Feel it and heal it…

Only you can heal you.

This is your pain.

Feel it and heal it.

— Unknown

I remember when I first learned about “victim mentality” and the limitations of this mindset. My brand new (second!) marriage was already troubled, and my partner and I knew we needed help. We actually worked with two different professionals; a traditional couples therapist and a more spiritual, life coach. The traditional therapist taught us some very useful skills such as division of labour, to minimize arguments around who cooks and who takes out the garbage etc. The more spiritual coach wanted to meet us one on one and went deeper into what we each brought, or didn’t bring to the table. The idea is, you’re either part of the solution, or you’re part of the problem. Spiritual coach got me talking, and listened patiently and compassionately to my grievances about the relationship and my childhood and present family troubles. Once I summarized my pain points, she said “And you know this is all your stuff, right.” Boom! I thought, “Say whaaa? Didn’t you just hear me. All these bad things have happened to me and they aren’t my fault. And they make me sad and upset.” But she went on to explain that although bad things have happened that weren’t my fault, this is now my bag and I need to deal with it, as a grown up adult. No one is coming to magically solve this old stuff and it’s on me. I’m not gonna lie, this was the biggest paradigm shift of my life. It took a while, but I eventually got it. Once I was able to own all of the old hurts, the pain, the disappointments, the Achilles heal as it were, my life began to transform. All of this “work” did not save my marriage, but it did set me up for success in life. I met the love of my life and I also found my dream job. I’m making more money than I ever imagined I would… and I’m not done yet. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl