Failure is a powerful tool…

Find motivation in your failures. Use it to work harder and free yourself from perfectionism of always needing to do things right. Failure can release us from the constraints of caution. 

Everyone has failed. 

We fail deeply and miserably, attempting to get something we desperately want.

When used correctly, failure is a powerful tool for disruption. 

It is critical to recognize that it is not the missteps, the failures, and the mistakes that hold us back. It’s the perfectionism — the belief that errors are not acceptable. Failure doesn’t limit disruption; being ashamed of failure does.

We need to leverage the learnings and motivation that come with failure. 

Use failure as information. In many ways, we can learn more from failure than we can from our successes. 

(Excerpts from the article Even Olympians Fail)

— Whitney Johnson (CEO of WLJ Advisors and one of the 50 leading business thinkers in the world as named by Thinkers50. Johnson is an expert on helping high-growth organizations develop high-growth individuals. She is an award winning author, world-class keynote speaker, frequent lecturer for Harvard Business School’s Corporate Learning and an executive coach/advisor to CEO’s. She is an innovation and disruption theorist with 1.7 million followers on LinkedIn)

I’ve been pursuing a day dream for many years and it’s been quite the trail of dead ends and wrong turns ;) Regardless, I choose to believe I’ll land on the “right” path and realize the vision I’ve coveted since childhood. I really thought I’d succeed when I was younger, but experience (failure!) has taught me to find fulfillment and pride in each accomplishment, however small, while privately nurturing my vision. What can I say, I just haven’t been able to let it go. I’m stubborn, I’m determined and I believe I can succeed with passion, hard work and perseverance. It’s just a matter of lining up with the right opportunity. I envision writing about it when it does ;)  Just sayin’! Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Sign of an inadequate education…

It’s an universal law- - intolerance is the first sign of an inadequate education. Person behaves with arrogant impatience, whereas truly profound education breeds humility. 

— Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn (Russian novelist, philosopher, historian and political prisoner. He is one of the most famous Soviet dissidents, as an outspoken critic of communism. He helped raise global awareness of political repression’s in the Soviet Union, in particular the Gulag concentration camp system. He spoke from personal experience, having been arrested and sentenced to eight years in the Gulag for criticizing Stalin in a private letter while he was serving as a captain in the Red Army during WW2). 

There are a number of cliche sayings on the subject; not understanding someone unless you’ve walked a mile in their shoes, experience is the most efficient teacher of all things, experience is the mother of prudence. Makes me think of the Ed Norton movie American History X, where a character turned mentor says to Norton’s character, about his racist actions, “has anything you’ve done actually made your life better?” (Something to that effect). In the movie, it is a black inmate that protects him from harm. Profound stuff. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs, XO. 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Don’t quit your day dream”…

“My day dream was to be self employed by age 30, invent something I could sell to millions of people, and help women. I pursued my day dream while I was working full time.. Whatever spare moments I had at night, during lunch, or on the weekends I gave to my day dream. Until one day my day dream became my reality. Never give up on your day dream. What’s yours?”

— Sara Blakely, Founder and CEO of SPANX (She was getting ready for a party when she realized she didn’t have the right undergarment to provide a smooth look under her white pants. Armed with scissors and sheer genius, she cut the feet off her control top panty hose and the SPANX revolution began! In 2014 she was listed as the 93rd most powerful woman in the world by Forbes)

Wow. What an inspiring story! Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

It’s okay…

to begin your story today. Those mistakes you’ve made along the way are lessons, not failures. You were meant to get back up and find a way that resonates with you. There is no expiration date to reinventing yourself.

— @moule_t

I feel like each ten year period is a new lifetime (or even less sometimes, particularly, with relationship endings and/or beginnings). I also feel we often need to make decisions without all the necessary information. We do our best, don’t we? Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck! XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Boost brain chemistry…

WALK yourself out of your bad mood. Studies show that even a 10 MINUTE walk immediately BOOSTS brain chemistry to increase HAPPINESS. 

— Unknown 

I’ve gone to the bathroom to get away from a bad meeting vibe (pre-Covid days of course). I sat in a stall, took a few deep breaths, told myself to unplug from the situation, told myself to focus on what I could control and company policy is clearly not one of those things. I took a few moments, went back into the meeting room, put on my engaged face and body posture, but privately, thought about something else, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

What if…

What if all this time, all this struggle, has been leading you to a beautiful chapter in your life? 

What if everything does work out, even if it doesn’t seem like it right now? 

What if who I become is who I needed all along? 

What if all of this hard work leads to amazing things? 

What if you replaced negativity with optimism? 

Would your thoughts and behavior change too? I believe so.

—@moule_t 

The hardest time in my life (job loss around 2008 financial crisis and then zero jobs available for a couple of years) transformed me and my life. I went from near bankruptcy to my highest paying, dream job. What can I say, fear of the unexpected, fear of being replaced, fear of the power of corporations drove me to become indispensable, or at least valued enough to be blessed with raises, perks and lots of bonus. I became a better self and this also led to the love of my life. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck! XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The filtered version of people…

“Unfortunately as human beings, we always tend to show ourselves more favourably. Which ends up hurting both us and the people we interact with. We polish our image, iron out the crinkles, sweep the failures under the rug, and put on a big smile. Even more so when we are being observed… We are all a mix of so many things; equally happy and sad, strong and fragile, confident, and scared… and the soonest we accept this reality, the soonest we will be able to navigate through life more smoothly and be kinder to ourselves. And others too… do not trust screens and what makes the final cut, the filtered version of people. Build real bonds… just embrace it all and live with an open heart.”  

— Ricardo Karam (TV Host, writer, public speaker and person fuelled by his passion for hope and resilience) 

During Covid I noticed people were more willing to share; financial woes, fears past and present, frustrations and concerns. It all started with that common experience of feeling grounded (like living at home as a kid again) and having no control. I would NOT want to do that again, but I did like the new found camaraderie. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

What’s really worth your energy…

You have to find the courage to let go when you are no longer being pulled to the energy you want. You have to find the strength to leave when what you want is no longer there. 

You cannot find your worth in someone else or by proving it. Your value is found when you become aware of how worthy you are and what’s really worth your energy.

— Unknown

When I was facing my second divorce (and tortured by the very thought of it frankly), my favourite therapist said “thing is, you have to have your own back, all the way.” He was asking me to be completely honest about whether the relationship was meeting my needs and whether it was bringing happiness and fulfillment… and then acting on that knowledge. The truth was difficult to handle because it meant blowing everything up and facing the inevitable judgments (especially self-judgment). I went through with the break and what became even more important was figuring out how to choose the right partner, finally. With the help of some great coaching and a valuable analysis of my past choices, I learned to be a great partner myself (being a welcoming and considerate communicator for example) and then found my perfect match. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

We are all a little weird…

We are all a little weird and, life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.

— Dr Seuss

I severely underestimated the importance of compatibility in my early relationships. I also thought attraction and chemistry were love. Duh! I now know that there are things I don’t want to do anymore and there are things/hobbies I need in my life to be happy and fulfilled. Once I figured all that out, my perfect partner seemed to materialize into thin air. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

How we see things…

We do not see things are they are, we see things as we are.

— Anais Nin (French-Cuban-American diarist, essayist, novelist and writer. She wrote journals prolifically from age eleven until her death). 

I want to be an open minded individual. I like hearing about the experiences and thoughts of others… and still, I find myself challenged by old, conservative childhood conditioning. Duh. That old, internalized parental voice is strong! But I’ll keep working on it because I think inclusiveness is beautiful, compassionate and worth fighting for. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Freethinkers…

“Freethinkers are those who are willing to use their minds without prejudice and without fearing to understand things that clash with their own customs, privileges, or beliefs. This state of mind is not common, but it is essential for right thinking.”

— Leo Tolstoy (Russian writer, who is regarded as one of the greatest authors of all time. He received nominations for the Nobel Prize in Literature every year form 1902 - 1906 and for the Nobel Peace Prize in 1901, 1902 and 1909. He is best known for his novels War and Peace (1869) and Anna Karenina (1878). His ideas on nonviolent resistance expressed in such works as The Kingdom of God is Within You (1894), had a profound impact on such pivotal 20th-century figures as Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr.). 

I’ve learned a lot from colleagues over the years (more than I ever did from formal, mandated company training). I can get stuck on a train of thought and I find other ideas very refreshing, especially when trying to solve a problem. I also used to notice in school that all thirty of us would receive the same homework, same instructions and there would inevitably be 30 completely different projects. Goes to shows how much is up to interpretation. Just sayin’ ; ) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

 

Try again. Fail better…

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”

— Samuel Beckett (Irish novelist, playwright, theatre director, poet. He is considered one of the last modernest writers, and one of the key figures in what is called the “Theatre of the Absurd”. His best known work is his 1953 play Waiting for Godot). 

Continuing on with the whole “do it” rather than worry about “perfection” theme… I guess it all depends on whether we want to just try something, or we want to become proficient. Becoming proficient obviously requires a learning curve phase (and being bad at it, Lol) and a certain amount of time. I don’t mind admitting that I hate sucking at something, even when I know it’s totally expected during the learning curve, Lol ;)  Just sayin’! Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Do it…

Done is better than perfect.

— Sheryl Sandberg

I must admit, I like learning something new and I hate learning something new. Well, I hate sucking at learning something new. I’m also kind of attached to perfect. I know it’s a trap and it sets unrealistic expectations, but I just love it when things are perfect, Lol. Having said that, I’ve noticed I experience a lot of anxiety when I need to learn something new (even a new iPhone, or new version of Apple TV. Duh!). I realize I need to give myself the necessary transition time to learn, so I will strive to be more comfortable with the uncomfortable. Just sayin’ ; ) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

I was busy…

I lied and said I was busy. I was busy; but not in a way most people understand. I was busy taking deeper breaths. I was busy silencing irrational thoughts. I was busy calming a racing heart. I was busy telling myself I am okay. Sometimes, this is my busy and I will not apologize for it.

— Unknown 

Wow. Whoever wrote this read my mind. When I was younger and striving so earnestly for love and a career, I was able to go from one thing to the next, no prob; school, work, chores, friends, bit of sleep, rinse repeat. I can’t seem to do that anymore. I read a quote from Johnny Depp recently about how 8 hours sleep is so much better than anything else these days (something to that effect anyway). I get that! Life is so wonderful and also very stressful at times. Covid just took the cake and there’s more; scary natural disasters, residential school devastation, escalating cost of living and more. I’m an optimist to a fault and even I struggle with what the future will look like. On a positive note (because that’s who I am at the core, Lol), us humans are a resilient and brilliant bunch when need be, so I’m sure we’ll find our way through… but not without needing a few moments to vent, decompress, lick our wounds, regroup. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“I’m doing it for me”…

“I’m saying no… when I used to say yes, to protect my peace.

I’m choosing to put my goals at the top of my priorities, because I deserve to reach them.

I’m starting to trust myself every day as I am keeping the promises I make to myself.

I am no longer allowing others to control my emotions and actions, and this may mean ending       relationships.

 I hope you know this has nothing to do with you or anyone else, but that I need to do this for me.”

— @MOULE_T

My favourite therapist advises against blind duty and obligation, as this may compromise our own happiness and well being. Having said that, he says if we choose to give our time and energy to someone, after thoughtful consideration, fair enough. I know for me, when it comes to family, I can only say no so many times and then it just doesn’t feel right. I still check in with myself though, because I know certain obligations end up getting me down (just can’t shake some of the old family dynamic). It’s a balancing act that’s for sure. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Failure is not the opposite to success…

Eighty percent of all businesses fail. That is 8 out of 10 people’s dreams. It can be hard to imagine that the businesses and dreams that succeed represent only 20% of all attempts. There is a lesson in this statistic that they do not teach us in school: we will face many failures throughout our lives…Take Oprah, for instance. She is arguably one of the most successful women in entertainment today. But the beginning of her career was not so auspicious. She was hired to co-anchor the evening news for a local ABC affiliate in Boston. She and her co-anchor did not get along and the public was not receptive of her as a young, African-American woman in a role that was predominantly held by older white men. She ended up being blamed, replaced and demoted. But the experience allowed her to understand that news was not where she belonged. Instead, she found a more emotional approach that she aligned with in the daytime talk show format.

— Sue Bhatia, Founder and Chairwoman at Rose International, Las Vegas

Great example! Clearly, the road to “success” is not a straight line. I look back at all of my entrepreneurial starts and falls and although a bit painful to relive, I know I’ve given it my all, and I want to keep trying. I have a vision of how I want to live my life and I know it’s worth fighting for. Just sayin’ :) Good luck! 

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Hidden meanings…

EMOTION            MEANING

Depression            ~ hidden anger

Anxiety                ~ wake up to your needs! 

Jealousy               ~ what you want 

Resentment          ~ violated boundaries

Anger                   ~ it’s time to make change

Shame                  ~ Letting others define who you should be

Guilt                    ~ Letting others define what you should do

Sadness               ~ What you love and care about

Disappointment  ~ You actually tried!      

Insomnia             ~ 2 of your core beliefs are conflicting 

— Hollysoulie.com (Montreal based author, content creator and emotional health advocate. Soule teaches and shares resources on how to understand and be empowered by delving into emotions). 

My favourite therapist also believes that our emotions are a compass in guiding us toward a happier, healthier life. Another big component of his work is upgrading communication and relationship skills. He leads group seminars, featuring clearing, which is the art of addressing issues we have with others, plus other exercises that help uncover and resolve problematic baggage. (If you’re interested in knowing more, check out Joel Brass, individual, relationship and family therapist in Vancouver, BC).  Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Trust the process…

“Some things we can let go of in the moment. We can shift our perspective or have curiosity rather than judgment, we can choose to be happy rather than needing to show we’re right, we can change how we’re breathing, affecting how we’re feeling, we can walk it off. We can check in at the end of the day and let go. Notice where we missed an opportunity and choose not to carry it into tomorrow. 

Some other things take time to process. Some things are buried deep where we stored them. Some things are not quite ready. Sometimes we’re comfortable in our pain because it’s what we know. And sometimes we think we’ve healed something only to revisit it later on a deeper level. 

Always we need to be gentle with ourselves and compassionate when it’s taken us longer than we wanted to let it go. To practice patience - to trust the process.”

— @barneyandflow

I have definitely found healing to be somewhat of a long process. There seem to be layers upon layers upon layers of emotion to address, particularly around upbringing and failed relationships. My favourite therapist says this sort of work is not for the faint of heart and I do believe he’s right. I’ve spent much time, money and emotion over the years. Having said that, the rewards have been well worth it. Now I’m kind of addicted to striving for greater peace and fulfillment. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Ridiculous, sickening work ethic…

I never viewed myself as particularly talented. Where I excel is ridiculous, sickening, work ethic. You know, while the other guy’s sleeping, I’m working.

— Will Smith

Well, personally, I think Will Smith is beyond cool and he has an incredible voice and dance moves. He makes it all look easy, so it’s super interesting to hear about his tremendous effort and commitment. Kinda brings the focus back to our own end in things; goals, actions, effort, commitment, perseverance. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Relax and have faith…

You can’t control everything. Sometimes you just need to relax and have faith that things will work out. Let go a little and just let life happen.

— Kody Keplinger (Keplinger wrote the New York Times and USA Today bestseller, The Duff (which was turned into a movie), at age seventeen. She is also the co-founder of Disability in KidLit and a teacher at the Gotham Writers Workshops in NYC).   

Sitting in the unknown can be very scary, especially when stakes are high (like your ability to pay rent!). I’ve stood at the edge of the abyss a few times now, and although everything has indeed worked out for the best, I will never forget the sleepless nights and low level fear that wafted through each day. Faith in myself, writing and a lot of hope got me through, but I also acted as though I was still going to work. I would get up early each morning, get dressed in at least semi-business attire, read the news over coffee, and then focus on my goals. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

The real you…

Not everyone deserves to know the real you. Let them criticize who they think you are.

— Unknown

I find this an interesting consideration. I’ve observed how I feel when someone judges/criticizes me (especially when it’s completely false information and verging on character assassination). I’ve also observed myself making snap judgments of others and I ask myself why we feel the need to sum someone up so quickly, without knowing anything about them. Ego, or reptilian brain I would imagine. I do try to challenge that ego critique in my head because I would rather choose kindness and compassion. It makes me feel better! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Never too late…

People who found success despite failures:

Albert Einstein didn’t speak until he was four and didn’t read till seven. He went on to win a Nobel Prize and became the face of modern physics.

— Unknown

What I’ve noticed is how much I continue to learn, well into middle age; about people/relationships, about my profession, about myself. Just sayin’ ;) 

Blessings,

Chatgirl