Letting others take responsibility for their own actions…

Detachment doesn’t mean not caring. 

It’s taking care of yourself first

and letting others take responsibility for their own actions

without trying to save or punish them. 

— CounselingReovery.com

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted everyone to just get along. So I tried to fix and smooth and people please my family of origin into a warmer, safer environment. Looking back, I can see the same pattern in all of my relationships. It pains me, but I now realize that some things cannot be fixed. Sad, but true for friendships and love relationships, but a far more devastating realization when it comes to family. To that end, I’ve been working with forgiveness. Every time a painful thought comes to mind, I say “I forgive X and I forgive myself for any pain that was caused. I release X and I release myself.” Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

7 psychology tricks that will blow you away…

1. To avoid workplace drama - compliment people behind their back 

2. Saying ‘You’re right’ instead of ‘I know’ avoids diminishing what the other person may have just found out.

3. Instead of asking, ‘Do you have any questions?’ Ask, ‘What questions do you have?’ The first almost always results in silence, while the second helps people feel comfortable asking questions. 

4. When you have something important to say to your kids, say it very quietly so that they listen. They’re immune to your yelling, but whispering will get their attention.

5. If you need to de-escalate someone and get them to communicate, ask them something personal.

6. When someone shy is speaking, if you look at them and nod your head, it will encourage them to keep talking. 

7. Say hello to everyone you know, and say it with a smile. 

— Unknown 

A bit of reverse psychology and kind encouragement. I like it ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Are you emotionally resilient?…

Emotionally resilient people are deliberate in their response to painful experiences. They allow themselves to grieve, remind themselves of what they are grateful for, and focus on what they can control in the moment.

But as a Harvard-trained psychologist, I’ve seen so many people struggle with this. It takes effort, practice, and mental strength. 

If you use any of these 9 phrases every day, you are more emotionally resilient than most:

1. I can get through this (shows grit and mental toughness)

2. I’m not going to let myself be a victim (I won’t let this define me or ruin my future)

3. Life is hard (acceptance that life isn’t always fair and there will be emotional hardships)

4. This too shall pass (setbacks and challenges feel horrible in the moment, but will feel less damaging over time)

5. What can I learn from this (openness to experiences and a shift in perspective can lead to empowerment and transformation)

6. I need some time (emotional flexibility, ability to regulate feelings, reducing the intensity of the moment)

7. I still have things to be grateful for (find a way to turn toward the positive, even in tough times)

8. It is what it is (embracing reality allows for radical acceptance, so the situation has less power over us)

9. I’m letting this go (forgiving doesn’t mean it was ok; it just means that I’m no longer letting it weigh me down) 

— Dr Courtenay Warren (paraphrased from “Harvard psychologist: If you use any of these 9 phrases every day, ‘you’re more emotionally resilient than most”, CNBC, Sunday Aug 6 2023) 

My favourite therapist said “the issue I see here is that you want life to be sunny and sunnier.” So we set about arming me with new tools to cope with the inevitable rainy days (individual and group therapy, relationship courses, and lots of sunny vacations). I still find the tough moments stressful, but I accept them as a natural part of life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Be alone, instead of poorly surrounded?…

The amount of strength is takes to choose to be alone instead of poorly surrounded, is extremely underrated. 

If you were strong enough to choose yourself, I honour you.

— Xavier Dagba (Trauma-informed life coach. Dagba specializes in helping people shed their limitations, embrace their repressed powers, and live from their heart, rather than their wounds) 

I don’t know about you, but it’s taken me a long time to learn this lesson. It’s never too late though, right? I finally figured out how to identify my perfect mate, and then realized the same holds true for friendships. In a nutshell, it’s about the deal breakers. When I look back on my past love relationships and friendships, I can see that there were challenging dynamics and irreconcilable differences all along. (For me, some of them are; chronic lateness, messiness, lack of common interests, inability to discuss and resolve differences). Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

True power or cravings?…

What most people call power,  

Buddhist’s call cravings.

They are wealth, fame, sex, fancy food and lots of sleep.

In Buddhism, five true powers are faith, diligence, mindfulness, 

concentration, and insight.

These five powers are the foundation of real happiness.

— Thich Nhat Hanh

I learned about happiness at the lowest point in my life. It was 2008, the financial crisis had hit in the fall and I lost my fancy new job, and my ability to spend money, travel, dine out and enjoy entertainment, right before Christmas. I had saved for a rainy day and I had RRSP’s, but that didn’t go very far when there were no well-paying jobs for a few years. Companies were simply not hiring business development specialists at that time. I was also single, so I spent a ton of time alone, thinking and writing. My favourite part of the day was morning coffe, which I could still afford, when I would envision an excellent new job and the financial freedom to enjoy fun activities again… but not more than I could afford. I’ve never really gone back to spending money. I’ll dine out, I’ll go to live entertainment and I’ll go on vacations, but I do all of that less than before and I save, save, save. I prefer to see my bank account grow, rather than treating myself to more and more things. I feel more abundant than ever before. I also find time on my own incredibly relaxing and healing. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The consequence of not feeling…

Emotions are energy and energy cannot be destroyed. Everything you have avoided feeling becomes energy stored in your energy field as it has nowhere else to go. This is where a lot of disease comes from in our physical body, all this stress and negative energy living within us. Repressed emotions often come to us as triggers, an outburst because it can no longer stay contained. It’s like a cry for help from your body, it needs your attention to heal and release everything suppressed. Whatever emotions you don’t allow yourself to face become stored in the etheric body. This then blocks the regular flow of energy into your chakras. Feeling temporary emotional pain wont kill you like the mind believes and will pass if you let it. You can choose to run from your pain for the rest of your life, letting it weigh you down or you can feel the emotions, release them and take back control of your body. 

— @highpriestesshealing11 (Spiritual life coaching) 

I’m a believer, and every healing profession I’ve pursued has worked wonders; traditional talk therapy, life coaching, group therapy, EMDR, breath work, A Course In Miracles, BodyTalk (along with Naturopathics, acupuncture, Prolotherapy etc.). Most recently, I’ve been working with a Craniosacral Therapist (who is also a life coach) and this work is the most calming and promising yet. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chagtgirl 

What is love?…

The Ego asked:

‘What is love? It’s too big a word for me. I don’t understand it at times.” 

The Soul replied:

‘If you understand Kindness,

If you understand Respect,

If you understand Acceptance,

Then you will understand Love.’

— Richa Rana (Creator of The Dignified Soul. Rana, an engineer by education, worked in the banking-corporate world for a decade. After “relentless nudging” by her soul, she began an inward journey and discovered a passion for observing the world around her, finding wisdom and insights, writing, and seeking the deeper meaning of life). 

I can relate. I’ve worked in business development for thirty years, and although I’ve carved out quite a lucrative position, there is a grind to it. So, I dabble on the side, in search of a path that offers deeper meaning and fulfilment. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl