What attracts people, initially, is sometimes what breaks them apart in the end... A human being’s need to remaster attachment-trauma is profound, yet, because it is an unconscious tendency, people are not always aware that the attraction they feel for another person may be fuelled by a desire to heal painful childhood wounds. For example, if a person’s father was emotionally unavailable—meaning he constantly fluctuated between dismissive and rejecting to idealizing and controlling—the person may be drawn to a partner who operates similarly. The unconscious promise of remastering a painful childhood dynamic is exhilarating and intoxicating. Winning the love of a partner who unconsciously reminds a person of a rejecting parent offers a chance to eradicate the original pain.
— Erin Leonard, PhD, Why a Hot Relationship Can Quickly Turn Cold
My favourite therapist says that we will tend to attract suitors who are equally as capable and incapable of giving and receiving love, and it’ll always look like they’re the D student and we’re the B student. He goes so far as to say that if we go to a party, we’ll be attracted to a person who has a similar level of issues. We’ll think the more emotionally capable type is actually boring. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
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