Places we store unwanted emotions…

Lower back: ANGER

Stomach and intestines: FEAR

Heart and chest: HURT

Headache: LOSS OF CONTROL

Neck and shoulders: BURDENS AND RESPONSIBILITIES

Fatigue: RESENTMENTS

Numbness: TRAUMA

Voice and Throat: OPPRESSION

Insomnia: LOSS OF SELF 

— scienceofessentials.com

Well that might explain my lifelong digestive issues, Lol. My father was kind of like Al Pacino in The Godfather. Terrifying. It’s taken me years to calm my nervous system and solve my digestive issues (and he’s been gone for 25 years!). I’m still working on it. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blesssings,

Chatgirl 

 

Examples of Emotional Triggers…

You might get angry when you think you’re being told what to do

 - if you felt controlled in the past

You might get anxious whenever someone isn’t there for you

 - if you had emotionally unavailable parents

You might get angry whenever you feel you aren’t being heard

 - if you felt ignored or dismissed growing up

You might panic when you’re in a situation over which you have no control

- if you’ve felt helpless for years

— Unknown 

Uh, I can relate to all of the above. Good thing my favourite therapist and savvy energy/life coach are on speed dial, Lol ;) I can appreciate the hesitation to seek professional help, but for me it’s been a salvation. Of course the “work” is hard and it’s not a lot of fun, but no pain no gain, right? Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Stuck….

I’m stuck between 

“I need to save money” and 

“You only live once”

— Unknown 

Lol. I can relate! I’m leaning toward saving money though. When you get dangerously close to personal bankruptcy, spending money doesn’t hold quite the same appeal. I experienced that proverbial rainy day during the 2008 financial crisis, which lasted years, and ended up needing far more than I could have imagined. I do spend money on warm vacations because I hate winter. And I do spend money on dinner out, which I consider micro vacations, especially through the week. But other than that, I love seeing my bank account grow. It makes me feel safe knowing I can take care of myself if the other shoe drops again. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

To acknowledge is to release…

Accepting the emotion you’re feeling gives the power back to you.

To avoid is to amplify, and to acknowledge is to release.

— J. Mike Fields (Professional life coach, speaker, mental wellness advocate. Fields uses techniques such as cognitive reorganization, narrative reframing, values clarification, and mindfulness to guide people to greater contentment)

My favourite therapist says the way to the other side is through some muck unfortunately (I’m paraphrasing of course). The family of origin stuff can loom pretty large because we’re too young to be able to understand or process our feelings. Sorting through this stuff is gruelling work, but the rewards are huge, in my experience. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Stay in the moment (and seek additional reprieve?)…

The practice of staying present will heal you. 

Obsessing about how the future will turn out creates anxiety.

Replaying broken scenarios from the past causes anger or sadness.

Stay here, in this moment. 

— S. McNutt (8X best-selling author, podcaster, public speaker and course creator. McNutt believes healing is the key to success, and that self-awareness unlocks freedom). 

Great reminder. I like the way McNutt phrases this message. Personally, I keep hammering away at forgiveness with myself (I forgive you, and I forgive me for any pain that was caused. I release you and I release me). I still seem to need regular coaching/energy work to relieve the emotional pain. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Family of origin impact…

A therapist said if you self isolate when overwhelmed you probably had to solve a lot of your problems alone as a child.

— Unknown 

There’s that. My favourite therapist also targeted the people pleasing, which he said was my way of trying to be noticed and matter. Parents do what they are capable of doing, and then it’s up to us to grow up, so to speak. As an adult, I’ve always wanted a level of intimacy that was missing from my family of origin. I finally found what I was looking for, but not until I solidified my emotional foundation. Therapy taught me boundaries, relationship and conflict resolution skills, and gave me a pretty decent level of self-acceptance and security. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Types of intelligence…

One problem with the way the educational system is set up is that it only recognizes a certain type of intelligence, and it’s incredibly restrictive— very, very restrictive. There’s so many types of intelligence, and people who would be at their best outside of that structure get lost.

— Bruce Springsteen 

I envy people who are drawn specifically to law, medicine, construction, accounting, or what have you. I have a number of interests, and so my career path has been anything but straight forward. I did manage to find a position that suits quite well, but I continue to pursue an entrepreneurial endeavour that will hopefully be more fulfilling. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

A small talk goes a long way…

A small talk can fix a lot.

— Unknown 

I’ve learned this the hard way. In my family of origin there was a lot of yelling (and some violence unfortunately), but very little resolution. So I pretty much avoided anger (which terrified me for a long time) and conflict. Thanks to an ex of mine, I ended up in therapy, and began working on conflict resolution and healthier communication skills. It’s not easy broaching difficult topics with people, but it gets easier and it’s so worth it. Having said that, some relationships simply don’t line up. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

If you thank yourself…

If you thank your mind, it will relax.

If you than your heart, it will open.

It you thank your past, it will integrate.

If you thank your symptoms, they will heal. 

If you thank your shadow, it will vanish.

If you thank your life, it will transform.

If you thank yourself, the light will dawn.

— Matt Kahn (Spiritual teacher, speaker, YouTube sensation and author of Whatever Arises, Love That, Everything Is Here to Help You, and The Universe Always Has a Plan. Kahn has 21+ million YouTube channel views and was named one of the top 100 Spiritually Influential Living People by Watkins’s magazine, along with the Dalia Lama and Eckhart Tolle. Followers find Kahn’s messages both healing and humorous). 

I’ve been trying this the last couple of days! So far, the exercise feels very kind, supportive and forgiving. I think there’s something there. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Give up the idea that you will be perfect…

Boundaries With Yourself

Look like

* Not buying things you can’t afford

* Taking regular breaks during the day

* Keeping the promises you make to yourself

* Ending a toxic relationship

* Creating a healthy sleep routine

* Taking time to honour your feelings and process your thoughts

* Talking to yourself like you would talk to a loved one

* Giving up the idea that you will be perfect

— IneffableLiving.com

The stand out item for me is “Ending a toxic relationship.” It took me a really long time to respect my personal deal breakers (such as repetitive lateness, messiness, ongoing discord) and walk away from dynamics that made me feel anxious and generally uncomfortable. When I made the decision to wait it out, I found a much more compatible fit for my personality, in both love and friendship. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Your home is an extension of your energy field…

This is why practices like cleaning your home, 

rearranging furniture, 

organizing your closet

and getting rid of objects that are cluttering your space

can have a profound impact on your mind, body, and spirit.

— Maryam Hasnaa (Priestess, Intuitive, Energy Healer and Medicine Woman, with a focus on high sensitivity individuals, who experience a heightened nervous system).

I joke about having a touch of OCD, because I’m always cleaning, tidying and de-cluttering. I’m also suuuper sensitive to sounds, smells, taste and other people’s energy. It all makes sense now. For me, Craniosacral Therapy really helps calm the nervous system. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Letting others take responsibility for their own actions…

Detachment doesn’t mean not caring. 

It’s taking care of yourself first

and letting others take responsibility for their own actions

without trying to save or punish them. 

— CounselingReovery.com

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted everyone to just get along. So I tried to fix and smooth and people please my family of origin into a warmer, safer environment. Looking back, I can see the same pattern in all of my relationships. It pains me, but I now realize that some things cannot be fixed. Sad, but true for friendships and love relationships, but a far more devastating realization when it comes to family. To that end, I’ve been working with forgiveness. Every time a painful thought comes to mind, I say “I forgive X and I forgive myself for any pain that was caused. I release X and I release myself.” Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

7 psychology tricks that will blow you away…

1. To avoid workplace drama - compliment people behind their back 

2. Saying ‘You’re right’ instead of ‘I know’ avoids diminishing what the other person may have just found out.

3. Instead of asking, ‘Do you have any questions?’ Ask, ‘What questions do you have?’ The first almost always results in silence, while the second helps people feel comfortable asking questions. 

4. When you have something important to say to your kids, say it very quietly so that they listen. They’re immune to your yelling, but whispering will get their attention.

5. If you need to de-escalate someone and get them to communicate, ask them something personal.

6. When someone shy is speaking, if you look at them and nod your head, it will encourage them to keep talking. 

7. Say hello to everyone you know, and say it with a smile. 

— Unknown 

A bit of reverse psychology and kind encouragement. I like it ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Are you emotionally resilient?…

Emotionally resilient people are deliberate in their response to painful experiences. They allow themselves to grieve, remind themselves of what they are grateful for, and focus on what they can control in the moment.

But as a Harvard-trained psychologist, I’ve seen so many people struggle with this. It takes effort, practice, and mental strength. 

If you use any of these 9 phrases every day, you are more emotionally resilient than most:

1. I can get through this (shows grit and mental toughness)

2. I’m not going to let myself be a victim (I won’t let this define me or ruin my future)

3. Life is hard (acceptance that life isn’t always fair and there will be emotional hardships)

4. This too shall pass (setbacks and challenges feel horrible in the moment, but will feel less damaging over time)

5. What can I learn from this (openness to experiences and a shift in perspective can lead to empowerment and transformation)

6. I need some time (emotional flexibility, ability to regulate feelings, reducing the intensity of the moment)

7. I still have things to be grateful for (find a way to turn toward the positive, even in tough times)

8. It is what it is (embracing reality allows for radical acceptance, so the situation has less power over us)

9. I’m letting this go (forgiving doesn’t mean it was ok; it just means that I’m no longer letting it weigh me down) 

— Dr Courtenay Warren (paraphrased from “Harvard psychologist: If you use any of these 9 phrases every day, ‘you’re more emotionally resilient than most”, CNBC, Sunday Aug 6 2023) 

My favourite therapist said “the issue I see here is that you want life to be sunny and sunnier.” So we set about arming me with new tools to cope with the inevitable rainy days (individual and group therapy, relationship courses, and lots of sunny vacations). I still find the tough moments stressful, but I accept them as a natural part of life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Be alone, instead of poorly surrounded?…

The amount of strength is takes to choose to be alone instead of poorly surrounded, is extremely underrated. 

If you were strong enough to choose yourself, I honour you.

— Xavier Dagba (Trauma-informed life coach. Dagba specializes in helping people shed their limitations, embrace their repressed powers, and live from their heart, rather than their wounds) 

I don’t know about you, but it’s taken me a long time to learn this lesson. It’s never too late though, right? I finally figured out how to identify my perfect mate, and then realized the same holds true for friendships. In a nutshell, it’s about the deal breakers. When I look back on my past love relationships and friendships, I can see that there were challenging dynamics and irreconcilable differences all along. (For me, some of them are; chronic lateness, messiness, lack of common interests, inability to discuss and resolve differences). Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

True power or cravings?…

What most people call power,  

Buddhist’s call cravings.

They are wealth, fame, sex, fancy food and lots of sleep.

In Buddhism, five true powers are faith, diligence, mindfulness, 

concentration, and insight.

These five powers are the foundation of real happiness.

— Thich Nhat Hanh

I learned about happiness at the lowest point in my life. It was 2008, the financial crisis had hit in the fall and I lost my fancy new job, and my ability to spend money, travel, dine out and enjoy entertainment, right before Christmas. I had saved for a rainy day and I had RRSP’s, but that didn’t go very far when there were no well-paying jobs for a few years. Companies were simply not hiring business development specialists at that time. I was also single, so I spent a ton of time alone, thinking and writing. My favourite part of the day was morning coffe, which I could still afford, when I would envision an excellent new job and the financial freedom to enjoy fun activities again… but not more than I could afford. I’ve never really gone back to spending money. I’ll dine out, I’ll go to live entertainment and I’ll go on vacations, but I do all of that less than before and I save, save, save. I prefer to see my bank account grow, rather than treating myself to more and more things. I feel more abundant than ever before. I also find time on my own incredibly relaxing and healing. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The consequence of not feeling…

Emotions are energy and energy cannot be destroyed. Everything you have avoided feeling becomes energy stored in your energy field as it has nowhere else to go. This is where a lot of disease comes from in our physical body, all this stress and negative energy living within us. Repressed emotions often come to us as triggers, an outburst because it can no longer stay contained. It’s like a cry for help from your body, it needs your attention to heal and release everything suppressed. Whatever emotions you don’t allow yourself to face become stored in the etheric body. This then blocks the regular flow of energy into your chakras. Feeling temporary emotional pain wont kill you like the mind believes and will pass if you let it. You can choose to run from your pain for the rest of your life, letting it weigh you down or you can feel the emotions, release them and take back control of your body. 

— @highpriestesshealing11 (Spiritual life coaching) 

I’m a believer, and every healing profession I’ve pursued has worked wonders; traditional talk therapy, life coaching, group therapy, EMDR, breath work, A Course In Miracles, BodyTalk (along with Naturopathics, acupuncture, Prolotherapy etc.). Most recently, I’ve been working with a Craniosacral Therapist (who is also a life coach) and this work is the most calming and promising yet. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chagtgirl 

What is love?…

The Ego asked:

‘What is love? It’s too big a word for me. I don’t understand it at times.” 

The Soul replied:

‘If you understand Kindness,

If you understand Respect,

If you understand Acceptance,

Then you will understand Love.’

— Richa Rana (Creator of The Dignified Soul. Rana, an engineer by education, worked in the banking-corporate world for a decade. After “relentless nudging” by her soul, she began an inward journey and discovered a passion for observing the world around her, finding wisdom and insights, writing, and seeking the deeper meaning of life). 

I can relate. I’ve worked in business development for thirty years, and although I’ve carved out quite a lucrative position, there is a grind to it. So, I dabble on the side, in search of a path that offers deeper meaning and fulfilment. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl