Within all of us...

I believe that what people call God is something in all of us. I believe that what Jesus and Mohammed and Buddha and all the rest said was right. It’s just that the translations have gone wrong.

— John Lennon

I was raised Catholic and struggled with some of the teachings. I happened across more “spiritual” philosophies in college and find many of them empowering. John Randolph Price wrote a little book called The Abundance Book, which talks about an “abundance mindset.” I find his ideas particularly inspiring and empowering. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Accepting and maybe even embracing our imperfections...

We need to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections.

— John Lennon

My favourite therapist would agree wholeheartedly. He says we need to embrace all of who we are. He believes in the concept of an “Inner Family,” which is comprised of ego (protector/sense of self-esteem/self-importance), inner child (our potentially traumatized, sensitive, vulnerable, more emotional self), adult (the responsible face we show the world) and spirit (higher, more forgiving and loving, self). Inner family work is about giving a voice all the parts of ourselves, which can lead to much needed self-nurturing and healing of old wounds. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Love needs looking after...

We’ve got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to keep watering it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it. 

— John Lennon

John Lennon was very much about peace and love. Still very moving and beautiful words/music. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Your own temple...

You’re just left with yourself all the time, whatever you do anyway. You’ve got to get down to your own God in your own temple. It’s all down to you, mate.

— John Lennon

My favourite therapist says that, in his forty years of professional experience, some form of spiritual practice tends to be necessary for a successful recovery. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Grappling with change...

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.

— Socrates (Born 470 BC. Greek philosopher from Athens who is credited as one of the founders of Western Philosophy, and as being the first moral philosopher of the Western ethical tradition of thought. The Socratic method has often been considered a defining element of American legal education. This method was designed to force one to examine one’s own beliefs and the validity of such beliefs. Socrates was notorious for asking questions but not answering, claiming to lack wisdom concerning the subjects about which he questioned others. He also argued that moral excellence was more a matter of divine legacy, rather than parental nurture). 

What I find fascinating is the universality of the human condition. Whatever culture/race/gender, we tend to struggle with change, clearly, going all the way back to 470 BC. Just saying’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The power of our own resilience...

Many people throughout their lives encounter adversity that doesn’t go their way or is unexpected, and when people successfully navigate these new life adversities, they are likely to learn things about themselves they didn’t realize. This is not to diminish the very real feelings of disappointment and angst we all experience after a setback — especially when we’ve invested emotional and financial resources. But if we can approach our failed plans with a sense of our own resilience, we’re better able to overcome these challenges.

— Dr Roxane Cohen Silver (Professor of psychological science, medicine and public health at the University of California, Irvine). 

I had a huge set back post 2008 financial crisis and it went on for years. My morning coffee and writing routine, plus daily exercise, helped with a sense of normalcy and hope. I got through it and although it took years to recover financially, I know that I can count on my inner reserves, whatever life brings. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Sometimes helps to be a little deaf...

It helps sometimes to be a little deaf. When a thoughtless or unkind word is spoken, best tune it out. Reacting in anger or annoyance will not advance one’s ability to persuade.

— Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg wrote in The New York Times, recounting advice she had once received from her mother-in-law.

Rest In Peace special soul. 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Hope...

Hope is the only thing stronger than fear.

— Unknown

There’s some amazing advice out there for coping with the ongoing Covid navigations and set backs. My two favourite pointers are; look further into the future when this thing is under control and dream about wonderful trips or whatever it is that excites us and remember to be hopeful for some real good to come out of this (for the environment, for human rights, for coming together as a community). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Posttraumatic growth...

Many survivors experience increased well-being after trauma. In the aftermath of shocking events, people often start over and rethink their priorities. They might change careers to better match their values or reconnect with estranged friends. Many experience greater purpose, stronger connections, or deepened spirituality. Psychologists call this “posttraumatic growth,” or PTG, and it’s fairly common: In one meta-study of more than 10,000 trauma survivors, about 50% reported at least some PTG.

— Jamil Zaki (Harvard Business Review)

Well that’s awesome, and surprising news actually. I’m a survivor of the 2008 financial crisis and thankfully I managed to reinvent myself personally and professionally. I didn’t do it without help though. I worked with an amazing psychologist/seminar leader (Joel Brass, if you’re interested in polishing some communication and relationship skills) and energy healer + life coach (CranioSacral Therapy, which is a gentle, hands-on approach that releases tensions deep in the body to relieve pain and dysfunction and improve whole-body health and performance). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

How to cope when things keep changing?...

Many of us had already made pre-decisions that determined how we spend the majority of every day — what time we wake up, what we wear to work, what time we go to work, where we eat lunch, etc.. Now suddenly, all those pre-decisions have had to be made anew.... In 10 years how will I want to remember telling the story of how I responded to this crisis? 

— Nick Tasler (Organizational psychologist and author of Ricochet: What to do When Change Happens to You. Tasler talks about “temporal distancing,” a technique that can allow us to transcend the here-and-now and visualize the future). 

I’m working on a “mind-set shift” myself right now. I usually take one or two trips each winter, to escape the west coast dark/damp winter blues, but plans have clearly changed. So I’m thinking to next year (fingers crossed!) and what I can do with a doubled down, juicy budget. Something even more luxurious and exotic perhaps? Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Because of the actions you take...

Success is not something that happens to you; It’s something that happens because of you and because of the actions you take.

— Grant Cardone (Best selling author, # 1 sales and marketing trainer in the world, renowned speaker, international social media influencer and real estate mogul). 

Some people might say success is having a wonderful relationship/family and being a good person. Totally up to the individual. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Habits that kill your energy...

6 Bad Habits That Kill Your Energy

1) Living in the past

2) Not exercising

3) Over stressing

4) Not eating healthy

5) Always on social media

6) Staying up late

— Unknown

It occurs to me that some, or all of these habits may be self-medicating remedies/coping mechanisms. I think my favourite therapist would say that in order to tackle the habits, we may need to peel a few layers of the onion and mend some old wounds. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Know your worth...

A father said to his daughter “You have graduated with honours, here is a car I bought many years ago. It is pretty old now. But before I give it to you, take it to the used car lot downtown and tell them I want to sell it and see how much they offer you for it.”

The daughter went to the used car lot, returned to her father and said, “They offered me $1,000 because they said it looks pretty worn out.”

The fathers said, now “Take it to the pawn shop.” The daughter went to the pawn shop, returned to her father and said, “The Pawn shop offered only $100 because it is an old car.”

The father asked his daughter to go to a car club now and show them the car. The daughter then took the car to the club, returned and told her father, “Some people in the club offered $100,000 for it because it’s a Nissan Skyline R34, it’s an iconic car and sought by many collectors.”

Now the father said to his daughter, “The right place values you the right way.” If you are not valued, do not be angry, it means you are in the wrong place. Those who know your value are those who appreciate you.... Never stay in a place where no one sees your value.

— #knowyourworth

I remember learning about this at my first serious job. Although I worked my butt off and received a couple of awards, I couldn't seem to advance. After a few years, I moved to a different location (same chain) and was promoted four times in one year. This manager seemed to see me and my contribution very clearly. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Embracing the unknowable...

 I do not accomplish my freedom. I did not make myself. I do not exist by my own means. Rather, I depend on the freedom of others and the complex makings of a fragile world. Only because our lives are contingent and vulnerable can we experience love, freedom, and purpose as something meaningful.

— Karl Jaspers (Author of Psychology of Worldviews, 1919. One of the very few existentialist thinkers who did not seek to master, tame or conquer the unknowable. Instead he tried to cultivate a relationship to this essential quality of life and engage it on his own terms).

I was raised Catholic and although I didn’t manage to connect with all of the teachings, I loved the foundation of values and community spirit. Along the way, I’ve welcomed more “spiritual” philosophies, as I find many of them profoundly helpful and comforting on a day-to-day basis. The Abundance Book, by John Randolph Price, is one such guide book (it’s a quick 79 pages). For me, there are numerous sentences and passages that I can rely on for guidance, strength and courage, whatever life brings. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Embracing the unknowable...

I do not accomplish my freedom. I did not make myself. I do not exist by my own means. Rather, I depend on the freedom of others and the complex makings of a fragile world. Only because our lives are contingent and vulnerable can we experience love, freedom, and purpose as something meaningful.

— Karl Jaspers (Author of Psychology of Worldviews, 1919. One of the very few existentialist thinkers who did not seek to master, tame or conquer the unknowable. Instead he tried to cultivate a relationship to this essential quality of life and engage it on his own terms).

I was raised Catholic and although I didn’t manage to connect with all of the teachings, I loved the foundation of values and community spirit. Along the way, I’ve welcomed more “spiritual” philosophies, as I find many of them profoundly helpful and comforting on a day-to-day basis. The Abundance Book, by John Randolph Price, is one such guide book (it’s a quick 79 pages). For me, there are numerous sentences and passages that I can rely on for guidance, strength and courage, whatever life brings. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

More gratitude...

Gratitude is a way for people to appreciate what they have instead of always reaching for something new in the hopes it will make them happier, or thinking they can’t feel satisfied until every physical and material need is met. Gratitude helps people refocus on what they have instead of what they lack. And, although it may feel contrived at first, this mental state grows stronger with use and practice. 

— Harvard Health Publishing (Harvard Medical School. Trusted advice for a healthier life).

This article goes on to list ways to cultivate gratitude on a daily basis; write a thank you note, thank someone mentally, keep a gratitude journal, count your blessings (3 or 5 things per day for example), pray, meditate (and focus your mind on what you’re grateful for). I took the count your blessings advice a number of years ago and I find that it redirects my mind away from my worries and fears. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Orient yourself for the day...

There was this one thing that a sports psychologist for the Seahawks taught me: when you step out of bed, the first thing you know, you put your feet down and just say, what you are thankful for? That is a habit I picked up just five years ago. That’s another daily ritual of mine and it’s just grounding. It gives you the ability to get up in the morning and orient yourself for the day.

— Satya Nadella, CEO of Microsoft

I embraced a “gratitude mindset” along with daily rituals a number of years ago and I continue to find the practice very calming. For me, it’s the gift of pause, the much needed mental break from life’s inevitable stressors. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Learn-it-all vs know-it-all...

The learn-it-all does better than the know-it-all.

— Satya Nadella (CEO of Microsoft, who believes it’s way more important to be a good learner than to be a genius).

I find that very comforting because I am no genius, Lol. Growing up, I would measure myself against my older brother and sister, plus the kids at school and then college. Don’t get me wrong, I got pretty good grades, but I did not have the photographic memory that my brother continues to enjoy. Memorization has always been a struggle, which makes me horrific at names. Thank God for smart phones and contact apps.  (Funny enough I inherited my Dad’s math brain and will likely remember your birthday, ha ha). One thing I have realized over the years is that everyone has their own, individualized brand of “genius.” I guess it’s just a matter of matching our special skill set with the appropriate and rewarding profession/calling for us. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Decision making challenges...

We beat ourselves up for past “mistakes” and “failings.” If you think about it though, we’re often making decisions without the necessary information. We end up having to try things (schooling, career choice, marriage/partnership) before we know how we’re going to feel about it. Specifically, with marriage, we’re committing to an uncertain future. We don’t know how we and our partner will grow (or not grow, Lol) overtime. We also don’t know if our partner will change or end up behaving differently over time. We may even know our deal breakers ahead of time, only to find our partner falling into one of these habits down the road. I think we should cut ourselves some slack for choices made with the best information we had at the time. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Failing on the way to success...

I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.

— Michael Jordan

Thank you for sharing Michael Jordan. I guess it’s all about trying things, practicing and then sticking with it. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Resistance training (lifting weights) reduces depressive and anxiety symptoms...

A study, published in the June 2018 issue of JAMA Psychiatry, analyzed 33 clinical trials for the effects of resistance exercise on depression. Results showed that resistance exercise “significantly reduced depressive symptoms” among participants. A notable finding was that participants showed an improvement in mood regardless of whether they grew physically stronger... “Evidence from studies of both animals and humans supports that resistance exercise training may improve both anxiety and depression...”

— Province Newspaper, Sept 6th 2020 issue 

Evidence suggests that exercise in general can, in some cases, be as effective as medication, and without the side effects. A personal friend of mine mentored her special needs daughter through a new health/ training (diet and exercise) regime. Within a year, her daughter had lost 100 pounds and no longer needed the line up of medication she had been on for years, with a number of ailments subsiding (pre-diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol etc.). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Great achievements take time”...

The two most powerful warriors are patience and time, so remember: great achievements take time, there is no overnight success.

— Leo Tolstoy (Best known for the novels War and Peace and Anna Karenina. Tolstoy’s ideas on nonviolent resistance, expressed in The Kingdom of God is Within You, had a profound impact on Ghandi and Martin Luther King Jr).

Very telling, coming from such an accomplished and influential figure. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Every day holds new promise...

It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and make your happiness a priority. 

It’s necessary.

— Mandy Hale (Blogger turned New York Times best-selling author, speaker and creator of the social media movement “The Single Woman.” In just over three years, Mandy, a voice of empowerment and sassiness for single woman, has garnered a Twitter following of half a million people).

My favourite therapist says there’s nothing lonelier than being in a bad marriage, because even with couples counselling, there’s a 50/50 shot of a happy outcome. He says therapy allows us to become more authentically ourselves and that either brings a couple together or drives a deeper wedge. By contrast, when you’re single, every day holds new promise. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Let’s see what does and doesn’t work for us...

We’ve all made trade offs in our careers that we wish we hadn’t. I try not to live regretfully, still, 2020 has made us question whether the things we sacrificed in ‘normal life’ were worth it. We’ve learned that work doesn’t have to be the focal point of our lives in order to get done. Let’s push paradigms. Let’s play with things. Let’s see what does and doesn’t work for us and design our lives around what truly matters. We can rewrite the rules and be even more successful.

— Rebecca Minkoff (New York activist, designer, founder and mother. Founder of Rebecca Minkoff and The Female Founder Collective). 

Rebecca talks about using a “quick feedback loop” to check in on whether sacrifices are paying off. If the answer is no, she makes changes to improve the situation for herself and her family. Personally, 2020 has encouraged me to draw better work/life boundaries. I realized I was maintaining certain work commitments that did not benefit me personally. I made a couple of adjustment and my work results are better than ever. Go figure, Lol. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The heart of the matter?...

The soul usually knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says our issues tend to originate from our upbringing and the resulting emotional barriers and wounds. In private session, and/or group therapy/seminars, he always begins with  “How are you feeling today? Give me three emotions.” From there, he takes one on a journey back to the heart of the matter. Life changing stuff. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Sad’s bodyguard...

Angry is just sad’s bodyguard.

— Liza Palmer (Emmy-nominated writer and international bestselling author of Conversations with the Fat Girl, which has been optioned for series by the producers of Rome, Band of Brothers and Generation Kill). 

My favourite therapist says there are layers to our emotions and that beneath anger is typically hurt. He says if we’re willing to dig a little deeper and resolve some old pain points, we will develop a greater capacity for healthy, loving relationships. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl