It is not my job to fix others.
It is okay if others get angry.
It is okay to say no.
It is not my job to take responsibility for others.
I do not have to anticipate the needs of others.
It is my job to make me happy.
Nobody has to agree with me.
I have a right to my own feelings.
I am enough.
— Unknown
I don’t know about you, but that list kinda made me feel better... especially now, with the Covid no fun zone ;) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
One small, positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.
— Unknown
Self-confidence comes from within and not from outside sources. In order for us to perform optimally we need to have the self-confidence that we can succeed and that we are worthy of succeeding... our inner voice becomes the key to building and maintaining self confidence. In more technical terms, this is called self-talk, or the practice of talking to oneself, either out loud or silently. It is important to train ourselves to limit the negative self talk and foster the positive self talk.”
— Stephanie Simpson (Coach, speaker, consultant)
I’m a believer. I find positive/hopeful thinking helpful and comforting when grappling with fear. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
The secret of change is to focus all of your energy,
not on fighting the old,
but on building the new.
— Socrates
Eckhart Tolle says “do not resist”, whatever life brings. I keep reminding myself of those three words, when faced with unexpected and sometimes anxiety causing events. I’m still working on it, Lol ;) I realize change is often a blessing, but the transitions can be quite painful. We live with a certain level of stress on any given day, so change can really pile on to our already packed schedules and to-do lists. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Don’t fear failure.
Fear being in the exact same place next year as you are today.
— Unknown
It is said that if we don’t take action in our lives, stuff will just happen to us, and not necessarily in the way we want. I learned this lesson, painfully, a couple times actually. I put off leaving a relationship because I was waiting for the “right” time and ended up getting schooled. The guy I was seeing ended up being even further out of the relationship than I was and moved in with someone else within about five days of our break up. Duh! I had a similar experience with career many years back. I was with a company and realized the culture just didn’t line up with my values and principles. Again, I delayed leaving because I was trying to find the “perfect” position elsewhere. The change happened, but not in the way or time frame I would have wanted. Double duh! I have since payed VERY close attention to my life, how I feel about everything in it and I make changes in a timely manner, if need be. Happily and gratefully, I’m in my dream career position and I’ve been with the love of my life for almost six years now. Yay! Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
1. The Past can’t be changed.
2. Opinions don’t define your Reality.
3. Everyone’s Journey is different.
4. Judgements are not about you.
5. Overthinking will lead to Sadness.
6. Happiness is found within.
7. Your Thoughts affect your mood.
8. Smile is contagious.
10. It’s okay to let go and Move on.
11. What goes around, comes around.
12. Things always get better with Time.
— Unknown
The one that stands out for me is “Your thoughts affect your mood.” From everything I’ve been reading and learning, our thoughts may have a much bigger impact on our lives than we realize. My favourite therapist recommends thoughtfully considering what we do and questioning at least some of our “shoulds”. He says (and I’m paraphrasing of course) if we respect our deepest needs and wants more often, our happiness, health and well being should naturally improve. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Uncertainty and disruption due to the coronavirus have led to widespread feelings of fatigue and burnout, experts say. Research shows a majority of people in much of the world say their mental health has been negatively affected by the pandemic. The ongoing stress can lead to “psychological hibernation”, psychologist Emma Kavanagh tells the Guardian, leading to a loss of concentration, poor sleep and memory issues. At work, negativity or slower performance can be warning signs...”
— Siobhan Morrin, Editor at LinkedIn News
I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing a lot of us are struggling with fatigue and burn out. It just feels like we’re working a lot, either at our jobs or at home with chores and upgrades (or not! and my thoughts and prayers go out to those hit hard by this unprecedented time. I was road kill post 2008 financial crisis, so I know how terrifying it is to hang in the balance. I’m thinking of you!). We don’t have a lot to look forward to right now and we don’t know how long this thing’s gonna be running our lives either. :( I’ve found comfort in sharing the stress and frustration with friends/family/colleagues/clients. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it’s the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It’s probably the most important thing in a person.
— Audrey Hepburn
Here here. There’s nothing better than a big old laugh that makes your tummy hurt. We could use more of that right now! Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I try to make people feel loved and wanted because I know what it’s like to not feel loved and wanted.
— Jitesh
My favourite therapist says a lot of us grow up knowing what love is NOT, rather than what love is. He says, sadly, most of us probably felt loved and wanted very little of the time as we grew up. Our parents probably raised us the same way their parents raised them and their parents before them and so on. He also says we can learn to give and receive more love. This may take some professional assistance, but according to experts, we can always elevate our emotional intelligence/skills/capacity. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
You can be soft and successful, a traditionalist and a rebel, a lover and a fighter, vulnerable and invincible.
— Unknown
My favourite therapists believes we have an “Inner Family” comprised of our “inner child, ego, adult self and higher self”. One or the other can be more dominant, affecting our behaviour and actions. Adult would be public facing and the most balanced part of us. Ego can be pretty black and white, colder, angrier and wanting to look good, acquire more. Higher self tends to compassionate, caring about others. Inner child is vulnerable and never forgets what we’ve been through in our lives, especially when we were little. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls your life.
— Akshay Dubey
My favourite therapist says we will likely be “triggered” by certain things because of our upbringing and/or certain life experiences. He says the aim should be better management of our emotional responses. Hopefully, after the initial falter, we can observe what we’re feeling and then rely on some of the coping strategies we’ve learned to shorten the time between trigger and calm. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Being happy never goes out of style.
— Lilly Pulitzer (Entrepreneur, fashion designer, and American socialite. She founded Lilly Pulitzer, Inc., which produces clothing and other wares featuring bright, colourful, floral prints. As the brand is popular with high society, she was called the “Queen of Prep”)
Clinical conditions aside, there seem to be many, many strategies for finding more joy in life; living in the moment, mindfulness/meditation, traditional therapy/life coaching, spending more time in nature, avoiding comparing ourselves to others and where we feel we should be, and many more. Personally, I seem to need reminders (which is probably the main reason I write this blog) and there are some days I know I won’t get there. Particularly with Covid and the ongoing restrictions, life can feel pretty repetitive. I do, however, tend to be a glass-half-full person, so I’m determined to wake up on the right side of the bed as much as possible. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Where there is hope, there is faith.
Where there is faith, miracles happen.
— Unknown
I don’t know about you, but it just makes me feel better to focus on hope, faith and the possibility of miracles. I read a great article in Psychology Today about how we tend to go one way or the other. Either we remain positive because the optimism makes us feel better, or we lower our expectations so we don’t face big disappointment. Apparently both are legitimate coping strategies. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Don’t ever give up on yourself or your dreams. You’re worthwhile, and always will be, no matter what. Just remember to always be who you are because that person is very special.
There is no person in the whole world like you. And I like you just the way you are.
— Mister Rogers
My favourite therapist reminds me of Mr Rogers. He believes we should strive for total and complete acceptance of ourselves, in all our glory and our limitations. He also believes that professional and safe guidance may be key, as our issues tend to have very deep routes, stemming from a time when we were young, vulnerable and not capable of understanding and coping with some of our experiences. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
You need you more than you need them.
Trust me.
— Priya Karotara (piyu)
My favourite therapist says we need to have our own backs, completely, and that means saying no sometimes, even to our dearest loved ones. Just sayin’ :)
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I take my problems with a grain of salt,
a slice of lime,
and a shot of tequila.
— Unknown
I do love tequila, Lol ;) In all seriousness though, my favourite therapist says there are some things we need to acknowledge as part of our legacy. We cannot change where we were born, who our parents are and what sort of upbringing we had. Personally, I have found greater peace and acceptance through traditional therapy and a number of spiritual/energy therapies. There’s something about saying things out loud in a safe place that settles the waters. For me anyhow. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
There is nothing more classy or powerful than showing forgiveness and grace to someone who does not deserve it.
— gracious quotes.com
I really like this idea. It allows for human error and limitation. When we make allowances for others, we also make allowances for our own weaknesses an mistakes. (Having said that, I’m still working on forgiveness with a couple of people/situations. But I’m working on it!). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
After all of the mistakes we’ve made, how can we still not forgive others for their mistakes.
— Unknown
In psychology, there is a theory called the “shadow self” that explains our tendency to reject or remain ignorant of the least desirable aspects of our own personality. This dark side is prone to psychological projection, in which a we are blind to our own weaknesses/limitations and instead see them in others. Very interesting... Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Remember, when you forgive, you heal. And when you let go, you grow.
— Unknown
My understanding is that when we forgive, we release ourselves from the potentially toxic anger we are harbouring. In other words, the anger hurts us, while it does not have an impact on the perpetrator anyway. Makes sense to try find a way to resolve those negative feelings. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know until you lived through it. Honor your path. Trust your journey. Learn, grow, evolve, become.
— Creig Crippen
I’ve observed forgiving and then needing to forgive again. The whole thing has been a bit of a process, as the surrounding emotions need addressing. I’ve had to rely on healthy, professional and unbiased coaching here an there. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Become more aware of what’s really worth your energy.
— Unknown
My favourite therapist gives similar advice. He says we should carefully consider what we’re doing and why. If we realize we’re offering too much of our time and energy out of duty and obligation, we may want to re-prioritize. He says if we feel we have the time and energy, and we choose to give selflessly to particular people/causes, good enough. But we should set time aside for our own mental health and well being. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Alone time is when I distance myself from the voices of the world so I can hear my own.
— Oprah
When I was younger, I heard people talk about “going inward” and I had no idea what that meant. The more I read up on self-help, spirituality, the 50 top Fortune 500 leaders and successful entrepreneurs/leaders I realize there’s really something to gut instinct and “listening” for intuitive/higher self/spiritual guidance, beyond the facts, figures and straight up IQ. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Phil Jackson, the legendary coach of the Los Angeles lakers and someone I consider a Zen master, made medication and mindfulness a regular part of team practices. We were all bonded through spirituality and silence and it would bring with it a sense of interconnectedness that I hadn’t felt before. Practicing mindfulness helped me get comfortable with uncertainty and keep my head in the game. I’ve learned how to let go of things that are outside of my control and focus on staying in flow.
— Pau Gasol (Spanish professional basketball player. He is a six-time NBA All Star, winner of two NBA championships and the first non-American player to have won NBA Rookie of the Year in 2002).
My favourite therapist is convinced that we need the support of something “bigger” than ourselves to face and manage our deepest issues/traumas/stressors. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Herman Hesse’s novel Siddartha is a story about a spiritual seeker who goes in search of illumination. Near the end of the quest, when Siddartha is purified and enlightened, he tells his friend, ‘I greatly needed sin, lust, vanity, the striving for goods, and the most shameful despair, to learn how to love the world, to stop comparing the world with any world that I wish for, with any perfection that I think up; I learned to let the world be as it is, and to love it and to belong to it gladly.’
— Rob Brezny, freewillastrology
I hear the message. Learn to love life and the world just as they are. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
You’ve survived 100% of your worst days so far.
Keep going.
— @motivating.force
I survived a particularly terrifying time of my life. Post 2008 financial crisis, I lost my fancy new job and spent three years trying to get back to a customary position/salary level. I had sleepless nights and a truck load of fear to manage, but I did survive. An old manager of mine called one day and rescued me big time. He offered me a senior position with fantastic salary and benefits. Fewf. What I realize looking back is that I didn’t just survive. I spent 3 years learning about constructive and healthy money management. I also ascended to a new level of sanity saving life skills; resiliency, perseverance, patience, belief in self, emotion management. Once in the new career/finance saving position (thanks forever to my former manager/friend), I had one goal and that was to be indispensable. I’ve never looked back, I’ve never achieved more and I’ve never accomplished more financial freedom in my life. I’m pretty sure I took my career for granted back when because there were always loads of jobs around. I now know that I have to prepare for the unpredictable because if Covid has taught us anything, we surely know we need to be prepared for whatever may come. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
