10 tips to prevent holiday stress and depression

1. Acknowledge our feelings: we can't force ourselves to be happy just because it's the holiday season.
2. Reach out: we can seek out community, religious or social events. Volunteering is also a great way to lift our spirits and broaden our connections.
3. We can be realistic: holidays don't have to be perfect. Life changes and families and relationships do as well. We can find new ways of celebrating and adjust our expectations.
4. Set aside differences: we can try to accept family and friends as they are, even if they don't live up to our expectations or hopes. We can be patient with others, as they're likely to be feeling the pressure as well.
5. Stick to a budget: avoid trying to buy happiness with an avalanche of gifts, Lol;) We can donate to a charity in someone's name, give homemade gifts or start a family gift exchange, only buying one gift each.
6. Plan ahead: we can ask for help if we need it.
7. Learn to say no: we can work on removing items from our agenda
8. Don't abandon healthy habits: don't let the holidays become a free-for-all;) We can try to get plenty of sleep, eat health snacks before parties to avoid excessive sweets/drinking/cheese and find time to exercise.
9. Take a breather: we can make time for ourselves. Spending just 15 minutes alone may be refreshing enough to handle whatever comes (talk a walk, listen to soothing music, get a massage, read a delightful book).
10. Last but not least, seek professional help if we need it. There is no shame in talking to someone who is an expert in the complexities and challenges of relationships. They've certainly heard it all and they NEVER judge, the power of which we should never underestimate. Sometimes we just need to be heard... no one even has to know;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Holiday friction

Holidays can be a real source of stress for a lot of us. Ideally, we're spending joyous time with our families, grateful for the love, acceptance and support we offer one another in life. For those who actually have that experience, wow, you are so lucky:) Many people are not in this position and it can be a struggle to find our way through this time feeling a sense of connection, happiness and peace. So many people (men, in particular, Lol) hate Valentine's Day for this reason as well. To feel certain things on command and on schedule just doesn't fly sometimes ;) When we don't fit into the norm, we can fell less than and disconnected. So what do we do when we find ourselves more and more anxious as holidays approach?

It seems that we need to find a sense of family outside of genetics. This is why many doctors advise the elderly to get a pet. Connection with others is a biological imperative and without it, we are pretty much guaranteed a bout of depression or illness. We can cultivate our own sense of family with pets, like-minded people, community groups etc. Society is more friendly toward the various sexually oriented relationships and we're heading toward many accepted forms of family as well. Perhaps as individuals we have to allow ourselves to feel "normal" and acceptable, even if we don't fit into the typical nuclear family or primary relationship status at Xmas time. Everything seems to arrive back at us and how we feel about ourselves... whether we can find peace with who we are, no matter what our circumstances, accomplishments, background, financial status etc. It's so easy to compare ourselves with others and feel less fortunate or less successful... or just plain different. The Law of Forgiveness (Connie Domino), and the comforting statements letting us off the hook may come in handy right now. We may actually have to convince ourselves that we're ok, everything is going to be ok and then fake it 'til we make it. Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Inner Battle

We all live with indecision at one time or another and perhaps on an ongoing basis, which can be troubling. We're often dealing with competing voices within us and it can be very difficult to determine the best course of action. Worse than that, we can have a tough time just figuring out how we actually feel. It gets pretty crowded in our minds with all the "shoulds" and internalized judgments we tend to carry around. Apparently, we end up internalizing opinions that we've picked up from parents, coaches, friends, society. Beyond that, supposedly, we have different thoughts or needs within us that we may not even be aware of. Huhhh?

According to Hal and Sidra Stone, in Embracing Our Selves, we begin shutting down or diminishing our true nature from a very early age. We learn how we need to behave in order to be approved of by those around us. Particularly with parents, we need to "adapt" in order to get our needs met or to be accepted and treated with love. That sounds so horrible... but our parents didn't do this intentionally - they just taught us according to what they learned growing up. Awareness is supposedly key in uncovering how our natural tendencies may be different from what we've been doing for many years. If we can observe the internal chatter, we may get closer to our authentic selves, which should allow us to make decisions that feel right and more comfortable for us. If we're doing things because we think we should, rather than wanting to, we can lead ourselves and others down a path with serious consequences. How many of us have gone through with marriages or obligatory responsibilities, only years later realizing we were never actually comfortable. Then we stay longer or keep doing something that doesn't feel right because it would be embarrassing and maybe costly to reverse everything. The kicker though is that going against our true selves can actually make us physically ill, let alone unhappy. We can also hold other people up for years as we either ignore or remain unaware of how we're betraying our "selves". This is pretty heady stuff, but the book does a great job of explaining how we can investigate and deal with the complexity of what's going on in our heads. Very worth it if we can find some much needed peace and joy in life.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Do we stand behind what we want and need?

We all want and need things. How much of what we want are we getting? And if we're not getting what we want and need, why aren't we? What's in the way? It is an interesting exercise to sit down, think about what we really, really want, maybe make a list and then ponder. Have we been asking for what we need and/or want, be it at work, in or relationship, from family, or from ourselves. What do the experts say?

From all walks of life, the helping professions talk about having goals and writing things down. There may be more to it though.... are we bold enough to admit to some of the things we need? Are we bold enough to ask our partner for more of what we need, say affection or romance (and not just straight up sex)? It is quite possible that what sits between us and what we desperately need is old stuff. Getting Past Your Past, by Francine Shapiro, explores potentially uncomfortable (and unconscious?) beliefs we may have about ourselves that prevent us from having the courage to pursue greater fulfillment in our lives. The exercises in this book may take us back to feeling five years old again, which feels completely humiliating and sort of ludicrous... but if we can settle some old scores and scars and feel unburdened enough to achieve greater joy... heck, maybe it's worth feeling like a bit of a loser for a few minutes. At least we can do it in private with no one there to witness our "weakness", or rather vulnerability;) As a side note -  surprisingly, most people actually respond well when we're vulnerable... it just feels weak to us. Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Getting past our past

Ever wonder why some things really get under our skin? Someone says something we don't like and we can't stop talking about how disrespectful that person was to us. Or we get upset about a set back and just can't let it go. We beat ourselves up, feeling like a failure or wondering why good things aren't happening for us. Experts say that if we are angry or upset about an incident for more than fifteen minutes, there is likely a root in childhood. Why does this happen?

Well, apparently when something disturbing happens to us and we are unable to process the experience, it gets stuck for us emotionally. Throughout our lives we will be "triggered" by events that bring up similar feelings. Good news is, there's a way to go back and locate the earlier memories and root out the emotions. Getting Past Our Past by Francine Shapiro takes us through some very interesting exercises in making links between today's troubling events and something that happened way back when. Very interesting....

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Calm in nature

Sometimes all we need is a little bit of sunshine... ever gone on a warm vacation in the middle of winter, you get off the plane and that warm, sweet smelling breeze envelopes your entire body. You relax your shoulders, neck, face, just now realizing there was tension in your entire body. Ahhhhhh....  now that's what I'm talking about;)

Let's get outside and feel the warm sunshine on our faces... or if we're somewhere cold.... let's watch the rocky ocean, or watch the rain bounce off the street puddles....

Sometimes that's all we need.. Hugs :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The simplicity and magic of thoughts

Keep it simple, stupid? We've heard this, right? How 'bout adopting this philosophy to get what we want?

Such as:

I attract relationships that are fulfilling and fun for me.
If any relationships come my way that are not fulfilling, I release them back to the Universe.
I now receive good from expected and unexpected sources.
I choose to be healthy and free.
My work is a joy and pleasure.
All is well in my world.

According to Louise Hay (You Can Heal Your Life), it's that simple. We're supposed to write down some fabulously appealing thoughts/needs/wants and say them whenever we can... and watch our lives change for the better. Sounds simple enough. Nothin to lose, right? ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl