People think healing is soft.
But healing is violent. Because nothing is scarier than waking up one day and realizing… your whole personality was just a trauma response. That your calm was actually suppression. Your independence was built on not being able to rely on anyone. Your perfectionism was just fear in disguise. Healing means grieving the version of you who did what she had to just to feel safe.
And letting her go is the hardest part.
—heirophantpublishing.com
Yup, I learned all about that in intensive therapy. I thought I was just a very clean and tidy, independent over achiever. Turns out, I was clinging to the few things I could control; my work ethic, the state of my home/self/car and showering others with gifts and attention. These coping mechanisms served me well, but over time I exhausted the hell out of myself. I now know how to take care of myself first, and then attend to the business at hand. I’ve maintained my work ethic, tendency to clean and organize, and generosity, but I definitely check in with myself first before committing to anything. Fewf. It’s a load off. Just saying ;) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
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