Rule of kindness...

The first rule of kindness is to be kind to yourself.

— tinybuddha.com

We can be hard on ourselves, can’t we. We do our best though, right?... Or perhaps we’re extra hard on ourselves when we know we could have done better/more. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Trust your gut...

You know that moment when something feels off?

It is.

Trust your gut.

— Unknown

When I was younger, I had a hard time distinguishing between fear/anxiety and a legitimate concern that I should address. My favourite therapist says when we need to act, we’ll feel it in our physical body, despite what our brain may be saying. Super helpful and true. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

To make you feel better...

Sometimes in life all you need is a hug. No words, no advice, just a hug to make you feel better.

— Unknown

Experiments have been done with chimpanzees and even they thrive most with companionship and physical contact. Even a cloth covered alarm clock offered solace vs complete solitude, which caused the chimpanzees to suffer in overall health and well being. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

You will be wise...

Take risks: If you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise.

— Unknown

When I lose I kind of go into mourning. I toss and turn at night, beating myself up over every little wrong action. Fortunately, I’ve noticed something very cool after the fact. Each failure made me uncomfortable enough to improve on something I was doing. In fact, my most painful experiences led me to my biggest, most enduring wins. Ps. I’m still working on bravery when a painful moment occurs, but it generally takes hindsight to regain full composure. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

How things are said...

The black sheep is sometimes the only one telling the truth.

— Unknown

Two things come to mind. First, my 7th grade teacher taught about the importance of how things are said. For example, if we say “Good dog” to our pet, but we yell it in a nasty voice, the message is negative. Second, my favourite therapist says if we lead with how we’re feeling, odds are our message will be received with compassion and empathy. So, in telling the truth, perhaps we may consider speaking from the heart and in a kind and loving way. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Less than you expected...

Accept the fact that some people didn’t intend to let you down. Their best is just less than you expected.

— Thelma Davis

My favourite therapist says we have to do what is best for our own health and well being, and so duty and obligation should come second. If we have the energy and time, and we choose to extend of ourselves, then perfect. If not, we should make no apologies for focusing on self care. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Directing our focus...

They attract all good things to them in overflowing measure and continually experience the joy of abundant living.

— John Randolph Price (The Abundance Book)

Apparently, what we focus on expands, so we should spend more time thinking about what we want (rather than what we’re worried about or don’t want). John Randolph Price offers a how to in The Abundance Book. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

From the ashes...

I’m so proud of the warrior I created from the ashes that were meant to bury me.

— Naja Zebian (Lebanese-Canadian Author, speaker, educator and activist).

I had a near miss myself. The financial crisis of 2008 forced me to get creative and inventive. It sounds so cliche, but truly the scariest time in my life also led me profoundly wonderful circumstances. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

A satisfied life...

A satisfied life is better than a successful life. Because our success is measured by others, but our satisfaction is measured by our own soul, mind and heart.

— Unknown

I have a feeling we judge ourselves more harshly than others do, and our satisfaction may also be inexplicably linked to our notion of success. Are we measuring up to the standards and status we set for ourselves? We may avoid a high school reunion because we’re not happy with where we’re at (I left mine early because I wasn’t up to answering questions about my pending divorce). We may also dread our 30th, 40th or 50th Birthdays because we feel we should be further ahead. Perhaps we could cut ourselves some slack and redefine our notion of personal satisfaction/success. After all, real shit that is completely out of our purview and/or control actually happens (world financial crisis 2008/job loss) and this can permanently alter the path we originally set. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Pain into wisdom...

Pain can change you, but that doesn’t mean it has to be a bad change.
Take that pain and turn it into wisdom.


— Dalai Lama

My favourite therapist says we should not be afraid of “negative” emotions and events. He says we should mine our experiences and feelings for valuable information and insights, that can guide us in making healthier choices. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Listen to understand...

The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand.
We listen to reply.

— Unknown

I learned how to “clear” from my favourite therapist . All I knew from my upbringing was a bunch of squabbling, but no understanding, resolution or meaningful change. It was about being right, rather than understanding one another. Clearing, I came to realize, is about each person sharing their feelings and experiences. The result was always greater compassion and allowance for the other person. (If you’re interested in pursuing truly life altering workshops, check out joelbrass.com) Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Recreate yourself?...

You can rise up from anything. You can completely recreate yourself. Nothing is permanent. You’re not stuck. You have choices. You can think new thoughts. You can learn something new. You can create new habits. All that matters is that you decide today and never look back.

— Unknown

I’m thinking Brittany Runs a Marathon. The character in this movie (playing now and based on a true story) wakes up and decides to start making better/healthier choices. I made a similar decision about five years ago. I wondered what would happen if I made a tiny bit more effort at work each day. I also decided to eat less sugar/more vegetables. Most importantly I decided to hold out for a better romantic partner. I got really honest about what kind of life I want to live; what I love doing, what I never want to do again etc. Needless to say, I’ve had the best four years of my career (made the most money ever too) and I met the incredible love of my life. Our relationship is naturally easy, fun and very fulfilling. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Having our own backs...

5 Things to quit right now:

1. Trying to please everyone.
2. Fearing change.
3. Living in the past.
4. Putting yourself down.
5. Overthinking.

My favourite therapist says it’s about having our own backs. He says we have to know what we need and want for our well-being, draw clear boundaries and commit to them. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Get it out...

Communicate even when it’s uncomfortable or uneasy.
One of the best way to heal, is simply getting everything out.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist would agree. In his weekend seminars he teaches, and makes everyone practice, the “clearing” technique. This means we have to “clear” with anyone in the room we’re uncomfortable with. It’s not easy, that’s for sure. It has taken me much practice to find the right words. He says the key is to speak about we’re feeling and avoid using the word “you.” Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Feel the feeling...

Feel the feeling but don’t become the emotion. Witness it. Allow it. Release it.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says we should “mine” our feelings for important information. If we’re angry or upset, odds are our boundaries are being crossed and we may need to address the situation. He would also say that until we feel, process and potentially act on those feelings, the emotions will likely remain stuck for us. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Still the mind...

The answers you seek never come when the mind is busy, they come when the mind is still.

— Unknown

Yoga, meditation, Buddhism, all promote “going inward.” I have been very, very blessed when I’ve followed such practices. I just need to “practice” more often. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Accepting what is...

When you find no solution to a problem, it’s probably not a problem to be solved, but rather a truth to be accepted.

— tinybuddha.com

Eckhart Tolle says much of our pain comes from resisting what is. “Acceptance of what is immediately frees you from mind identification and thus reconnects you with Being... Surrender is a purely inner phenomenon.” Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The benefits of Non-Attachment...

What is Non-Attachment?

Non-attachment is letting go of thoughts and emotions that create suffering. Once you can stop being so attached to your thoughts, you will experience tremendous relief, inner peace, and a pervading sense of joyful well-being.

— Unknown (Ps. Detachment, also expressed as non-attachment, is considered a wise virtue and is promoted in Buddhism).

Eckhart Tolle says that our resistance (especially to things we cannot control) causes and accentuates our pain. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Sympathy or empathy?...

People will never truly understand something until it happens to them.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says the person who needs the most understanding is ourselves. He says if we go back in time and review some of our old pain points, much unburdening is possible. Apparently we can be somewhat frozen in time because we don’t understand what’s going on when we’re very young and we do not have the capacity to process our emotions. As adults, we have the opportunity to resolve some of these old issues and move forward in a healthier way. The biggest benefit will be realized in our relationships. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

It’s real to you...

Don’t let anyone invalidate or minimize how you feel. If you feel something, you feel it and it’s real to you. Nothing anyone says has the power to invalidate that, ever. No one else lives in your body. No one else sees life through your eyes. No one else has lived through your experiences. And so, no one else has the right to dictate or judge how you feel. Your feelings are important and you deserve to be heard. They are inherently valid and they matter. Don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says there’s a silver lining in how we feel, however negative, sad, depressing, or angry. He says that if we can face and process these feelings, a whole new, better world could open up for us. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Unlimited possibilities...

To connect to all the wisdom and all the good that is the intelligence of the Universe, you must be in alignment with it. To do as the past greats did and get on to the frequency of unlimited possibilities, all wisdom, all power and all good, which is permanently available to each and everyone of us, you must know that this infinite creative power exists, and radiate all good in your mind and your heart.

— The Secret

What I’ve learned is that Faith is critical. Religious, spiritual or not, we have to believe in something. We have to at least believe in the possibility of our dreams coming true. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Learning to ignore...

Learning to ignore certain people is one of the great paths to inner peace.
Life gets easier when you delete those who make it difficult.

— Unknown

Of course it’s more challenging when those people are in your inner circle; immediate or extended family, co-worker, friend of a friend who’s around too often. But they say, we can learn to disengage from these people by being polite and not invested. Personally, I think it takes practice to side-step getting triggered. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Less out of habit...

Live less out of habit and more out of intent.

— Unknown

One of my trusted coaches taught me about creating intentions. She says if write out what we want with great care and detail, we just may see our dreams come true. Nothing to lose, right? Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Passionately curious...

I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.

— Albert Einstein (German-born theoretical physicist, who developed the theory of relativity, one of the two pillars of modern physics. He is best known to the general public for his mass-energy equivalence formula, which has been called “the world’s most famous equation.” He received the 1921 Nobel Prize in Physics).

Incredibly modest, or true? Author Gladwell talks about the 10,000-Hour rule. He says that 20 hours of work a week for 10 years is the key to success in any field. Perhaps the degree of passionate curiosity it takes for this sort of commitment is part of the rare genius. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Don’t be a prisoner...

If you can’t do anything about it, then let it go. Don’t be a prisoner to things you can’t change.

— Tony Gaskins (Motivational speaker, author, life coach. Gaskins appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show, the Tyra Banks show and TBN’s 700 Club. He is most known for his love and relationship advice for men, which has garnered him a large Facebook, Instagram and Twitter following. In 2011, he made Under30CEO’s Top Most Motivational People on the Web).

My favourite therapist says letting go isn’t as easy as it sounds. After forty years of private couseling and leading group therapy seminars, he says we typically need to get into the nitty gritties of our past and resolve some of the old issues that hold us back emotionally/mentally. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Solitude...

Solitude is for me a fount of healing which makes my life worth living. Talking is often a torment for me, and I need many days of silence to recover from the futility of words.

— Carl Jung (Swiss Psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who founded analytical psychology. Jung’s work was influential in the fields of psychiatry, anthropology, archaeology, literature, philosophy and religious studies. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) was developed from Jung’s theory of psychological types. Jung’s influence on popular psychology, spirituality and the New Age movement has been immense and a Review of General Psychology Survey ranked Jung as the 23rd most cited psychologist of the 20th century).

The older I get, the more I seek solitude. I love people. I truly do. With complete love and respect for all those in my life and yet to be in my life however... inevitably, there is friction and a high likelihood for at least a fraction of drama. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Toxic people...

The only way to win with a toxic person is not to play.

— Unknown

This is hard to do when the toxic person is a member of your family or a colleague you can’t shake. The best I can figure is to disengage (especially emotionally) as much as possible to avoid the inevitable drama. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl