Hope over fear?…

May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.

— Unknown 

I’m definitely a glass half full person. Positivity and dreaming about wonderful outcomes makes me feel good. Having said that, three things trip me up; lack of patience during the working hard and waiting for positive returns phase, fear that things won’t work out because who knows, and worrying that I don’t have the talent/intelligence to realize my dreams (which are pretty ambitious). Luckily, I’m a persistent little so and so. My high school basketball coach told me my determination and perseverance would be the ace up my sleeve. We shall see! ;) Hugsa no good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Impact of toxic relationship on kids…

Your kids watching you in a toxic relationship does more damage than being a single parent.

— Unknown 

I can speak from experience on this one. My parents fought cats and dogs my whole life, and frankly, I thought someone could end up dead. For example, Mom dropped a typewriter off the balcony and narrowly missed Dad’s head. He just looked up and said “Crazy b- - tch”. I mean, yikes, right?. My favourite therapist explained that what I witnessed was what love is not, rather than what love is. And so I did not learn how to have a healthy, adult relationship. I witness arguments, but not a whole lot of helpful discussions leading to resolution. I also learned to be afraid of anger, because bad things happened in our house when people started yelling. With professional help, I have learned to embrace all of the emotions, which my therapist tells me are critical in taking care of ourselves and having successful relationships. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Feel your feelings, then get moving…

All progress is made when people who don’t feel like showing up for themselves show up anyway.

Your power is wielded in your ability to act despite conflicting emotions. 

Feel your feelings, then get moving. 

— J. Mike Fields (Professional life coach, public speaker and consultant. Fields approach is to “reach the core of what’s causing the fear, avoidance, and rigidity to change. With this approach, one root finding (often a sabotaging perception and belief about one’s Self) causes dozens of symptoms to disappear, multiple beliefs are untangled and changed, and a door is opened to a new life, a new story, and a Self-life that is steadfast, unwavering, and renewed each day.” He says “Follow your greatest fears. Go to the root.”)

My favourite therapist would agree. I went to therapy to save my marriage, and ended up on an individual healing journey. Therapy didn't save my marriage, but it saved me, and then led to the love of my life and perfect partner. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Wrong tone of voice…

10% of conflicts are due to difference in opinion.

90% are due to wrong tone of voice.

— Unknown

Excellent point! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. 

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Start romaticizing your life…

You gotta start romanticizing your life. 

You gotta start believing that your morning commute is cute and fun, and that every cup of coffee is the best you’ve ever had, that even the smallest and most mundane things are exciting and new.

You have to, because that’s when you start truly living. That’s when you look forward to every day.

— Unknown

Ok, I’ll give this some serious consideration. To this point, some days are better than others. If the sun’s out and the sky’s blue, no problem. If it’s damp, dark and grey, not so much, Lol. And then there are days with niggling health issues, unexpected bills, or a micro-manage’y work directive. I’m not a moody person, but some days, ugh. However, I do want to embrace life, particularly the special people around me. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The people I want on my journey…

The people I want on my growth journey are the ones who are happy in their own lane.

No judgment, guilt tripping or blame - but focusing on being the best version of themselves and celebrating others trying to do the same. 

— Unknown 

I came to realize that there’s a match factor with friends and acquaintances as well, beyond the primary, romantic love match. I can see the deal breakers in some of my past friendships, but 20 or 30 years of history had me sentimental. I also hate the idea of throwing the baby out with the bath water because there are wonderful things about these individuals. And frankly, I miss them, which explains the hesitation to part ways. But I had to mind my mental health and well being, above all. I do find life more relaxing and peaceful, so I know the changes were necessary. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Wake up one day and be unbothered…

Growth is crazy. You literally wake up one day and be unbothered by the stuff that used to bother you. 

Keep going, keep growing.

— Unknown

I learned a lot about being “triggered” from therapy and weekend relationship workshops. Apparently, when we have overblown reactions, a small portion of that response is due to the moment at hand, and the bigger portion stems from earlier childhood experiences. For example, in my world, I used to react badly to being micro-managed, or being heavily scrutinized. I felt my intelligence was being insulted, and I know this comes from my father’s tendency to judge and withhold approval. His patented response was “You’re completely missing the point.” Fortunately, I’ve been able to heal and evolve. I now look for opportunities to learn, and be curious, rather than being immediately insulted. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl