We can support ourselves in making things easier…

There is nothing wrong with you. We are all working on things. That’s part of being human, and the great thing is that once we know how our brains operate, we can support ourselves in making things easier. 

— Deborah Reber

The issue I have is with people who aren’t interested in/willing to make any adjustments. There are two people in a relationship and one person can’t be expected to do all the bending. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

When you are just simply yourself…

Stop worrying about other people understanding you. Get in touch with yourself instead. Focus on what makes you happy, what makes your soul feel at peace. You are your biggest commitment, so start loving your flaws, your awkwardness, your weirdness, your intensity, your vulnerability, your everything. Life becomes so much more fulfilling when you are just simply yourself.

— Unknown  

It took a particularly painful, humiliating break up for me to settle into myself. (I foolishly delayed a much needed break up, only to be cheated on with someone from our inner circle. Ugh). I vowed I would NEVER go through anything like that again. I gave myself permission to like what I like and say no to things I don’t enjoy doing. I also sharpened my “list” for the ideal partner. Compatibility is king. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Your best teacher…

Your best teacher is your last mistake.

— Unknown

Yup. Well, my biggest mistakes certainly turned into TSN turning points, Lol ;) My most humiliating and painful break up led to life altering changes and then the love of my life. Just sayin’! Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

My mental health improved when I…

• Stopped lying to myself
• Created space from friendships I had outgrown
• Set fire to the labels I thought defined me
• Had really really really hard conversations
• Stopped accepting inconsistency
• Grieved the loss of the life I had envisioned
• Paid more attention to what was working

— Unknown 

I can relate to so much of this. Above all, I finally accepted the kind of life I like living. I thought, Ok, well if I’m not cultured enough, so be it (because I’m not partial to the opera or ballet or museums). And if I’m not out-doors’y enough (hate the cold, and hate hiking/camping), so be it. I live in an area defined by natural beauty and people come from far and wide to do all of these things. And many of the guys I met were the same. But I’m a city girl, Lol ;) Once I settled into myself, I met my Mr Right. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Ways to show up for yourself…

• Allow yourself to feel a multitude of feelings without labelling it as wrong, bad or negative
• Practice listening to your needs and discovering different ways to meet those needs
• Practice self-forgiveness; for not being perfect, for forgetting, for your past, for what you don’t know, and for getting “off-track” sometimes
• Give yourself permission to rest, to take breaks, and to have down time
• Spend quality time with yourself: reading, writing, creating and getting to know who you are underneath who you think you should be

— Unknown

My favourite therapist taught me about having my own back. I grew up the peace keeper in our family, which led to people pleasing, and a lack of healthy discussions and boundaries in my relationships. I’ve never liked anger and negativity, but I’ve learned that conflict can be peacefully resolved with the right partner and a respectful and caring approach. I also learned that each person has to come to the table with some accountability and a willingness to make adjustments for the sake of the relationship. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Silence is passive-aggressive…

You cannot become a peacemaker without communication. Silence is a passive-aggressive grenade thrown by insecure people that want war, but they don’t want the accountability of starting it.

— Shannon L. Alder (Inspirational author, therapist and life coach).  

I used to be the silent person. I didn’t want war. I just didn’t know how to broach difficult discussions in a highly charged environment. Well, I was afraid to actually. In my family of origin, there was a lot of yelling (And hitting. Sniff, sniff) and breaking of things, but not much in the way of resolution or positive outcome. Fortunately, I landed on a healing journey, which allowed me to resolve old baggage. I also learned the necessary skills to be in healthy relationship. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

How much do you like yourself?…

Remove the “I want you to like me” sticker from your forehead and place it on the mirror, where it belongs.

— Susan Jeffers, PhD (Renowned workshop leader, lecturer and Author of Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, which outlines dynamic techniques for turning fear, indecision and anger into power, action and love. In her work, Jeffers presents the four biggest barriers to love) 

A turning point for me was learning about the “internalized parent.” If our self-talk is healthy, and leads to a better version of ourselves, great. But when that inner voice is repeatedly critical and negative, we are likely dealing with internalizing parental messaging. When we’re young and impressionable, we tend to take our parents’ opinions as the ultimate truth, which can hardwire these messages about ourselves and create a sense of never being good enough, or never being enough. I feel fortunate to have identified and challenged some of this harmful messaging, which is a real self-esteem booster frankly. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl