Emotional healing and the central nervous system…

Once you heal trauma, you heal the nervous system. 

When you heal the nervous system, you heal the emotional body.  

When you heal the emotional body, you heal the psychic (empathic) body.

When you heal the psychic body, you heal vibration. 

Once the vibration is healed, realities change. 

— Unknown 

I’ve been working on trauma healing for a while now (because I grew up with a lot of fear, given a very Al Pacino in Godfather Part 2 kind of father, yikes!), and I definitely see results every time I have a “Craniosacral Therapy” session. (This treatment is said to encourage the body’s natural healing process through the use of gentle touch and very light pressure. The Craniosacral system includes our brain, spinal cord, nerves and the cerebrospinal fluild surrounding them). Above all, I seem to come away with bit of extra breathing/thinking room, which is quite calming. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Show up for yourself in ways that feel good to you…

If you can’t meditate, pause before every sip of coffee.

If you can’t pray, simply say ‘thank you’ before every meal.  

If you can’t manifest, enjoy what’s already yours.

And if you can’t journal, talk to yourself in the car.

There is no spirituality rule book.

Just show up for yourself in ways that feel good to you. 

— Vex King (Author of Good Vibes Good Life, with two Sunday Times bestsellers. King is an acclaimed mind coach who rose to fame on Instagram)

This feels very kind to self, allowing for rest, and acceptance for where life is at today. I think it may also offer one time to contemplate what’s most important. Maybe ambition/money are less important than we may think? Great relationships keep showing up as the biggest predictor of happiness and well being. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Healthy love…

The most important lesson you can learn is that 

a healthy love does not hurt 

it heals

— L.E Bowman 

I wish I could go back and tell my younger self. It took me far too long to learn about, and settle for nothing less than healthy boundaries, mutual respect and reciprocity. It’s never too late, however, and I am very grateful to have found a fulfilling and safe relationship. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

How to make true connection possible…

The illusion that everything will just turn out magically without having to communicate thoughts, feelings and needs in a relationship is an immaturity that will make true connection impossible.

— Unknown 

I don’t know about you, but I did not acquire sound relationship skills from my family of origin. There was a lot of screaming and yelling, Lol, but a lack of resolution. I came to avoid conflict and anger because it didn’t seem to solve anything. I would typically go quiet (and pout!), which is also unhelpful. Fortunately, one of my relationships led me to a fantastic therapist/seminar leader and I learned an abundance of healthy communication skills. Who knew?! “Clearing” stands out from the rest, as it provides a kind, caring and respectful way of inviting each partner to share their experience and make requests. Kindest thing ever actually. It’ll change your life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

If you thank yourself…

If you thank your mind, it will relax. 

If you thank your heart, it will open.

If you thank your past, it will integrate.

If you thank your symptoms, they will heal. If you thank your shadow, it will vanish.

If you thank your life, it will transform.

If you thank yourself, the light will dawn.

— Matt Kahn (YouTube sensation, spiritual teacher, empathic healer, speaker and author. His intention is to provide heart-centred solutions that will ignite and unite people). 

I just tried this out and there is a real kindness and compassion to the suggestions. Very nurturing. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

As you begin to speak and live your truth, remember…

* It’s normal to outgrow partners, friends and acquaintances.

* It’s normal to feel intense guilt at putting yourself first. 

* It’s normal to feel unusually sensitive or need more solitude.

* It’s normal to freak out after setting a healthy boundary.

* It’s normal to be extremely angry at people and communities you used to shrink yourself to accommodate.

— @haileypaigemagee (Codependency Recovery Coach) 

Well, this is a timely bit of wisdom I must say. I don’t know about you, but I experienced some post pandemic relationship fall outs. My mother also passed away in August and my savvy life coach tells me that sweeping changes often follow. You realize there are things you don’t want to do anymore, and that you don’t need to do anymore. It’s quite liberating, but somehow painful as well. Apparently, even welcome changes are hard and take adjustment. Good to know. Just sayin’ : ) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Resurrect deep pain and let it live somewhere else…

You gotta resurrect the deep pain within you and give it a place to live that’s not within your body. 

Let it live in art. 

Let it live in writing.

Let it live in music.

Let it be devoured by building brighter connections.

Your body is not a coffin for pain to be buried in. Put it somewhere else. 

— ehimeora (Nigerian writer and priestess, who strives to facilitate tangible joy and spiritual well being within her communities. Ora creates captivating content that heals, inspires the soul, and connects others back to themselves). 

Outside of traditional, individual therapy, my favourite therapist conducts regular group therapy seminars for this exact purpose. In this dynamic setting, each individual is exposed to stories and experiences that help bring their own unresolved emotions to the surface to be dealt with and healed. The sessions begin with a disclaimer that this work is not for the faint of heart, because one weekend workshop may just be the tip of the iceberg. For those who fully commit, the pay off his life altering. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Bring yourself up higher…

In order for you to heal and live your best life you are going to have to release your attachment to certain aspects of your upbringing. Instead of focusing upon or fighting against your upbringing, focus upon bringing yourself up higher and back into alignment with your best self. Raise yourself, bring yourself up higher. The moment that you begin to refocus your attention and energy upon becoming your best self, the healing process will begin. Everything that isn’t a reflection of your best and true self will come to the surface to be felt, healed and released. When you make the conscious and consistent choice to focus upon lifting yourself up higher, instead of focusing upon “what” or “who” held you back, your life will begin to change in miraculous ways.

— S G Ruddy

My favourite therapist says there are some things we cannot change, like who our parents are, where we grew up, our socioeconomic status. He says we need to accept these things are our legacy. He also says the key is in acknowledging the past and allowing ourselves to feel how we feel about it. His disclaimer is that healing is a process and can take much more time than we would like. I can attest to that, but with each layer of healing, life has gotten better. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Sharing your story will help someone else…

Use your past to brighten another person’s future, be a light in their darkness.

Use what you’ve been through to help another, give purpose to that pain.

When your share your story in an open, honest and purposeful way it will undoubtedly save lives.

Sharing your story will help someone else release the guilt & resistance against how they feel, and help remove any blocks to their happiness & peace, allowing them to release their past and reach their future.

There is no greater gift you can give another than to let them know that they are not alone, or the only one going through something.

— Unknown

I was at my grad reunion last night and was it ever validating to hear stories of my teenage years through the eyes of my closest friends. One friend said “I was horrified at what you were going through.” She is presently going through upsetting family dynamics of her own, and we were able to console one another. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Maybe you overthink so much because…

* You didn’t grow up in a safe environment

* You took on adult duties way too early in life

* You were harshly judged for making mistakes

* You had to figure out everything on your own

* You were made to feel you aren’t good enough

— Bobbi Banks (Psychotherapist, Coach & Neuroscientist. Banks offers mental health insights, tips and tools on relationships, boundaries and healing the self). 

I don’t know about you, but I check off 4 of these, which may explain my overactive central nervous system, and anxious tummy. Good thing, I have helpful coping strategies. My favourite, and most effective support system right now is Craniosacral (light touch) therapy, which seems to help with both emotional and physical issues. Technically, the treatment uses light touch to examine membranes and movements of the fluids in and around the central nervous system to relieve tension and pain, and boost health and immunity. I’ve found quite the emotional reprieve from regular sessions. Just sayin’ :)  Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Honor your sensitivity?…

What if, instead of expecting yourself to toughen up and develop thicker skin, you created boundaries that honor your softness and sensitivity?

—  @sensitivesocialworker

I don’t know about you, but I’m still learning about boundaries and how to better have my own back. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

How to control strong emotions in the moment…

1. Cool down - grasp onto a cold glass, melt an ice cube in your mouth, take off a layer of clothing, move closer to the AC or take a bathroom break and splash cold water on your face. (Scientifically speaking, this activates the mammalian diving reflex and kicks in your parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for relaxation). 

2. Ground yourself - clench and release your fists, dig your heels into the floor, relax your hips into the corners of your chair, concentrate on the eye color of the person you’re speaking to. (Paying attention to concrete observable sensations and objects around you channels your attention toward what you can control vs the chatter in your head). 

3. Breathe like a Navy SEAL - they use Box breathing, or four-square breathing - breath in four four seconds, hold the air in your lungs for 4 seconds, exhale for four seconds, hold your breath with lungs emptied for four seconds. This allows one to remain alert, focused and calm. 

4. Buy time - empathize and validate the other person’s view, then pose a question to get more information. Some examples are;  “What I’m hearing is that you’re unhappy with the results” or “What else is factoring into your response” Or “What is your sense of the situation”. Asking questions allows space and time to process the emotional reaction.

Fighting strong emotions doesn’t work. Instead, embrace the feelings and manage them using these simple strategies.

— paraphrased from How to Control Your Emotions in the Moment When You’re at Work, by Melody Wilding (Best Selling Author, Award-Winning Executive Coach to Sensitive Strivers, Workplace Mental Health Keynote Speaker, Professor of Human Behaviour)

I didn’t know about relationship between cold and mammalian response. I’ll definitely try that. I also like the idea of focusing on a question. That feels very collaborative, engaged and helpful, particularly in a work setting. Now, to remember to utilize these tips and tricks in the moment. I have an important, yearly meeting coming up, that tends to unearth competing interests. This will be a great opportunity to put this learning to the test. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Focus your thoughts, rather than focusing on your thoughts…

Rather than focusing on your thoughts, instead just focus your thoughts. That subtle difference has a huge impact on your life. When you begin to consciously focus your thoughts, you begin to become a creator of your life, rather than a helpless spectator of it. When you begin to focus your attention and awareness upon thoughts that feel like appreciation, love, excitement, joy, peace (instead of focusing on worried and fearful ones), you’ll begin to call onto your path and into your life everyone & everything that will make you feel like that. 

— Unknown

I find this tip simple and straight forward, and have a feeling I’ll be able to remember it when stressful thoughts creep in. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

If you can’t communicate…

If you can’t communicate and resolve problems with them, 

it’s impossible to have a relationship with them.

— Paul C Brunson (Relationship counsellor, known as the ‘love doctor’ and ‘real-life Hitch’ matchmaker, TV host, entrepreneur, and author. Brunson’s work is centred on impacting lives through the application of relationship science. He shares insights on everything from finding love to lessons in life and business he’s learned while working for some of the world’s most iconic billionaires on media programs such as Good Morning America, Lorraine, Steph’s Packed Lunch, The New York Times, The Guardian, and the Jamaican Observer). 

I observed this first hand in my family of origin. I witnessed a lot of arguing and screaming, but not much resolution, which didn’t set me up well for relationships in my adult life. Fortunately, it’s never too late to learn new skills, and so I did through weekend relationship workshops. I don’t believe I’d be enjoying the wonderful relationship I have with the love of my life without this learning. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Alternatives to “I did nothing”…

1. I rested

2. I chose not to make plans

3. I recovered from the week/day

4. I shortened my to-do list

5. I had a mental health day

6. I took a nap

7. I watched the show I love

8. I had a day with myself

9.  I recuperated

10. I had some time out

— @the_peoplepleasing_therapist

I’m a big fan of these alternatives. They give one permission to need down time. I know I do. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Exercise is medicine…

The best six doctors anywhere, and no one can deny it, are sunshine, water, rest and air, exercise and diet.

— Wayne Fields 

May day job is in the medical field and unanimously physicians insist that “exercise is medicine.” Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl