Tolerance

 "If we could look into each other's hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care."

- Marvin Ashton

Kinda feels better already, doesn't it ? ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Unconditional support

Do we support our friends and family unconditionally? Do we just listen to how they're feeling and let them know we're here for them? ... It's so much easier to see how others are doing in this department, but do we (at lease sometimes) resist the temptation to "help" or "coach" or scold?.... Hmmmm..... Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

20-20

"It seemed like a good idea at the time." (Anonymous) Lol, ;)

Ahhhh, 20 - 20 hindsight... can make us feel pretty foolish... but we do the best we can given what we know at the time:) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Day's temperature;)

Tonight's forecast - 99% chance of wine." (Anonymous)

'Cause life is tough and sometimes yah just gotta indulge, Lol. ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Fix it project...

Is it just me, or is it annoying when people turn us into their fix it project? Another thing to say no to - let others take care of their stuff and leave us to our own business, issues and solutions. It's one thing if we're asking for advice - great, thanks for the sounding board... but the "problem with you is..." or "I think you're, fill in the blank"... all that unsolicited "advice"... uh, thanks but no thanks... something to contemplate for sure because it can feel like another form of the beat down - and maybe those people have issues of their own that they don't feel like looking at - because it's easier and way more fun to try and solve other people's "problems" for sure, Lol;) ... Just sayin;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The beat down...

What is it about negative feedback and cautionary comments from others?... beginning with our parents, most likely. Why do people feel the need to do this, I wonder? ... and most importantly, how do we say no to this unwanted stream of negativity coming our way?? I guess it starts with us - is there a stream of inner dialogue like this?.... if so, perhaps we can be mindful enough to turn it around and focus on delicious thoughts instead... and experts say "as within, so without"... so it might be possible to change this dynamic from the inside out.... that would be good:) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Mixed emotions...

Confusion of the mind and heart - I wonder if we realize just how many thoughts and feelings we're dealing with on an ongoing basis. No wonder we can't figure people out, Lol... we can't even figure ourselves out half the time. Making decisions is pretty tough, when we're competing within...  anyone who has spent time journaling can probably relate!!... what's cool is-  free flow writing can address all of the different considerations within and help us get to the true heart of the matter... sometimes we just need to vent on something and then we can figure out how we REALLY feel and decide what we should do. If we can remember how we struggle with mixed feelings, maybe we can be more compassionate of others too. Just sayin;). Hugs.

(Ref. Hal Stone and Sidra Stone, Embracing Our Selves)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

What not to wear;)

A comedic break, compliments of Michelle Combs, HUFFPOST.

Enjoy! ;)

1. The weight of the world. 

When you wear the weight of the world on your shoulders, you age. If you like the feel of the world's weight and don't want to give it up, then try scaling back a bit. Perhaps just wear the weight of a few of the smaller continents. For instance, I am only wearing the weight of Australia and a made up country called 'Michelloponia'. I think it they have a slimming effect.

2. Shame and regret.
So few people can carry this look off. Most of us just end up looking haunted or like we were forced to eat liver and onions. Shame and regret are especially hard to wear after fifty. Wearing shame and regret past fifty is one of those things that make your eyes all red and runny looking. The downward spiral just snowballs from there. Once the eyes get old lady looking, then you have to re-evaluate the wisdom of black eye liner. I say give up wearing shame and regret and fuck giving up on black eye liner.

3. Rose-colored glasses.
Oh, sweetheart, you know who you are. Those glasses do nothing for you. Not only do they make you look like you've been smoking weed for days, they also keep you from examining life and your surroundings realistically. Yes, reality sucks, but by the time we hit fifty, we need to suck it up, take those glasses off and dick punch reality into submission. Or just get some really big dark sunglasses instead. They cover all manner of sins.

4. Stiff upper lip.
There is a time and a place for the stiff upper lip, but damn, it can't be worn all the time. Too much stiff upper lip causes those funky vertical lines between your upper lip and your nose holes. We don't always have to be stoic. I'm not suggesting that you wear your heart on your sleeve, but that is a much softer look than wearing a stiff upper lip.

5. Too many hats.
Personally, I can't pull off wearing one hat, much less many hats. I don't have a hat head. My hair poofs out and my ears look like car doors when I wear a hat. Wearing too many hats just exacerbates these issues. When you wear too many hats, it's easy to forget which hat you're wearing. For instance, are you wearing the "no nonsense corporate" hat when you meant to wear your "quirky and kicked back" hat? We're not getting any younger, you know. Sooner or later you're going to accidentally wear your court jester hat to the gynecologist and then where will you be? I'll tell you where you'll be. You'll be in an undignified position and wearing a stupid hat is where you'll be.

6. Resting bitch face.
Hahahahaha. Just kidding. Wear that one all you want. Although, it wouldn't hurt if every once in a while, you had a welcoming and kind look on your face. At least that's what I hear from other people.

There isn't anything wrong with getting advice about updating your look or what to wear, but we are just inundated with that shit, aren't we?

Who says what is appropriate? From where I sit, it seems 'appropriate' changes based on geography, social status, income and size. After a while, the advice becomes a confusing blur. I think I'll just keep wearing my Keds and jeans and black tee shirts.

Oh, I do have one real tip. Stop wearing holiday theme clothes. Seriously.

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Love it, Lol;) Have a great day!

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Our "self"

"When emperor Theodosius made Christianity the sole and official religion of the state in 395, the Institution assumed complete control over individual minds and humanity entered the thousand year period referred to as the Dark Ages. In fact, the first 400 years of this period is considered the Barren Age in Europe, as few advances in literature, science, and education were contributed for the future of the race."

- John Randolph Price, The Abundance Book

The freedom and gift of individual thought ... the importance of being our "Self"....

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Taking it all in...

Apparently we don't "hear" and take in all the love and positivity around us. For some reason, we tend to focus on the negative comments and feedback around us and in our heads... it can be a real revelation to indulge in the good stuff... soak it all up and feel rich in friendship. Hugs. xo

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Distractions and avoidance...

Are we somehow neglecting ourselves and our own affairs? Are there things we're avoiding, that we just can't look at? It's so much easier to observe others and see things they could/should do or do differently. Watching drama is soooo much easier and a LOT more fun (Mad Men, Game of Thrones, Youtube, Facebook, our friends' lives, etc. Lol ;)) - and we can question someone who stays with an alcoholic or abusive partner, but what are we enabling in our own lives?... because if we stay "busy", we don't "have time" to look at what's under the hood... and frankly, when we do look there, it ain't that fun or straight forward to deal with anyway. One thing is sure in life - there are no quick fixes, so hell if we need to numb out here or there - even too much... it's understandable... but it seems that at some point there is a reckoning ... and that "stuff" we're not looking at usually rears it's ugly head at some point anyway - a divorce, a death in the family, job loss, mid-life crisis (we've hit 40 and we're not at all where we told ourselves we'd be at this point!). It may be easier to do some emotional or "inner" housecleaning when we're not in crisis management mode... just sayin';). Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Positivity...

"Don't be a whiner... Make sure that the majority of your words are uplifting. When they are, people will want to be around you. It's a very attractive way of being."

- Corinn Giuntoli, Finding Your Extraordinary Love

Hey, everyone has a bad day - fair enough... but ongoing negativity can be a serious wet blanket, true enough, Lol ;) Hugs. xo

Blessings,

Chatgirl

We're in this together...

Other than Jesus, Malcolm X, Gandhi, Buddhist Monks, Nuns, Saints etc... we can all fall victim to judgment and exclusionary behaviour ... Ick!... What is it about the "different" that can bring out the worst in us. We don't like the "culture" - the sound of the language is "weird", we can't relate to certain restrictions or lack thereof... and on and on... thing is, we're all in it together. Colour or culture aside, we are all human beings having very similar experiences on this planet, give or take sexual orientation, bank account balance, religious specifics etc... but we all struggle with family issues, friendship drama, challenges with succeeding or maintaining success, the environment, the government, etc.... SO! at the end of the day and whatever the language.... men are men, women are women and children are children... if we could think like this even once in a while, I wonder if the world could be a better place... worth a try anyway, right? ... I hope!!!! Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The cards we're dealt

Well folks, there are some things we cannot change... as one wise therapist advises - "some things are just our legacy... we cannot come from different parents and we cannot come from a different country or social standing". SO!! What does this mean? ... it means, we really are entitled to cut ourselves some slack;) If we came into this world behind the eight ball, we're going to have a tougher time with the American dream, right? If we were not given all of the advantages that money can buy, we likely had to work through high school and/or University - which makes it harder to get good grades and a potential scholarship. The dice are loaded, so we can only do the best we can do. It doesn't mean we can't or shouldn't try like hell and be better prepared and more creative than the "privileged" and/or lovingly supported... but it means if we don't accomplish what we set out to accomplish and in the time frame we hoped... well, you know what, we're probably still doing great considering our beginnings. I wish us much strength to keep going and much success against all odds... above all, I wish us joy and laughs along the way... :) Hugs. xo

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Having our own back...

A very wise therapist advises...

"As soon as you have your own back, you will find all that you seek... especially the quality of relationship you have been searching for." ...

Hmmmm.... so where do we not have our own backs? ... when we do things for others at our own expense?... or just do things because we think we should?.... Takes a lot of courage to say no. Hugs

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Don't give up...

"If you live long enough, you'll make mistakes. But if you learn from them, you'll be a better person. It's how you handle adversity, not how it affects you. The main thing is, never quit, never quit, never quit."

- Bill Clinton

"You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity."

- Epicurus

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power."

- Abraham Lincoln

"All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me... You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in teeth may be the best thing in the world for you."

- Walt Disney

"In prosperity, our friends know us; in adversity, we know our friends.

- John Churton Collins

"Adversity makes men, and prosperity makes monsters."

Victor Hugo

"I didn't care what, how much adversity life threw at me. I intended to get to the top."

- Ted Turner

"Adversity isn't an obstacle that we need to get around in order to resume living our life. It's part of our life."

- Aimee Mullins

Okay got it... man up, keep going and potentially be great;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

inspiration

We look for inspiration in movies, books, friends/family/loved ones, icons, history's finest moments.... and that's fantastic... how about within ourselves? What do we find when we look there?... maybe that should be our biggest source of hope? Don't know, but the experts keep telling us we have to go within and find the courage and strength to be our best/most authentic selves.. and to find our spirit and special talents and contributions... and therein will lie our greatest sense of fulfillment, confidence and life's meaning/contribution... and to know that we matter. Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Power of a smile

Do we accept ourselves the way we are? Are we be happy with what we have right now? If not, life can feel pretty bleak... we're always going to strive for more, better, freedom, peace etc... but truly, if we cannot find a way to get out of bed each morning, enjoy nature, the people we care about, the simple joys of being alive... the grind of life can really take the wind out of our sales. They say finding a reason to smile, any reason, is a good start. Let's find something to smile and/or laugh about today. Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Cross purposes...

Ever had to choose yourself over others?... Ever had to knowingly let someone you care about down? Sucks. :( There are simply times to follow an instinct, a feeling, our own guidance that sets us apart - that may end up hurting someone we care about. How do we do that?? There's guilt - and then finding a way to face that person and explain ourselves... speak our truth and honour the need to act on our own behalf. Maybe it's hugely character building? ... and we may even be pleasantly surprised to have our act of self-care received with unexpected kindness and understanding .... and if not - if that person rejects us over it, then maybe that's important information. Our friends and family need to let us be us, right? .... WE need to let us be us! ... right or wrong, good or bad, we have to honour our decisions, even if things go awry... because we don't have the benefit of 20-20 and we can only follow our instincts and best judgments in the moment. Sometimes there are things we just need to do! ... no matter what. So, we better hold on tight cause life is alway gonna be a bumpy ride, Lol;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Resistance...

Resistance to what is...

"The pain you create now is always some form of nonacceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what IS. On the level of thought, the resistance is some form of judgment. On the emotional level, it is some form of negativity. The intensity of the pain depends on the degree of resistance to the present moment... "

- Eckhart Tolle

Are we unable to accept what is? Why? What can we not accept in our lives? Are we in denial, and why? What if we did accept what is? What would we need to do about it, and is that what's scaring the hell out of us?? ...

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Unmotivated?...

What to do when we can't get our asses in gear ... We have things to do and we're actually stressing because we're not being productive -- but we can't get our shit together for the life of us? What's with that anyway?? We're causing ourselves anxiety... but we simply cannot act at this time! So what's the scoop?

Well, apparently these can be very important moments. Like planting buds and waiting for spring flowers to bloom, our quiet and even morose moments can be times of great internal evolution and creative inspiration... they're just somewhat silent and invisible, Lol;)... which makes us anxious and nervous and restless... nothing tougher than doing nothing. We so want control in our lives... but, alas, this is not to be. So! Let's enjoy the quiet and at least try to trust that there is some unknown wisdom in our seeming laziness or inaction. Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The grip of fear...

"The psychological condition of fear is divorced from any concrete and true immediate danger. It comes in many forms: unease, worry, anxiety, nervousness, tension, dread, phobia, and so on. This kind of psychological fear is always of something that MIGHT happen, not of something that is happening now. YOU are in the hear and now, while your mind is in the future. This creates an anxiety gap. And if you are identified with your mind and have lost touch with the power and simplicity of the Now, that anxiety gap will be your constant companion. You can always cope with the present moment, but you cannot cope with something that is only a mind projection - and you cannot cope with the future."

- Eckhart Tolle

Okay, so if we can remember to come back to the moment - and remember that our worries may not ever come true, we may feel less stress?... :). Sounds like a good thing to remember ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Saying "no" and telling the truth

Ahhhh, drawing boundaries ... so not easy to do at times. When are we being selfish and when are we being healthy and true to ourselves?... because we all know that some things we absolutely need to do out of duty, obligation, reciprocity, loyalty... and sometimes it feels good to give selflessly. However, there are times when we need to put ourselves first. Our mental, emotional and physical health may depend on it... and while we're on the topic of drawing boundaries and saying no - what about telling the truth?? This should be a pretty clear cut discussion, but it isn't. We don't want to hurt people's feelings and sometimes it's just less painful to avoid uncomfortable discussions. We're more than likely afraid of the fall out - the "truth" can hurt and some people cannot handle it and some relationships may not survive the potential conflict... BUT! if we can't be real, maybe that's  important information... our valued friends and loved ones should allow us to be true to ourselves... right?;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Brain drain..

"Your mind is an instrument, a tool. It is there to be used for a specific task, and when the task is completed, you lay it down. As it is, I would say about 80 to 90 percent of most people's thinking is not only repetitive and useless, but because of it's dysfunctional and often negative nature, much of it is also harmful. Observe your mind and you will find this to be true. It causes a serious leakage of vital energy."

- Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

Spiritual teachings advise us to observe and allow our thoughts, see them pass like storm clouds and not let them taint and taunt our life experience.. instead, to replace our negative thoughts with ideas of what we want, need and dream about in life... and hopefully watch them come true:) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Decisions, decisions... ;)

"I made decisions that I regret, and I took them as learning experiences... I'm human, not perfect, like anybody else.

- Queen Latifah

"When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier."

- Roy E. Disney

"I think most of us are raised with preconceived notions of the choices we're supposed to make. We waste so much time making decisions based on someone else's idea of our happiness - what will make you a good citizen or a good wife or daughter... nobody says, 'just be happy'....

- Sandra Bullock

"If you make decisions based upon people's reactions or judgments then you make really boring choices."

- Heath Ledger

"We all make choices, but in the end our choices make us."

- Ken Levine

"Do nothing, and nothing happens. Life is about decisions. You either make them or they're made for you, but you can't avoid them."

- Mhairi McFarlane, You Had Me at Hello

I guess we have to find our truth and be brave... after all we're the ones that have to live with our choices.... but disappointing loved ones and/or risking scary consequences - that's no joke... but maybe better than disappointing ourselves and/or compromising who we are/need to be/need to become to be truly fulfilled... Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Detaching from outcomes...

We're usually angling for an outcome to things - a second date, better job, low interest mortgage, what have you... and when things don't go our way, we can feel pretty down. However, a lot of wise people say that unexpected outcomes are not to be underestimated. The unwanted events may well guide us to important and fortunate changes and/or circumstances. It's tough to avoid labelling things good or bad, but if we can let things be, the "bad" things may be a blessing in disguise ;) ... and we may have an easier time accepting/dealing with our "downs". Hugs. (Ref. Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth).

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Just be...

Do we know that we're enough?.... just as we are - perfection be damned;) Just like that line in Bridget Jones Diary - "I like you - just as you are".... sure, we all have our limitations, bad days, grumpy moods - but really, who we are should really be enough... for whatever it is we want in life - the perfect partner, great friendships, great job, more money.... self help and healing professionals talk a lot about how we need to just be who we are - that if we're authentic and true to ourselves, life will flow and we will have more of what we want and need with less struggle. Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Love revelation...

Instead of feeling hurt and let down by our current or past relationships, we could try this...

"I am sorry. I know I have hurt you, but I would like to make the future different. I would like to love you in your language. I would like to meet your needs."

- Gary D. Chapman, The Five Love Languages

Maybe if we can change our own behaviour, we can inspire our current or future partner to feel loving, be loving... and perhaps we can inspire ourselves to give more love and kindness to us! ;) ... might make all the difference in the world... xo

Blessings,

Chatgirlt

Let's be loving;)

"Instead of trying to find the right person to love, let's make YOU more worthy of being loved. Rather than constantly asking your current partner to love you more, become more worthy of being being loved by them. And if you are worthy and they still leave, then they weren't the right one for you. To find love, you must ask yourself if you're giving as much love as you wish to get, or if you expect people to love you more than you love them or yourself. The old saying rings true: 'If your boat doesn't float, no one will want to sail across the ocean with you.'"

- Louise Hay and David Kessler, You Can Heal Your Heart

I guess it always comes back us, huh? ... why is it so easy to focus on others, wanting THEM to change and thinking about what we're not getting.... that whole lack mentality thing again... ugh;) ... but we can take care of ourselves, right? We can find new ways of spoiling ourselves and find greater happiness. I'm certain:) ... and then attract that great love (even if it's the one we're already with!), so they say...  Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Chaos

"Once you accept the inevitability of perpetual change, you can abandon your quest to gain control, and instead, go with the flow."

-Jeremy Gutsche, Exploiting Chaos

Sounds more relaxing if we can do it;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl