducing stress and anxiety levels, improving coping skills, enhancing motivation, increasing life satisfaction and promoting healing and recovery. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Small things you can do…

Small things you can do every day to become much healthier:

• Drink 2 cups of water upon rising 
• Stretch your body for 10 minutes 
• Take the stairs
• Roll your eyes in different directions more often
• Embrace sunshine for at least 15 minutes during lunch
• Do plank for 1 minute 
• Silence your phone at night
• Read a book for 10 minutes before sleep 

— @Lifehack

These all seem pretty do-able actually. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Your life is shaped by…

The intuition nudges you follow. The friends you confide in. The wounds you heal. The way you treat your body. The moods you nurture. The way you spend your time. The level of optimism you hold. The beliefs you keep. The habits you repeat. The questions you ask. The promises you uphold. The objectives you prioritize. The people you love. 

— Unknown 

There’s a lot to unpack here. What stands out for me is “The people you love.” I needed to learn to love myself first and foremost. In my younger years, I heavily prioritized a romantic relationship, and unfortunately made costly sacrifices. I first chose a very comforting love to feel safe, but overlooked passion (makes sense given the lack of safety I felt growing up). Then I mistook chemistry and sexual attraction for love (understandable, after the lack of sizzle in my first marriage), and overlooked sufficient compatibility. I finally put it all together after trial, error and much therapy, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Things we grieve…

• The loss of a loved one 
• The loss of a pet
• A break up or a divorce

Things we also might also grieve 

• Major life transitions
• Being unable to achieve a goal or fulfill a dream
• A diagnosis
• Not living the life we hoped we would live
• The effects of big decisions (even when those decisions are ultimately good for us)
• Losing a job or switching careers
• A friendship breakup
• The person we were before something traumatic or life-altering occurred
• Moving to a new location
• A faith transition or a shift in our other beliefs

— Unknown 

This really resonates for me. I can check a lot of these boxes, and I think back to what we mourned during the pandemic. And so many things have changed permanently. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Love is not enough…

You also need; 

• To feel seen and heard
• Trust and respect
• Vulnerability 
• Communication and knowing one another’s needs
• Boundaries
• Honesty
• Being able to retain your sense of self
• For them to understand how you like to be shown care, love and appreciation
• To accept one another, but to also encourage growth

— Aman Aman MBACP (@sonder.therapy) 

I did not achieve this sort of awareness, and relationship capability, until I invested in loads of therapy, life coaching, energy work, and most importantly, the right partner. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Decisions are simply pivots…

Life gets easier when you realize that there is no such thing as a wrong decision. Decisions are simply pivots. Each one you make will take you down a new road that will likely be both magic & miserable, beautiful and ugly. Because life is a polarity. Easy doesn’t exist without hard. Good doesn’t exist without bad. 

Relax. There is no right answer. Trust that whatever decision you make can always be followed up by another decision. 

— Unknown 

I don’t know about you, but I find this perspective calming and comforting. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Healing is weird, with no definitive timeline…

Healing is weird. Some days you’re okay and you’re doing just fine. Other days it still hurts like it’s fresh. It’s a process with no definitive time frame. You just have to keep going and know that when all is said and done, you’re going to be okay.

— Unknown 

I can relate. My mother died over two years ago now, and I’m still reliving parts of my childhood. My father died 25 years ago and I managed to, eventually, find peace, resolution and the joy of good memories. I’d like to get there with my mother too, although she did some unforgivable things, which will make it harder. More therapy needed! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

It never was right?…

Sometimes it’s not the what went wrong that bothers you. 

What bothers you the most is that it never was right. 

— Unknown 

20/20 hindsight can make one look foolish. Personally, I was very late in identifying and respecting my deal breakers (chronic, rude lateness, chronic messiness, lack of consideration, lack of affection and kindness, absence of partnership tendencies such as sharing the cooking/cleaning workload)! When I took a healthy pause, returned to therapy and analyzed my relationship history, the issue became crystal clear. Each of my past relationships had at least two deal breakers. Duh. So I made a new, more comprehensive “list” of qualities and commonalities, and was determined to stick to it! I met the love of my life within a year and, amazingly, he had made his own list, based on past experiences and mismatches. Our list was the same, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Stifled emotions from childhood?…

So often, children are punished for being human. They are not allowed to have grumpy moods, bad days, disrespectful tones, or bad attitudes. Yet, we adults have them all the time. None of us are perfect. We must stop holding our children to a higher standard of perfection than we can attain ourselves. 

— Rebecca Eanes

My parents demanded “proper” behaviour and a respectful tone. We weren’t even allowed to have a sulky look on our face. Actually, I think it’s cruel, forcing a child to hold back the tears. I believe in teaching manners and etiquette, but this stuffing of emotions caused quite a big disconnect from my feelings. My favourite therapist diagnosed me with a “broken compass”, and it took years to right my emotional ship. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

How to say “No” without apologizing…

“I won’t be able to make it and I’m grateful you invited me.”

“No, that doesn’t work for me right now.” 

“That sounds amazing, it’s just not something I can commit to right now.”

“Thank you for thinking of me, tonight I plan on laying low.”

— Dr Nicole Lepera

My favourite therapist talks about resisting the urge to feel obligated. Game changer for me, actually. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Cynicism is not helpful…

Based on a growing science, Zaki calls on people to replace cynicism with “hopeful skepticism” that helps see the world more clearly and activates them to create a better future by leveraging “the surprising wisdom of hope.”

Although it’s understandable, cynicism is not helpful. Research shows it’s harmful on both personal and social levels. Cynics suffer worse physical and mental health, and communities suffer, too. Elites who want to ensure the status quo are well served by a population that believes things can’t get any better. It’s truly dangerous when we stop seeing any way out. Cynicism is harmful for individuals’ overall health. Cynics suffer more depression, isolation and heart disease. They lose out on friendship, love and opportunity. They drink more alcohol, earn less money and even die younger than non-cynics.

Cynicism is also harmful to communities of all sizes, whether it’s a family, a town, a company, a nation. People’s willingness to trust is the engine grease of society that allows people to work together, so social mistrust creates instability, leading to increased crime, polarization and disease…

Cynicism leads to shocking levels of misinformation and susceptibility to misinformation. Worse still, when people feel like they can’t trust institutions, they often end up bonding with individuals who share their distrust — even when those individuals promote remarkably destructive and unrealistic ideas…

As a scientist, I’m not here to say there’s more good than bad in humanity; those are theological and philosophical questions. But I can say that people are more trustworthy, friendlier, more open-minded and more generous than we predict — that we underestimate one another systematically in dozens of different ways. 

— excerpt from CTV Lifestyle article “Cynics not only lose out on friendships, love and opportunity — they’re also wrong about human nature”, written by Jessica DuLong, published Nov 9th 2024

I’ve always been an optimistic, almost to a fault. Of late, though, I’ve felt quite concerned about the state of the world; climate change, disturbing violence, political polarization, cost of living, the wars. So I was happy to come across this article today. Feeling uplifted by the inherent goodness of (at least a good percentage of) people is clearly better for the heart, mind, body and soul. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Forgive your old self…

Forgive your old self, you’ve changed. 

— Unknown 

I needed to forgive myself for not having healthy enough boundaries, and for not fully understanding my needs and wants. Once I figured all that out, I met the love of my life and landed the perfect job. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

If it feels bad, it’s a no…

If you’re not sure, it’s a no. If you don’t want to, it’s a no. If you’re not ready, it’s a no. If your intuition says no, it’s a no. If it feels bad, fake, forced, off, uncomfortable, or weird, it’s a no. 

Maturity is saying no without apologizing when enforcing your boundaries. 

— Unknown 

It took me a really long time to establish healthy boundaries. My upbringing was restrictive, almost almost negated the space to learn about one’s needs and wants. Then I attracted a similar dynamic in my relationships. Exhausting. Fortunately, one of my ex’s referred me to a fantastic therapist/seminar leader (Joel Brass, based in Vancouver, BC, if you want to look him up) and I was able to stabilize my emotional world. I’ve since met the love of my life and achieved an unexpected level of financial freedom. I highly recommend this sort of personal and relationship make over. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Bringing out the best…

Negativity is contagious. Unhappiness is contagious. Fear is contagious. But so is happiness. So is optimism. So is love. Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you. And strive to be a reflection of what you want to receive. 

— Unknown 

I pursued energy work because the traditional healthcare system had no answer for my ongoing digestive issues. I’ve had pretty crippling stomach aches my entire life, and although diet and exercise help, they don’t resolve the issue. I was determined to find a solution and was fortunately referred to “Body Talk” by an alternative practitioner. I was quickly diagnosed with “anxious tummy” and learned about protecting my environment. Anger and negativity land badly on me, so I’m careful about how I spend my time and energy. Game changer. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Neglected child in an adult body…

 A neglected child in an adult body may:

• Put up with being hurt in the name of love
• Attract emotionally unavailable partners
• Tolerate abuse in order to avoid rejection
• Sacrifice their personal values to try to fit in
• Feel responsible for other people’s happiness
• Suffer in silence due to hyper-independence 

— @heybobbibanks

Well, that was pretty much me in my younger days. Even with therapy, it took years to learn how to have my own back. I finally got to the point, however, where I realized I’d rather be alone that be in the wrong relationship, compromising my well being. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

It’s okay to require things from people in your life…

You think you’re being a low-maintenance partner, but you’re actually just afraid your partner won’t show up to your needs, so you pretend not to have any. You should impact a space you’re in. It’s okay to require things from the people in your life. You’re not ‘too much’.

— @deepmindsanonymous

That was totally me when I was younger. My parents weren’t exactly loving and attentive, and my mother was also “sick” which left my sister and I to carry the family load. So I learned from a young age to meet my own needs, and care for others. This became a problematic pattern in my relationships. Thankfully, I went to therapy and learned how to be in a mutually beneficial relationship. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Your anxiety is bullshitting you…

Your anxiety is bullshitting you.

You’re going to be ok.

You are LOVED!!

— Rob Sampare Brotchie

A great reminder that most of what we worry about never actually happens. I really wanna take this to heart, and de-escalate, rather than gaslight the worry. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Calming the nervous system…

Your nervous system will feel naturally calmer when you:

• Spend more time with the right people
• Allow yourself to rest without guilt
• Make your body feel safe (tapping/affirmations)
• Take some deep breaths (shallow breaths trick the nervous system that you’re in fight/flight)
• Offer yourself compassion over judgement
• Less staring at a screen (locked eyes trick the nervous system that you’re in a stress response)
• Lean into self-forgiveness
• Laugh
• Walk in nature
• Accept your humanness

—@h.e.l.e.n.m.a.r.i.e

I’m in Hawaii right now and the stress has melted away, duh. You’re in the moment, in the warm sunshine, with a gentle breeze, sandy beaches, soothing waves, and little turtles swimming right near the shore. The biggest decision is what to eat for lunch or dinner. Book that vacation. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Don’t waste another minute…

Don’t waste another minute dealing with a toxic, negative, energy-draining person. 

Some people are wired for negativity. They love being argumentative, combative and abusive.

— Unknown 

I know the type, and I know I need to steer clear, when possible, and/or minimize the interactions. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Inherent divinity of creativity and imagination…

God cannot exist without the human imagination. I do not say this to disprove the existence of God… but to acknowledge the inherent divinity in creativity and imagination. 

— Benny Hill 

I’m not a religious person per se, but I am spiritual (lapsed Catholic). I’ve had the very cool experience of “channeling”, where you seem to be getting help from “above” when completing a seemingly impossible task or exercise. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Tragic and freeing to accept…

It is both tragic and freeing to accept that your mother is not capable of being the mother you always needed her to be.

— Stephi Wagner

I learned about acceptance of one’s family of origin in intensive therapy. Specifically, my therapist said some things are just our legacy. We can’t change who our family is, or where and how we grew up. So at some point, we need to become the adult in our lives and manage (and hopefully resolve some of) our baggage. This is no easy task, and in my experience it takes time, patience, energy and money, potentially, if you’re interested in going the professional route. Which I highly recommend. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Take the high road, and skip the guilt?…

Always take the high road

You may be stepped on, 

crushed, 

and even heart broken, 

But at least you can look yourself in the mirror every day and say

I did the right thing.

— c.a.j.m.

A good friend, and coach of mine, talked about paying his fair share of taxes. He said “I just pay what I have to pay, and I enjoy living free of guilt and fall out.” I’ve never forgotten that, and I made a similar decision to skip writing off grey area receipts. It’s a load off actually. I also think back on my younger days and having messier relationship break ups, taking forever to end things and waiting until you’re enticed in another direction. Thing is, you tend to beat yourself up for past indiscretions. Just sayin’ ; ) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Conflicting thoughts/feelings that can be true at the same time…

• Your parents did the best they could, AND their choices wounded you.
• You love someone AND you know it’s not healthy to keep them in your life. 
• You’re terrified to take the next step AND you know it’s the right thing to do. 
• You want to have a healthy relationship AND unresolved trauma is making it difficult.
• You’re afraid to fail AND you believe in yourself 

— @drheidigreen

One thing that really stood out in intensive therapy is the “internalized parent.” I learned that we tend to be quite conditioned by our upbringing and it can be hard to break away from those early judgments/expectations. For example, in my family of origin, which is Italian dominant (and Catholic, which I abandoned long ago), you get married, rather than shack up, you don’t get divorced and you have kids, damn it. If (when) you veer from those cherished traditions, the community judges, and feels betrayed on some level, I think. So my two divorces, zero kids and abandonment of Catholicism are quietly frowned upon. I know I’m not alone in this cultural divide (because you see it in movies/shows and read about it all the time), where the parents came over from the old country and expect their kids to live according to the old traditions, in this new world (I’m thinking The Big Sick, which was an incredible movie, featuring the pressure of arranged marriage vs falling in love). It’s not easy being true to yourself when it disappoints your parents/culture. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Your nervous system remembers trauma…

Recovery from mental, emotional or physical burnout can take years. Even if you start prioritizing rest and you start living a softer life, your nervous system remembers the burnout and/or the trauma. Understanding this and being gentle and patient with ourselves is key. 

— Amanda Perera, @RaisingYourFrequency

I’ve been working with a Craniosacral Therapist (releasing tension in the central nervous system to allow the other systems in the body to relax and self-correct) for years. I pursued this alternative treatment as a last resort. I’ve had live long digestive issues and nothing else has worked, other than diet and exercise somewhat. I was quickly diagnosed with “anxious tummy.” In other words, having to “digest” stress (and trauma response) actually compromises the body’s ability to digest the food we eat. I’ve done loads of individual therapy/group therapy/EMDR, re-birthing (plus additional stress relievers; meditation, yoga, swimming, writing, spending time with animals etc.), and nothing has worked as well as Craniosacral Therapy (and BodyTalk). Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Can’t just get over it?…

“Why can’t I get over it or just let it go?”

Responses of the nervous system happen below the level of conscious awareness, in the survival brain. Becoming anxious, triggered or shutting down isn’t something you’re choosing - it happens automatically and instantly. If something feels familiar to a previous trauma, your physiology will move you into a state of fight, flight or freeze. You can’t talk yourself out of it or be more positive/capable/strong to change it. It’s not your fault.

— Jessican Aguirre.com, @repairing_the_nervous_system

I’ve spent loads of time, energy and money (and blood, sweat and tears!) on individual therapy, rebirthing, life coaching, group therapy and EMDR. It’s all helped enormously. I can’t help but feel osteopathy/energy work has made the biggest difference however, because the central nervous system calming has improved my physical health, in addition to the emotional/mental reprieve. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Life changes…

You lose love. You lose friends. 

You lose pieces of yourself that you never imagined would be gone.

And then, without you even realizing it, these pieces come back. 

New love enters. Better friends come along.

And a stronger, wiser you is staring back in the mirror.

— Preetham Mohanty

I would say accepting, let alone embracing change, continues to be a work in progress for me. And it’s silly because I tend to thrive with change. (Speaking of which, the start up I’ve been working on for a few years just folded due to unfavourable market conditions, sigh. Ah, well. I’ll find another endeavour!). Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Win together or lose together…

In every disagreement with your spouse, remember that there is not a winner and a loser. You are united in everything, so you will either win together or lose together. Work together to find a solution where you both win. 

— DaveWillis.org 

Thanks to really good counselling, my partner and I have a pretty full proof strategy. When tensions rise, one of us will remember to say “No one is wrong or bad. Let’s just clear the air and we can move on.” Those simple words are surprisingly calming. We find common ground quite quickly, and then we apologize to each another. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Their actions represent them and where they’re at…

Don’t personalize or internalize other people’s behaviour. What they do is not a reflection of you. Their actions represent them and where they’re at in their growth. Just observe instead of getting caught up and overreacting emotionally.

— Unknown

This is definitely easier said than done. What I’ve learned from intensive therapy (plus life coaching, energy work, EMDR, re-birthing, and group therapy workshops), is that we often end up dealing with the issue at hand, plus the weight of past issues that get triggered. It really helps to offload some of the old stuff, so we can be in the moment. Just saying’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Sweep under the rug?…

There are things you may feel inclined to “sweep under the rug”. However, if it’s under the rug, it’s still in the house.

You cannot heal from the things you don’t confront.

— Unknown  

I don’t know that I would have embarked on an intensive healing journey if it weren’t for my marital break down. My husband and I were determined to save the marriage and we were willing to do anything in our power to resolve our issues. However, our therapist led with the disclaimer that, in his 40 years of practice, outcomes were 50/50. He explained that in counselling people tend to become more grounded in who they are, which can lead individuals away from one another. This was the case for us. We parted as friends and ended up in better suited partnerships. I highly recommend confronting issues. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

So I can let go and move on…

I forgive people. 

It doesn’t mean I accept their behaviour or trust them gain. It means I forgive them for me, so I can move on with my life. 

—  Unknown 

I have found forgiveness to be a work in progress. I understand the concept of forgiving to free myself, but I am certainly challenged by some of the deeper rooted hurts. Therapy and energy work really help. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

No one’s coming…

There’s a little girl within me who still thinks that if she’s quiet enough, that if she behaves enough, that if today, she’s just enough to be good enough, that someone will come back for her. But the woman I’ve grown into knows now, no one is going back for her, except me.

— Tanya Markul

This was probably the toughest lesson of my life, realizing I needed to transition away from a victim mentality. I didn’t even know what that was, it felt unfair frankly, and it was a huge paradigm shift . I (probably like a lot of people) knew that I had been victimized as a child and I felt justified in my anger and hurt. However, I could also see that I was emotionally stuck (trust issues, choosing/attraction the wrong partners), which continued to compromise my relationships. Fortunately, I learned that taking ownership of one’s “stuff” can be quite empowering (meaning that at this point, as an adult, your baggage is, unfortunately, yours to deal with). You know that you were mistreated, and you can lick your wounds, but you can also take time and space to heal. Then, as the responsible and accountable adult in your life, with a fresh and unburdened perspective, you can make better decisions (instead of emotional decisions, coming from a woe is me place). This journey led me to the love of my life (going on 10 yrs now), the perfect job, and an intriguing entrepreneurial endeavour. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Keep looking…

Please keep looking. Not for a person, but for your passion, your love, your courage, your goals, your dreams, your happiness, yourself. Keep looking. Explore yourself before you explore another. Know your worth, know yourself. Only then will you know what you need over what you want. You need yourself to become your own. 

— Unknown 

I didn’t find my perfect career position, or the love of my life, until I learned about what I needed. I finally realized I’d rather be alone than be in the wrong relationship and so I identified my deal breakers and must-have’s. Work wise, I knew I couldn’t deal with another cold, corporate culture. I made a very specific list for both goals (thanks to my very savvy coach, who taught me about outlining specific, written intentions), and landed everything on my list, and then some. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Family is supposed to be safe…

Family is supposed to be our safe place. Very often, it’s the place where we find the deepest heartache. 

— Iyanla Vanzant

I had a difficult childhood (and family situation in general). I’ve done oodles of individual therapy, group therapy, energy work, EMDR, re-birthing, you name it. I’ve spent a ton of time, energy and money (because none of the work I’ve done is covered by my typically comprehensive healthcare). I’ve also shed rivers of tears. I’d do it all again too because the “work” has helped immensely. But as my favourite therapist says “Some things are just our legacy. We cannot change our family of origin and so there’s an acceptance required.” (I’m paraphrasing of course, but something to that effect). These days it’s common to hear that family can also be the people you choose, who are your safe place, and I love this philosophy. During the pandemic, I remember reading about all the various losses we were all suffering, and one of the surprising ones was acquaintances, such as the people you see regularly at the gym, or your favourite coffee shop or local pub. I couldn’t agree more. I’m lucky enough to enjoy a sweet kinship at a couple of my neighbourhood coffee shops (where 15’ish off us go almost every morning). There’s an unconditional, non-judgmental vibe, where you can totally be yourself. It’s good for the soul. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Rest is productive…

What I’m learning

Rest is productive. I don’t have to do it all. ‘No’ is a full sentence. God can do a lot with the small gaps in the day. Perspective and mindset is absolutely everything. Generosity leads to deep joy.

— Hanna Brencher 

I really like Brencher’s list. I’m presently working on “the small gaps in the day.” I keep reminding myself to take deep breaths and go “inward”, instead of allowing fear and stress to hijack my energy and faith. I’ve also been reminding myself that much of what we worry about never happens. Just sayin’  ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Stop the bad pattern…

After a while, you realize “this isn’t what I want to keep going through”, and you just stop.

— Unknown 

My favourite therapist alerted me to my pattern of choosing/attracting/accepting controlling men like my father. They were initially loving and attentive, which felt caring and safe. But then, inevitably, the attentiveness would turn to stifling micromanagement. I made the mistake one last time, with an even more angry and controlling partner. I finally realized I’d rather be alone than be in a stressful relationship that doesn’t actually meet my needs. After a time out, and a necessary “list” adjustment (no controlling, angry partners) I was able to recognize the red flags and choose a considerate, respectful and highly compatible parnter. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Things no one apologized for…

May you heal from the things no one ever apologized for…

— Unknown 

I felt better just reading that sentence. We’re certainly left to pick up the pieces in our lives, aren’t we. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

We all have baggage…

We all have a bag. 

We all pack differently. Some of us are traveling light. Some of us are secret hoarders who’ve never parted with a memory in our lives. I think we are all called to figure out how to carry our bag to the best of our ability, how to unpack it, and how to face the mess. I think part of growing up is learning how to sit down  the floor with all your things and figuring out what to take with you and what to leave behind. 

— Hannah Brencher (Author, TED speaker, online educator. Brencher believes in building an intentional life, using the power of discipline and better habits). 

A very savvy life coach taught me about the power of intention. I’ve always been disciplined and goal oriented, but I hadn’t quite applied intention to finding the perfect partner (who lines up with how I want to live my life) and landing the ideal job (with a fitting manager, corporate culture, quality of life). My coach advised me to sit down and envision that perfect relationship and that perfect job, and write out in great detail how I would feel and what my days would look like. For example, I wrote down that I wanted a partner who would enjoy doing the household tasks with me, like cooking or washing dishes together, and who would hug me from behind for no reason. At work, I wanted a manager who would offer independence, and empower me to achieve my best. I wanted to be a part of an entrepreneurial culture that prioritized people first. And of course, I wanted a certain compensation package. Needless to say, my intentions came to fruition, and I’ve been with my perfect partner going on 10 years now and I’ve been in the perfect role/career for 11 years now. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

You’re enough…

When we work from a place, I believe, that says “I’m enough” then we stop screaming and start listening. We’re kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we’re kinder and gentler to ourselves. 

— Brene Brown (Clinic Social Worker, academic and public speaker. Brown is known for her work on shame, vulnerability, leadership and for her highly regarded 2010 TEDx talk. She has written six number-one New York Times bestselling books and hosted two Spotify podcasts)

We get older and we, technically speaking, become adults. What I’ve learned from my favourite therapist, and a multitude of weekend individual and relationship courses however, is that there remains a part of us that is childlike. And that “Inner Child”, left unchecked, can wreak havoc on our lives and relationships. Personally, I was diagnosed with a father issue and a “loveability” issue, which explains my lack of success in marriage to that point. I pursued intensive therapy to resolve my relationship issues and it worked. I can’t recommend counselling enough. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Sometimes, as an adult, you have to decide…

“This is the last time these people are gonna make me feel this way” & stand on it. 

Whether it’s family, a relationship, or a friendship.

— Unknown 

My favourite therapist has similar advice. He challenges the traditional notion of duty and obligation. Period. He says if we have the energy, and we choose to extend of ourselves, that’s fine. But he encourages an honest accounting of one’s available bandwidth (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually) and suggests saying no when it’s in the best interest of our health and well being. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Beneath each behaviour is a feeling, and a need…

Beneath each behaviour there is a feeling. 

And beneath each feeling is a need.

And when we meet that need, rather than focus on the behaviour, we begin to deal with the cause, not the symptom.

— Ashleigh Warner (Family Psychologist, who believes that the “answers for each family aren’t held in a set of pre-prescribed parenting rules; they are found within the parents themselves.”)

I ended up in intensive therapy to save my marriage, and soon learned that I was indeed part of the problem. I was immediately diagnosed with a father issue and a “loveability” issue. My therapist claimed that he would likely be the first male I would ever trust in my life. He was right. My parents were both heavy handed in their child rearing, with little to no focus on praise and positive encouragement. It was tough love all the way, and this left me with a broken compass, according to my therapist. Therapy changed my life for the better, in every respect. I have since thrived in my career and finances. I also met the love of my life, and more importantly, our relationship is built on respect, healthy boundaries and loving and empathetic communication. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Finally learned the lesson…

We don’t walk away to teach people a lesson.

We walk away because we finally learned ours.

— MovitateMe247

In therapy, I learned about my pattern of choosing men like my father; attentive, but overbearing, and controlling in the end. I learned that we tend to gravitate to the familiar because it feels comfortable. The dynamic is something we’re used to, and so we may not recognize it as a potential deal breaker. I finally realized I could say no to this kind of relationship micro-management. Thank goodness! Who needs or wants to walk on eggshells in your romantic relationship. It was hard enough doing that throughout my entire upbringing. Just sayin’ ;) Hug and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“I wish more people knew”…

Healing the nervous system is about being still. Laying in the sun. Being present while you eat your food. Listening to the sounds of nature. Letting your imagination run wild. Instead of routine, the body needs less.

— @the.holistic.psychologist

Wow, I already feel more relaxed and at peace. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Struggle is just another word for growth…

It’s okay to be at a place of struggle. Struggle is just another word for growth. Even the most evolved beings find themselves in a place of struggle now and then. In fact, struggle is a sure sign to them that they are expanding; it is their indication of real and important progress. The only one who doesn’t struggle is the one who doesn’t grow. So if you are struggling right now, see it as a terrific sign—celebrate your struggle. 

— Neale Donald Walsch (American author of 28 books, including the international bestseller Conversations with God, which remained on the New York Times Bestseller List for 135 weeks. Walsch was also a radio station program director, newspaper managing editor, marketing and public relations expert, actor, screenwriter, and speaker. In the early 1990’s Walsch suffered a series of crushing blows (fire that destroyed all of his belongings, divorce, and a car accident that left him with a broken neck), which left him alone, unemployed and severely down on his luck. During this despondent time, he worked his way out of homelessness and began writing. Conversations with God was published five years later). 

My lowest point also followed job loss, divorce and a much reduced quality of life. I had to halt all spending, other than essentials for a few years. I did continue with my usual morning coffee and writing ritual though, which allowed for intense soul searching (and job searching). This time also led to the inception of this very blog, which I continue to love writing, 10 years later. I struggled, I evolved and I  learned how to live well below my means. In fact, I hardly think of spending money, other than saving up for warm beach vacations and dinners out. I rarely buy retail clothing, as much as I love fashion. Instead, I consignment shop and enjoy the treasure hunt of it all, at beautifully affordable prices. My near bankruptcy was the most stressful time of my life, but it led to more financial freedom than I could have imagined. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Disease prevention lifestyle…

Prioritizing good sleep 

Prioritizing real/unprocessed foods

Prioritizing mindful time

Prioritizing movement

Prioritizing time offline 

— Austin Perlmutter, MD

I’m in the medical field and there is a consensus that “exercise is medicine.” Having said that, “exercise can’t completely reverse the effects of a bad diet” experts say. Apparently, a lack of sufficient protein in the diet can cause muscle to break down, and both carbohydrates (fuel for exercise) and healthy fats (necessary for endurance and stamina) are vital. Personally, I’m always working on treat management. Sugar is darn addictive, Lol ;) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Here’s a stat worth knowing”…

Here’s a stat worth knowing:

A diet in ultra-processed foods has been linked to a 44% higher risk for developing dementia, while a minimally-processed diet like the Mediterranean diet may be protective against memory loss.

— Austin Perlmutter, MD 

So I can thank my father for growing up with a vegetable garden for a backyard, instead of a pool then, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Stop absorbing the pain of other people…

Learn to say: that’s on you. Your behaviour is on you. The way you move is on you. The choices you make are all on you. The way you live it’s all on you. Stop absorbing the pain of other people, recognize what belongs to you and what doesn’t. 

— @herincrediblemindset

I grew up in a very combustible environment, and it took me a really long time to realize that, as an adult, I have a choice. And, finally, I say no to drama. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Be a survivor of the unfairness of life…

No matter what life throws your way, no matter how unfair it may seem, refuse to play the victim. Refuse to be ruled by fear, pessimism, and negativity. Refuse to quit.

Be a warrior and work through whatever life throws your way with courage, love, and positivity. And continually push forward.

Because you are a survivor of the unfairness of life. You are stronger than you think. And you are capable of achieving far more than you believe.

— Zerodean.com

Well, I’ve certainly been put in a position to see what I’m made of. I was out of work for a few years around the 2008 financial crisis, and this led to a lengthy spending freeze. It was a painful and stressful time, but I did learn how to manage and grow my funds. I never imagined the freedom this would bring to my life. I used to buy nice things because I felt I could afford to, and I didn’t want to feel hard done by (as I did in my lower-middle class upbringing). I just never imagined that proverbial rainy day could happen to me. Jobs in my field have always been plentiful and, in fact, I was accustomed to being head hunted. That all stopped in 2008. I wouldn’t want to go through something like that again, but I know I’m safe financially, and I know I have the survival skills to navigate curve balls. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Is your nervous system dysregulated?…

Nervous systems heal in slowness. If you are putting the same pressures on yourself to heal that you put on yourself in your dysregulated life, your nervous system will remain dysregulated. Softness and safety cannot be present where there is urgency and pressure. 

— Unknown  

I’ve been working with a Craniosacral/Body Talk/Osteopath practitioner for many years now. I pursued this type of health care out of desperation. Nothing seemed to help with my painful and uncomfortable stomach aches/digestive issues (gastroenterologist, allergy testing, elimination diet, naturopathics, digestive enzymes, acupuncture, you name it). I’ve since learned the extent to which stress and anxiety land on the physical body, causing tightness and a variety of issues. Regular Craniosacral/Body Talk/Osteopathic sessions have been a game changer in minimizing my stomach aches, and reducing my stress level. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Uncomfortable truths…

Uncomfortable truths we all need to accept

• You should either have a supportive partner or no partner. There’s no third option.
• If someone can’t tell you their flaws, they have a dangerous lack of self-awareness.
• The best revenge is getting yourself to a place where you no longer care about revenge.
• Just because a relationship has lasted a long time doesn’t mean it’s working.
• Self-respect comes from self-control.
• Don’t let your time and energy leak from social media, overthinking, and meaningless relationships.
• If you always think your happiness is somewhere else, it’ll never be where you are.

Personally, I’m zero’ing in on the last point. Lately, I’ve needed a reminder about being grateful for what I have. I can get stuck in the chase for greater financial freedom, which always seems to cause dissatisfaction. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Humming can reduce anxiety…

Did you know you can’t have thoughts while humming?

When you hum, you are creating space between your thoughts and your nervous system.

This can help you regulate to feel less anxious and overwhelmed.

— Unknown 

That’s so cool. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Nacissists stuck at an early developmental stage…

* Infants are naturally narcissistic, but hopefully we grow out of it.

* Psychoanalytic perspectives suggest that adult narcissists are stuck in an early developmental stage.  

* Narcissistic rage and love bombing are manifestations of a distorted view of the outside world.

Children are entitled little narcissists form a psychoanalytic perspective: They have a distorted view of reality that puts them at the center of their world, and all things circle back to them. From this view, an adult with narcissism is stuck in these early states of development, derailed by, for example abuse or overindulgence. When narcissism is extreme, psychosis can result because it is a complete break from objective reality in the outer world. 

With a narcissist, the other shoe will drop. When you make them feel bad by, for example, giving them feedback on their other narcissistic behaviour (vanity, craving attention from other men/women, inflated self-image), you will become the worst person in the world. The loving mask will drop, and you will see rage, fear, or some combination of the two. There is no reasoning with someone when they are in this state. They can also be dangerous. 

From a psychoanalytic perspective, then, the love bomb and the narcissistic rage are manifestations of the same distortion of the outer world, where feelings have been projected into facts. That is, they do not have a firm grasp of objective reality. 

— Excerpt from “Is Narcissism at the Border of Sanity and Insanity”, Psychology Today, Posted August 16th 2024

Narcissism has become a worldwide phenomenon, spanning all cultures and age groups, with numerous factors playing a role; social-cultural (personal rights and independence are valued above the collective), the self-esteem movement (created a me generation), social media (self-promotion, attention getting), parenting styles (either too neglectful, or excessive doting), image obsessed culture (celebrities, plastic surgery), economic prosperity (material indulgences, lavish living standards), according to Karwant  Khush, Ph.D (Excerpt from “Why it There a Rise in Narcissism.”).

Very interesting stuff. I certainly see narcissistic tendencies in a few people around me, with adult tantrums and a complete inability to have reasonable, rational discussions. It’s helpful to know that this is a societal trend. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

You’re not lazy…

The best thing a therapist ever told me is “you’re not lazy, you only have a certain amount of energy and right now you’re using it all to survive.” I know someone else needs to hear that too. 

— Unknown  

The biggest thing I learned in intensive therapy is that unresolved trauma consumes a lot of present day energy. The more work I’ve done, the more energy I’ve reclaimed. And the greater my capacity for relationships and overall satisfaction in life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Two sides to every story…

I like people who understand. The type who aren’t quick to judge. You can vent to them, and labeling you will be the last thing on their mind. They don’t believe rumours because they know there are two sides to every story. They give you a chance, before they judge you. They get to know who you really are, then have an opinion. I like those type of people. Real people.

— Unknown 

I remember learning that when we cut others slack, we cut ourselves slack as well. It feels kind and nurturing actually. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Connection is why we’re here…

Connection is why we’re here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. 

— Brene Brown 

I’m sure this is why group therapy is so comforting and effective. You know you’re not alone in your struggles. In fact, after sitting in 21 weekend group therapy sessions, I observed common threads (sexual abuse a leading cause of trauma, parental neglect, overly stringent parenting, sibling rivalries, various relationship issues which typically stem from early childhood trauma). Bonding with fellow participants remains one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Don’t want to go through it anymore?…

After a while, you realize “this isn’t what I want to keep going through”, and you just stop.

— Unknown 

For me, that hard stop was in relationships. I didn’t want to go through another break up. Period. I took the better part of a year off dating, went back to intensive therapy, plus relationship workshops, life coaching, energy work and I also read a ton of great books. I made a commitment to myself and the kind of life I want to live, and then I identified what kind of partner would fit into that vision. I met the love of my life shortly thereafter. He had gone through a similar experience and basically had the same list I did. Meant to be, right? Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

De-cluttering can have a profound impact…

Your home is an extension of your energy field.

This is why practices like cleaning your home, rearranging furniture, organizing your closet and getting rid of objects that are cluttering your space can have a profound impact on your mind, body, and spirit.

— Maryam Hansaa (Priestess, Energy Worker, Medicine Woman, trainer and mentor for those with the trait of high sensitivity)

Well, that explains my touch of OCD/neat freak tendencies, Lol ;) In all seriousness, I’ve been tagged an empathic, “high sensitivity” individual. Needless to say cleaning and purging are cathartic. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Nobody really talks about this”…

But, once you start healing past traumas and your body comes out of “fight or flight” mode your body will crave a lot of rest and, silence.

Your body finally starts to feel safe in the peace + quiet. The calm. 

You aren’t lazy. Your body is just catching up on all the years it didn’t have this stillness.

You. Deserve. This.

— Unknown  

Ah, that explains it. As I’ve gotten older, and the more work I’ve done, the more content I am alone. I love my partner, I love my friends, I even love my colleagues and customers at work, but nothing beats my personal time. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The “let them theory”…

A theory that changed my life

We spend so much time and energy trying to control other people and get emotionally affected trying to decipher their behaviours, failing to realize we have no control over them. We were not put on this earth to control other people’s actions. It’s not your job to analyze people’s behaviours and jump into conclusions about why they’re doing what they’re doing. The truth is, you’ll never truly know. This is where the “let them theory” comes in. A situationship dosen’t wanna commit? Let them. Someone is excluding you? Let them. Not only is this so emotionally freeing, but it also allows people to show their true colours, and that is invaluable. You are then able to make better choices about the people you want to keep in your life. 

— Unknown 

I wish I could enlighten my younger self. I spent waaaaay too much time on “situationships”, thinking the situation would evolve. In fact, I married the most painful and glaring come-here-go-away scenario. We lasted less than three years. On a positive note, we went to intensive therapy together, which allowed us to understand ourselves better, recognize the irreconcilable differences, and part amicably. I needed to get to a place of preferring to be alone, rather than spend time in a mismatched relationship. And thank God I did, because in my solitude I was able to make a comprehensive list of my must have’s, can’t do without’s, deal breakers, etc. I met my perfect match and love of my life in less than a year. Nine years later, we know how fortunate we are to have learned how to pick the right partner. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck! XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Tap into the magic…

Self confidence is a super power. 

Once you start to believe in yourself, magic starts happening.

— Unknown 

Well first off, they say half the battle is just showing up. For me, my self confidence has come from trial and error, failure, being willing to fail again and learn from it, finding some success finally, and knowing I am capable of figuring things out. I actually think the super power is perseverance. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

What are you made of?…

There’s always a glimmer 

in those 

who have been 

through the dark.

— Atticus

I learned what I was made during/after the 2008 financial crisis. I lost my fancy new job and struggled to find an appropriate position for three years. The available roles were paying half what I was used to, which caused a halt to all spending for my foreseeable future. Even still, I racked up debt over a very stressful three year period. Fortunately, a former manager brought me back to life with a lucrative position. A lot of people ended up declaring personal bankruptcy in those days, or taking on a consumer proposal (which allows you to pay off like 1/3 of the debt and the rest is forgiven? Something like that.), but I knew I’d be able to over-deliver and make enough bonus to pay the full tab. I was debt free in three years, which is something I’m really proud of, to this day. The experience permanently changed me. I have more financial freedom than I’ve ever dreamed of because I learned how to live below my means. I enjoy saving more than I enjoy splurging on something decadent without having the funds in hand. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

“If you thank your life, it will transform”…

If you thank your mind, it will relax.

If you thank your heart, it will open.

If you thank your past, it will integrate.

If you thank your symptoms, they will heal. If you thank your shadow, it will vanish.

If you thank your life, it will transform.

If you thank yourself, the light will dawn.

— Matt Kahn (Author, spiritual teacher, healer and speaker, with 22 million YouTube channel views.  Kahn is known for his highly acclaimed books, such as Whatever Arises, Love That and Everything is Here to Help You). 

I’ve been experimenting with this approach for some pesky physical ailments and for the more persistent past hurts (that I’ve been working on forever and ever. My favourite therapist says some things are just our legacy and we need to accept them). I’ll let you know how I make out. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

12 Laws of Karma…

The Great Law

Whatever we put into the Universe will come back to us

The Law of Creation

Life does not happen by itself. We need to make it happen

The Law of Humility

One must accept something in order to change it

The Law of Growth

When we change ourselves our lives change too

The Law of Responsibility

We must take responsibility for what is in our lives

The Law of Connection

The past, present and future are all connected

The Law of Focus

We cannot think of two different things at the same time

The Law of Giving and Hospitality

Our behaviour should match our thoughts and actions

The Law of Here and Now

We cannot be present if we are looking backward

The Law of Change

History repeats itself until we learn from it and change our path

The Law of Patience and Reward

The most valuable rewards require persistence

The Law of Significance and Inspiration

Rewards are a result of the energy and effort we put into it

— Unknown 

Two stand out for me: 1) history repeating itself until we learn from it and change our path (I kept choosing attentive, but in the end controlling, partners, similar to my father) 2) the most valuable rewards requiring persistence (I’ve been pursuing entrepreneurial endeavours for a really long time, and I’ll keep going!). Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Growth requires us to leave something behind…

A gentle reminder:

Growth requires us to leave something behind. It can be our habits, beliefs, careers, mindset and even people. And this is why making space for grief in the midst of growth is important. 

You will mourn your former life to make space for a newer you.

— Unknown 

This is comforting to read. I set out to improve my relationships and save my marriage. But I didn’t bank on losing/mourning some long standing friendships (and even family). The more “work” I’ve done, the less energy and bandwidth/nerves I’ve had for drama (passive-aggressiveness, negativity, complaining and blaming others). Instead, my focus is on relationships where both people are able to hear each other and be accountable for the state of the relationship. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

If today gets difficult…

Remember the smell of coffee, the way sunlight bounces off a window, the sound of your favourite person’s laugh, the feeling when a song you love comes on, the color of the sky at dusk, and that we are here to take care of each other. 

— Nanea Hoffman

Personally, it’s been a tough two years, following my mother’s passing. My father, shockingly, passed away at the young age of 59, so I find myself parent-less. Now, my upbringing was no picnic, so rather than straight up mourning, I’ve been going through “complicated grieving”, as my coach explains it. This is when you’re left to unpack any rejection, lack of approval and/or affection and appreciation one may have suffered. There’s also the common parental favouritism that comes into play. Sum it all up, and you’re left to process the sadness around what was and what never will be. I found the process to be largely subconscious/unconscious, but I certainly felt emotionally spent, with an overall lower energy/happiness level. Fortunately, I’ve been able to rely on key life lines; time spent with my favourite people, addictive shows that suck you right in, exercise (for me, swimming outside or sweating it out in the gym), staring into sunsets with my awesome ocean/mountain view, visiting with animals (I go to the kitty cat cafe because my job requires travel), following my favourite hockey team, being of value in my job and to my customers, writing over morning coffee etc. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Words matter…

My therapist taught me that…

That words matter. 

Instead of staying “I can’t” say “It’s not a priority for me right now.”

Replace “I’m jealous of them” with “I’m inspired by them.”

Replace “I have to do this” with “I get to do this”

Replace “I failed” with “This attempt didn’t work.”

Replace “Why is this happening to me?” With “What am I learning from this?”

Words matter, because even if you don’t fully mean them, your brain can’t tell the difference.

— @latenightepiphanies_

I’ve been experimenting with this myself lately. Instead of thinking or saying I’ve failed in my entrepreneurial endeavours, I’ve been saying, I haven’t been able to replace the earnings of my day job yet, but I’m excited to keep trying, because I really enjoy the process. And I really do enjoy the process. If my current project works out, it’ll be icing on the cake, with more vacation time and maybe a fancier home. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Sometimes people just need an ear…

People don’t always need advice. Sometimes all they really need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand them. 

— Unknown 

Great reminder. I have a feeling I may jump to advice. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

PTSD like pop up ads for a horror movie…

Having PTSD is like having pop-up ads in your brain for a horror movie that’s based on a true story.

— Unknown 

Perhaps my key learning from therapy is how deeply we are affected by early childhood experiences and traumas. For example, my father was a very dictatorial parent, who was dismissive of my thoughts and feelings. In fact, his favourite saying was “You’re completely missing the point!” I felt disrespected, and my intelligence was repeatedly insulted. So, fast forward to relationships and career, and I had a hot button around being questioned or being told what to do. Fortunately I ended up on a healing path (to save my marriage), and managed to tackle this sometimes problematic trigger. I am now able to respond calmly, with curiosity and a desire to learn. Fewf. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Good and bad things happen…

Worrying is a waste of time. Good and bad things happen in life, you just have to keep living and not stress over what you can’t control.

— averts.com

Personally, I have found therapy and/or energy work super helpful. This form of self care seems offer the extra emotional band width to better deal with life’s inevitable challenges. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Happiness is balanced by sadness…

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word “happiness” would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along, with patience and equanimity. 

— Carl Jung 

My favourite therapist observed that I wanted life to be sunny and sunnier, which is of course impossible. After intensive therapy, I’ve learned to say to myself “This too shall pass” when life deals a blow. It actually helps. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

If you want others to see you, you must see yourself…

Be the love you never received. Be the acknowledgement you never got. Be the listener you always needed. Look at the younger versions of yourself within you and give yourself what it is you always needed. 

That is the first step of healing. If you want others to see you, you must see yourself. 

— Unknown 

Honestly, there is no way I would have been able to accept myself fully without professional help. There was so much to unpack with my childhood. As my favourite therapist says, our big issues are typically unconscious/subconscious, and pop up when we’re triggered by something or someone. I was diagnosed with father issues (which he said meant relationship issues) and a love-ability issue, in a group therapy weekend workshop. I thought the therapist was brilliant in this weekend seminar and I was intrigued to learn more. Thank God! I had no idea how big of a role I was playing in my relationship dysfunction. After therapy (excavating and resolving old stuff), which is also excellent education (learning how to be part of the solution in your relationships), I learned how to take proper care of myself and finally accepted myself for who I am. I met the love of my life less than a year later. I also excelled to new heights, and finances, in my career. Just sayin’:) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Action kills anxiety…

Worrying about needing to do stuff is usually more exhausting than doing the stuff. 

If you want to feed a problem, keep thinking about it. 

If you want to starve a problem, take action.

Action kills anxiety

— Unknown 

Right. It’s like writing out the list of to-do’s, and realizing it’s not actually that bad. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Living below your means equals freedom…

People who live far below their means enjoy a freedom that people busy upgrading their lifestyles can’t fathom.

— Naval Ravikant (American entrepreneur, investor and co-founder, chairman, former CEO of AngelList. He has invested early-stage in over 200 companies including Uber, Twitter, Wish.com, Poshmark, Postmates, Thumbtack, Notion, SnapLogic, Opendoor, Clubhouse, Stack Overflow, Bolt, Open DNS, Yammer and Clearview AI. Ravikant is a Fellow of the Edmond Hillary Fellowship, and, as a podcaster, shares advice on pursuing health, wealth and happiness).

I had never considered living below my means. My father was a teacher and my mother never worked, so resources were almost entirely spent on necessities. There were no trips to Hawaii or Disneyland. We were one of the few houses on the block without a pool. Instead, our entire backyard was a vegetable garden. I can appreciate the fresh fruits, veggies and herbs now, but as a youngster, I found it embarrassing. While our neighbours were splashing in their pools, my brother, sister and I were picking beans and weeding the mammoth gargen. Ugh. We also had affordable vehicle(s) and always ate at home. We went out for dinner once in a blue moon, typically at the White Spot. So once I graduated from college and landed a sweet pharmaceutical gig, I couldn’t wait to fly off to Hawaii and California and eat out as much as possible. I also moved into a building with an outdoor pool. Fast forward almost 20 years, and higher profile jobs with more pay, I was living the good life. Then the 2008 financial crisis hit and I had to halt all spending. I felt pretty hard done by, as I slid back to where I began, having to allocate all resources to essentials only. It took a good 7 years to recover from the financial fallout, and in that time, I had to learn how to fill my life with low cost activities, such as going out for coffee, swimming in the ocean, going to matinees etc. I finally landed a well paying role again, with lots of perks (free car, internet, phone, lunches and dinners etc), and was able to pay off debts and resume a decent level of financial freedom. Thing is, I’ve never again had the appetite to spend what I earn. When you’re faced with a long lasting rainy day, the PTSD is pretty intense. Fast forward another 15 years and I continue to be happily entrenched in living below my means. I save for vacations, dinners out and a few new garments, but that’s about it. I pre-pay my credit cards, so I have zero debts and I enjoy watching my investments grow each month. It’s quite the 180 for me. I highly recommend it. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Unhealed issues resurface in a different context…

Whatever you don’t deal with now will resurface again in a different context. Unhealed issues don’t disappear with time. They are pushed into your children, your health, etc.

— Unknown 

My favourite therapist says that our issues, which are often unconscious, tend to wreak havoc on our closest relationships. We’ll get triggered along the way, and not have the time and space to react in a healthy and productive way. Having said that, he says it’s typically in relationships where our issues come to light. And if we’re willing to address old wounds and traumas, our relationships will most certainly improve. I can certainly thank my relationship woes for leading me to intensive therapy. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

 

Raised on survival?

People raised on love see things differently than those raised on survival.

— Joy Marino 

My favourite therapist says a lot of us grew up learning what love is not, rather than what love is. Furthermore, he says, this often leads to a mistrust in relationships and a tendency to choose partners who are equally capable and/or incapable of being in a healthy relationship. Fortunately, we can change the pattern. For me, it took quite a bit of therapy. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Peace worth more than proving yourself…

Being at peace means that… 

You no longer have the need to prove anything to anyone. You don’t need outside validation. You don’t need to tell your side of the story anymore, even when you hear a dozen rumours that tell an untrue version. You used to guard your heart, but now you guard your peace because you know your peace is worth more than proving yourself to anyone. 

— Unknown 

For me, this sort of emotional stability required professional help. I learned all about coping mechanisms, and how much of our emotional world is unconscious or subconscious. Group therapy is helpful in “triggering” some of these hidden issues, so they may be identified and resolved. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

You’re not stuck. You have choices…

You can rise up from anything. You can completely recreate yourself. Nothing is permanent. You’re not stuck. You have choices. You can think new thoughts. You can learn something new. You can create new habits. All that matters is that you decide today and never look back.

— Unknown 

 I don’t know about you, but I felt hopeful just reading this passage. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The brain needs rest…

Your brain needs a rest 

Downtime matters, so lie down, sit still and take a break

Science shows it helps us to be healthier, more focused, more productive and more creative…Many of us feel as though we’re wasting time if we aren’t getting things gone, but research points to the costs of always being “on” and the importance of giving our brains a break. Our brains aren’t built to handle constant activity. Even the briefest moments of idle time, or pauses, are important, says Robert Poynton, author of Do Pause: You Are Not a To-Do List.

Well established research has shown low-level daily stress can create such intense wear and tear on our body’s physiological systems that we see accelerated aging in our cells, says Epel, who co-wrote the book The Telomere Effect. Resting, even briefly, benefits brain health…

New research has begun showing the negative effects cellphones can have on health…

Give your mind and body a rest:

• Focus on nothing. Let your mind wander
• Work your way up. Start small and simply exist
• When in doubt, lie down. A deep, restorative state can improve physical and psychological well-being

— Jamie Friedlander Serrano, Washington Post (article paraphrased and edited for brevity) 

Good to know, and makes me feel better about my multitude of naps and little lie downs. Even during an important work day, I’m becoming more and more desperate for a tune out. It’s the whole “on” thing with society these days. Cell phones and technology are great for convenience and immediacy, when desired. But there’s such a huge downside to being reachable 24/7. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

How to detach…

* Let people be who they want to be, then decide if you want them in your life. 

* Trust that rejection is always redirection to something bigger and better.

* Some people are only meant to help you grow, not be in your life forever.

* What if everything is falling apart to come together in a way you can’t guess?

* Focus only on what you can control.

— Unknown 

I’m not a religious person (lapsed Catholic), but I am spiritual and I find faith to be a pretty powerful support system. In my toughest moments (out of work during the post 2008 financial crisis and near bankruptcy, divorce, death of both parents), there was nothing to do but “surrender” to the moment and trust that I would survive and thrive again one day. I believe strongly in focusing on what you can control; work ethic, belief in oneself and a positive attitude. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Try not to resist changes that come your way…

Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?

— Unknown 

I’ve resisted more than a few changes that became blessings in disguise. Admittedly, I still dislike the mucky transition periods. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Self love…

Self love baby, self love.

Keep choosing you, again, and again, 

and again. 

— Unknown 

A key take away from intensive therapy, for me, was questioning duty and obligation. My favourite therapist says IF you have the energy and capacity to take care of others, and you choose to extend of yourself, fine. But if you need to take care of yourself, by resting, taking a nap, or what have you, then respectfully decline other requests… even if it’s family asking. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Didn’t want to feel like that anymore…

Actually, I just woke up one day and decided I didn’t want to feel like that anymore, 

or ever again.

So I changed. 

Just like that. 

— Unknown 

My aha moment came after my last break up (fortunately, 10 years ago now!). I decided I never wanted to go through another break up, ever again. I couldn’t imagine suffering another mismatched pairing, defined by struggle and a lack of synergy. I was willing to do whatever it took to understand my needs, wants, deal breakers and must have’s, so that I could choose the right partner for me and the life I want to live. I did a deep dive, to identify the pitfalls of my past choices, and went back to therapy and relationship school (weekend relationship seminars, led by my favourite therapist). Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

If today gets difficult…

If today gets difficult, remember the smell of coffee, the way sunlight bounces off a window, the sound of your favourite person’s laugh, the feeling when a song you love comes on, the color of the sky at dusk, and that we are here to take care of each other. 

— Nanea Hoffman

I remember talking to a good friend of mine during the financial crisis of 2008. We were commiserating, as his business was in serious peril, and I was freshly out of work, after landing a well paying, shiny new job just 6 months earlier. We talked about the day to day stress of it all, and how we similarly leaned on exercise (me yoga/gym/swimming and him kite boarding/cycling), coffee talk with friends, and a positive world view, for the most part. In the end, he said, you know what I realized? Whatever happens, I’ll always have the ocean. That really stayed with me, and I think about it when times are tough. I try to remember the things that bring me comfort and joy; good friends, animals, writing, swimming outside, movies/shows, warm sunshine and blue skies, beach vacations, and long weekends to cool cities. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Start healing by telling the truth…

You have to tell the truth about your wounds in order to heal. If it hurts, admit it. If it’s killing your soul, admit it. If it’s not okay, don’t say it’s okay, admit it. We start healing by telling the truth, so be honest about what you’re feeling. 

— Unknown 

I ended up in therapy to save my marriage, and I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I began with a weekend relationship workshop (led by a savvy individual/family therapist and seminar leader), and soon learned that the session would merely scratch the surface. I was quickly diagnosed with father issues, which meant relationship issues. I was further diagnosed with a love-ability issue. Ouch, and sniff sniff. In one-on-one therapy I learned about conscious and unconscious wounds, my sabotaging coping mechanisms (such as unhelpful and fearful, passive-aggressive and/or silent reactions to conflict) and most importantly, the need to feel in order to heal. I think I cried the entire 3 years of my intensive healing journey. Best thing that ever happened to me. I found a more solid footing than I could have imagined, which allowed me to thrive at work, gain financial freedom, and find the perfect love of my life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Not with the right people?

If you don’t feel safe enough to express your pain or your feelings or stick up for yourself, you’re not in a safe place and you’re not with the right people.

— Unknown 

I walked on eggshells in my family of origin. Consequently, I ended up in relationships where I did the same. I am most grateful to therapy for teaching me to draw healthy boundaries and to recognize my deal breakers. I no longer need to walk on egg shells. Fewf. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Feel drained around certain people?…

How drained you feel after interactions with someone can be a helpful measure of how “yourself” you’re able to be around them.

The more effort we put into performing or shape shifting, the more drained we’re likely to feel.

— haileypaigemagee

I learned about this concept in my energy work; Body Talk, Osteopathy, Craniosacral Therapy. I’ve become more and more aware of how I feel either energized or drained around certain individuals. Apparently, we can actually be slimed by others’ anger and/or negativity. Ugh. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Be the adult…

Be the parent the child inside of you never had.

— Unknown 

This was my toughest lesson learned in intensive therapy. I learned that although I may have been a victim in childhood, it was up to me to be the adult now. I suppose I wasn’t done feeling sorry for myself. I felt that I was mistreated, and it wasn’t fair. Fortunately, therapy guided me through the feeling and healing journey, and allowed me to resolve some of these old wounds. My favourite therapist says “Some things are just your legacy, and your lot in life.” I also learned to embrace the serenity prayer, by Reinhold Niebuhr: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” And of course family can be those you choose; your mate, your dearest friends, colleagues, teammates. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Don’t want to do the work to heal?…

The more you heal, the more comfortable you are with being the villain in the story of people who don’t want to do the work to heal themselves. 

— Unknown 

I’ve certainly had relationships fall away, the more healing work I’ve done. And frankly, I’ve always found it hard to listen to people routinely complain about their lot in life and/or the issues in their relationships, while not doing anything to improve the situation. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Don’t feel safe?…

Trauma can make it feel like you’re never save, even if the world around you appears to be safe to everyone else. This can make it incredibly difficult to explain to non-traumatized people, who can’t see a clear “reason” you feel anxious, paranoid, scared, or powerless.

— @bloomingwithemmy

When I began working with my favourite therapist, he called out my “father issue” which meant I would have trust issues with men. He said, “In fact, I will likely be the first man you ever trust.” He was absolutely right. Fortunately, the work allowed me save that fearful inner child, who was stuck in a past loop of insecurity. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Truth is like surgery…

Truth is like surgery. It hurts, but it cures. 

A lie is like a pain killer. It gives instant relief. But has side effects forever.

— Unknown

The person I needed to be honest with was myself. Once I accepted myself for who I am, limitations and all, I found the love of my life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Walking on egg shells…

Many people who grew up walking on egg shells become perfectionists or overachievers.

They’ve learned the only way they’ll be accepted is if they cause no problems and are “perfect.”

— @the.holistic.psychologist

Well, that used to be me. I grew up in a tumultuous home, with fiery parents who disagreed on much and didn’t seem to like each other a whole lot. I do feel the three of us kids paid the price, and it was pretty traumatized watching my parents lay hands on my older brother and sister, and then me. I soon became the people pleaser, trying to minimize the drama. Above all, I wanted to stay off the radar, and so I excelled at school, work and chores. The issue is, you carry these coping mechanisms into your adult life and wind up tolerating far too much in relationships. It took me a mountain of therapy and cash to establish boundaries, to figure out who the right match would be and to learn the skills necessary for a healthy and happy relationship. Needless to day, I’m a big proponent of therapy. Self help and motivation seminars are great, but in my experience, some issues are deeply rooted and require a professional. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

No control over what happens next, so loosen your grip…

You’re overthinking because you really care about what happens next— you don’t want to fail, and you don’t want to let people down. But no amount of planning, worrying, or over-analyzing can give you control over what happens next. Breath. Loosen your grip. Experience life as it comes. 

— Michell C. Clark 

Great reminder. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Saddest words are “It might have been.”…

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,

When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill,

When the funds are low and debts are high

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest if you must, but don’t you quit. 

Life is strange with its twists and turns

As every one of us sometimes learns

And many a failure comes about

When he might have won had he stuck it out;

Don’t give up though the pace seems slow—

You may succeed with another blow. 

Success is failure turned inside out—

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell just how close you are,

It may be near when it seems so far;

So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit—

It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

For all the sad words of tongue or pen

The saddest are these: “It might have been!”

— John Greenleaf Whittier, 1807-1892 (American poet and advocate of the abolition of slavery in the United States). 

I happen to be on such a quest, striving to graduate from employee to successful entrepreneur. I’ve celebrated modest advancements, but none were sustainable enough to leave the day job. And I almost bankrupted myself when I took a chance and dropped the safety net at one point. I’ve had to re-invent myself in the day gig, stabilize my finances and try again, while preserving the career that pays my rent. Sometimes I give myself permission to think about giving up. But then I feel a bit empty and remember why I set on this course in the first place. I have a vision of my perfect life, and I just can’t give up on that. And now, suddenly, things are looking very promising. Stay tuned. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Braver than you believe…

You are braver than you believe,

stronger than you seem

and smarter than you think.

— A.A.Milne

A little pep talk for the day, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Satisfied life vs successful life…

A satisfied life is better than a successful life. Because our success is measured by others, but our satisfaction is measured by our own soul, mind and heart. 

— Unknown

My priorities changed radically after suffering through the 2008 financial crisis. Shopping for new fashion items used to be a highlight and I was willing to invest in a fresh look every season. Then I was forced to halt all spending and focus on securing stable work. I recovered after a few years and managed to elevate my position and income level. Now that I feel quite financially free, I have minimal interest in spending on high ticket, retail items. Instead, I love seeing my bank balance and investments grow. I just don’t want and need in the same way, and this has translated into an abundance, and satisfaction I’ve never known. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Burnout due to goals you don’t believe in?…

My theory:  

Burnout has nothing to do with how many hours or how hard you work. It’s caused by working for people you don’t like, towards goals you don’t believe in, in systems that grant you no agency.

— Adam Chalmers

I read an article in the Air Canada magazine a while back that talked about employees being the new slave. I think there’s something to that. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Trauma permanently changes us (and it’s not wholly negative)…

This is the big, scary truth about trauma: there is no such thing as “getting over it.” The five stages of grief model marks universal stages in learning to accept loss, but the reality is in fact much bigger: a major life disruption leaves a new normal in its wake. There is no “back to the old me.” You are different now, full stop. 

This is not a wholly negative thing. Healing from trauma can also mean finding new strength and joy. The goal of healing is not a papering-over of changes in an effort to preserve or present things as normal. It is to acknowledge and wear your new life — warts, wisdom, and all — with courage. 

— Catherine Woodiwiss 

I concur. I ended up in intensive therapy to save my marriage, and although the marriage ultimately failed, I got an emotional make over. I attended numerous weekend relationship workshops (conducted by my favourite therapist), which showed me where I was part of the problem, and taught me new, healthy skills. I highly recommend proactively addressing trauma. Life on the other side is divine. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Less equals more money…

Simplicity. 

Less stuff, less work.

Less expense equals more money, time and joy.

Less equals more.

— Unknown

I learned about less is more out of necessity. I was on the wrong side of the 2008 financial crisis and couldn’t find work in my field for about three years. I was in and out of positions that paid half what I typically earned. I had to halt all spending, other than essential bills. I gave myself one extra, which was my always inspirational and motivating morning coffee. My life was finally restored when a former manager brought me into a senior position with great pay and perks. Fewf. Interestingly enough, I never went back to my former spending habits. I love fashion, but continue to prefer consignment shopping. Not that I never buy a new garment, but the acquisition just doesn’t hold the same appeal. All I can think of is the cost of that investment, particularly with clothes tending to get stained or go out of style. I am willing to spend on dining out, which I consider a mini vacay at the end of a work day, and warm vacations because I need warm sunshine like I need air. But I never spend what I don’t have. I save for each trip and I prepay my credit cards for dinners out and items I want to buy. Pre-financial crisis I routinely charged up my credit cards and worried about paying later. I’ll never do that again. I spend waaaay less and I’ve never been more abundant, with a bank balance I could never have imagined. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl