When have I felt betrayed?…

Shadow Work: Journal prompts

• What’s the biggest lie I tell myself consistently?
• When am I the hardest on myself and why? Where does it stem from?
• When have I felt betrayed? What would I say to that person who broke my trust?
• What makes me feel the most jealous?
• What’s one trait I see in other people I wish I had?
• What traits do my parents have that I hope I don’t?
• What are my most toxic traits and how do I project them onto others?
• When I think about the future, what am I most afraid of?
• When was the last time I forgave myself?
• What does happiness mean to me?

— Unknown 

In therapy, particularly the group work, we answer a lot of these questions. We’re given exercises, written work, and then at some point you share out loud. It’s amazing the unexpressed emotion and hurt that pours out of you. It’s quite the catharsis, and a big relief frankly, in my experience. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

A beautiful life is designed and built with intent…

A beautiful life does not just happen. A beautiful life is selected, it is designed. It is built with a fiery intent to find joy in every little thing. It is how you fold your sheets and take your coffee in the morning. It is what you look forward to, it’s what you plan. It’s how you set your things throughout your space. We think that our greatest happiness comes spontaneously, but we often find our greatest joy in our rhythms, our routines, when we settle into a way of being that lights up every part of who we are. A beautiful life is one that reflects exactly who we are, in every way we can. 

— Brianna Wiest, Power of Wordz/ig

Another thing I figured out far too late in life, Lol. But seriously, with professional help (a traditional therapist and a life coach/energy work/osteopath), I learned how to be very honest, and accept myself for who I am, and embrace the things I enjoy doing. And I thought, if that makes me not outdoorsy enough (because I don’t like hiking or kayaking, in a city of people who love that sort of thing), or not cultured enough (because I’m bored in museums and I don’t like the ballet or opera), then so be it. I realized I was just done doing things I don’t enjoy (like cycling around a small, mostly deserted island! Because I’m a city girl who likes movies, intimate concerts, hockey games, bars, restaurants and shopping). Once I became clear on the life I want to lead, my perfect partner showed up. And the perfect job too! Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

You cannot heal what you cannot feel…

I sat with my anger and asked why it kept showing up. 

It said, “Because you’ve been hurt, and no one listened.”

I sat with my sadness and asked why it never left.

It said, “Because I’m the love and care you never received.”

I sat with my fear and asked why it controlled me. 

It said, “Because I’m the part of you that’s still waiting to feel safe.”

Then I realized these feelings weren’t my enemies. 

They were wounds, asking to be seen.

My favourite therapist says “You cannot feel what you deny. And you cannot heal what you cannot feel.”

So, in other words, a bit of emotional excavating is necessary, if we want to heal from old wounds. I’ve recently embarked on another, year long, intensive group therapy workshop (because I’m grappling with my mother’s death, and the fall out from my troubled family of origin). I continue to be surprised at the depth of hurt feelings from my upbringing. And the catharsis is incredibly freeing, and calming. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Remove yourself…

Something or someone makes you uncomfortable? Remove yourself.

You’re being placed in an unfair situation? Remove yourself.

In a one sided friendship or relationship? Remove yourself.

Is something causing your peace to be disrupted? Remove yourself. 

Remember you don’t owe a single person an explanation. You have the power to remove yourself, block, disengage, and live your life without looking back. 

Let others interpret it however they want. If it’s what’s best for you, nothing else matters. 

— Unknown 

I learned this lesson waaaaay too late in life. I stayed in relationships, jobs and friendships far too long. I know I’m not alone in resisting change, but if I could go back in time, knowing what I know now, I would embrace change. Remaining stuck in something that’s not, in truth, working, is so much more tedious. And then you have the potentially crappy endings too, when you don’t leave on your own terms. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

To protect your energy…

It’s okay to cancel a commitment. 

It’s okay to not answer a call.

It’s okay to change your mind.

It’s okay to want to be alone.

It’s okay to take a day off.

It’s okay to do nothing.

It’s okay to speak.

It’s okay to let go.

— Unknown

I wish I could go back and tell my younger self. I took care of others, ahead of myself, far too often. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Uncommon advice…

If you don’t know what to pursue in life right now, 

Pursue yourself. 

Pursue becoming the healthiest, happiest, most healed, most present, most confident version of yourself.

Then the right path will reveal itself. 

— Unknown 

That is very enlightened advice. In my youth, I mostly pursued love, money, fun, adventure, security, safety. Thanks to divorce, and a savvy ex, I’ve also invested heavily in therapy and relationship courses.  Game changer. With deep emotional healing, I’ve come to cherish down time, sleep, calm and quality over quantity with friends and loved ones. Money’s still in there because I love, and need, warm vacations to get me through winter. But spending, acquiring more stuff, and climbing the corporate ladder slid down the list significantly. It’s really quite freeing. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Distancing from unhealthy energy…

Distancing yourself from people who give you negative vibes or unhealthy energy is self-care. Stepping back from situations where you feel unappreciated or disrespected is self-care. Choose to honour your feelings and boundaries, respectfully and gracefully. 

— Marc and Angel Chernoff, (Known for their Power of Wordz personal development blog, Marc and Angel believe words have the power to heal, inspire and uplift others. They encourage mindful communication, using compassion and kindness to improve the lives of those around us.)

I don’t know about you, but I experienced the opposite growing up. My favourite therapist says that most of us learn about what is NOT love, rather than what love is. I came away with some great intellectual tools, and I certainly learned how to think for myself. But boundaries, empathy and compassion were sorely missing. There was no modelling of healthy communication. Just a lot of anger and hurt feelings. Needless to say, I didn’t manage to attract and/or hold onto great relationships… until I took matters into my own hands and learned about boundaries and productive, relationship building communication. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl