Healing is on us...

Your wound is probably not your fault.
But your healing is your responsibility.

— Unknown

I embarked on “rebirthing” healing a ways back, at the urge of my ex (many thanks for that) because I was suffering from ongoing family stress. The practitioner followed the teachings of “A Course in Miracles” and my take away is that we have to “own” everything in our lives, in order to heal and move on. In other words, although some of us were victimized in our younger years, we do not want to remain in “victim mode” and render ourself powerless in the present and future. My favourite therapist (traditional psychologist) says something similar. He says we cannot change where we were born, who our parents are and what we were subjected to growing up, but if we so choose, we can embark on a healing path, in whichever way resonates for us. I’ve tried a number of different approaches, and honestly, I feel they all had a very positive impact (EMDR, traditional therapy, energy work such as Reiki, Body Talk, Craniosacral, group therapy) Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Sure of yourself...

Be alone.
Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone.
In the midst of this you will learn about yourself.
You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you,
you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs,
your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person
who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it,
because you are sure of yourself.

— Bianca Sparacino (Writer from Toronto, Canada, who is best known for Seeds Planted in Concrete and The Strength in Our Scars).

Personally, at one point, I just couldn’t go through another break up. I knew I’d rather be alone than be in another “wrong” relationship. I finally figured out what I wanted, what I didn’t want, what I couldn’t live with, couldn’t live without, what the deal breakers were etc. From that place, my Mr Right was pretty easy to recognize. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Feelings as helpful guides...

Many of us are inclined to judge ourselves harshly for being fearful or worried about making mistakes, at work or elsewhere. But psychologist and author Alice Boyer argues that these feelings are helpful guides. They are alerting us to possible obstacles in our way. To make sure our concerns are our allies, we should aim to steer our worries away from the threat alone and toward the potential steps we can take to solve our challenges. When used in this way, our worries become empowering, not paralyzing.

— Scott Osler, Editor at LinkedIn

May favourite therapist would agree. He says we should “mine” our feelings, particularly the more “negative” ones, such as anger, frustration and fear, for critical information in making healthy and proactive decisions. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Let it go?...

Stop overthinking.
You can’t control everything.
Let it go.

— e-buddhism.com

I know I’ve survived some tough times. I also know I didn’t get through it without sleepless nights, much fretting, and in the end, professional help. May I just say, I’m a huge fan. Above all, I realize that sometimes life is just bigger than one person can manage alone. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

This one step...

Focus on the step in front of you, and not the whole staircase.

— Unknown

Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now comes to mind. He says focusing on the past (which we cannot change) or the future (which we cannot control) causes added stress and discomfort. I find I need to remind myself of this a lot. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Start to attract better...

When you start taking care of yourself you start feeling better, you start looking better, and you start to attract better. It all starts with you.

— Unknown

Makes me think about the movie (based on a true story) “Brittany runs a marathon.” Some healthier choices lead to more healthy choices, then super healthy choices and she ends up with a wonderful husband, baby and marathon under her belt. Well done! Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Underlying grief...

I sat with my anger long enough,
until she told me her real name was grief.

—Unknown

My favourite therapist taught me about the layers, complexity and depth of our emotions. One of the more surprising revelations was definitely that hurt so often lies just beneath the surface of anger. In other words, if we’re suuuper angry with someone, often the intensity comes from disappointment and hurt over what that person did or did not do. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Forgiving, a process...

Reminder:
Forgiveness is a process.
A choice you have to make
over and over, every day,
until you’re free of hurt.

— Unknown

Good to know. I have to admit, I’m still working on forgiving a few people in my past. I believe in the notion that forgiveness is about us and not “them” and can set us free... and still, I’m surprised and hurt by some of the unexpected behaviour I’ve been subject to. I think my brain understands that we all have our limitations and sometimes we do the wrong thing, but my heart is having a hard time not taking it personally. I’m a glass half full kind a girl though and I prefer to be happy and empathetic, so I’m determined to achieve peace. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Give up waiting...

Give up waiting as a state of mind.
When you catch yourself slipping into waiting,
snap out of it.
Come into the present moment.
Just be and enjoy being.

— Eckhart Tolle

Great timing. I’ve found myself slipping into waiting a lot lately... waiting for my outdoor pool to open, waiting for movie theatres to open, waiting for borders to re-open. I decided to just get out of the house more, regardless. Get out in the sun, go for a walk, grab a coffee, see people, poke around a bit. Feels much better. Just sayin’ ; ) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Not a mind reader...

If I did something wrong, communicate.
If I hurt your feelings, make me aware of it.
If I didn’t listen well enough, tell me again in a way I’ll understand.
If I’m insensitive to your needs, to your desires, or to your thoughts
tell me so I can consider them.
However, don’t ever hold an attitude with me because you haven’t clearly expressed yourself.
I’m a human not a mind reader.

— Sylvester Mcnutt (American four time best-selling author on Amazon. Best known for Care Package, Lust For Life and Free Your Energy)

In addition to private practice, my favourite therapist conducts individual and relationship skills weekend seminars. What’s clear is that our childhood doesn’t necessarily arm us with the coping skills we’ll need as an adult. Personally, I struggled to communicate through conflict and would often freeze or flee (typical, but not ideal coping mechanisms in response to fear). In the weekend seminars I learned how to listen, understand and resolve friction. Often we just need to be heard. Sometimes we need to make a request for different behaviour. Needless to say, all of my relationships improved significantly. Pretty cool. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Happy to be alive...

Always find time for the things that make you feel happy to be alive.

— Unknown

Given the pandemic, some of those things are surely missing right now. Personally, I miss movie theatres, outdoor pools and going somewhere warm and sunny. That aside, it’s nice to finally have dinner with close friends again. Big elbow rubs. Just sayin’  :(  Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Gut instinct...

Never discredit your gut instinct.
You are not paranoid. Your body can pick up on bad vibrations.
If something deep inside of you says something is not right about a person or situation,
trust it.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist actually recommends checking in with our physical body, to determine what we’re feeling. He says the tightness of our chest or the queasiness in our stomach is the body telling us we need to address something in our environment. He says the gut/body reaction is often more valuable than our rational mind. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Focus on your own voice...

Strange, isn’t it?

You know yourself better than anyone else, yet you crumble at the words of someone who hasn’t even lived a second of your life.

Focus on your own voice,
it’s the only one that matters

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says we have to focus on having our own back, full stop. This means respecting and protecting our own health and well being, above all. This means saying no sometimes, even to loved ones, when we need to take care of ourselves. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Office small talk has big value...

Apparently office small talk plays a role in our well being, as it is said to be both uplifting and distracting. A Rutgers University professor tells New York Times in a soon-to-be-published paper that employees who engage in more office small talk feel more appreciated and connected. “It’s a paradox, she said, that something so superficial (and sometimes, let’s face it, annoying) can be associated with higher well-being, happiness and teamwork.” The recommendation is for managers to dedicate a bit of time before virtual meetings to prioritize casual conversations.

I totally get that. Sanity break. Time to laugh, take the lid off the pot, so to speak. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

More than enough talking and trying...

This is the part of my life where I silently remove myself from anyone who hurts me more than they love me, drains me more than they replenish me, brings me more stress than they do peace, and tries to stunt my growth rather than clap for it. I think that I’ve done more than enough talking and trying to make things work with certain people... I’m done.

— CiCi Bellis (American professional tennis player. In 2018 she was the second youngest player in the top 100 of the WTA rankings. Bellis is known for winning a match at the US Open as a 15 year old against a top-20 opponent, making her the youngest match-winner at the US open since 1996).

I think my favourite therapist would be proud. This is what he calls having one’s own back. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Weighing you down?...

Ships don’t sink because of the water around them; ships sink because of the water that gets in them.
Don’t let what’s happening around you get inside you and weigh you down.

— Unknown

Interesting to consider in these Covid times, where we’ve lost so much. I know Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now, A New Earth) says “do not resist” and to allow what life brings. Easier said than done at times, clearly. I guess we have to dig even deeper and find the strength, resilience and adaptability we never knew we had. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

About saying “no”...

You can be a good person, with a good heart, a kind soul, and still say “no.”

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says we need to have our own backs in order to properly care for our health, happiness and well-being. Having our own backs means deciding what is best for us at any given moment, despite duty and obligation. He says if we have the time and energy and we choose to do something, knowingly, out of duty and obligation, fair enough. But we should be mindful of putting others before our own important needs. He says this will give us a deeper physical/mental/emotional/spiritual capability and others tend to adjust better than we might imagine. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Constraints and disruption provide an opportunity to grow and thrive...

Constraints allow us to move forward with what we have, in order to create what we will need in the future. Even if that future feels foggy and unknown.

Constraints are necessary to provide focus and help us think creatively to solve problems. Winston Churchill said “kites rise highest against the wind, not with it.” Embracing constraints sounds counterintuitive. Why would we want constraints? Don’t we want wide open space to create? Endless resources to grow future endeavours?

The surprising answer is no.

Researchers have found that people’s happiness actually decreases when they are presented with too many choices, known as choice overload, or having “overchoice.” Too many options can lead people to make no choice at all... A number of hugely successful firms have started during periods of economic hardship including Proctor and Gamble, IBM, FedEx, Disney, CNN, Apple, and my personal favorite, Toll House Cookies. These companies that many of us love are now part of our everyday lives started during periods of severe hardship. A study by the Kauffman Foundation found that 51% of the Fortune 500 companies began during a recession or a bear market, or both.

— Whitney Johnson (One of the 50 leading business thinkers in the world as named by Thinkers50. She is an award-winning author, world-class keynote speaker, frequent lecturer for Harvard Business School’s Corporate learning and an executive coach and advisor to CEO’s, with 1.7 million followers on LinkedIn, where she was selected as a Top Voice in 2018).

In other words, this global pandemic and lock down may actually be presenting us with the time and structure to think, and think outside the box. The world is changing right in front of us, with some businesses disappearing, sadly, and others thriving (think Shopify, Amazon, Zoom). What’s to say that we can’t come up with that next great idea. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Magnet for miracles...

A grateful heart is a magnet for miracles.

— Unknown

They say when we’re feeling down, or defeated, think of all that is good in our life. Remember the special friends and loved ones (and maybe pets) who continue to be there for us, remember that we’re still alive and that our next miracle may be just around the corner. Above all, don’t give up. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Chemistry can be deceptive...

What attracts people, initially, is sometimes what breaks them apart in the end... A human being’s need to remaster attachment-trauma is profound, yet, because it is an unconscious tendency, people are not always aware that the attraction they feel for another person may be fuelled by a desire to heal painful childhood wounds. For example, if a person’s father was emotionally unavailable—meaning he constantly fluctuated between dismissive and rejecting to idealizing and controlling—the person may be drawn to a partner who operates similarly. The unconscious promise of remastering a painful childhood dynamic is exhilarating and intoxicating. Winning the love of a partner who unconsciously reminds a person of a rejecting parent offers a chance to eradicate the original pain.

— Erin Leonard, PhD, Why a Hot Relationship Can Quickly Turn Cold

My favourite therapist says that we will tend to attract suitors who are equally as capable and incapable of giving and receiving love, and it’ll always look like they’re the D student and we’re the B student. He goes so far as to say that if we go to a party, we’ll be attracted to a person who has a similar level of issues. We’ll think the more emotionally capable type is actually boring. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

A subtle leadership superpower...

We often associate leadership with qualities like charisma and bravado. But a body of research suggests that another, often quieter trait can pack a sizeable leadership punch: Humility. Students who were rated as humble outperformed even those with higher intelligence scores, reports BBC Worklife’s David Robson. And managers who display humility inspire greater satisfaction, engagement and collaboration among their staff. What gives humility such power? It opens our eyes to what we don’t know and pushes us to seek out new information. It also sends a message to others that it’s okay to do the same.

— Scott Osler, Editor at LinkedIn

A senior leader in my world has provided detailed information and transparency during Covid. He has also shown much patience, compassion and attentiveness during this challenging time. Personally, this has made me feel factored in, cared for and motivated to give back. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Home is where you belong...

Home is not where you are from, it is where you belong.
Some of us travel the whole world to find it.
Others, find it in a person.

— Beau Taplin

My favourite therapist talks a lot about how many of us did not grow up feeling safe. Our parents most certainly the best they could, and still we likely did not receive the unconditional love, protection and encouragement we needed. This can lead to our pursuit of connection and safety outside the family home. My favourite therapist also says our best friend and safe place growing up may well have been the family dog or cat. Explains the challenge finding a dog to bring home right now, Lol. Just sayin’ :) Hugs, XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Multitasking causes stress (on top of Covid!)...

According to research from the University of Houston, multitasking dials up stress levels, which can compromise our happiness and create fear. These feelings also tend to be contagious, so a one-thing-at-a-time approach is strongly recommended for the benefit us all. Personally, I’m finding this Covid time busier than ever, despite working from home. There also seems to be a constant layer of anxiety with the teenage-like grounded feeling and looming unknowns. When will there be an effective treatment? Will we find a vaccine and if so, how long will it take? 12 - 18 months is apparently optimistic and that’s a long way off, to say the least. I’m an optimist to a fault and yet I find myself a bit rattled. When will we get to hug people again? When will be get to travel again? Of course safety is first. Goes without saying. But the losses are real and they are significant, with industries and businesses in trouble. This is all quite intimidating, even for a glass-half-full girl like myself. Having said that, I keep thinking “this too shall pass.” We’ve survived 911, we’ve survived the financial crisis of 2008 and earlier generations endured frightening wars. So, I say, we can do this. We’re gonna get through this. Together. Hang in there everyone. Be strong. Love and lots of virtual hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Laughing is actually good for our health :) ...

According to J. Stewart Black, when we laugh, our brains produce endorphins and dopamine, which improve mood, relieve stress, and can provide a much-needed boost in motivation. As we are more inclined to laugh when others are around, creating interactions with friends/colleagues/loved ones may offer a welcome break from the seriousness we continue to face in these times. Just sayin’ :) Hugs, XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Willingness to show up...

The willingness to show up changes us.
It makes us a little braver each time.

— Brene Brown (Research Professor, Author, Public Speaker, Licensed Master Social Worker, PhD. Brown has spent her career studying courage, vulnerability, shame and empathy and has authored multiple books including five New York Times best-sellers: The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, Rising Strong, Braving the Wilderness and Dare to lead).

In the sales world, they say half the battle is showing up. Come to think of it, the same is said about school and showing up to class. Reminds me of a summer course I took at college one year. I needed to work full time and so missed most of my classes. I studied like hell and pretty much memorized the text book, only to show up at the final exam and see a section devoted purely to in class lecture content. Whoops! I managed to pass decently well, but had I gone to class, an extra 20% was up for grabs. So, exactly what are we missing in our personal lives when we shy away? Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl