What we wish we had heard growing up…

Things Your Inner Child Might Need to Hear

* It’s not your fault when other people are in bad moods

* You are worthy of everything good

* It’s okay to feel

* You are not alone; I am with you

* You are a good person and I love you

* You are worth protecting

* You are beautiful and loved

* What happened to you was not your fault 

— MindJournal

My favourite therapist recommends writing a letter to yourself, saying all that you wish your parent/guardian(s) had said to you along the way. He also says to choose loving pet names, because some of us were exposed to derogatory and hurtful nicknames. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

10 Calming bedtime thoughts (I deserve rest now)…

Sleep Affirmations:

* I release the day

* I did my best

* I deserve rest now

* I am ready for bed

* I go to sleep easily

* I am feeling calm and peaceful

* I am grateful for tomorrow

* I am allowed to take a break

* I will get a good sleep tonight

* I will feel refreshed tomorrow

All is well, goodnight.

— The Sierra Guide 

Why didn’t I think of those! My bedtime thoughts haven’t been working consistently, Lol ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Family dynamics (and resulting dysfunction)…

I was my mother’s scapegoat.

I morphed into my family’s black sheep.

Eventually, I realized that the problem was not what kind of goat or sheep I was,

but rather, the sickness of the herd itself. 

— Devon Carter, NarcissistandEmotionalAbuse.com

“Family Systems Theory” (introduced by psychiatrist Dr Murray Bowen in the 50’s) views the family as a complex system of interconnected and interdependent individuals, functioning as one emotional unit. What one family member does affects the rest. A child growing up in a loving and supportive household typically progresses to become an emotionally stable and socially prosperous adult. Conversely, a child in a dysfunctional family will likely develop antisocial behaviour and face numerous obstacles (and relationship issues!). I haven’t focused on Family Systems therapy per se, but the individual/couples therapy and group relationship workshops I’ve completed all highlighted the dysfunction in my family of origin. It’s been super hopeful understanding key psychological theories (and I have a psychology degree as well), but if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that factual information is great, but the emotional world is whole other ball game. Tackling long standing hurt, and a level of stress that holds up in the body, is very hard work. It’s a long game, and requires a wealth of time, consuming energy, and tangible cash. My favourite therapist always says this work is not for the faint of heart. Having said that, my healing journey led straight to the love, and perfect partner, of my life, my dream job, and more earnings than I could have imagined. Absolutely worth all the tears, weekends in a room with twelve plus other troubled souls, while others are out playing and relaxing, and the hard earned dollars that could have been spent on warm trips and fun filled adventures. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

How do we speak to ourselves?…

Psychology says, the way you speak to yourself matters the most.

— @PsychologyFacts 

Hmmm. I may need to ponder this one. I think I’m a pretty good cheerleader and circle of support for myself, but also betting there’s room for improvement? Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Find peace (and the perfect partner!)…

Ego says: “Once everything falls into place, I will find peace.”

Spirit says: “Find peace and everything will fall into place.”

— Unknown 

I can relate. It wasn’t until I kind of hit relationship rock bottom (just one too many break ups!) that I put romance on pause and worked on myself. I had been seeing various health care practitioners, and fairly regularly (traditional therapy, body talk, energy work, group therapy/relationship skills weekend workshops), but I hadn’t been willing to time out from dating. Best decision in the world! A post-mortem on my past relationships revealed that there were, in fact, deal breakers in each of those past scenarios. I became crystal clear about the type of match that would work for me, based on the life I want to live (ie. city girl, so no outdoor-focused lifestyle for me, Lol). I also committed to how I want to be treated, and I’ve found the most lovely togetherness, on vacations/date nights and also running a household with all the boring stuff. We’ll tackle groceries, laundry, cooking and cleaning as a team… always. So the mundane activities are faster and more fun. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

You get to choose…

Love yourself enough to set boundaries.

Your time and energy are precious.

You get to choose how you use it.

You teach people how to treat you by deciding 

what you will and won’t accept.

— Anna Taylor

I think I’ve mostly learned this one, Lol. (I’ve historically been a bit of a people pleaser. What can I say, I love puppies, roses, rainbows and seeing people happy). My favourite therapist taught me about “having one’s own back” as a key mental, and overall, health strategy. For me, this has meant saying no to others more, and yes to doing things that bring me joy and peace. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Tapping into the unconscious…

There is a wonderful intelligence to the unconscious. 

It’s always smarter than we are. 

—  Russell Banks (Award winning author. Banks is known for his detailed accounts of the daily struggles of ordinary life, drawn from his own childhood experiences). 

I don’t know about you, but I find the notion of tapping into additional capacity/intelligences particularly intriguing. What I do know for sure is that when I listen to that little niggle, it’s usually right. When I allow my brain to override my instincts, I usually miss out on something. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The lone wolf coping mechanism…

A therapist said if you self isolate when overwhelmed

you probably had to solve a lot of your problems alone as a child.

— Unknown

I don’t know about you, but I find this very intriguing. And I would say, I resemble that remark ;) Historically, I would sort of freeze, go quiet, require time to process to figure out how I was feeling, and then, maybe, deal, depending on the specific issue at hand, Lol. (Funny, but also not funny because this is a very unhelpful strategy for a healthy relationship). Fortunately, therapy and a pretty savvy ex taught me how to stay present and use my words. I now know how to “address” problems as they come up, achieve a level of understanding and some sort of mutually beneficial outcome. Not with everyone mind you, as I still struggle with my family of origin and certain friends. Evidently, I’m not the only person who hides from issues and who shies away from and/or doesn’t know how to “clear” issues. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Things we need to accept…

We need to accept our age.  

We need to accept illnesses and addictions. 

We need to accept the past.

We need to accept others as they are.

— Ryan Howes, Psychotherapist

Howes goes on to say that when we stop struggling, in vain, to change what’s beyond our control, we free up an abundance of energy for things we can actually affect. My favourite therapist gave similar advice many years ago and I’m still working on it ;) My mother passed away a few months ago and that’s dredged up the same old stuff. But I absolutely know that I don’t want to keep reliving the past. I would rather have my own back and empower myself for a better future. So, whatever it takes to evolve toward greater joy and fulfillment, I’m in (therapy, energy work, what have you). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Let go and welcome new energy…

The universe always replaces what exits in your life with something bigger and better.

Don’t be stuck holding onto the past or resisting change. 

Welcome new energy. Let go of what needs to be removed.

There’s great blessings in surrendering and allowing.

— Idil Ahmed, The Spiritual Magic

Boy did I need to embrace this wisdom on a few occasions. I simmered in jobs I’d outgrown. I stagnated in ill-fated relationships. I still find change quite uncomfortable, but I now realize that growing pains are less comfortable than life crashing on my head, in ways that I wouldn’t have chosen. I want to do any leaving on my own terms, if possible. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Habits that kill energy and performance…

These 10 Habits are killing your energy and performance… 

1. Not getting enough sleep - if your body and mind are tired, your productivity and performance will suffer. Sounds obvious, but our society tends to prioritize “the grind” over getting adequate rest. 

2. Morning scrolling - how you start your day plays a huge role in your energy level. Instead move around, get hydrated, get sunlight. Sitting, scrolling throws off circadian rhythm (sleep-wake cycle) 

3. Being dehydrated - when you don’t drink enough water your body has to work overtime for routine functions, which leads to fatigue. Drink at least 8 cups of water per day.

4. Eating junk food - to be energized, you need proper nutrients - 3 key nutrients 1) grains, beans, fruits, veg 2) nuts, fish, olive oil, 3) B vitamins (lean meats) 

5. Not enough movement - can lead to depression, a decrease in serotonin, which lowers energy

6. Being overweight - causes fatigue, joint pain, depression, sleep apnea, hormone imbalance

7. Drinking too much caffeine - drink your coffee in the morning, so it doesn’t affect your internal clock 

8. Drinking alcohol - interferes with REM sleep, which is the most restorative part of the sleep cycle

9. Lack of sunlight - can affect our sleep because our internal clock wants to be aligned with the sun

10. Staying stressed - puts your mind on high alert, the fight or flight mode, and causes extra work for the body

— @johnnyxbrown 

What stands out to me is the fatigue, and lack of energy factor. Aside from performance and productivity, it just sucks to feel sluggish. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

When you’re in a dark place…

When you’re in a dark place.  

You sometimes tend to think you’ve been buried.

Perhaps you’ve been planted.

Bloom.

— Unknown

I remember reading an article about wishes coming true. The author (wish I’d made a note!) proposed we would be put in a position to evolve and then succeed, rather than experience a voila, and wish miraculously appears. I think that’s interesting, and I can relate. I landed in quite a lovely “modern family” with easy relationships, genuine warmth and mutual appreciation, excellent communication/cooperation, and a bunch of fun to boot. Just fantastic for the kids and all concerned. Having said that, there’s still navigating to do and compromises to be made. The holidays dished up a few doozies this year, no question. A weaker relationship may have crumbled (at least temporarily) under the weight of our Xmas. We, on the other hand, took full advantage of the opportunity to clear airs, invite the sharing of everyone’s experience/feelings and group think a few solutions. The result has been a better understanding of one another, sturdier relationships and hard earned, authentic bonds. Great work team! Just sayin’ :) Hugs and wishing you a lovely year ahead. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Happy New Year, with some calming statements…

Affirmations for relaxation

1. I am calm 

2. My mind is slowing down

3. Peace washes over me

4. All tension melts from my body

5. I am centred

6. I release all negative emotions

7. I am relaxed

— Unknown

I don’t know about you, but I had a few particularly stressful moments over the holidays. (Some family stuff, plus I was attacked and bitten by a very large dog at a friend’s home?! The wound is still healing more than a week later. Ouch). Admittedly, I was sulking a bit while surfing Pinterest and happened to came across the calming statements above. And you know what, it actually worked. I spent time on each statement and found my breathing did slow down. I managed to calm down a fair bit… so I thought I’d share. Happy New Year everyone! Hugs and good luck! XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl