Good for my health...

I’ve decided to be happy because it is good for my health.

— Voltaire

One of my trusted coaches taught me about breaking free from a “victim mentality.” In a nutshell, she says that if we own absolutely everything in our lives, we arm ourselves with the control (capacity) to make healthy changes and live a healthier, happier life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Trust the vibes...

Trust the vibes you get,
energy does not lie.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says check in with how the body feels. If we feel relaxed and comfortable, things are probably copacetic. If we’re tense with a niggle in our tummy, we may need to address something that’s happening around us. For example, if our boundaries have been crossed, he says we should have our own back and kindly make the necessary request. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Inner turmoil...

Even the different parts of the same person do not often converse among themselves, do not succeed in learning from each other.

— Rebecca West

My favourite therapist contends that much of our conflict stems from our family of origin and the resulting turmoil within. He describes four parts of us (often competing) from within; our Adult responsible self, that shows up to the office/public, our Spirit or Highest Self who would forgive wrongs or help someone in need, our very sensitive and often fearful Inner Child who would rather play and not go to work, and the very unrelenting Ego who wants to win, perhaps at all cost. He recommends writing to these parts of ourselves, in support of inner harmony and making making positive and healthy life choices. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Struggles develop strengths...

Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths.
When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.

— M. Gandhi

My favourite therapist says something similar about relationship challenges. He says when we commit to sharing our thoughts, feelings and experiences with one another, we deepen our level of understanding and expands our capacity for intimacy. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Fall in love...

Fall in love with the process of becoming the very best version of yourself.

— Unknown

I found myself on such a path a number of years ago. I didn’t choose this path per se. I managed to learn from one too many bad relationships and made the decision to never, EVER, go through that again. I took a time out and focused on my own life. I became very clear about what kind of life I want to live and what kind of partner would match that vision. I also made the decision to invest more fully, and on a daily basis, in my self and my well being; limit sugar and carbs + add more yoga (which is calming for me), do a little extra at work each day, save money for the future and create separate funds for trips and extra’s, plus continue finding new ways to become my very best self. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

10 ways to love...

Listen without interrupting.
Share without pretending.
Speak without accusing.
Enjoy without complaint.
Give without sparing.
Trust without wavering.
Pray without ceasing.
Forgive without punishing.
Answer without arguing.
Promise without forgetting.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist emphasizes relationship skills above all. He says it’s never too late to invite one another to share our feelings and experiences, so that we may understand each other better, cultivate compassion and better accommodate one another. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

No regrets (but let’s learn)...

In order to love who you are,
you cannot hate the experiences
that shaped you.

— Unknown

I catch myself reviewing the past and beating myself up for bad decisions; less than stellar relationship match ups, lagging at work sometimes, resentment over my upbringing, disappointment over challenging familial relationships and on and on. My favourite therapist says all we can do is get better and better at being in the present and acting on the information we have at hand. He says if we look back we can learn about where we’ve ignored our instincts, intuition and outright signs. He says, with regard to choosing romantic partners, odds are we saw telling signs within the first two weeks of dating. (For example, in one of my relationships there was extreme lateness and an overall lack of consideration, which are hands down deal breakers for me. I let that relationship go on for 6 years. Oy vey). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The impact of anger on our health and well-being...

Anger is the ultimate destroyer of your own peace of mind.

— Dalai Lama

In Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), emotions are linked with the organs. The liver is responsible for the flow of Qi or energy in the body and when we experience emotions like rage, fury or aggravation consistently, our liver can by physically damaged (sakara.com). My father suffered an angry (kinda rage actually) disposition and died of liver cancer at 59. He was otherwise the picture of health. Just sayin’ :) Hugs XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Self-love...

No one is going to rescue you from yourself - your inner demons, your lack of confidence, your dissatisfaction with yourself and your life. Only self-love and good decisions will rescue you.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says we tend to look for someone to complete us, which leaves our primary relationship vulnerable. He says if we delve into our Achilles heel and resolve old wounds, we’ll have a much better shot at enduring love. Otherwise, our stuff will undoubtedly bubble up to haunt us and our relationship. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Kindness toward others...

When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace.

— Dalai Lama

I’ve been working on this and it’s pretty amazing actually. A dear friend of mine has felt let down by me of late and she sent quite a difficult message by text. My other friends quickly came to my defence in judgment. Rather than feel defensive, hurt or critical, I chose compassion. I told my friends (and myself) that she is allowed to feel how she’s feeling and she’s allowed to be upset with me. More importantly, I would love to have the opportunity to chat about what’s happened and make amends. My friends were surprised and one of them pulled me aside and said “you are the most emotionally mature person I know”. That felt good, and I’m definitely going to continue working on kindness toward others because it somehow gives us all permission to make mistakes, to be upset and  to feel what we’re feeling. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Steps to change your life...

1. Stop complaining and appreciate how lucky you are every day.
2. Embrace loneliness and reinvent yourself in the process.
3. Say goodbye to the people that don’t bring positive energy into your life.
4. Commit to the goals you set and never look back.

— averstu.com (A great quote blog!)

A lot of thoughts come to mind for me. Ultimately, what I’ve learned is that everything truly begins and ends with us. I think we can find motivation and inspiration from external sources, but no one can do the doing for us. If we so choose, we can make the decision to change and improve our lives, even if we just take the tiniest steps forward. (Ps. We may have legitimate chemical, physical or emotional barriers and that’s another matter, in which case we deserve much compassion, understanding and patience). I found myself living the four steps above after a particularly humiliating break up. I dragged my heals on ending the relationship and it hugely blew up in my face, duh! Amazingly enough, this gave me the inspiration and motivation to; be grateful for all the good in my life, regroup and prioritize, make some cuts and surround myself with positivity and growth, set meaningful goals and stick to them. I really did this and I committed fully. The results; landed my dream job which pays more than I’ve ever made in my life, met the ultimate man of my dreams and still pinching myself, find alone time as fulfilling as time with my sexy hot man or any other fun thing I can think of. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Trust...

Trust the process.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says that in his 40 years of private practice, people tend to need something more to lean on, meaning a higher power of some sort. Further more, John Randolph Price (The Abundance Book) says “Your outer world of form and experience is a reflection of your inner world of thoughts and feelings. As above, so below. As within, so without.” Just sayin’ :) Hugs XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Stop beating yourself up...

Stop beating yourself up. You are a work in progress; which means you get there a little at a time, not all at once.

— Unknown

I don’t know about you, but some days I just can’t seem to force myself to do anything at all. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Whatever flows flows...

The biggest lesson I learned this year is to not force anything; conversations, friendships, relationships, attention, love. Anything forced is just not worth fighting for. Whatever flows flows. Whatever crashes crashes. It is what it is.

— Unknown

What comes to mind for me is timing, priorities and one friendship in particular. I know I’ve let someone down recently and that makes me sad. I would love to have the time and energy to be there for all of my friends, hands down. Unfortunately, my schedule is overwhelmed with work and other pressing matters, that are critical to my present and future. Outside of that, my energy level just isn’t supporting a burning the candle at both ends lifestyle, and my personal life is taking the hit. I hope my friend will understand one day. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

A path to forgiveness...

Remember, when you forgive, you heal.
And when you let go, you grow.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says odds are we’re stuck because we have unresolved emotional triggers from our childhood/family of origin. When we’re young, we don’t have the capacity to understand and manage our emotional world, and so we drag the trauma around until we are able to process the past in a healthy way. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Setting limits...

Givers have to learn to set limits because takers don’t have any.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist talks a lot about limits and boundaries. For example, for an intimate, monogamous, committed relationship to have a real chance, both people need to have “ten toes in the circle.” He says if one person has less than ten toes in the circle, that person is not committed and the relationship is at risk. If the other person has too many toes in the circle, this does not indicate healthy love either. Both people have to be equally committed and engaged for the relationship to have a real shot at lasting success. Just sayin’ :). Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Tune in...

The more you trust your intuition, the stronger it gets. Listen.

— Anna Taylor (lifelifehappy.com)

My favourite therapist says to listen to the body; gut in particular, but anywhere else there is tension as well. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Signs of maturity...

You forgive more.
You respect differences.
You don’t force love.
You accept heartaches.
You don’t judge easily.
Small talk no longer excites you.
You become more open-minded.
Sleep is better than a Friday night out.
You sometimes prefer to be silent than to engage in a nonsense fight.
You are not dependent on others for your happiness.
Your happiness comes from your inner self.

— Unknown

The biggest thing I learned from my favourite therapist is that just because we are technically adults, doesn’t mean we’re armed with fantastic relationship skills. The public school system doesn’t teach this sort of thing and if our family of origin didn’t model things like conflict resolution/negotiation skills/anger management, then likely we missed out on some key learnings. (If you’re interested in learning more, check out Joelbrass.com). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Different perspectives...

Before you argue with someone, ask yourself, is that person even mentally mature enough to grasp the concept of different perspectives? Because if not, there’s absolutely no point.

— Amber Veal, Written by GreatestTweets

My favourite therapists says, most importantly, if we allow for the sharing of  the thoughts/feelings/experience of all concerned, we lay the groundwork for greater compassion and better quality relationships. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Energy flows...

Where focus goes, energy flows.

— Tony Robbins

One of my trusted coaches taught me about setting intentions, which means being very specific about what we want, how we want to feel in our daily life, in our relationships, at work. She says the more detail, the better. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Excellence or well being?

Excellence is not being the best;
it is doing your best.

— Unknown

We are most certainly compared to others throughout our lives; our parents compare us to our siblings, our teachers compare us to the rest of the class, we are compared to our colleagues. We are essentially taught to judge ourselves, and too harshly I’m sure. My favourite therapist says that as we age, we need to become the adult in our lives and create a safer emotional world. That means being kind and compassionate to self, and knowing when we need nurturing rather than excelling. I’m thinking sick day, Lol. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Feeling off?...

If something feels off, it is.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says that we should quiet our minds and feel in our bodies instead. He says this is key, particularly when we don’t have enough information to make decisions. If we feel tension in our bodies, then something is amiss. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Learn to rest...

If you get tired, learn to rest not to quit.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says making real change is not for the faint of heart. He says it takes much willingness, commitment and perseverance in overcoming the inevitable obstacles, pain and resistance. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

It’s about effort...

It’s not about perfect. It’s about effort. And when you bring that effort, every single day, that’s where transformation happens. That’s how change occurs.

— Unknown

Note to self for sure. I have a tendency to focus on perfect! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

What you give power to...

It all begins and ends in your mind.
What you give power to has power over you, if you allow it.

— Unknown

In the Abundance Book, John Randolph Price says “Your outer world of form and experience is a reflection of your inner world of thoughts and feelings. As above, so below. As within, so without. That is the law.” The Abundance Book offers a really interesting, and potentially game-changing way of thinking about money. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Coping mechanisms...

Talking about our problems is our greatest addiction.
Break the habit.
Talk about your joys.

— Unknown

Apparently there are four typical and automatic coping responses; fight (argue), flight (hide), freeze (disengage/paralysis) and appease (complain to others). If our “alarm system” is set to “high alert” it will go off even in relatively harmless situations; being at a party with people we don’t know, speaking in front of people, having to answer to your boss/parents. Gratitude and talking about our joys is certainly highly recommended. If this isn’t working, WebMD offers 10 expert backed suggestions to help relax and regain control of the mind:

1. Anxiety is a future-oriented state of mind, so stay in the present.
2. Relabel what’s happening - when fight or flight kicks in, tell yourself this is temporary and there is nothing I need to do in this moment.
3. Fact-check your thoughts - do not allow yourself to fixate on worst-case scenarios. Try saying “I’m nervous, but I’m prepared.” Or “Some things will go well and some may not.”
4. Breathe in and out - deep breathing will help to calm you down and re-centre your brain.
5. Follow the 3-3-3- rule - name three things you see, name three sounds you see, move three parts of your body. This will bring you back to the present moment.
6. Just do something - stand up, take a walk, throw away a piece of trash. Interrupt your train of thought to regain control of your thoughts.
7. Stand up straight - this will send a message to the body that it’s back in control.
8. Stay away from sugar - eating to much sugar can worsen anxious feelings. Drink a glass of water or eat protein. This slow energy will allow your body to recover.
9. Ask for a second opinion - call or text a family member or friend. Saying something out loud or writing fears down on paper can help bring clarity.
10. Watch a funny video - laughing is a great prescription for an anxious mind. Research has shown that laughing can help lower anxiety as much as exercise can.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Strive for progress...

Strive for progress, not perfection.

— Unknown

According to Anxiety Canada, it is “worthwhile considering loosening those standards a bit to ease the stress and anxiety from trying so hard to be perfect.” Okay, note to self... because I do tend to have kind of crazy standards myself actually. Being a Type A, calming down seems to take some effort at times, Lol. (Yoga helps a lot, and some form of coaching/life coaching, writing stuff down etc). Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl