Healthy love…

The most important lesson you can learn is that 

a healthy love does not hurt 

it heals

— L.E Bowman 

I wish I could go back and tell my younger self. It took me far too long to learn about, and settle for nothing less than healthy boundaries, mutual respect and reciprocity. It’s never too late, however, and I am very grateful to have found a fulfilling and safe relationship. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

How to make true connection possible…

The illusion that everything will just turn out magically without having to communicate thoughts, feelings and needs in a relationship is an immaturity that will make true connection impossible.

— Unknown 

I don’t know about you, but I did not acquire sound relationship skills from my family of origin. There was a lot of screaming and yelling, Lol, but a lack of resolution. I came to avoid conflict and anger because it didn’t seem to solve anything. I would typically go quiet (and pout!), which is also unhelpful. Fortunately, one of my relationships led me to a fantastic therapist/seminar leader and I learned an abundance of healthy communication skills. Who knew?! “Clearing” stands out from the rest, as it provides a kind, caring and respectful way of inviting each partner to share their experience and make requests. Kindest thing ever actually. It’ll change your life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

If you thank yourself…

If you thank your mind, it will relax. 

If you thank your heart, it will open.

If you thank your past, it will integrate.

If you thank your symptoms, they will heal. If you thank your shadow, it will vanish.

If you thank your life, it will transform.

If you thank yourself, the light will dawn.

— Matt Kahn (YouTube sensation, spiritual teacher, empathic healer, speaker and author. His intention is to provide heart-centred solutions that will ignite and unite people). 

I just tried this out and there is a real kindness and compassion to the suggestions. Very nurturing. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

As you begin to speak and live your truth, remember…

* It’s normal to outgrow partners, friends and acquaintances.

* It’s normal to feel intense guilt at putting yourself first. 

* It’s normal to feel unusually sensitive or need more solitude.

* It’s normal to freak out after setting a healthy boundary.

* It’s normal to be extremely angry at people and communities you used to shrink yourself to accommodate.

— @haileypaigemagee (Codependency Recovery Coach) 

Well, this is a timely bit of wisdom I must say. I don’t know about you, but I experienced some post pandemic relationship fall outs. My mother also passed away in August and my savvy life coach tells me that sweeping changes often follow. You realize there are things you don’t want to do anymore, and that you don’t need to do anymore. It’s quite liberating, but somehow painful as well. Apparently, even welcome changes are hard and take adjustment. Good to know. Just sayin’ : ) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Resurrect deep pain and let it live somewhere else…

You gotta resurrect the deep pain within you and give it a place to live that’s not within your body. 

Let it live in art. 

Let it live in writing.

Let it live in music.

Let it be devoured by building brighter connections.

Your body is not a coffin for pain to be buried in. Put it somewhere else. 

— ehimeora (Nigerian writer and priestess, who strives to facilitate tangible joy and spiritual well being within her communities. Ora creates captivating content that heals, inspires the soul, and connects others back to themselves). 

Outside of traditional, individual therapy, my favourite therapist conducts regular group therapy seminars for this exact purpose. In this dynamic setting, each individual is exposed to stories and experiences that help bring their own unresolved emotions to the surface to be dealt with and healed. The sessions begin with a disclaimer that this work is not for the faint of heart, because one weekend workshop may just be the tip of the iceberg. For those who fully commit, the pay off his life altering. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Bring yourself up higher…

In order for you to heal and live your best life you are going to have to release your attachment to certain aspects of your upbringing. Instead of focusing upon or fighting against your upbringing, focus upon bringing yourself up higher and back into alignment with your best self. Raise yourself, bring yourself up higher. The moment that you begin to refocus your attention and energy upon becoming your best self, the healing process will begin. Everything that isn’t a reflection of your best and true self will come to the surface to be felt, healed and released. When you make the conscious and consistent choice to focus upon lifting yourself up higher, instead of focusing upon “what” or “who” held you back, your life will begin to change in miraculous ways.

— S G Ruddy

My favourite therapist says there are some things we cannot change, like who our parents are, where we grew up, our socioeconomic status. He says we need to accept these things are our legacy. He also says the key is in acknowledging the past and allowing ourselves to feel how we feel about it. His disclaimer is that healing is a process and can take much more time than we would like. I can attest to that, but with each layer of healing, life has gotten better. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Sharing your story will help someone else…

Use your past to brighten another person’s future, be a light in their darkness.

Use what you’ve been through to help another, give purpose to that pain.

When your share your story in an open, honest and purposeful way it will undoubtedly save lives.

Sharing your story will help someone else release the guilt & resistance against how they feel, and help remove any blocks to their happiness & peace, allowing them to release their past and reach their future.

There is no greater gift you can give another than to let them know that they are not alone, or the only one going through something.

— Unknown

I was at my grad reunion last night and was it ever validating to hear stories of my teenage years through the eyes of my closest friends. One friend said “I was horrified at what you were going through.” She is presently going through upsetting family dynamics of her own, and we were able to console one another. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl