It’s enough. You are enough.

Quiet the voice telling you to do more and be more, and trust that in this moment, who you are, where you are, and what you are doing is enough. You will get to where you need to be in your own time. Until then, breathe. Breathe and be patient with yourself and your process. You are doing the best you can to cope and survive amid your struggles, and that’s all you can ask of yourself. 

It’s enough. You are enough.

— Danielle Koepke (Writer, clinical psychology doctoral student and founder of a space called the Internal Acceptance Movement (I.A.M), which seeks to promote mental health and foster self-acceptance)

My favourite therapist says some things are just our legacy. He says we cannot change who our parents are, the socioeconomic scenario were were born into, our genetics, etc. He says if we can remember that, we have a better shot at accepting and recovering from what comes up in our lives. He also believes that we’ll have better quality relationships and greater fulfilment in life if we enlist the help of a professional when life gets really tough. (I have committed to seeking help over the years and wow, game changer). Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Walk your way to a different ending”…

Avoiding your triggers isn’t healing. Healing happens when you’re triggered and you’re able to move through the pain, the pattern, and the story — and walk your way to a different ending.

— Vienna Pharaon

I learned about “triggers” in group therapy/relationship skills weekend seminars (recommended by a couples counsellor, for a past marriage), by observing myself and others respond to in-the-moment friction. In a nutshell, I learned that my biggest reactions tend to be inexplicably linked to past trauma. For example, if someone tells me I’m “missing the point” in a discussion, this is like nails on a chalkboard for me. My Dad used to say it all the time (RIP pop. You were also brilliant in many ways and I thank you for arming me for success and happiness in life as well), and it was a confidence bruiser. After all the educational seminars, I can now kind of laugh off the whole “you’re missing the point thing,” rather than brim with anger. I still don’t like it, but it’s not going to derail me into the stinging emotion of the past and compromise my current relationship. (Ps. The seminars didn’t save that marriage, but they are certainly contributing to a fantastic relationship now, with the love of my life and awesome mate). Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

 

Don’t settle…

Don’t settle. Don’t finish crappy books. If you don’t like the menu, leave the restaurant. If you’re not on the right path, get off it.

— Chris Brogan

I set my sights higher in love and in career and am I ever glad I did. I hit a point where I just couldn’t go through another break up and I couldn’t endure one more challenging and stressful manager/company culture. Looking back, I can see the deal breakers in all of my past relationships, which I clearly ignored. I’ll cut myself some slack on the work front because I needed the pay check and at least I kept looking for something better. In the end, I found the love of my life and perfect match. (It’s perfect even when it’s not perfect, because all of our needs are met and there are no crushing deal breakers for either of us). I also found my dream job, with an empowering and supportive manager, a people first company culture and fantastic compensation package. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Still much that is fair…

The world is indeed full of peril and in it there are many dark places. 

But still there is much that is fair. And though in all lands, love is now mingled with grief, it still grows, perhaps, the greater.

— J.R.R. Tolkien 

Making my mental note. I used to avoid reading the news fully because the media tends to follow the “if it bleeds it leads” philosophy and it can be so damned depressing. That’s where social media can be great. You get to see the good stuff too. Personally, I’m addicted to Pinterest and all the stuff I enjoy following. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Bait and switch luxurious vacation - Part Two!…

Yesterday I wrote about a bait and switch Mexican resort experience. We booked and paid for a glorious, adult only, all-inclusive, high quality (4.6/5 on Trip Advisor) get away to The Grand Fiesta Americana, where we’ve been before and we absolutely LOVE!. Day of our trip arrives, and we get dropped off at the wrong hotel. We explain to the driver that this is not our hotel, but he says our resort no longer exists. Boom. So to make a long story short, our travel agent (and thank God we had one too because they’re really good at advocating on your behalf) solved the issue on his end. We were successfully moved to the new “Hilton Puerto Vallarta” and it’s mostly the same experience (the travel agent actually had to pay some sort of upgrade fee to get us here, which they’ll fight later). We were worried when we realized the resort is no longer adult only, but there is an adult only section. I’ll hand it to the new Hilton manager Marco; he warmly welcomed us, apologized for the big mix up (apparently WestJet and our travel agent were both notified about this change in ownership… only both tell me they were certainly not!) and granted us all possible upgrades. We had to spend two and a half very stressful days in a disappointing hotel with really bad food (2.5/5 at best) to get to the zen experience we paid for, but we made it. Few! Now we’re just working on a WestJet Vacations upgrade to business class on the way home. Then we’ll feel somewhat whole. Just sayin’ ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Put to the test on a bait and switch luxurious vacation…

My last post was about those trying moments when all you can do is simply “weather the storm” and now my boyfriend and I find ourselves severely put to the test. We booked the Grand Fiesta Americana, an all-inclusive, luxurious Mexican vacation, returning an adult only facility with a 4.6/5 Trip Advisor rating for food, service, amenities and overall experience. We’ve been fantasizing, in anticipation, and revisiting our pictures from the very romantic vacation we enjoyed just before Covid hit; the calming and peaceful ambiance throughout the entire hotel, including the lobby, the VIP lounge with high end liquor and sushi bar, gorgeous infinity pools, stunning water view from every restaurant/bar/hotel room and outstanding service levels across the board. We land, we jump into the private car service we’ve pre-arranged, cerveza’s in hand, we’re chatting with our friendly driver… until he drops us off at the “Fiesta Americana”.  We explain, “No, wrong hotel, we’re staying at The Grand Fiesta Americana.” The driver says, “No, hotel was sold and it’s a Hilton now.” So we have no choice but to get out of the car and figure out what the hell happened. Indeed, on our trip agenda it says “Fiesta Americana” and not the “Grand Fiesta Americana” even though all email exchanges with the travel agent state the Grand hotel.We think our travel agent f—cked up. We tried to sort the whole thing out with the front desk, the concierge, WestJet Vacations, but no one seemed to care. We decide to take a look around, given our lack of success at resolving the issue and realize we’re standing in a 3/5 hotel at best and this will not do. But it’s also Saturday night and the odds of a resolution are slim to none until Monday when everyone gets back to the office. We send an email to our travel agent and hunker down. The food is 2.5/5 at best and the service is little better. The travel agent, bless his soul, saw our email Saturday night and got to work. He spent 3.5 hours on the WestJet customer service line on his Sunday/weekend. WestJet proceeds to send me an email listing the costs we would need to incur to move over to the hotel we booked in the first place. I’m waiting for my travel agent to call me as I sit writing this. Stay tuned. I’ll let you know what shakes out. Also, 411, double check any travel plans you make because the same hotel chain owned Grand Fiesta Americana and Fiesta Americana and they pulled a bait and switch. They informed no one about this huge change and sell off to Hilton, is also no longer adult only. Pretty big game change without letting WestJet Vacations, the travel agency or the travellers know. We were not given the option to cancel or make other plans. This hotel chain took our money and then scuttled us off to their crappy sister hotel down the road, with 3 restaurants/1 bar vs 8 restaurants/5 bars. Holy hell is all I can say. Can you say Better Business Bureau?! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Weather the storm…

Sometimes you just have to bow your head, say a prayer and weather the storm.

— Unknown

We’re still dealing with Covid and all that that entails… and now suddenly we’re dealing with the fall out of an epic, once in a hundred year storm that’s washed out almost every major highway and route into my city. Fourteen thousand people are on evacuation orders, we have gas rations and only essential travel in some key areas. Hang in in there everyone! Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

How to let it go…

Everyone goes through hell, but not everyone stays there. Stop tormenting yourself by reliving the pain over and over. Good people go through terrible things, but wise people know when and how to let it go.

— Bryant McGill  

I agree, it is amazing to off load some of those deep rooted issues that cause dramatic and long standing suffering. Thing is, it’s not so simple. There are some things we cannot simply mind over matter. I don’t believe I could have tackled my old stuff without group therapy, traditional therapy, energy work and life coaching (or some version of healing therapies). Most of my issues were seemingly invisible. The pain was sitting layers and layers beneath the surface, seemingly locked inside my heart, and maybe my soul, mainly from my family of origin. As my favourite therapist says, this work is not for the faint of heart. It takes time, patience, potentially much funding and sometimes feeling worse for a time. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Mindset shift…

My whole mindset has changed. I don’t even have the energy to do certain things or be around certain people anymore. I’m at a point in my life now where if something feels like it’s draining my energy or fighting with my peace of mind I’m not dealing with it, at all. I’ll walk away from that shit in a heartbeat.

— amazingmovement.com  

I must admit I’m feeling somewhat the same way. This Covid era is very frustrating and draining, leaving minimal bandwidth after work and the basics… at least for me. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The lovely with the unlovely…

When we love a person, we accept him or her exactly as is: the lovely with the unlovely, the strong with the fearful, the true mixed in with the facade, and of course, the only way we can do it is by accepting ourselves that way.

— Mr Rogers 

I didn’t meet the love of my life until I got real honest with myself. I got clear on what I enjoy doing and what I never wanna do again. (Previously, I was “compromising” and would do things for/with my partner, when, in truth, many of these activities were miserable for me). I thought, well, if the line up of things I enjoy doing makes me limited or uncultured in some way, so be it. At a certain age, you just need to accept who you are and bring peace, joy and fulfillment to your life. I ended up with someone who feels exactly the same way and we have a very enjoyable, pleasant, soulful and fun life. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Ten habits happy couples practice daily”…

1. They have date nights.

2. They communicate their feelings.

3. They learn each other’s love language.

4. They do chores together.

5. They know how to say sorry and mean it. 

6. They give each other space. 

7. They make time for intimacy.

8. They make sacrifices.

9. They don’t involve others in their relationship.

10. They find little ways to show they are thinking of each other.

— Unknown

When I look back on my past relationships, I can see the many pitfalls. The biggest culprits; we did not do chores together, we knew nothing of “love languages,” we did not know how to communicate our feelings/needs/desires effectively (if at all frankly) and we were too busy feeling let down by the other to say sorry. Fortunately, I took a much needed time out and learned how to have a good relationship (this involved learning new relationship/communication skills, being very clear about the kind of life I want to live and identifying a quality mate who would fit right in). Best time I ever spent too because I found the love of my life and my ideal parnter. We both agree that the “fit” or match is the most important thing. From there, it seems to be much easier and more natural to establish these winning habits. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

If you were dying…

If you found out you were dying would you be nicer? Love more? Try something new?

Well you are.

We all are.

— Unknown

I know exactly what I’d do. I would spend as much time as possible doing all the things I love doing (like swimming outside, in the warm sun) and spend time only with the people I like/love the most. No more unwanted obligations thank you. Makes you think about making some of those changes now. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

A taste of quality and extra’s…

I have to be successful because I like expensive things.

— Anonymous

I absolutely could have written that quote. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been aware of the quality/financial freedom factor since I was a kid. My Dad was a teacher and my mother never worked, so all the money we had went into a decent enough home, food and not much else. My Mum really wanted a water view and so we ended up on a very nice street, surrounded by fancy cars, outdoor pools and people going to Hawaii. Meanwhile, our whole backyard was a garden, Lol ;). The movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding comes to mind, only my Dad was born in Italy. My Dad made pretty good wine and my Mum made homemade bread, so with the fresh produce we could trade a basket full of organic goodies for a swim in one of the gorgeous heated outdoor pools around us, Lol. I do believe this set me up for wanting/needing a certain level of financial comfort. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Your heart has its own brain”…

Your heart has its own brain: a “heart brain.” It’s composed of neutrons similar to the neutrons in your head’s brain. Your heart brain communicates via your vagus nerve with your hypothalamus, thalamus, medulla, amygdala, and cerebral cortex. In this way, it gives your body helpful instructions… that’s why I suggest you call on your heart brain to perform a lot of the magic it specializes in: enhanced emotional intelligence, cultivating empathy, invoking deep feelings, and transforming pain.

— Rob Brezny

My favourite therapist says that acknowledging our feelings, and giving them the attention they deserve is the key to lasting happiness and healthy relationships. Once we know how we’re feeling, we can set good boundaries and make requests that support our well being. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

You’re not replaceable…

You are totally replaceable at work.

You’re not replaceable at home.

Home is your real life. Keep that perspective. Always.

— Unknown

For me, work has always been a safe place. I’ve tended to excel and receive heart warming recognition, whereas at home, nothing seemed quite good enough. (Sorry Mum and Dad). In some cases, my colleagues have felt more like family than my own (I think there’s something about being in the trenches together, particularly when you have to perform in down markets, etc). But I get it, there’s more to life than work. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I’ve been setting new boundaries around much needed downtime, particularly during this exhausting Covid phase. I’m actually dreaming of an African Safari or a leisurely trip through Italy, stopping to taste the fresh off the vine food. I would love to work less and indulge in some cool, new adventures. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The issue of time…

The trouble is, you think you have time.

— Buddha

Two things come to mind; my father passing away unexpectedly at 59 and planning for retirement. My father became ill and then six months later he was gone. I spent altogether too much time being angry with him. I had good reason, no question, and yet, I would give anything to go back in time and have at least a few more conversations. I’m determined to do it differently with my mother and so I’ve had many, many conversations, trying to understand her better and hopefully achieve some resolution while she’s here. I really didn’t think I’d have regrets around my father because he was terrifying to me (kind of like Al Pacino in Godfather Part 2, only more loudly menacing), but the bad has melted away quite a bit and I remember the positive impact he’s had on my life. As far as retirement - well, this has always seemed sooooo far away to me and I’ve absolutely had every confidence in myself and my ability to achieve financial security. Then the financial crisis of 2008 happened and sh- -! Now I’m playing catch up and retirement is uncomfortably close. I still have time, and now a I have a huge sense of urgency because I know how time closes in. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

What’s going on in your head?…

I don’t think people understand how stressful it is to explain what’s going on in your head when you don’t even understand it yourself.

— Unknown

I work with a life/energy coach regularly and I had an interesting session the other day. We were working on some old, and ongoing, family stuff (again!). There seems to be layer upon layer of emotion. My coach asked me a question and then said “There may be no words to go with these feelings, and that’s okay. Let’s just let them be.” And you know what, that felt perfect and calming. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

One of man’s great surprises…

One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.

— Henry Ford (American industrialist, business magnate, founder of Ford Motor motor company and chief developer of the assembly line technique of mass production. He created the first automobile that middle-class Americans could afford, which profoundly impacted the 20th century). 

I can think of two particularly transformative moments in my life, which were foisted upon me. The first one is around money. I was pretty much road kill after the 2008 financial crisis. I lost my shiny new lucrative position. I was only 6 months in when things began to unravel September 2008 and my personal fall out lasted about 3 years. Jobs were scarce to say the least, and the ones I could get were paying half the pre-2008 rate. I was able to hold onto my home and car, but I had to halt all other spending. In truth, I hadn’t exactly adhered to a proper budget to that point. My father was a teacher and my mother never worked, which provided nothing but the basics. So, fast forward to my adult years, now earning pretty good coin, and all I wanted to do was enjoy the fruits of my labor and do all the things I could never do growing up; eat out, buy nice clothes, travel to warm destinations, and spend money when I felt like it. Interestingly enough, after enduring 3 - 5 years of clamped down finances, I ended up with quite the nest egg. And now, I find myself spending only with careful consideration. Do I really need this new top or fancy boots? (Fashion’s a big weakness for me. I absolutely love the artistry, master craftsmanship and fine fabrics). I shop consignment now and I love the treasure hunting experience of it. I find high quality pieces for a fraction of the retail price, often from far off lands. It’s brilliant. If I hadn’t suffered the 2008 financial fall out, I would not have thought myself capable of (or even interested in) becoming a frugal and shrewd planner with my finances. The other unplanned transformation was around administration/spreadsheets/analysis/attention to detail at work. This has never been my strong suit. A couple of managers noted that I could be a bit more technical in my work. Yuck. I’m a big picture thinker, so I’m more concerned with strategy, creativity, innovation, thinking outside the box, which has served me quite well, frankly. But when I was out of work and desperate, I ended up taking the one high paying job I could get. I kind of knew this company was intense and expected equal focus on admin and customer service (which felt like two full time jobs). This ended up being my most unpleasant and challenging position to date. I was stressed to the max and had to sacrifice much of my personal life to keep up. I managed to adapt to the spread sheet world I was living in, and surprisingly, I excelled. I had no fun mind you, but I did learn how to appreciate data and mine the info for all it was worth. Fortunately, before too long, I was head hunted into a new, glorious company/role and life became bright and shiny again. The data/admin/spreadsheet thing stuck and as I’ve applied this skill set to my new job, I’ve achieved a whole new level of performance. What I failed to realize, before my dark days, was the power of data driven insights. Duh! Seems obvious now, of course. So! All said and done, two things I avoided like the plaque - the doldrums of strict budgeting and mind-numbing attention to tedious detail - have become two new super powers in my life. Go figure! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

From selling fax machines door to door to a billion-dollar empire…

Sara’s story is truly remarkable. She went from failing the L-SAT, to being a greeter at Disney World, to selling fax machines door to door, to turning $5,000 of her own savings into a billion-dollar empire. 

— Tony Robbins (on Sara Blakely’s $1.2 billion acquisition of Spank, “the company she founded 21 years ago with $5,000 in savings and a laser focused vision and commitment that totally changed the industry”). 

What can I say, I’m addicted to inspirational and motivational stories. It makes me feel better about my various, as yet, unsuccessful entrepreneurial ventures, Lol. My commitment to myself is that I’ll die trying. I know I have the passion, drive and perseverance. I also know my limitations and can bring in other experts to help. Now I just need a little luck. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

“Greatness Is a Team Sport”…

After almost two years of pandemic conversations with my teammates and our clients, I’ve noticed a common thread: in our anxiety and loneliness of going it alone while stuck in our homes, we may have lost sight of the greatest amplifier of our potential…

We almost always rise to the highest level of our own capability when we are challenged by others and buoyed by a shared goal… 

Something powerful happens when you land in a truly impressive team… it fires up your almost magic drive, helping you work harder, take more risks, and push through the barriers that would normally stop you in your tracks…

It may in fact be that the key to reaching your highest potential is finding the team that will inspire a level of personal performance you didn’t even know you had inside of you.

— Sarah Robb O’Hagan, CEO at Exos

Hmmm. Super interesting and food for thought. I’ll have to see where I can focus on team in my world. I have a feeling fulfillment may go hand in hand with the sense of team and belonging. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

What do you want for Christmas this year?…

Christmas is so much harder when you get older.

It’s like, ‘what do you want this year?’

I don’t know, maybe a sense of purpose, financial security, could use more sleep, a bottle of wine and maybe some new bras.

— Unknown

Ha ha ha. Thing is, I can totally relate to that! Obviously I’m old enough to be in the more philosophical, reflecting phase of life, Lol. When you’re younger you have all the time in the world to ponder retirement, and then boom. It’s just around the corner and you haven’t been working on a solid enough plan. Yikes! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl